#8

This is a huge problem and until I overcame it was a major stumbling block. I just couldn’t meet a woman and spark that intense attraction. And not knowing how to create attraction would cause me to always be the chaser. I would meet her, become friends with her, and slowly  try to win her affection through my nice guy ways. And it never worked!

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It wasn’t a matter of me wanting to become friends first to enter a relationship or was more of an excuse I would use. The excuse rationalized my thinking I could get women to like me over time.

I proposed this question on my survey because no matter your reasons are for answering yes, it reveals some important traits about a person, man or woman.

• The obvious one is a need for deep rapport with a person before getting intimate. Which means developing a friendship first.

I’m  going to say that this happens with women more than a man. But I’m sure there are men out there that feel this way. I don’t find much wrong with it. This is just what some people choose. A problem does arise however when your need for this, always leaves you as just a friend.

• A less obvious trait would be a need to control how others feel attraction.

I’m not sure how many people would agree with me on this one, but since these are my pages, I get to say what I want. What I mean by the need to control attraction is exactly what I mentioned above.  Trying to win someone over through romance, favors, and being extremely nice to them. I don’t like to call it a nice guy tactic because the word tactic implies conscious level thinking , and it is not.

It is because when a man doesn’t understand how attraction works. He uses the socially acceptable rules he is taught or has seen done in the media. He also doesn’t understand that romance is used to enhance or to build on attraction, not to create attraction. Under most circumstances, even in a long-term pursuit, it often fails. Romance works well when you are already in a relationship but rarely will it create attraction.

I learned through years of trial, many errors, and the help of those listed on my pages that you can not control another person attraction. You have no control over changing how a person sees you, or feels for you. The only control you have is of yourself and how you can make yourself more attractive.

During the making of my test I mentioned how you could use this information to actually escape or avoid the friend’s zone. Above explains how you end up there, with a little hint of avoiding it, here’s the tip on using this question to escape it:

If you do feel that becoming friends first is essential to entering a relationship AND you find yourself as just a friend because of it, escaping it will be tough. You can,

• Make sure your status is always equal or higher. If it has been lowered you need to find a way to increase it or gain back the status you gave away. Don’t let the video below fool you. That is only one kind of status. But it does prove a point for women and men. Escaping the friend’s zone by giving yourself a makeover and surprising your interest with your new self, just might work.

Fast Tube by Casper

• Now that you are friends it is very important to let the other person know you are a sexual person. This may disrupt the friendship but I have found a good friend won’t take off just because of one snag.

• Never let the sexual tension drop too low. Keep teasing. Keep doing what attracted them to you when you met.

• Start making it clear to the other person you are dating other people, by dating other people. But don’t talk about who you are dating, and what those dates consist of. Leave them wondering. DO talk about how dating may be getting a little tough and hint on how you may be ready for a relationship or a commitment. But you’re just not sure who to choose.

Those are just a few. Let me know if you have some of your own ideas by commenting below.

Later,

Pete

This is question 8 from my Friend’s Zone Test.

#8

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Tagged as: advice, Attraction, control, Dating, excuse, friend, friends, need, person, Relationship, romance, tactic