How do you know if you are in the friend’s zone?
Long long ago I found this great article to show guys how to escape the friends zone. It’s a small list and rather quickly done as compared to my more advanced Eliminate The Friends Zone pages but I felt through it, we can reverse the steps and devise any easy test to determine if we, you, or anyone is actually in the friends.
It should work for men and women.
Here are the steps the Fly Guy wrote:
- Stop Acting Like A Friend
- Rock The Boat
- Pursue Other People
- Get A Little Closer
- Peak Their Interest
- Close The Deal
1. Stop Acting Like A Friend.
Most men and women end up in the friend’s zone because primarily, they act like a friend. A non-sexual option. A friend is someone you will do things for because you have compassion for or want to help that person. It’s what friends do.
But if you are just meeting someone for the first time and you treat as a lifelong friend by doing overly nice things hoping they’ll feel attracted to you, you’re practically guaranteed to only make a friend.
It’s okay to be nice but it’s not okay to give your status to someone you just met hoping they will like you as something more. It rarely works.
The first question you must ask yourself then is:
When you first met the person you’re attracted to did you do things for them you would only consider doing for a life long friend? Did you give up your status to gain approval?
I am talking about “things” that put yourself well out of the way and are overly too nice. I’m not talking about teasing someone you just met as if you’ve known them forever because it is not the same.
2. Rocking The Boat.
Did you rock the boat?
Did you stir things up when you first met or did you act nice hoping again, they will like you?
Women and men are attracted to edgy conversations and not the same old boring shit about the weather or how their day is going. Don’t be afraid to bring up topics most people would be afraid to talk to their mom’s about.
In this case “rocking the boat” simply means not being afraid of having someone dislike you. Call it indifference or whatever you want.
But if you acted too nice and accommodating just because you wanted that person to not see you as just a friend – then as far as this test goes, consider you’re very close to the friends zone.
3. Pursue other people.
Did you show signs of neediness, being clingy?
Are you “seeing” other people?
When you first met did you suddenly drop everybody else in your life just to get close to that person before you were even intimate?
If you put all your time or energy into a person from the beginning or if you didn’t give create space or if that person sensed you had no other options in your dating life then there’s a good chance they put you in the friends zone.
Although women can feel a bond to men who become their shadows they don’t respect them enough to sleep with them. There’s no real tension or sexual energy created. There’s no challenge.
This may be a little different for a woman. If a man doesn’t feel attraction for you but you’re were willing to do things for him AND you don’t seem interested in other guys (generally speaking) then there’s more than a good chance you’re just his friend.
4. Getting A Little Closer.
There always becomes a time between a man and woman when they test each others physical boundaries. Normally it’s not done on purpose but it does happen.
IF you’re afraid to casually touch them and break the physical barrier, especially if you’re a guy it only makes it that much harder to get physical later. This is something which must be done early on. It also must be done strategically so be warned.
Did you pull back from any kind of touch, playful or casual, or make it seem like getting close to people freaks you out?
I’ve found those who find the act of getting close under normal circumstances are less likely to act that way around a person they’re attracted to. Hence less likely to get stuck in the friends zone.
If you’re a guy who gets nervous or is afraid to touch a woman properly and at the right time AND she sensed your pull back she probably “friended” you quickly.
If you’re a woman who avoided the contact or kind of appeared “frigid” most men friend you because they either felt no attraction or are not comfortable getting past that with you.
As the fly guy stated, “breaking down the physical barriers” is extremely important for both men and women. When others sense you are nervous being too close to someone they feel you may be inexperienced, have little confidence, or may become “too much work.”
5. Peak Their Interest.
The Fly Guy advises to begin playing games with how you see the relationship. I’m not altogether sold on that idea but what I do suggest is leaving her or him with a feeling of uncertainty.
Intention aside… Interest is good. You must show a little interest but you must remain uncertain. It’s far too complicated to discuss here but it’s this challenge which keep people out of the friends zone.
Did they show interest in you? Did the person want to know more about you? Did you show it back but remained uncertain?
If you can not answer yes to any of those than there’s more than a good chance you’re definitely in the friends zone.
Another example would be showing way too much interest at first and it’s usually something guys do.
Investing before any real interaction is a definite path to the friends zone.
6. Closing The Deal.
Most people end up far too deep in the friends zone because they fail to make an appropriate move at the right time.
When there was a right amount of sexual tension or their interest was peaked enough – did you fail to make an appropriate physical move?
If that happened you are definitely in the friends zone.
This can included holding hands, hugging, kissing, putting your arm around someone, touching their face sensually or just about anything you don’t normally do with just a close friend.
Timing is very important.
For most guys they miss the clues or fail to act because their scared and she pulls back thinking she did something wrong or doesn’t believe he’s interested in more.
For most women they fail to give the appropriate clues and actually stop themselves from getting in a situation where something could happen which makes it extremely difficult for a guy to advance physically.
This was never intended be a normal test where you get graded but I do believe if you go through these steps and ask yourself honestly what happened you can easily figure out if you are in the friends zone or not.
I have yet to devise a method to get a woman out of the friends zone but I do suggest you stop by Why Do Guys…? for answers and a better understanding of men. This understanding can in the very least, keep you out the next time you meet a guy you like and it’s all written by me.
For you guys – I have more than you could ever imagine to stop, eliminate, and eventually escape the friends zone.
When it comes to “turning a friend into a girlfriend” I NEVER make hard promises but this guy does –> Friends Into Lovers Hope it works out for you. He does have some great ideas and concepts which work extremely well with women you’re already friends with.
*Don’t forget my steps which are located here –> Eliminate The Friends Zone