I know when I was in the friend’s zone constantly I never felt attractive. Women called me cute, and nice. Far from attractive. The clear reason for them choosing these adjectives was the lack of deep feelings associated with me. Granted cute is emotional when you’re pinching a kid’s cheek, but calling a full-grown adult, cute or nice, is far from an attractive compliment.

It goes like this:

—————————-

MAN:

(leans in for a kiss and she pulls back)

What’s the matter? Don’t you find me attractive?

WOMAN:

(trying to be nice)

No that’s not it all. I think you’re cute, and so nice. But I just don’t like you that way.

—————————-

WOMAN:

(trying to figure out if he like her)

Do you think I’m good-looking?

MAN:

(trying to be nice)

Of course I do. I’m just not ready to start a relationship with someone right now.

—————————-

Nice implies no feelings one way or another. It’s nice. She’s nice. He is nice. Typical cop-out compliment designed to avoid the truth, which was,

“I’m not attracted to you at all. You do absolutely nothing to make me feel more for you than I do the family dog.”

And dog’s are cute and funny and easily lovable, but unless you’re into some crazy shit, they are not attractive sexually to humans. I know, comparing a relationship between a man and woman and a relationship between someone and their dog is rude. But the truth is when I was in those nasty friendship/love relationships with women, that is all I felt like. No better than her dog.

My friend put it to me this one way day about how he felt with a women who only wanted to friends with him,

“If I wanted another friend, I would have adopted a dog!”

Hits hard, doesn’t it?

This question is about how you feel and without a doubt is directly correlated to being in the friend\’s zone, consistently.

This question is also about the energy you direct towards others. People who feel attractive, have a strong energy coming from that others pick up on intuitively.. They sense it instinctively. But it may not mean you will attract those you want.

I want to clarify attraction because the word alone may not be clear to everyone. Attraction is exactly what it means whether it is logical or not. It is entirely different from good-looking, sexy, handsome, or beautiful. The reason the word attraction is used in so many applications because it clearly defines objects being drawn towards each other. Whether or not you find a positive magnet beautiful, which I suppose some scientists would,  the sentence,

A positive charge is beautiful to a negative charge.

…makes no sense at all.

The word attraction also has no real sexual value. Attraction does not always imply a sexual undertone. Sure you can put the words Sexually Attractive together to achieve that meaning but in reality it only means you are sexually attracted to someone.

That is why this question meant so much to me because for years I confused the issues. I didn’t feel attractive so I didn’t feel like a sexual person. And that association is clearly wrong.

…

Image Courtesy

Here are a few examples of what I mean.

• He’s so good-looking but I’m just not attracted to him.

• She’s beautiful but she walks like a guy and that turns me off sexually.

• I’m so attracted to him even though the sex is terrible.

• I know she’s not right for me but the sex is incredible.

I firmly believe that attraction is energy. And energy is either positive or negative and it has levels of its strength. That is all. Simple and elegant. Therefore the energy of attraction transcends the relationships of friends, lovers, your boss, your clients, or who ever you come in to contact with. You can attract others with different forms of energy and until that is clearly conceptualized in your mind, it makes it very hard to feel attractive.

How can use this information to have that secret love of our life, now or in the future feel a sexual energy and not a friendship energy?

Again for me, I had to untangle the words attraction with being good-looking. I was unaware that I put out only friendship energy. Once I began changing that energy and learned how to feel attractive, I noticed completely different responses from new and old friends.

You may not be able to definitely change how that one person feels, or have them act on a new feeling but they will notice. Going from a friend to lover takes time though and the truth is, it is not guaranteed. The one thing I can guarantee is, if you continue to do nothing about the energy that person feels around you, they will never see you as anything else.

Carlos Xuma writes for men but his three laws of attraction fits perfectly.  I believe men and women can benefit from it. Just be sure to notice the different energies created with each law and use it change how attractive you feel about yourself. Because remember, even if you answered yes to this question, you can still feel attractive about yourself and at the same time emit energies that don’t inspire emotions from others that are sexual or beyond the friendship.

1.) We want what we cannot have.

The more we can’t have it, the more we become fixated on it.

This is the principle of CHALLENGE

2.) If it’s perceived as establishing safety and comfort – we are attracted to it.

This is the law of SAFETY & CONSISTENCY.

3.) If we DON’T know what’s going to happen, we find it attractive.

We want to find out what happens…

This is the law of UNPREDICTABILITY.

The standard Pickup logic may not support this, but I’m here to tell you that if a person is exposed to your presence regularly enough (but not to extremes), they will start to miss you when you’re not around, and they will feel a burning attraction begin to build for you.

How to Get a Girl to Like You – The 3 Laws of Attracting Women

Here is a quote from an article written for women, by David Wygant. Notice the types of energy he is talking about.

Men (and everyone in fact) are attracted to positive, fun, interesting and well-rounded individuals.

If you’re miserable or doing things that you don’t enjoy, you are not going to meet men no matter what system or methodology you use to do it.  The reason is that no one wants to meet someone who is miserable or spending their life doing things they don’t like.

5 Ways To Become Instantly More Attractive Through Lifestyle

The two examples above clearly define a blueprint  to use and when used properly, can yield wonderful results. And in no way has attraction been mentioned with regards to appearance, or our looks.

It’s based on the energy and how strong that energy is. When you are able to blend them all into your own unique personality, you will be amazed by the results. Start noticing people around you that you are most attracted to. Determine the energies they put out and the particular energies you most respond to. We have a certain blend that attracts us and we respond positively to, and we each create our own. Yours is probably different from mine.

Let’s recap this before I get  lost on this subject and have to rewrite this post again.

• Attraction is energy that draws people together.

• Just because you feel attractive does not mean others will feel it too. You need to blend specific energies and allow others to sense them.

• Some of the attraction energies are:

Positive, mysterious, challenging, fun, unpredictable, comfort or safety.

If the last part of this post is not clear in your head yet, or if I’m having trouble communicating it to you, picture this.

You meet a woman who says, literally, she feels attractive. And yet she is negative at the same time. She might state,

“Of course I’m sexy. Of course I’m attractive. But I hurt guys often. I turn them down all the time. I just can not find a good man. I always end up in terrible relationships.”

You might be sensing where I am going with this now.

Just because she feels attractive has nothing to do with the negative energy she puts out. She has self-determined her dating life by attracting, through that negative energy, unattractive relationships.

When I learned that it was like this giant weight was suddenly removed from me. It all became so clear.

Alright now, being an equal opportunist bust balls, here is an example from my life. I felt for years the only women that were attracted to me was slightly overweight to obese women with over inflated egos. Why was that?

Because the energy I put out drew these women to me. That energy was “I can not do any better.” It’s the energy associated with acting like a leader, but not really being one. It’s the energy of acting confident but since I thought confidence came from winning, it was a false confident negative energy and yes,

Putting out false confident energy will attract over inflated ego’s. Makes sense now, doesn’t it?

So go ahead and explore these energies of attraction. Explore all you can because,

The more you learn, then put in practice,

The more clearly you see and make these connections,

The more you cultivate your own positive energies to attract those you want to attract,

The closer you will be to avoiding the friends zone, now or in the future.

Good luck everyone,

Pete

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This is question 33 from my Friend’s Zone Test.

#21

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