It wreaks of neediness and acts like mold. Clinging and growing in the darker regions of our minds. It feeds on our insecurities and holds our thoughts for ransom, in an attempt to extort our actions.

“I’m afraid he won’t like me if I do this.”

“I’m afraid she will think I’m a jerk if do that.”

“What will he think of me unless I do this?”

“Is she thinking about me or that stupid thing I did?”

“Should I call him because it’s been so long since I heard from him?”

When we act out on our insecurities we advertise to the world our deepest needs. Our sense of urgency to get the girl, or land the man, only proves to others that we have fear. And that fear is attraction, or the fear of not being found attractive.

Those fears often stem from our wants or needs to fulfill something in our lives that we are missing. Often I read how it is not good to be needy which is true, but I rarely hear how our wanting something is just as bad, or even worse….

Because many of our fears are deeply intertwined with our “wants”.

Take these two statements,

“I want you…”

“I need you…”

You’re going to hear many people say that each statement is different and that it is always better to want, and not to need. But think of these two statements in this context.

“I need food or I will die.”

“I want a cheeseburger.”

And how about these next two statements.

“I need sex or my passion will die.”

“I want sex now.”

The needs in all of those statements are obviously more valid than the want. The want is putting the emphasis on the outcome, and not the event. The need is focusing on the event to avoid the outcome, the death of something.

Now do we fear, not ever eating again, or not having sex?

Or do we fear we will lose our life or lose our passion?

The fear of not being attractive  is just our fear of the outcome of the event.

“I’m afraid he won’t like me if I do this.”

“I don’t like it when he kisses me there but I’m afraid if I tell him, he won’t like me anymore. And I WANT him to like me… but I NEED to be open, honest, and direct.”

You see the need of being open or honest is more important in growing as a person, than the want of attraction. That is because our needs our internal and are in the present while the want is in the future. It is something we do not have, which we want to acquire.

“I’m afraid she will think I’m a jerk if do that.”

“I don’t want to flirt with her friend because she will think I’m a jerk and not like me. But her friend is cute and I like to flirt. We just met and I WANT to make a good impression, so she will like me,  but I NEED to be my flirty self.”

Again we see how being a flirt fills the need of an emotional present state of being who you are, in that moment. And that is much more important in being a cool person than wanting having someone attracted to us.

The needs of our existence in being that better complete person is internal, and wanting something outside of ourselves, is often our insecurities controlling our actions. Our fears thrive off of those insecure feelings and demands that we act on our thoughts. And that is where that awful stench of neediness emanates.

So there is a difference between wanting, needing, and being needy. Learning these difference and how they affect our actions around those we are attracted to, can help us understand ourselves.

Is there a way to overcome these fears in an effort to be seen as more attractive, naturally?

While there is an endless sea of advice out there. You can consult proven paid advice. Here are a few of the best I would recommend.

As a woman,

If your thoughts of fear or anxieties are controlling your dating life, it could be time to let David Wygant help you out. He’s proven himself to truly understand why those emotions are controlling you. And better yet, he tells me he can help you out. Read his intro to  No Excuses: Banish Your Fears And Date Any Man You Want .

As a man,

    What’s Your Excuse?

    She’s too hot. She won’t like me. She’s probably already with someone. I wouldn’t even know what to say to her. All excuses I have used myself. So why not let David Wygant help you figure out why you think that way and better yet how to overcome those fears of rejection.

    Do you want or need more information about David Wygant first, pun intended for this post, I have a page just for him here, at Dialeg™, or you can check out all the free articles he has allowed me to use at Attraction Transformation. His blog is so much better but you may find one interesting.

    ‘David Wygant’ Archives for women.

    ‘David Wygant Men’ Archives

      You can slowly gather any and all the free advice until something you can fully relate to appears. Here are a few I’ve found.

      Either way the obvious first step is to figure out what your real fears are and how they affect your life. I’m not talking about the fear of real danger designed to protect ourselves. I’m talking about the fears that come from our insecurities.

      There is this guy I know. He’s tall dark, and good-looking. You would think he should not have any fears of attraction, but he does. He’s the type of guy seemingly good-hearted and has your best interest in mind but deep down he’s angry and volatile. I have no idea what childhood and pubescent experiences caused him to act this way but I do know one thing;  he is overly protective with his girlfriends. He will fight and fend off any potential woman stealing man from his girl. And often this results in minor fights.

      He does not want to lose his girlfriend and fears she will cheat on him. His need to keep something which he can not control, another person, along with his want to fight off the aggressors, sends his thoughts racing about infidelity, and then he acts on them.

      But he’s this typical image of a good-looking man, should he be afraid of losing any women?

      Because his wanting to control another person actually pushes the women he is involved with, far away.  Eventually they tire of his insecurities and cheat on him, as he predicts, or just one day walks out the door. Exiting his life forever.

      This man’s first step is to stop the cycle immediately and spare the world from his violent actions. If his fears are from being afraid to be alone then he must learn to live with himself before he can ever learn to live with someone else.

      So what are your fears of attraction ,and how far does the smell reach out to others?

      Pete

       

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