I do not take rejection personal especially coming from a woman I don’t even know.
When you can say that to yourself honestly AND you actually believe it, the fear of approach becomes no more than creating an easy social connection.
The fear – the nervousness – the sweaty palms – the indecision – the silence – the not knowing what to say or how to say it – the prediction of the outcome or how she’s going to react – not knowing where the conversation is going…
All those problems Can and WILL fade because although the fear of approach is a real thing many guys experience – it is just this…
Creating a social connection with a simple greeting along with a preferable easy going smile.
Here’s my personal advice on approaching women along with solid advice on starting conversation and finally ridding yourself of the fear of approach… for good!
Know who you are approaching and realize you’re a stranger in her world.
If she’s standoffish, she’s not rejecting you.
She does not even know you.
She’s rejecting a conversation with a stranger for reasons which have little to do with you.
She’s probably nervous too. She’s probably going to be a little self-conscious if she’s looking for a guy just like you.
When you’re starting any conversation and you feel the fear building inside you – see her for what she really is – A Person!
She’s not a goal.
She’s not an unattainable future.
She’s not a nice ass with a smile.
If it helps imagine she’s just as nervous about meeting you…because you’re the only guy who had the balls to make her smile that day.
Remind yourself everyday what most decent women are looking for when they meet someone – a fun to experience to remember.
Sure it’s great if you can charm her or be at your best but that’s just not going to happen all the time.
Sometimes you’re going to feel like crap, look awful and yet here’s comes this woman who “does it” for you.
If your aim is to only look great or be in your best mood or have a checklist of things that must happen before you’re “ready” to approach – You’re going to miss the one. Guaranteed!
And you’re going to feel like you’re the most unluckiest person when it comes to women. But really it’s because life doesn’t work its magic around your schedule.
It just happens and you can never fully prepare for it.
But you will have to make sure you know how to make the best of everything you got on any given day.
That’s not a secret to success. It’s a fact any successful person lives by. You can read more about guys like that here —> Twenty Steps to Change Your Success and Luck with Women Starting Today.
Read it later because first we must eliminate the fear of approach…
Below you’ll find all the preparation you’re going to need to finally completely rid yourself of approach anxiety.
First up – The Fearless Code was designed to help you, well become so fearless around women, you’ll never have to worry about the approach thing any more. I suggest you pick it up.
It was written by David Wygant and his secrets to approach are shared below:
Observe – This is where you watch and learn. This is where you get in tune with the people around you. This is where you get to know your cashiers name as David suggests. This is also where you learn to see the bigger picture of what is going on around you.
“If the world around you seems blurry and out of focus you’re not allowing yourself enough time in the present. If women are giving you the vibe they do not want to connect with ever – chances are this is how you see the world. You’re in fact disassociated with your social surroundings and are probably focusing too much on one thing at a time.” (such as some girl in the back or some dude showing off his tattoo.)
Interact – This where you do the approach. This is where you start the conversations with people you see. This is where you connect with people you may have avoided in the past because of a “lack of agenda.” This means if you feel someone has nothing to offer, you void talking to them.
“If you are constantly looking for a common interest before you’re willing to talk with someone you’ll see it as “people are always judging me.” Or it’s like they are giving you a dirty look. This is because people are not interested in someone who is always out to get something from them.”
Ask – You do not get people or women interested in you by trying to be interesting. You become interested in them. You ask the right questions. You find out what drives their passions and share your own. You connect with others on a level too many people avoid. If you can do that you’ll be amazed how people start to become more interested in learning about you.
“If no one seems to give a shit about you it’s best to assume you’re not showing interest in them in a way which goes beyond a selfish agenda of your own.”
How Do You Create Attraction – By talking to every single person you meet and asking them questions. How to you overcome your fears – by talking to every single person you meet. Gathering information is powerful. Information is the key to being successful in everything in your life. The Fearless Code
Next up, a little advice from a woman who is used to being approach… Marni Kinrys.
Her video is no longer available but since her advice was simple, it’s just quoted below. Please visit her blog through my affiliated link: The Wing Girl Method so I get credit for it.
Observe, Share, Ask Method of Approaching Women… Observe. Share. Ask. And Be a little more comfortable than her while you’re doing it. Find something in the moment by observing then share your observation. Share with her something from yourself.
While Marni isn’t known for methods of approach there’s definitely some great advice there – the most important piece being…
Be A little more comfortable than her while you’re doing it.
It’s more of an attraction building technique but I feel it sets her up as being just as nervous as you are.
Carlos Xuma is well know for helping us guys out in this area.
Here’s his most popular download: How To Take The Fear Out Of Approaching Women.
It does require your email to download it but it’s definitely something which can help. Add that to the above and below advice and you’re bound to get over all this soon enough.
Starting thinking in terms of opportunity. What would be your opener? Like you’re being pulled into doing it. Like you almost have to do it. Don’t skip the steps. Start simple. 1. Remove pressure. 2. Create momentum. 3. Unleash Energy.
Next up is a little less known guy for teaching on this approach problem but his methods work so amazingly well and his ideas are so solid I just had to add him.
It’s not a contest. Will she accept or reject me? Avoiding risk because of a pretty face. Women are not goddesses on pedestal. Women are just as ready to meet you as you.
Scot Mckay has developed a ton of products but The Man’s Approach probably best fits this post. The Man’s Approach – Learn the secret to stopping beautiful women in their tracks. His main page is called X and Y Communication – Homepage – Deserve What You Want
As with Carlos, he has allowed to post up a ton of other great adivce and you’ll find that page here: Scot McKay
Of course you can go out and learn techniques “pick up artists” teach.
You can learn how to approach groups of girls and learn how to “game” them but you know what they’re teaching can and does happen naturally. Those people in the videos above will be the first to admit that.
How else would our lovely human race have made it this far.
This is why it seems like we end up dating the girl we didn’t expect or how you met this guy and you wound up dating his sister.
Or how one girl seemed into you but you didn’t feel it back and in the background her friend was noticing you big time.
So when you two accidentally hook up you are feeling the effects of the natural social world you have been invited to join.
Hopefully I’ve given you many opportunities to get yourself out of the negative mindset the fear of approach is causing inside you.
David, Marni, Carlos, and Scot have proven to me that it IS possible to eliminate this fear from our life.
Feel free to read my page on approaching women when you get a chance too —> What to Say When Approaching Women
You can also learn how my nice guys approach relates to all this here —> How To Approach, Meet or “Picking” Up Women
And don’t forget to visit “The Approach” at dialteg.org because it has a ton of ideas on approaching women and overcoming ALL your fear too.