38. Do You Feel You Are Better Than Most Attractive People You Encounter, That Are Constantly In Some Sort Of A Relationship?

by peter white on December 19, 2009

in Friend zone, Inner Game, Just Friends Zone, Understanding Yourself

This question is classic. You start thinking to yourself. I’m better than him. Or what does she have that I don’t. He kisses her ass and I can not see why. I don’t get it.

This sort of thinking often leads us down a road of negativity. It is very unhealthy and cause us to shut ourselves off from the rest of the world. It becomes obvious to those around us and will certainly land you in the friend’s zone frequently because no one enjoys dating someone whose confidence is false. True confident people don’t use others to boost themselves up. In fact they often do the opposite. They use their abilities to help others. They use their confidence to offer leadership. And good leaders rarely find it hard to attract someone sexually.

This question is about confidence and in a way, it is also about how others make you feel. Truly confident people don’t let others control how they feel. When you look at others and seeing them in a relationship makes you feel less about them, they are in fact controlling how you feel.

And now for the big question,

How can we use this information to escape the friend’s zone?

I thought this one was a “no brainer” but I may have to explain further because after thinking about this one seriously, I struggled with it. I had to dig deep for this one about how I came up with this one. I always put down others in great [intlink id="relationsip-ends-turn-lights" type="post"]relationships[/intlink]. I did this obviously out of jealousy. I wanted what they had. Often our jealousy is fueled when we can see what we want right in front of our eyes but feel helpless to do anything about it. And this leads us far away from being attractive sexually.

Jealousy is highly unattractive to any person with a healthy attitude and a wonderful lifestyle. Attempting to rid yourself of being jealous of that special someone you are secretly attracted to, but find yourself as friends with,can give you a giant leap out of that friend’s zone. And how is this? Or how can you do this?

Well first of all just becoming a confident person whose insecurities are small and perhaps insignificant will automatically cause others to see you in a light. They will notice.

Secondly, for the how can you do this, I’m going to give you some tough advice, and I’m giving it to you because I know it works. I have seen the results first hand. You need to let this person know how you feel about them and it needs to be short and as to the point as possible. DON’T write them a long letter of how you feel you would be great together. DON’T tell them how deeply you feel. This will only make you sound like you are begging and I can almost guarantee, it won’t work and will make matters work. Say something like this,

“Lately I have found myself extremely attracted to you physically and just being friends, is just not possible anymore. I can not be friends with you until a time when these feelings go away. I have had feelings of jealousy lately and when that completely disappears; I promise to get back in touch, and we can pick up here we left off.“

And this is the part most do not want to hear, walk away. Work on your insecurities. Find ways to boost your confidence and got a handle on your jealousy. A great to do this is to really work on your self esteem.

The 6 pillars are:

1. Live Consciously
2. Accept Yourself
3. Take Responsibility for Your Experiences
4. Assert Who You Are
5. Live Purposefully
6. Maintain Your Integrity

The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem By Nathaniel Branden

As I mentioned above I have seen this work first hand but I would like to warn you about something. This worked for me but by the time I get back to the person I was attracted to I was in such a different place and frame of mind, that I longer found myself attracted to them. Which actually worked out great. I had found so many others in which the friend’s zone was never an issue and with so many more choices in my life, I finally was able to choose who I wanted to be just friends with.

Question 38 is about confidence, self-esteem, jealousy, and your ability to:

Step back
Live consciously
Accept yourself for who you are and who you have become.
Taking responsibility for all your actions or jealousy.
Being assertive and making the change happen.
Living with a clearer purpose everyday.
Maintaining your integrity with those you secretly love by stating your position confidently.

If you are truly serious about getting out of the friend’s zone and are ready to make those necessary changes in your life, please support these pages and my work by checking out some of my great sponsors. I have chosen them not only because they are at the top of their fields, but I also believe in their work and what they teach.

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This is question 38 from my Friend’s Zone Test.