I suppose any post with “loser and men” thrown in the title should contain a definition but I’m not going there. You have already defined it in your head.
Besides you can always comment your definition below.
Now let’s talk…
Do you have this amazing ability to attract the worst kind of guys?
The ones who bring drama in your life. The ones who appear one way while you’re dating but suddenly become needy after you commit to him quickly. The ones who act one way but become someone else quickly after you sleep with them.
So why do you fall for these guys?
And why don’t you attract better relationships with better men?
You DO feel attracted to a few good guys – but they never seem to like you back. And even if they show a little interest you find a million reasons to question it. Eventually he grows tired of it and disappears.
Here is a few “truths” about the relationships every man and woman find themselves in:
- You will find yourself in relationships with those whose self-esteem is equal or extremely close to yours.
- You will feel the most attracted to people who feel the most attractive themselves.
And my life has been no exception.
Why did I believe the only women I was not attracted were attracted to me?
Because my self-esteem was not high enough to believe I could do any better.
Why did I always end up feeling more attracted to women who would not feel it back…
Because their self-esteem was either too high or too low.
Now before you come back thinking I’m calling you a loser – All I’m saying is – If you keep ending up in terrible relationships, attracting the wrong men, it has nothing to do with them at all attracting you.
No matter what they do or say or how they act will go against who they are.
They live by their own beliefs and you live by yours. If they believe they are not worth it they will find a way to prove it to themselves and everyone around them.
This also applies to you.
Unless you alter or change a belief of low self-worth, you will in all likelihood find yourself with men who feel the same.
Think hard about this. How many healthy relationships do you see where one partner has high self-esteem and the other does not?
It just doesn’t happen.
But it’s not that you’re attracting “losers” because you don’t deserve better.
This could not be further from the truth.
That person who rejected you may not feel not worthy of you. You just don’t know. And I know that’s drives you crazy. But they will end up with someone they feel is at or near their own level of self-worth.
And this had nothing to do with you. They were like this before you two even met.
When I teach guys who enjoy success suddenly find themselves face to face with an incredible woman. It gives them a boost of confidence and they quickly relate success = better women = more confidence.
But if they continue to think like that they will lose her. Because they are letting someone else control their self worth. They feel higher because of her, not because of themselves.
They must believe it was them who attracted her in the first place and until they fully internalize this, they will eventually fail at that new relationship.
So if you’re a woman who ends up with him he finds a way to screw it up. You find yourself no longer attracted to him but still in love with him and it feels like you attracted yet another loser.
Because you love him you to draw out the relationship longer than it needs to go and try to fix it or him. But since the attraction is gone in reality you are just being friends with a sexual past.
I once met this woman who let this slip out quickly, “Who would want to marry me?!!“
What was she really saying?
“No guy is good enough for me. If I set the bar high enough I will to prove to myself my reality is real. I will prove myself right each time.”
Sure her persona laughs it off but inside she feels her self-worth is bloated and not real. And she knows it.
Inside her mind she believes,
“Why would a real cool guy who is in control want to be with someone who loses control all too often. Why would a great man who wants a relationship want it with someone whose unpredictable, moody, and thinks way too much.”
When she begins to question her worth she instantly puts those she’s attracted to above her in esteem and she’s guaranteeing herself to settle with dating loser after loser.
This woman is highly attractive, fun to be around, she knows how to flirt. Her outward self-esteem is high but that is just her persona. Inside she’s a mess always questioning herself, her relationships, and whether or not she deserves anything of what her “looks” have given her.
If you question yourself as a person- if you don’t feel good enough – if you feel your looks have given you undue privileges – chances are you’re going to attract men who YOU define as a loser.
If it’s not obvious by now what needs to change is not the losers but how much you value yourself so you can attract those higher quality men and keep them too.
Here is what I want you to start doing immediately so you can eliminate the losers from your dating life and give yourself a much better chance to stop making the mistakes of the past.
- Find things in your life where you don’t feel good about yourself and search for the reasons why they are holding you back.
- Take a little time to think back at your past relationships. Make the connection to what I’ve shown you today so you can see past what you felt. Notice the past problems had little to do with the loser and had more to do with your own problems of self-esteem.
- The next man you meet who you feel it for and has his act together allow yourself to write down what your intuition is telling you about how you could sabotage the relationship.
- Stay away from the places where you found those losers.
- Open yourself up to meeting men where you would least expect it.
- Start trusting your intuition about men. It’s often right.
- Don’t defend yourself to another hoping a man will like you more.
- Don’t bring up your insecurities around other people secretly searching for approval from them.
- Be more selfish about yourself and your personal goals.
- Never settle because you’re afraid of failing or losing time.
- Show self-responsibility and understand you do not control the outcome. We’re not losing when we fail but we lose when we fail to accept we can not and do not change over night. Success comes in spurts so focus on the now.
For more information on guys please visit my “for women only” Why Do Guys…? I believe you’ll find it extremely helpful on understanding men.