I use to know this feeling all too well. The longer we go without a date, the longer we go without a relationship, the longer we go without experiencing deep intimacy or a great sexual experience…

Seems to take that goal of companionship further away from us. If we could imagine that goal was a door down a short hallway and it was only a few steps, but we were only allowed one a step a day. If we failed to make that step forward we would be pushed back two steps. Imagine the pressure we would put on ourselves to take at least one step a day. The feeling of frustration would grow and grow until we become apathetic, or  angry, or complete sadness. Worse yet, all three would occur at some point of the day.

I worked in a restaurant for many years and if you have never experienced it, the pressure is enormous. When the orders start piling up and you start falling behind the tickets never stop coming. You get half way through one order and suddenly there is two more. The only way of being  successful at this is to always be calm. You need to also become an expert at multitasking. And more importantly you need to not make mistakes. Because one burnt dinner sends negatives pulses down the whole chain ending with the patron waiting to eat.

I became very good at doing this. The heavier the pressure felt, the more calm I would be. But the opposite was also true. The less pressure I felt the more likely I was to get angry, and run off on a tangent. I would use the excuse to myself that it was okay. I thought it was only natural to be angry when the friend’s zone was my home and a relationship, or even just a date, was never going to come.

Thinking in that manner sometimes I would run into an attractive woman along the way,  so I would get sad. Thinking how she want someone like me when no one else did. And that would only make me feel so lonely that I would go home and bury myself in a project. For me it was writing a song. Playing my guitar. Practicing. Programming. Golf.

The music fed my sadness and would help me avoid feeling nothing, or apathetic. The programming would surround my mind in logic so I could avoid thinking. The golf would feed my need to achieve a skill and that made me feel content. But being content was actually apathy. My emotions were settling.

That pressure I talked about is real and for those of you that do experience it in your dating or relationship life, can make our goals seem insurmountable. I felt that pressure, for me it was as real as it gets. My mind would constantly rationalize itself into believing that everyday passed, made it harder to reach my goal.

It wasn’t until I began to untangle the connections and stop the circle of anger, sadness, and apathy was I finally able to set my life on a new path. A path I still travel everyday.

Thinking about that is how I came up with this question. I thought about how I felt back then and I imagined that if anyone feels the same way, there was a good chance their having trouble escaping the friend’s zone. If they find themselves constantly in it, having a girlfriend or boyfriend was a rare event. Therefore answering this question as a yes leads me to believe that you too, suffer from the same circle as I did.

How can we use this information to escape the friend’s zone?

Untangling the connection and breaking the circle all together.

Let’s assume you experience this circle everyday. You are in love with a friend of yours and you know without a doubt, you are only seen as a friend. You also do many favors for this person and are always there for them. Occasionally you get angry with him or her but keep it to yourself. You explain the anger in your head, then it makes you sad you can’t make them love you back, and you then train yourself to go numb. Or worse, give yourself up by burying your mind into achieving their goals, and making them happy. Which makes you content or happy to make them happy.

The way to escape this place you’re in becomes clearer now that we have seen the details clearer. If you were to stop immediately trying to make them happy and shift your goals to making you happier, which is to actually be in a relationship with this person, and not the thought,

“Making them happy, makes me happy.”

Because in reality this world, from your perspective, is about you. That is one thing you do have control of.

The next step would be to begin to unravel that circle I talked about earlier.

Untangle those connections that are similar to others, but unique to you.

By first pulling away a little and then working on yourself there’s a good chance the person you were friends with, may begin to see you in a new light. It’s not guaranteed. This I will admit. But think about it from the other persons perspective. You suddenly climb “out of their butt”. Then you appear to be angry with them, for real reasons because, although in a controlled manner of yourself, finally express this anger accordingly.

Then you slowly prove to this person you are not here, just for them. You are here for yourself. You do things that make you happy, and ask them to join. And that’s different.

Suddenly you find apathy actually becoming indifference. Which is attractive to almost anyone. It presents a challenge and it instills a mysterious way about you.

Slowly as you reach for your goal, that once unreachable door always two steps away. You begin appearing:

• In control of your emotions,
• Genuinely happier,
• Living your own life,
• Mysterious, and
• Indifferent.

And let me tell you that is a great way of triggering attraction in almost anyone, friend or not.

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Tagged as: alone, answers, Attraction, connections, friend, Friend Zone Question, Friend Zone Test Answers, indifferent, questions, Relationship, zone