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Are You Happy? Questions About Attraction and The Disappearing Friend Zone

in For Women
Are You Attracted To Men Who Only Want To Be Your Friend?

It’s not surprising that many women who find themselves stuck in some guy’s friends zone are not happy about it.

What WAS surprising to me was that before I started DiaLteG TM I had no idea that women even had this problem.

It was my belief that men were destined to chase women and so they held all the power and made all the decisions on who to feel attracted to.

While I’m not happy I was wrong… it’s good to know I was because I now get to take what I know about men and the friends zone to hopefully answer some questions about attraction for women.

Let me start by asking you a few simple questions about the guys who have wanted you but you felt little attraction for.

  • Can a guy BUY his way into your heart?
  • Can he CONVINCE you to feel something you’re not?
  • Can he ROMANCE you relentlessly to capture your heart?
  • Can he PUSH you into a relationship you’re not ready for?

I’m assuming you know those answers because you’ve either experienced that happening first hand and watched it happen to some other woman.

Unfortunately that is what lots of men do who find themselves in the friends zone.

More unfortunately the fact remains, as a woman, doing those same things to a guy you like will NOT work either.

Honestly speaking…

Try to romance me and if I’m not attracted to you feels creepy and repels me even more.

Try to buy your way in and you’ll only offend me and make me feel less than a man.

Try to convince me to like you and I’ll only get sick of seeing you. I’ll avoid you because it feels awkward, pressured and weird.

Try to push me into a relationship and you’ll only push me further away.

Friendly inhabitants appear to act or react the same way when it comes to wanting someone who doesn’t want you back.

“That secret comes down to the reality that if a man isn’t ATTRACTED to a woman, all of her attempts to confess her love, convince him to like her and court her, BACKFIRE. A Secret About Men Women Do Not Know – The Paradox Of Attraction. (dialteg.org)

They ask the same questions.

They look for any sign of hope to keep them going and if they find it, cling to it for as long as they feel an overwhelming attraction.

They conclude this as often a last ditch effort to continue doing what’s NOT working,

“What if we were meant to be together!!!”

We also to rationalize the past and blame ourselves,

“What did I do wrong?”

“Why am I attracted to men I can not have?”

More honesty…

I’ve been guilty of giving advice to help everyone rid themselves of the friend zone. I’ve given post after post explaining every aspect of it but that’s because I’m a self-declared expert on it.

I have studied this problem immensely AND I lived it for more years than most will ever have to endure.

I understand the disparity.

I understand how it feels like someone or something is NOT letting us have what we want.

I understand how it feels to believe another person was meant for us and how we’re destined to never have it happen.


I also understand that no amount of  ‘hope’ can or will ever change the situation.

When women are stuck in the friends zone I’ve concluded that she’s not asking the right questions.

She’s only asking the questions which will ultimately give her the answer she wants to hear.

Some want to hear she’s not attractive enough.

Some want to hear she did everything wrong.

Some want to hear it’s him not her so they can feel better about themselves.


The real questions which must be asked are without a doubt the toughest ones to answer:

  • “Why am I not dating other men?”
  • “Why do I get stuck on one guy when there’s so many more men out there?
  • “Why am I taking his lack of attraction to me personal?”
  • “What can I do to avoid this situation again?”
  • “How can I attract more men in my life to so I’ll have more choices?”
  • “Why does it feel like I actually enjoy being unhappy?”

And here’s the biggest of all that I know many of you have not even considered…

  • “Why do I feel this guy can or will make me happy when he is not doing that now?”

The last question puts this entire friend zone into a perspective most refuse to look at because it hurts to even think about it.

If you are unhappy because someone does not feel attracted to you, what makes you believe you will suddenly become happy if you could make them feel attracted to you?

You just don’t know the answer until it happens and since you have not succeeded in making it happen you may never know the answer.

The misery will continue as long as you believe that one person who can make you happy… will someday somehow suddenly start feeling it for you.

For so long I tried to help men escape the friends zone and kept coming back to the same answer…

You don’t ESCAPE it BUT you can learn to ELIMINATE most of it from your life.

First by distracting yourself from the person you’re attracted to and focusing on developing a happier stronger more fulfilled and completed YOU.

Secondly by learning how attraction works and understanding we have no choice in how we feel.

Lastly by “re-introducing” this new person we created for ourselves to the world of men ( and women ) by changing the past habits of interactions which put us in the friends zone before.

That’s my plan and it works!

It has worked for me even though admittedly the structure ( or steps ) didn’t become clear until after I achieved my success.

Sure you can try “tactics” or “techniques” developed to get you the ONE man you’re feeling the most for and I would NEVER judge you for trying them… For example you can watch this: More Than Friends.

BUT PLEASE I insist…

Make sure you know what questions to ask yourself first.

Make sure you answer them as honestly and objectively as you can.

Make sure you understand what I’ve shared with you today is the REAL truth about the friends zone from a guy who spent most of his life in it.

Make sure you find every real available means to make yourself happy and complete FIRST ( and continue to date other men ) and I believe you’ll find the friends zone just might disappear all by itself.

While my “nice guy approach” helps men attract you… You MUST check out my ADVICE FOR WOMEN ONLY on understanding men at Why Do Guys…? It’s my totally free gift to you. For those of you who want a plan to your happiness all laid out for you, this is my TOP suggestion to get it done: 7 Steps to Letting Go of The Past, Embracing the Present, and Dating with Confidence.

Free DiaLteG TM Dating & Attraction Newsletter…


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10 comments… add one
  • Lois

    That says it all… 15 months of my life summarized in a column..Perfect question what makes you think that once you get what (that makes you unhappy) is suddenly going to make you happy. The advice above in a 100% correct take it from someone who got in to the friend zone got out into a romance then out.

  • Bridget

    I would like to add that I believe some women pick the “friendzone” guy. Its so much easier to believe that one person is the key to your happiness. “And if you do everything the right way it will work out”. It gives you lots of excuses from reaching outside your comfort zone and really trying something thats new. Its also perfect reason why you don’t except the dates that could lead somewhere including getting hurt…. its safe. But what happens when you get what you thought you wanted?

  • Bridget

    May I add that you do this without really knowing that your doing it.. And really look at what Peter said about if he doesn’t make you happy then, why do you think that will change? It doesn’t change and you find yourself looking for that one more piece of the puzzle to add “if I had that it would make us happy”. It doesn’t work this way.. Peter told me “that if the relationship is not fun then somethings wrong”.. Again so true. Peter really knows what hes talking about!

  • You said it Superwoman!

    Thanks for sharing. And you’re right.

    The friendzone guy is the easy way keep us in our comfort zone. Which is great if we’re happy. But if we’re not happy, and we’re locked into feeling comfortable, then something must be wrong.

    The sad part is we know something’s wrong but we choose to pass off the truth. This is clearly evident in the common excuses we all have used.

    Otherwise they would not be excuses, but challenges to overcome the sometimes irrational fears we all hide from at some point in our lives.

    Thanks again B.

    I truly hope your words, and your experience in being one of the few lucky women to escape the friends zone, (but then quickly escape the relationship that followed) can help any woman looking for great advice and inspiration.

    You have and always will be my most favorite woman reader. Even though you’re more than just a reader and fan, you’re proof under many circumstances we all can succeed when we really want. You’re proof and my inspiration I can teach others so much from what I have learned.

    You’re truly awesome!

    I’m glad to have been there from the beginning for you.

    ‘Till we find ourselves on the rooftops again fighting the crime of not at least trying to get anything and everything we want and deserve in life.


  • Bridget

    Ohhh…. my superman. Once again your words really touched me. Thanks for being there from the beginning. Thanks for answering endless, annoying questions ( the ones I really should of knew the answer to). Thanks Peter for putting your experiences out there and willingness to share it with the world. I still re-read your advice, if I find myself stuck with a question or in need of optimism I find my way to your web page. Happy Thanksgiving to my hero! May you be as happy as you make others! <3 me

    • Thanks to you Lois for all your kind words and might I add, hard work. I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving too. I’m looking forward to your newest updates. As always.
      You’re most welcome B. You keep stopping by, and I’ll keep writing. – Pete

  • Bridget leigh

    What I’m not good at, thanks to YOU!… Seriously even your lips comment. ( I actually get Facebook requests because of them) I’m good at getting the attention. I’m good at getting asked out… I’m good at making them want to be around More…. what I’m terrible at is that gentle goodbye that doesn’t hurt a man’s feelings. I’m desperate Peter, I have 4 guys who need that goodbye. I’m huge on karma. Please let me know of that kind way you get rid of all your admirers. : ) Bridget Leigh

  • Bridget leigh

    K- peter there is a type-o in first sentence. its supposed to state. ” what I am good at thanks to YOU!. sorry Mr hero.

    • Haha! Nice B.

      Blame me for all the men now chasing you. Pffttt! It’s not me they’re chasing. 🙂

      Okay, so what would I do if four guys wanted me so bad???? I’d probably leave the gay bar I was in much earlier than I had planned.

      Sorry Lois. You’re going to hurt their feelings. But you know what, if they STOP acting like Clark Kent and find a way to become the Superman they’re probably hiding inside, you wouldn’t worry about hurting them at all.

      You know I did try turning off my personality when I realized I was not interested. Mostly when I was not physically attracted at all but that did not work for me. It went against everything I was learning. Then I tried disappearing. That only made them want me even more. Then I tried being honest with them. That worked great but still didn’t change the situation too much.

      My point is…there’s no perfect answer to your problem. Just be honest with them. Yes. You’l hurt some. But mostly they’ll get over it if they find out early on. If you wait you’ll make it worse.

      I think the important lesson you must take with you is to keep it up confidently. Understand when you reject someone the RIGHT HONEST way, it will make you stronger. You’re next learning curve or hump is to begin to quickly notice the patterns of a guy, who you will eventually not want to be with. So you can avoid them or end it even quicker. For you and for them.

      But that’s a whole different lesson.

      If I would have to judge Karma in this case. Keeping a man around longer because you don’t want to hurt his feelings is worse than being gently honest but firm in your conviction.

      Sorry to have you breaking so many hearts. 🙂

      Oh and you’re welcome that you’re not good. 😉

  • Bridget

    I could read your writing to me forever..You are my favorite flirt. You always make me smile Peter. I want one of YOU! Yeah. I hear you… I just don’t want to do it.. But I guess I need to do that asap. : (

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