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Do Girls Like Quiet Guys?

in Attraction
Girls liking the quiet shy type guy.

What IS a “quiet” guy?

Is he humble?

Socially awkward or borderline dysfunctional?

Afraid to speak his mind or avoids confrontation?

Quiet is such a broad term and if we try to understand, guess, or discuss whether “girls” actually like quiet guys then we must look a little deeper first.

Take a good-looking guy who appears to take care of himself, walks tall and confidently, holds his head high and may not be overly successful but shows a certain strength in what he chooses to do for a living.

The problem some see with this guy is the one fact – he does NOT communicate well with others. For whatever reasons he has, he talks very little and will generally keep to himself.

Will he attract lots of women?

Absolutely YES.

Is it because of his looks alone or is it his mysterious nature which draws women in?

Or is it a combination of both?

Women notice he’s physically attractive and they think, yeah big deal, “Lots of guys are attractive.”

In a way his physical presence may get him noticed but when women soon realize he’s the quiet shy type who rarely opens up, that’s when her attractive curiosity is triggered.

Since a woman’s attractive trigger tends to be more about communication and socializing (something this guy is obviously NOT good at) why does that attract the “girls”?

Some will say – it’s his looks. Women will come to him.

In a strange way we do find women who are primarily attracted to better looking guys BUT it’s not for the reasons we usually assume.

Sure her physical parts or sexuality may be aroused by him and some women will gladly divulge in their sexual fantasies with “Mister Stud” guy, but from my point of view…

Women who ONLY date or only entertain the idea of “hot” guys while never looking beyond it are doing so because of themselves.
(Generally speaking of course.)

It may prove to her she’s capable. She may be proving to others she’s that good. She may be, in the very broadest sense, using him to make herself look and feel better about who she is.

Giving her a false sense of identity through him and his attractiveness.

Something which is equally as common among men too. Specifically those who are more concerned with how others see them and use it as a gauge to judge themselves. In other words, the more self-conscious.

Let’s go back.

We understand women are more naturally attracted to communication and socializing and yet they do find themselves attracted to good-looking guys who are quiet and shy.

Obviously this type guy is NOT triggering those items like some men do but yet she is still drawn to him.

Is it because she is drawn to the mystery of him?

Being mysterious is not just about withholding information. It’s a blend of alpha traits and indifference and more. Developing A Mysterious Alpha Attitude And Attractive Personality

Is she more attracted to what he COULD be rather than what we see he him as?

Does her attractive feelings disappear when she gets to know him better?

Is it because we as people assume the quiet ones are less concerned with those around them? Their actions are not publicly affected by what’s going on around them.

Can we then relate shyness to indifference? Another know attractive trait commonly agreed works better with guys who ARE good-looking.

What about his perceived humility?

Beyond his natural look he DOES take care of himself. He MUST hold himself with equal or higher standards.

His social “incompetence” may have an accidental effect on how women see him…

He doesn’t brag or display over-confidence but is that because of his shy nature or is it that he’s truly humble?

Women can NOT assume they know the answer BUT they DO want to find out the truth. Giving them yet another reason to be drawn into his mysterious personality.

We may have an answer (at least for this type of guy – good-looking or above average in physical attractiveness) …

Do girls like quiet guys?

I think they’re more interested or attracted to his mysterious nature BUT when his true self is revealed, and we must admit that could take a long time because he’s normally reserved and quiet, that’s when she’ll either “like” him or not.

Since that process can takes days, weeks, months, or years… She may become deeply attracted to him AND find herself “in love” with him.

We must admit since love and hate are so closely related we can, women included, easily find ourselves attracted to someone we actually hate.

Let’s not get into what happens IF they choose to enter a relationship with “Quiet and Good-Looking” because it seems to me, over time, his lack of so-called real communication may lead to problems.

On the question of whether (if we’re given the choice) we choose to act quiet and reserved to attract women or to use our communication and social skills… which one works better and more efficiently…

“What should we talk about? How do you keep the conversation interesting?” How To Act With A Woman On The First Date – What and How to Say It

Well we’re not all good-looking. Most of us are borderline average 🙂 at best.

What happens when a woman isn’t drawn to our looks and yet we’re still shy and reserved…?

We know the outcome.

NOTHING or barely anything.

We rely purely on luck and circumstance to bring us together but then we have to still show her we’re confident, humble, and you know – the “real thing”.

How we’re not just some shy guy who is afraid of women and who has little social skills if that’s who we are. If not, then we’re screwed anyways and not in a good way.

My point now becomes yet another question we must ask ourselves if we’re wondering whether or not girls like quiet guys.

Are we asking it because we do lack the attractive skills of communication and it’s not something we are willing to overcome? We’re just hoping our shyness will work in our favor.

Maybe we’re noticing a few women from afar and we’re trying to convince ourselves that just because she looked back one day – she likes us?

Either giving us real proof before we put ourselves our there or a definite answer to avoid being rejected.

Bringing us back to the shy guy who is shy because he’s a little socially dysfunctional AND avoid any and all confrontations – good and bad.

In this case – this question is NOT valid.

Whether a girl likes a quiet guy or not should have nothing to do with our ability to create attraction.

Asking if girls like quiet guys becomes no different from asking the worst pointless question a man can ask about a woman…

Does she like me?

One last thing…

Being quiet, shy, humbled, reserved, socially held back or refraining ourselves from communicating with women may have a use to the less than handsome guys out there.

This pertains to one type of guy… The opposite. The guy who says too much. Talks about himself too much thinking he has to prove who he is to her. Perhaps he’s always looking for approval from women.

Saying less can get girls to like HIM more.

Women need a little mystery.

Women must feel compelled or urged to want to know more about you so she can become deeply attracted to you.

Which finally I know 🙂 brings me to some answers I’m satisfied with:

Girls may find themselves attracted to the mystery of a quiet guy BUT (generally speaking) she is more attracted to the unknown than she is to the man.

Girls DO like the shy thing a little because it may be a sign of humbleness or a guy’s natural indifference to the world around him.

It also may encourage her to step up to the challenge or bask in the satisfaction of opening up a man. Something we must never forget.

Girls are rarely if ever attracted to guys who are less than average and show absolutely no signs of social competence and sexual communication. (As if we all didn’t know this one.)

Some guys may benefit from refraining a little from the small talk and sort of allowing HER to qualify herself more to him AND to create a little mystery so she has something to look for.

However… with strict regards to attraction:

On First Date

A woman’s attraction is triggered deeper by guys who COMMUNICATE the right things and will always outnumber the totally silent guys.

You can stop being so quiet and learn to create attraction (with more women) by following the free advice here on conversations and social function:

These are my highest recommendations which are not free:

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3 comments… add one
  • Very Insightful article Peter, just tweeted this. This clarifies a lot of things. And I’m totally agree with you, women are attracted to those who communicate the Right things. Nobody likes you if your talking crap, those are talkers, and they do grab attention and not the sexy attention that they’re looking for. Little bit mystery is absolute necessary, it force your girl to chase after you and get know more about you. And we all know Peter, where there’s no chase, there’s no fun 😉
    Thanks for the article and keep up the great work that you’re doing!

    • Thank you.

      Yes, communication is everything to women. What we communicate (even a little) is often taken and ran with so we must be careful not to send things the wrong early on.

      Thanks again for the insight and it’s great to hear you liked my article, I will keep it up.


  • Chris

    As a rather extroverted guy who had a shy phase in my college years, I can say that certain women generally find themselves drawn to quite guys.

    These certain women are usually the opposite: they are usually very chatty, sociable and outgoing. There’s a real yin-yang thing that happens in relationships and human interaction. Quiet guys, attract and are attracted to outgoing/talkative women.

    It also works the other way: shy, quiet women tend to find themselves with talkative, outgoing men.

    A lot of that has to do with a good life partner is someone who fills in the areas you aren’t so naturally good with. You become a well rounded team. Nor are you competing for the same oxygen by both being chatty, or both being shy.

    Now, that said, plenty of men are just bad listeners. That’s a product of cultural sexism, machismo, or just bad manners. Whatever the reason, the single most important quality to building attraction, creating a personal charisma is showing a genuine interest and a kind of intuitive connection to other people.

    This is not possible if you are yacking all the time. So the guy who listens, ask questions and shows sincere interest in a female as a person, will always have a woman’s attention in a way the good-looking, cocksure braggart will never get.

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