Dating – Who Should Pay?

This should be a short category with limited discussions but as a special request from a departed friend of mine I decided to add it. The last conversation we enjoyed was about her struggling with a man who she refused to go out with because he would not let her pay. This man just could not put his own ego aside to enjoy an evening with her and he ended up missing a great opportunity.

She had to cancel their first real date and she wanted to make it up to him. She went and bought the tickets to a show in advance and then invited him along. This is where he had a problem. The tickets were already paid for and he did not like that. He refused to let a woman pay for anything on a date. So to him, this was not a woman he could date further.

Was it right?

Personally I don’ think it was right at all. This incredible woman worked her ass off for her money and wanted to share it with him. Yet he was too stuck in his own views of chivalry or egotistical ways to allow it. The facts are when women are successful in their careers they don’t mind sharing it with others. Especially with somebody they are interested in dating.

Does the man always have to pay?

In my eyes, no. There have been several times in my life when a woman called me up to go out and I had to admit to her the only reason I couldn’t go out right then, was because I just couldn’t afford. And each and every time she offered to pay so I could enjoy a great evening out.

When should a woman pay?

I feel a woman should pay if she really wants to. I’m not concerned about all the reasons why except when it is used in a manipulative way. At that point I do not accept invitations which have strings attached. My rules apply both ways…

If after a few dates you tell someone you want to show them a good time and you value your self more than your money, then sure, why not pay for a great night out exclusively. “Wining and dining” someone has its place in romance, just not in attraction. When we use our money, man or woman, to show value we kill any real attraction and give up any respect we have gained.

Should each pay their own way?

I think the only reason this is even could be an issue is having to figure out the check at the end of a meal. But if we’re both out and it’s easy to pay for everything ourselves, it says so much more about each other than one insisting on paying.

What does it say to a woman about a man when he insists on paying for everything on a first date?

From the paraphrased words of David DeAngelo, “It says you have little value for yourself and money is the only way you believe a woman will date you.” Of course there is always an exception and once again what I learned from David was, if it’s truly who you are and you live a lifestyle of luxury, then why not pay. But if and only if it is just who you are. Never use your money to gain advantages with women it will only get you dates looking for a free meal. Just as I feel a solid relationship is built on letting each other live their own lives, mistakes and all, and just being there for them.

What does it say to a man when a woman refuses to pay for anything?

I must admit I have yet to meet many women who have this opinion but I’m sure they are out there. With very few exceptions I feel these types of woman will only get what they deserve… A man who only knows how to buy his way around. It also shows lack of respect for herself. An example of an exception here is, if you’re both well of and money is not an issue, why not expect one to pay. It makes the transition much easier. The last thing you want to be doing on a date is getting out a calculator trying to figure out half the check.

However most people are not well enough and money is always an issue. We do use it to help us eat and support a living.

With that said…

There are so many men and women who honestly just can’t afford to go on the classic dinner and a movie date that I don’t think they should even bother anyways. There are so many inexpensive things to do where both can pay their own way and still have a great time. What better way to get to know somebody by staying active and having fun just doing anything together.

FOR MEN: If paying for dates is a serious issue for you please don’t think you can never date. Let’s face it you’re going to have to do a little research around where you live and invite women to join you. I feel this method works the best anyways. I know it seems unfair that a broke woman can still go out on dates because there are always men who will pay, but that kind of limited thinking really only say to quality women you don’t value yourself more than the money you have or don’t have. I know tons of women that would rather go out and have a cheap great time where both are laughing, talking, and are having fun doing anything. The most incredible down to earth cool women us men are searching for would gladly choose your great time over sitting in a restaurant trying to keep the conversation alive.

FOR WOMEN: I see the label so many of you live through when it comes to guys thinking you’re only into money or looks. I know how frustrating it can be when you meet this seemingly great guy who refuses to ask for another date because he just can not afford it. I also realize how your instinctual attraction is based on status and finding a provider doesn’t really fit in our modern world when you can earn your own living. But think of it this way. The freedom you now have, (or in certain parts are gaining in), means you don’t have to sit around waiting for some guy to ask you out. You can meet some incredible men just by opening up a little and saying, “You know. You’re cool. You should take me out sometime.” or “I love dancing with my friends. You should join me next time.” You see with the correct wording you don’t have to ask and he will still have to man up to get to know you better.