Guys – Are You Frustrated with Your Online Dating Experience? No Messages from Women?

I have not talked much about Online Dating and since a reader mentioned his frustration with the internet dating scene, I’m going to show you the strategy I have personally used which has worked with amazing results.

The will take several posts. You will have to stop back for the complete series. But I feel by the time you’re done going through each section you’ll know exactly how I have achieved my success in online dating including alternative approaches. I will also show you the best programs you can buy to further your education. Where you take my lead is entire up to you.

This is your first lesson. An overview of what you must have to succeed dating online.

First of all I must mention the reader’s frustration he has experienced because I believe lots of other guys feel the same way.

We put up a profile and it can feel like we’re being no differently than if a woman is window shopping for us. We turn to online dating but we feel helpless. We  spend a few hours perfecting our profiles but in the end we get the sense a woman will only look at our picture and barely read our profile.

It’s like the sexual roles are reversed. We’re now just a  piece of meat and she will choose only the best. We’re either Grade A or the NEXT button. Which is all too easily clicked.

Add to that when we DO receive a message it’s usually a women who struggles with men. In other words she’s normally not someone we would even consider dating. So we end up treating her like we’re being treated. Quickly delete. Next please.

I hear your frustration. I’ve been there myself. I’ve checked my mail fifteen times an hour hoping a woman will message me, only to be let down and pissed off. I like you was also thinking, “Great!! Another dumb dating site is using my money so only women can find the dates they want. They were not designed to help an average nice guy.”

If you want to succeed as I have done you must stop thinking this way.

I’ve learned that this type of thinking is negative. It will limits your choices and in no way will positively affect your success online. In other words it does more damage than good. If you’re ready to move on and get over it, you must get rid of your negative attitude towards online dating. Sure on the surface your arguments might make sense but since it won’t change a thing put it aside and start with a clean fresh optimistic attitude.

Now let’s get started.

First.  You must understand (or assume) about online dating is:

Your profile will never be read or seen by any women you want to date UNLESS you message her first.

The second thing you must understand is… Online dating can work for you if you stay positive, have a life outside the internet, know how to talk “to” women, and know how to talk “with” women.

If you do not fulfill the requirements I have listed above, you’re more than likely going to continually fail with women on the internet. Whether it’s a social site or a paid dating service.

You must take the lead and contact her first and if she likes what she read or is curious she will then look at your picture and read your profile.

Having a positive mindset insures you’ll message many women without worrying which one responds. Sometimes you won’t even bother checking her out again. You won’t spend any of your valuable time wondering WHY she didn’t respond. Sure you can re-read your message because who knows, maybe you came off like an ass. Maybe a simple proofread later on will point out an obvious mistake you didn’t see the first time. It happens.

Having a life outside the internet puts you in charge of where to take things after first contact.

It allows you to not put emphasis on the date being this incredible experience you may not be up to giving. Incredible connections happen on dates when you and her get lost in the moments together. You can prepare but you can’t make it happen every time. For one reason you don’t know her that well and you may not be into her, and the second reason is – Preparation allows those connections to happen naturally but it in no way guarantees it will happen.

You’re going to have some horror stories. Every man or woman who has tried online dating to a certain degree has them. I can not tell you to enjoy them but I can tell you what great stories you’ll have from those experiences. And please, waste no experience in your life and you’ll be much happier one way or another.

You absolutely must know HOW TO TALK WITH WOMEN.

Yes I used “with” because there are two parts.

You also must know HOW TO TALK “TO” WOMEN.

I’ll explain. Talking WITH women is your basic conversational skills, moving it along, flirting, teasing, and it means not all of a sudden finding you’re out of words and don’t know what to say next. Talking with women is easier and more effective when you’re not trying to steer the conversation. You let it happen naturally just like you would any other person you’re not interested in dating.

Talking TO women goes beyond your conversational skills. This is where a woman says to herself, “Wow. This guy gets it.” In a way this is you creating and amplifying attraction but more importantly when you’re approaching women, even online, you want to speak to her feminine side and ignite her passion.

Done right this passion will be directed your way. I’m telling you this because without this skill talking to women will always feel like work. And like anything else in life, working harder does not always get results. It’s no different online.

Here’s an easy way to detect if you know how to talk TO women…if it feels like work you’re doing something wrong.

Yes. It’s as simple as that.

The worse part of this problem too may nice guys have is women will let you work your ass off trying to impress her. No she’s not thinking I’m going to make him work his ass for me. She will just not feel much attraction towards you or will stop messaging you altogether. If you don’t believe me think about this. How many women have told you half way through a conversation,

“Stop trying so hard. I already like you.”

That’s movie fantasy and not real life.

I’m telling you this for your own good because I don’t want you to get stuck on one woman thinking she giving you a green light so to speak, when it fact her stop sign went up quickly after your first message.

Again. Assume this.

If it is feeling like work, it’s not working for her. Either change your approach quickly or move on before you get stuck trying to make her like you.

I’ve covered a few important areas to succeed dating online and I will list them again with a few more tips you will find very useful:

• Always maintain positive attitude. Women are members of online sites because they are looking for dates.
• Don’t get stuck on one woman. This includes spending way too much time thinking about your first message.
• Don’t expect to be contacted. Make first contact yourself. If you can not lead yourself to do this, how will any women see you as a leader.
• Understand the important difference between talking “TO” women and talking “WITH” women. This will help you on the date and for the rest of your life. Single or not.
• If she opens your message and is curious she will then “inspect” who you are. She will read through the lines of words and attempt to see past your exterior self. This is where she’s deciding to write you back.
• Online dating is not an alternative lifestyle to the real world. It is merely another avenue to explore more options. That’s it. Put your entire dating life on internet dating only and you will make it that much harder for yourself and I don’t want that to happen to you.
• If at any time you feel you have to work for her attention, it’s not working for her. Change what you’re doing quickly or move on.
• The internet is just a microcosm of the real world sometimes. Women are not going to tell you what you’re doing wrong. If things are not progressing forward she’s probably not interested or you’re not leading it positively and effectively. It happens. This includes responding to your first message and continuing to talk after a second message.

This concludes your first lesson.  Stay positive, stop back soon, and I promise to do what I can to get you more enjoyable online dating experiences.

I’ve covered a very basic framework and no, it won’t magically wipe out your frustrations with women, but I feel it clarifies some issues men have which are very important.

I’ve dispelled some myths I used to cling to in hopes you’ll gain a fresh new, optimistic attitude, and yes that alone, can increase your success.

See you next time.

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Photo Credits:

Image: Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Tagged as: contact, conversation, Dating, experience, frustrated, frustration, Internet, message, online, success, talk