Nice Guys escape the Friend's Zone.
Excuses, Excuses! Nice Guy Mistakes with Confidence and Leadership.
When it comes to leadership and having confidence too many nice guys are afraid of being that man. They use excuses to prove their actions and only feed the misconception, that being nice has anything to do with attraction.
Check out this video Scot McKay has posted. It’s a short interview with an incredibly beautiful woman who finds herself dateless. You can learn so much from this seven minute video that I had to include it.
Pay close attention to the text this nice guy sent her.
Hey Kya,
I’d Love to get together some time but I don’t want to be pushy. You’re a pretty cute girl and I would love to get to know you but if you have a boyfriend, or girlfriend, haha, or just not interested, just let me know. Either way I still want to show you around.
I’d love to get together sometime but I don’t want to be pushy.
This is what enters a woman’s mind when you say anything similar in this context:
Love…aww he’s sweet…together…ooo…a date….doesn’t want to be pushy…wtf…I gave him my number…he’s a pushover, great!!!
His text:
You’re a pretty cute girl and I would love to get to know you but if you have a boyfriend, or girlfriend, haha, or just not interested, just let me know.
Her mind:
he thinks I’m cute…my mom’s cute…love…wow…yep, he’s real confident…i gave him my number…doesn’t that mean I am least interested..let me know? So what now, I’m supposed to call him even though I gave him MY number…this guy would be way too much work!
His text:
Either way I still want to show you around.
Her mind:
Show me around…what am I…a trophy…why don’t you just call and tell me what we are going to do!!!!!
What she actually says about it:
Now I don’t want to be friends with him at all. He didn’t call me, confidence is not there. I don’t want to call him back if he can’t call me at all.
Okay so I am exaggerating to prove a point but believe me, if you talk like this to women you want to date, if you text women like this that you want to date, STOP IT! Even out of context the message this man sends wreaks of neediness. It shows little confidence, and just gives her a clear picture of a guy that doesn’t understand women.
Believe me I know all the cop outs or excuses. I have said them all myself.
“I don’t want to be like every other guy she has met.”
When you say this you are already being just like every other guy. I would have to say it’s the biggest reason a woman like the one in the video go dateless. It’s also a big reason women date jerks. The jerks are not afraid to step up and be their own unique self. The tactics they use are often anti social but women thrive on feelings and emotions. And feeling something is better than feeling nothing.
If you actually believe that if you give a woman a choice between a real masculine man or a typical jerk, and she will still choose the jerk, I want to hear it.
“I don’t want her to think I just want her body.”
Guess what? She has a sexy body, a pretty face, and great hair. If she likes you, really likes you, she wants to share that incredible body with you. She wants to experience your passion. There’s nothing wrong with wanting her body but there is something wrong with trying to hide your masculinity. If you genuinely want to connect with a girl, then connect with her emotions.
“She’s so hot and I don’t want to ruin it.”
Thinking like this or acting on this is always a great way to ruin it. So what, she’s hot. Get over it. The only woman who use their looks to get through life are not worth it. Don’t let the power of her looks she has over other guys affect you, and there’s a good chance you won’t ruin it.
Now, raise your hand if you’ve said any of these before. My hand is held high. I admit it. Add more here, go for it. Do it below and lets fill this page full of cop outs, or excuses on avoiding being a masculine man. Take the leadership and you can start here, right now. Get them out and learn to recognize them.
I still test myself often on this because this nice guy affliction, as I will call it, is often deep-rooted and can be difficult to get over. I am a frequent member of a social picture rating site and we comment on others pictures. I also get to see what other men have commented. So what I will do is look at a picture of hers and compare the first thing that pops in my head, to what the other men have said. Remember I think I’m being unique. But I’m not. There’s is always some guy that though of it and wrote it. Sometimes two guys will say that same thing, but slightly different. As if he didn’t even read the others comments.
That is my nice guy test to myself. I still can not believe these thoughts still find a way into my head. But I recognize it and they become fewer, then I avoid doing it. Sure I come up with some clever comments and I get a good response from them, but that is online. In the world outside the internet just saying hi and hinting at a smile is a highly effective way to spark a conversation. Sure it’s not different. Sure it’s not unique. But it is genuine and women appreciate it.
Fast Tube by Casper
Related articles by Peter White
- Nice Guy or Not? The Friend’s Zone and Flawed Thinking (dialteg.com)
- The Mind of A Woman: Interviewing DeAnna (dialteg.com)
- An Old Challenge But Timeless Advice (dialteg.com)
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| Print article | This entry was posted by peter white on December 26, 2009 at 12:48 pm, and is filed under Nice guy mistakes, The Blame Game, Understanding Women. Follow any responses to this post through RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site. |
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