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He Stares and Flirts at Work But The Next Day, Won’t Say A Word – Is He Interested?

in For Women
Flirting at work can be a risky fun thing but does it mean he really likes you?

I am confused about a guy. He stares at me, then talks sweetly to me, then the next week he flirts with me. He blushes when he talks to me then the next day he does not talk to me at all. What does this mean? This has been going on for a month and is driving me crazy. Is he interested or just playing around? How do I respond? Why the disinterest the following day? All this is going on at work.

I absolutely LOVE this question. It sounds like he is having a sordid love affair with you – INSIDE HIS HEAD. :)

And I would not have known that so confidently if I had not been there myself… More than once.

There’s an easy way to get a man to “show” you his hand.

Introduce, stimulate, or trigger attraction.

The fact that he is blushing means he IS feeling highly attracted to you but probably lacks the necessary experience in this area or at work. This means he knows what to do but he can not get himself to do it. Perhaps it’s a fear of rejection, a little failure, and the curse of public rejection.

Can I tell you a little secret?

When I began to learn all this stuff I would flirt with a girl a little but then felt compelled to stay away from her. In the past I would have hung around like a playful little puppy and since that NEVER worked I needed to do something different.

I wanted her to miss me.

I wanted to show her I could give her space.

I wanted her to believe I had a life outside of her and women in general.

I also wanted to play it “cool” in every way possible.

So if you have yourself a “freshmen” who is still learning all this fun stuff, then like me, he could be doing it on purpose. That I will NEVER deny.

However…

The fact he is blushing and then pulling back tells me he feels guilty for flirting with you. Like maybe he crossed a line with you because you’re at work. Some guys even feel guilty crossing that proverbial line outside work so keep your eyes out for them.

But most of all… and this is something almost every guy does:

He’s kicking himself in the ass for not following through with the flirting by asking you out.

This is where knowing what to do next comes in handy but this is also where so many guys like your co-worker fail to act. Once it’s done once or twice the pressure builds and builds along with the fear beginning to grow, making it impossible for him to finally step up and just ask you out.

Your man has done this for about a month now and since you’re left wondering and confused of his intentions, he’s more than likely afraid his intentions will be less than “honorable” or at the same time he is even more curious about how you feel about him.

Many men think this way…

Okay I’m talking with her and I flirted. I think she flirted back. That MUST mean she likes me. But I’m just not sure!!! I know. I’ll test her with the only way I know how. If she comes to me the next day she must like me.

If you don’t come to him after (like the next day) and start flirting with him he becomes more confused because he figures now – if you liked it, you’d have to come back for more.

Yet, he can not help himself. He NEEDS to come back for more or your “goodness”. Just in case you changed your mind. Men will often find every reason to believe there is always hope.

What this type of guy is really doing is waiting for YOU to take that next step. There are several reasons why which goes beyond attraction. For example – in a workplace environment us guys can get ourselves in trouble asking women out because of sexual harassment BUT if she asks then we know she’s cool with the whole situation.

Now…

Is he interested in you?

There a 99% chance he is interested in you. :D ( This does not mean he will instantly say yes to your advancement. There’s much more going on in most circumstances. )

Is he playing around with you?

I can tell you “players” are good at what they do. If he’s playing you, a date would have already happened unless he’s that deep of a player. Remember, players know the steps to seducing a woman and they know how to do it well.

How do you respond?

That depends on what you want.

If you’re looking for a man who knows and understands the steps of “courtship” and is able to take action then don’t respond at all. Slip him DiaLTeG TM with a helpful wink and a very cute smile.

If you feel strongly about him and you’re willing to risk a date with him because he’s got so many other things going on for him, then you’ll have to either go to him directly on the day he ignores, and demand he take you someplace where you both can forget about work and swap some interesting stories. You’ll want to build to that moment by doing what works for both of you.

Put bluntly – you’re going to have to take the lead and hope he follows. If he doesn’t, please don’t take it personal.

There are too many reasons why men turn down dates at work. There’s a lot more at risk than just rejection.

For more information on guys please visit my absolutely free and “for women only”  Why Do Guys…?  I believe you’ll find it extremely helpful on understanding men and I answer lots of question directly on subject similar to this and more.

Peter White - DiaLteG TM

Peter White. Intelligent ideas with a simple goal… Turn you into a more attractive man with my Nice Guys Approach to Attraction. You can also visit The Approach… Dedicated to Meeting and Approaching the opposite sex. Please visit my Facebook “Fan” Page. Lastly… Introducing for women only, Why Do Guys…?. Thank you for everything and the best of luck to you.

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27 comments… add one

  • Divy

    This is EXACTLY what’s happening to me. It seems like the guy she’s referring to, is ME!

    Everything in this article is right but there’s something missing and here’s why I pull away the day after she flirts.

    When there was very little attraction, I was in control of my own decorum. I could be as charming as I wanted to be. But once the attraction got out of control, I needed to stay calm. I’ve made mistakes in the past where I confess my feelings way too soon and creep her out. I wanted to avoid that with this girl at all costs.

    Every time my feelings get too strong, I’m afraid of my own behavior. I’m afraid that instead of behaving like a persistent man, I’d end up behaving like an adamant child.

    Believe me, ignoring or taking those break days isn’t fun for me at all. I have no intention of “testing” her feelings. I do want to do it sometimes, but all of those attempts fall flat. I give in to temptation and end up breaking the communication gap with a desperate sounding text message which reads something like “Hey”, “How was your day” or “What are you doing”.

  • Krissy

    This was SOO helpful to read!. Ive been in this for (I know lol) a year. We get along great, work well together, flirt but he always pulls away. One week he will be the “perfect man” then the next hes a total you-know-what and talks vaguely about a barista that asked him out and asks if im jealous. On any other planet the guy would have asked me out by his behaviour, the conversations, chemistry ect. What am I missing? Am I just a fix he can get emotional support from at work?

    • Hi Krissy,

      It just sounds like he’s trying to have fun at work and is not putting any outside value to the connection. Most likely he doesn’t or isn’t interested in dating someone from work and that is why you two haven’t gone out.

      It’s “Planet Work” and whereas flirting is possible, dating may not be, and since there’s no connection outside the confides of your planet – it could easily have him acting the way he does.

      That would explain his on and off attitude towards you. Unless he’s really just that type of guy. You would know that better than me.

      And yes, in a way, he’s getting the emotional support, he’s teasing you, having fun with you, but again since it’s a work arrangement he might not feel pressured to think it’s anymore than just that.

      Glad my article was helpful to you and I do hope my answer helped you out a little too,

      Pete

  • Karen Turi

    Hello Pete,

    I have this exact situation except for the fact that he cannot bring himself to have a “normal” conversation with me. He is awkward and nervous and “lost for words”when I approach him. Its been all non-verbal body language for 9 months(!!) Which means alot of very intense ,steamy ,extended eyecontact , almost constantly(I see him 3 times a week), winking and smiling/blushing and auto-caressing on his part, then he goes back to ice cold a week later.. Up n’ down like this on a weekly basis,its driving me insane! But one element that I have to mention in terms of the context (and this could be the issue) is that he is the director of a sports facility where I take my two kids (adolescent). I am intensely attracted to him,possibly infatuated, I am embaressed to admit but I am getting very tired of the absence of conversation, so have resorted to ignoring him on occasions, which perhaps is not the best tactic but a gal can only put up with so much…. Thanks.

  • Annabelle

    I’m going through the exact same thing! The guy I’m pretty sure likes me always touches me, or finds reasons to. For example, we are in university and have a class together. Occasionally he would tap on my knee during lecture, give me a back rub and finally pulled my chin up when I was looking down. Believe me, I loved every minute of it and took it as a clear sign he was interested. We would talk all the time in class too and have worked together in a group project for a while so we all exchanged phone numbers. I texted him in the beginning of us talking and he didn’t respond until a while later and when he saw he he actually apologized for it. I texted him about something not related to class and he totally ignored me and didn’t text back. I asked him about it (not why he didn’t text back but about the topic of the text) and he completely blew me off and it made me feel rather stupid for texting him in the first place. He doesn’t sit near me in class anymore (its only been a week and we have class twice a week) but it seems as he is being immature. Were both in our 20s for god sakes, why can’t he just stop playing mind games? Do you have any advice for me? I want him to pursue me because I have a bad track record for attempting to pursue men.

    Thanks!

    • Hello Annabelle,

      If he’s acting immature, if you believe he’s playing a game – why would you want a guy like that to chase you?

      He acts all touchy-feely with you but as soon as you try to take it out of the classroom he bails. That is a clear sign something else is going on which both of us are clueless about.

      My best guess is that he’s gay and didn’t want to lead you on. :)

      Seriously though – something caused him to pull back and immediately stop his interactions with you. I realize you want a guy to pursue you but this guy who proven to you it’s not him. If you get too wrapped up in it all and continue to dwell on it – I feel you’ll end up back to where you were before.. As you mentioned… Chasing a guy just because they showed some interest.

      This post is mainly directed to men but I feel you’ll find the opening paragraphs very helpful so I’d give it a quick read.

      http://www.dialteg.com/experts/scot-mckay/chooses-chases-men-women/

      Hopefully it will shed some light on your “chasing” issues.

      Now – again – if a guy is making you feel stupid, if you believe he’s lead you on, if you believe he’s NOT doing anything reasonable like acting mature by owning up to his actions, AND it feels like he’s playing mind games…

      That’s what you’re going to get and ask yourself if you really want a guy who acts that way? Is he really worth your time? Delete his number, focus on getting your life in order so no one is chasing and use this experience as a turning point. A marker to look back at as a reminder of what you don’t want.

      You’re in your 20’s which is a great age to explore every available option and to create more opportunities to gain some invaluable experiences.

      All the best to you Annabelle,

      Pete

  • Jan

    Hi Pete,
    I’m currently in a similar dilemma. I am in my teenage years and I like a guy I met in an international competition a year ago, and we still talk via text message. (We have a Long Distance Friendship)

    We started out as friends at first, and that was because he suggested a PC Game to me and offered to teach me. Anyway, he insisted to voice call on Skype every time we gamed together. We spoke mostly through text message though, and he got friendlier everyday until he started flirting.

    I let him flirt, of course, and didn’t reject them (but neither did i reciprocate).

    However, he suddenly stopped flirting and the way he replied me changed. After that he went silent, and only approached me about a new game he’s been playing. This really confused me. What are his feelings, exactly?

    Thanks :)

    • Hi Jan,

      Sounds like he just gave up. You don’t have to reject a guy blatantly for him to feel rejected.

      If you don’t flirt back eventually he’ll assume you’re not interested. If he feels real rejected he’ll go quiet, change his approach, and even sometimes slither away thinking he’s now too deep in the friends zone to ever get out.

      Hope that helps you out Jan,

      Pete

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