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He Stares and Flirts at Work But The Next Day, Won’t Say A Word – Is He Interested?

in For Women Only
Flirting at work can be a risky fun thing but does it mean he really likes you?

I am confused about a guy. He stares at me, then talks sweetly to me, then the next week he flirts with me. He blushes when he talks to me then the next day he does not talk to me at all. What does this mean? This has been going on for a month and is driving me crazy. Is he interested or just playing around? How do I respond? Why the disinterest the following day? All this is going on at work.

I absolutely LOVE this question. It sounds like he is having a sordid love affair with you – INSIDE HIS HEAD. :)

And I would not have known that so confidently if I had not been there myself… More than once.

There’s an easy way to get a man to “show” you his hand.

Introduce, stimulate, or trigger attraction.

The fact that he is blushing means he IS feeling highly attracted to you but probably lacks the necessary experience in this area or at work. This means he knows what to do but he can not get himself to do it. Perhaps it’s a fear of rejection, a little failure, and the curse of public rejection.

Can I tell you a little secret?

When I began to learn all this stuff I would flirt with a girl a little but then felt compelled to stay away from her. In the past I would have hung around like a playful little puppy and since that NEVER worked I needed to do something different.

I wanted her to miss me.

I wanted to show her I could give her space.

I wanted her to believe I had a life outside of her and women in general.

I also wanted to play it “cool” in every way possible.

So if you have yourself a “freshmen” who is still learning all this fun stuff, then like me, he could be doing it on purpose. That I will NEVER deny.

However…

The fact he is blushing and then pulling back tells me he feels guilty for flirting with you. Like maybe he crossed a line with you because you’re at work. Some guys even feel guilty crossing that proverbial line outside work so keep your eyes out for them.

But most of all… and this is something almost every guy does:

He’s kicking himself in the ass for not following through with the flirting by asking you out.

This is where knowing what to do next comes in handy but this is also where so many guys like your co-worker fail to act. Once it’s done once or twice the pressure builds and builds along with the fear beginning to grow, making it impossible for him to finally step up and just ask you out.

Your man has done this for about a month now and since you’re left wondering and confused of his intentions, he’s more than likely afraid his intentions will be less than “honorable” or at the same time he is even more curious about how you feel about him.

Many men think this way…

Okay I’m talking with her and I flirted. I think she flirted back. That MUST mean she likes me. But I’m just not sure!!! I know. I’ll test her with the only way I know how. If she comes to me the next day she must like me.

If you don’t come to him after (like the next day) and start flirting with him he becomes more confused because he figures now – if you liked it, you’d have to come back for more.

Yet, he can not help himself. He NEEDS to come back for more or your “goodness”. Just in case you changed your mind. Men will often find every reason to believe there is always hope.

What this type of guy is really doing is waiting for YOU to take that next step. There are several reasons why which goes beyond attraction. For example – in a workplace environment us guys can get ourselves in trouble asking women out because of sexual harassment BUT if she asks then we know she’s cool with the whole situation.

Now…

Is he interested in you?

There a 99% chance he is interested in you. :D ( This does not mean he will instantly say yes to your advancement. There’s much more going on in most circumstances. )

Is he playing around with you?

I can tell you “players” are good at what they do. If he’s playing you, a date would have already happened unless he’s that deep of a player. Remember, players know the steps to seducing a woman and they know how to do it well.

How do you respond?

That depends on what you want.

If you’re looking for a man who knows and understands the steps of “courtship” and is able to take action then don’t respond at all. Slip him DiaLTeG TM with a helpful wink and a very cute smile.

If you feel strongly about him and you’re willing to risk a date with him because he’s got so many other things going on for him, then you’ll have to either go to him directly on the day he ignores, and demand he take you someplace where you both can forget about work and swap some interesting stories. You’ll want to build to that moment by doing what works for both of you.

Put bluntly – you’re going to have to take the lead and hope he follows. If he doesn’t, please don’t take it personal.

There are too many reasons why men turn down dates at work. There’s a lot more at risk than just rejection.

For more information on guys please visit my absolutely free and “for women only”  Why Do Guys…?  I believe you’ll find it extremely helpful on understanding men and I answer lots of question directly on subject similar to this and more.

Peter White - DiaLteG TM

Peter White. Intelligent ideas with a simple goal… Turn you into a more attractive man with my Nice Guys Approach to Attraction. The Approach… Dedicated to Meeting and Approaching the opposite sex. The Approach – For random updates please visit my Facebook “Fan” Page Join Me on Facebook – DialteG tm And not lastly… Introducing, for women only, Why Do Guys…? ;) Thank you for everything and all your support.

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19 comments… add one

  • Sandy Ram

    Hi,

    I would like some advice.

    Similar to the woman’s situation above, there is a younger man at work who seems to be interested in me. It started when we met at an event (we did not know each other, never were introduced). He kept staring at me intensely from a distance until we found ourselves walking toward each other and smiled. We met again at our workplace. There is always intense staring on his part. He stares into my eyes and looks at my figure. Since the event where we first “met”, we have started saying hi to each other. Sometimes, I don’t know he’s in the room, and he’ll just pop up, stare, come around, check me out, etc. He will smile from ear to ear (not always), ask how I am and all that. In the last few months, he has approached me a few times and called me beautiful. There are days he will stare so intensely into my eyes or call to me from a distance (we don’t know each other’s names, so, he might say, “pssst” or “hey, hey, hey”). In fact just last week, he blew me a kiss. All this is very nice. We seem to have a sort of connection, however, there are times when he’ll ignore me. Not in front of his friends, surprisingly – he’s himself in front of them; however, when his “girl” friends, are around, he will ignore me. Also, for example, last week, about 20 minutes or so after he blew me the kiss, we met again in the hallway and he just passed right by, not even looking my way. I was baffled. He has done this a few times now. For me, it is very hard as I can’t figure him out. One moment, he seems to be elated to see me and the next it’s as if he doesn’t know me. It has come up that I am supposed to teach him a language (long story). He has mentioned this a couple of times to me and I have not yet set a date/time for our lesson. I have been hesitant, not sure why. I thought you should know this. I know there is a possibility that he may have a girlfriend, or at least someone he may be interested in, however, just last week, he showed up in the room she and I were in, and he went to sit with her but he couldn’t keep his eyes off me and a few minutes after our locking eyes on and off (I do flirt back), he got up, walked past my table, blew me the kiss, said hi and asked how I was. I am so caught up in this guy. I am really attracted to him. At the same time, I’m worried that he’s playing me.

    What can you tell me?

    Thanks for your time…

    • Sandy, Sandy, Sandy…

      I’m curious. Why haven’t you made a genuine effort to approach him and get things moving? Are you more attracted to the mystery or are you waiting for him to do something about his “come-ons.” Which to me it seems he’s (kind of) using you to boost his ego but that’s for another time. I can’t possibly reveal everything about us. ;)

      He is obviously physically attracted to you. He probably ignores you because in his past he’s found it’s just best to not show too much interest. Especially when he’s around other women who he could use to boost his image. His guy friends will admire him for his long distant flirting.

      What you have here is a lot of possibilities and I’m sure it’s part of the attraction. You have a ton of mystery surrounding him and that too, is also part of the attraction you’re feeling. Perhaps you being hesitant is the part of you who doesn’t want to burst that bubble because it could all fizzle out and leave you in an awkward situation.

      Well…

      You could wait. See if he does something real instead of playing his little “mind” games with you.

      You could call him out one day and, “You know. I think you’re girlfriend is jealous of me. :)

      You could just plain outright start ignoring him telling him this game has to stop. To do something or leave you alone.

      I see nothing too “unusual” going on here. You’re both playing into the flirty attraction roles. You are both obviously into each other enough to do all this.

      If you’re worried he’s playing you all you can do is make sure your impulses don’t let you get swept away in the moment.

      Then think about what you want or how you define playing. Are you thinking maybe long-term so playing you would be just another guy trying to get in your pants?

      Or is this “playing” him just being a tease with no real intentions of making something more about it?

      I see a stand off. Like an old western film both are waiting for the first move. Both of you have your finger on the trigger waiting for the other to blink so you can get your shot off.

      And until that happens there’s always going to be doubt but you know there’s always going to be attraction too so if you stick to your guns – failure or being played can never happen.

      Based on what you’ve told me, that is how I see it. Everything in the middle is just fluff and perhaps you’re reading way too much into it.

      Honestly the only way to get it all figured out is if one of you pull the trigger and make some sort of move.

      I suggest you read something I wrote at “Why do guys?” It’s a new site I’ve just recently started.

      Why Do Some Men Like You One Time, Then Pretend They Barely Know You?

      Please by all means if you have anything more to say or questions, post them up and keep me informed. I love to hear it all.

      Thanks for writing Sandy.

      Pete

  • Alicia

    I need some advice: I asked this guy out at work. He had been staring at me and striking up little conversations giving me the impression he was interested.The asking out didn’t go well-he stuttered, tripped over his words barely making any sense and then took off with no answer to my question . He came back to speak with me later in the day but he was still in the same state as before. He did tell me he was single but again have me no answer to going out. Several days later, to save face, I apologized to him stating that i just ‘ got a little crazy’. This was months ago and since then he makes a point of talking to me , asking me what I’m doing on weekends , etc. He stares at me pretty obviously. What is going on in this guys head? He is 29. Thanks

    • peter white

      Hello Alicia,

      You know I’m probably not going to tell you what your intuition is already guessing…

      Some people are not confident in social situations. Their anxiety takes over and causes their minds to literally shut down. And that’s just under normal circumstances.

      Imagine what it’s like when you add the emotion of attraction to the mix. And when you’re not nervous but he is, it amplifies the anxiety. This male-female friction can be so overwhelming for some men it makes it impossible to function coherently.

      But this is where your intuition can give you amazing insight. It told you he was giving the impression he is interested. It led you to notice he has been staring at you. It even brought you to “apologize” for asking him out because your nurturing ability was trying to make him feel at ease the only way it might know how.

      And it’s going to help you connect with him.

      I’m guessing, because you haven’t asked me out yet, that you still want to date this man. That’s really cool. Most shy men should be lucky enough to run into a woman who is willing to make those first steps.

      I’ve found shy guys tend to need a safety net, real or not. They need to feel comfortable to escape any situation they’re in. They often revert to shutting off by distracting themselves in those tense situations where the levels of discomfort are too much to handle.

      Asking him to go out with you might not be enough. Create an easy escape plan for him. Find out by skillfully asking him what he likes to do. Find out where his comfort level is and do your best to meet him there.

      You can also get his email address or texting number. He’ll feel safer by advancing from afar at first. Most shy guys I know live for internet chat. It almost feels anonymous and they can easily shut it down when it gets too tense.

      When you begin to open him up your intuition will help you break down a touch barrier. When things are going tough for him, make sure you casually and lightly touch him. Use your body language to let him know you’re not going anywhere just because he’s feeling anxious.

      Of course I’m happy to help you out some more, you just have to ask.

      Keep in mind men harbor feelings for a very long time so don’t let his little “run away” scare you into believing it’s not possible to get him out on a date. I wouldn’t suggest you send him here, :) he might not take that so well…

      Let me know how things work out and by the way…

      Do you always ask guys out or do you tend to stay away from men who chase you so you select men who are not trying to pick you up?

      Thanks for writing Alicia,

      Pete

  • Alicia

    Thanks for the response Pete. I don’t get asked out often- not unless they are friends with a friend or something like that. If I do get asked out its usually by a man who has a girlfriend or is someone I’m not interested in.

    Sadly I am lacking on the ” skills” department . I’m not a very good flirt and have a hard time subtly conveying my feelings. I’m either shy or direct- never a middle ground.

    • peter white

      You’re welcome Alicia.

      Hey, nothing wrong with friends of friends. ( As long as you like your friends, :) ) There also must be a reason those “might-be cheating men” are willing to risk their relationship with you.

      Let me tell you a little secret about men – you don’t have to be an amazing flirt, you just have to make him believe you’re flirting with him. From there he’ll more than likely fill in the blanks or assume you’re flirting with him anyways. Sometimes it can be a coy smile. A tap on the arm. Carefully accusing him of “trying” to flirt with you.

      I believe the “better” men will make all that creating chemistry very easy on you.

      I feel there’s also nothing wrong with the direct method. Except the next time, take a second to think about what you’re going to say and turn it around on him. Instead of, “Let’s go out.” or “Would you like to do something together?” try:

      “So… where are we meeting again?”(light tap on the arm and smug smile) or “Okay enough of the games already… you like me. I’m okay with it. Haha!” (another cute smile – maybe flip your hair then turn away from him.)

      Two quick tips whether you want them or not… :D

      1. Use your shyness to your advantage. To men a confident shy woman is a huge turn on.

      2. Your “direct approach” skill is a major advantage in getting things done confidently. Don’t ever give that one up.

      -Pete

  • Alicia

    Great advice! Thanks Pete :-)

  • Cynthia

    Hi,

    I was wondering if you could help me. Have a confusing situation with a male coworker. I am very attracted to him, and he has shown a few signs that he might like me but then he ignores me. We have smiled at each other across the room, he always smiles a toothy smile and holds eye contact, speaks to me softly, uses my name all the time, tries to be extra helpful, always lingering around my desk but mainly just talks about work, he does mirror my actions and gestures a lot. Sometimes seems shy and can’t make eye contact. Then all of a sudden he will just ignore me not even say hi, but still linger around me. I’m getting tired of the mixed signals. Is he playing a game with me and am I just an ego boost (again!)

  • Leslie

    I am curious. Had a male coworker who was doing and saying all the right things to me…looking intently into my eyes, remembering details of our conversations, leaning in to show me things on his phone at inappropriate times or when I was talking to others and generally taking the initiative as far emails and phone calls. However, I feel like maybe he was just using me for an ego boost simply because he has not initiated anything further. It wouldn’t matter except that I find myself oddly drawn to him. Not at first but now, long after the fact. I look at photos we took together and it seems like there was something there… We are no longer coworkers as I left the firm. This flirting dance is a bit too complex for me I’m afraid. If I missed out on a wonderful experience then I guess it was never meant to be…. Just wish I knew what his real feelings or intentions were.

    • peter white

      Hey Leslie,

      From what you wrote I would have to say you already knew how he felt about you.

      BUT… you must consider the fact that way too many men – more particularly in a work environment – are confused on how to take things to a next level. This could have nothing to do with you at all or how deeply he feels.

      First – you have the work thing getting in the way, and then you might have a guy who’s unsure of how you’re feeling and doesn’t want to risk rejection (especially with a woman he has to work with) AND you might also find some men are just not very good at all at advancing with a woman.

      You wrote that he was taking the initiative through emails and phone calls, that was probably his way of advancement or “testing the waters” and since you “Not at first but now, long after the fact” started to feel more he probably just took it as it was. You were not feeling it back at that time.

      Yes, looking back and wondering if you missed something is probably going to make you feel worse.

      So I would say, now that things have changed and time has passed, there should be nothing stopping you from reaching out, finding him again, and starting something new. As long as you refrain from asking him how he felt back then because I would advise against doing that.

      Go for it Leslie. You could effectively turn a past regret into a wonderful new experience.

      Pete

  • Sophie

    Hi I am also confused with a man in work. It started as us both catching each other’s eyes across the room where we work, then last week I looked up to find him gazing at me about a meter away away and I couldn’t look anywhere else, he has this playful look on and I couldn’t help but respond equally. It lasted what felt like ages, probably 7-8 seconds.
    He handed me an item and he hits it hard in my hand and gives me a playful smile.
    And where I’ve been with my friends talking his whole body is facing me as he is in conversation with someone else and couldn’t take his eyes off me.
    He is much older than me I am 21 and he’s about 35. I am so attracted to him and want to let him no. I have some speculation he’s married although it hasn’t been mentioned and he doesn’t have a ring on or mark, but that could be to the type of work we are in. I only speculate as he drives 3 hours after work to go home and has been doing so for about 8 years?

    We’ll the last two days he came in and completely ignored me, no eye contact and we work very closely. Then later in the day he asked one of the other people (as there was 3 of us) to have a coffee so it was me and him, he then started talking He did try and hold eye contact twice but both times I looked away as he had been ignoring me. He was teaching me as I said I had been told I was doing it wrong , so he said to tell him who had told me off and he will talk to them. He did try and say a joke but I didn’t know how to respond so was quite.
    His friend even brought him up and said we should do a dancing competition together out of the blue. And said he’s ‘naughty’, I’m not sure why and when I asked why he said if I asked him he’s sure he would tell me?

    I can’t tell wether this man is interested in me or not, and if so I want to let him no.

    • peter white

      Hi Sophie,

      I wouldn’t worry about the ignoring thing. You just never know what kind of day he’s been having. It could be anything from a lack of sleep to family problems, to even something simple like a bad meal the night before.

      It could have even been because he was struggling to come up with a way of telling you “other” people were saying you were doing something wrong. Try not to take things like too personal because you’ll only drive yourself mad trying to figure it all out.

      I’ll be honest – I can’t tell by what you’ve told me that he is interested in you or not but, The guy in me believes… you’re young, attractive, he’s single and looking at you playfully and you’re finding he can’t take his eyes off of you…. tells me he is attracted to you. He likes what he sees.

      Now I wouldn’t use that as an excuse to tell him how you feel. It’s best to show a guy instead. It’s best to let things develop naturally rather than just blurting your attraction out. Not that something like that won’t work but I feel when the attraction is in the opening stage things should remain light and flirty. (If you want to bring out a guys “naughty” side you have to almost make it feel like to him that you can be naughty. That you know how to tease it out of him. That you’re off limits to his advances but in a teasingly kind of way.)

      I know it sounds cliche but it does work.

      I would assume he’s interested in you because you’re an interesting woman. I would assume he’s attracted to you because you’re an attractive woman. I would assume he’s checking you out by gazing at you because you’re worth gazing at and fantasizing about.

      Your confusion can only come from being confused about your abilities with the opposite sex. Of course it’s impossible to have every guy leering at you no matter how you feel about yourself but that becomes their preference which is something beyond your control.

      If he is in fact is a “naughty” guy and you show him he’s being naughty by flirting with you – even with just his eyes – by using the feminine charm you’re born with – then if it’s appropriate AND he’s interested you have nothing to be confused about and you have no reason to just blurt out your attraction for him….

      The right guy or a real confident in his abilities with women will instinctively know what to do.

      Hope that helps you Sophie and doesn’t get you in too much trouble at work ;)

      Pete

  • Penny

    I’m really confused about this guy that I like. We used sit right next to each other in class, and he would flirt with me all the time. We ended up having to switch seats and he said to me “I hope we sit by each other.” And I agreed! Then once we had changed seats I looked over at him and caught him staring. He smiled and shyly looked away. Then he asked me if I wanted to go to the back to work on our assignment with him, so I did. He asked me for my number and everything. But then, the next day, I saw him in the hallway and tried to make friendly conversation and It seemed like he did not want to talk to me at all. He was walking away while I was trying to talk to him. So I ended the conversation and went on with my day. But when I was walking out to my car, he was waking behind me. Usually he tries to slow down or catch up with me (depending on who’s in front) so that we can walk together. But he didn’t do that at all! He wouldn’t even make eye contact with me! But I posted a picture on Instagram which he liked and commented on. But the thing is that even though I gave him my number, he still hadn’t texted me. So, it seems from his comment he wants to talk to me. But he won’t text me at all. And I didn’t ask for his number so that he would have to be the one to text. But I’m just confused about what he’s doing. He gave me a lot of attention and then ignored me. Did I do something? Am I making him feel uncomfortable? Help!!

    • peter white

      Hello Penny,

      The only thing you I believe you did wrong was not exchanging phone numbers with him. Your reason was “so that he would be the one to text.” I’m not sure why you would do that except that you might feel he could never like you “that way” and so you left it at, “Well if he texts me then I know he likes me…”

      I must say, with a guy like this, acting indifferent or distant at times, but then giving hints he’s interested including getting your phone number or wanting to sit next to you – he just sounds a little flaky AND it sounds like he has other women in his life. Some guys have lots of phone numbers or get lots of numbers that they intend to call or text but never do.

      He might even be waiting for you to ask him or tell him to get in touch with you. Some guys are like that. Some need to be reminded that have your number. And this is important…

      Some of them need to understand any games being played will not work. They need to be shown you’re not contemplating their every move. They need to feel like they have to work for your attention and more.

      If he’s not feeling that and you’re not giving him any reason to get in touch with you then you’re bound to suffer through all his flaky moves wondering what’s going on.

      However – It’s been my experience some guys wait on their numbers because of a stupid rule of not contacting her too quickly because it makes them look desperate or needy. Whether this one is doing it on purpose or it’s just who he is, is very hard for me to say right now. I just wanted you to get the complete picture of everything and not just one simple answer you can run with which could be entirely off base.

      So one more thing – you don’t have to let your confusion get the best of you. My best advice would be, when a guy starts acting like this AND you’re not being overly needy or overbearing AND you’re exploring other options at the same time, is to first not be concerned if you did something wrong when it appears you didn’t. Two – don’t take it personal when it feels like you’re being ignored. Most of the time guys are just guys and if they have a lot going on tend be a little sketchy at times.

      And three – don’t sit around wondering why he isn’t contacting you. At some point you must say to yourself, “His loss!” and be done with him. You don’t have to confront him but you must make sure when a guy crosses a certain line of unpredictability or seems like he’s playing a game to be strong enough to understand he had his chance and blew it.

      Best of luck to you Penny… any more follow ups I’ll do my best to help you out. Thanks for writing in,

      Pete

  • Sarah Smith

    Hi, I have a situation going on at work that is driving me crazy. So ive had a huge crush on my coworker for several months now. I have honestly tried to stop thinking about him due to the fact we work together and I do not want to compromise my job. But with that being said, I just can’t let this one go, I like him so much. The problem I am currently facing is I do not know what he is thinking/feeling towards me. He flirts with me on a very regular basis. When we talk, he stares intently into my eyes, he makes me coffee almost every shift we work together, sometimes without me even asking he’ll just bring me my favorite drink. He has told me I have beautiful hair, called me a sweetheart and always asks me how I am doing. He also smiles so much when we talk. We tease each other all the time, and the work banter is undeniable. We work in a restaurant and he seeks out opportunity to help me out with various tasks, the reason I take this as flirting is he does not do this for anyone else. There are just so many signs he is into me, we have alot in common, but the reason I am confused is he hasn’t asked me for my number or followed through with hanging out outside of work. If this is going to go somewhere, we need to get to know each other and that can only happen if we hangout outside of work. We have made several plans to go Longboarding together, but those plans did not work out because of bad weather and conflicting work schedules. I don’t want to come off as pushy or desperate, so I haven’t tried to make plans again. I feel like if he likes me, he would make plans, ask me for my number and commit. Is he intimidated by me? I know there could be a plethora of reasons as to why he may be holding back, but I don’t get why he hardcore flirts but doesn’t ask for my number or ask me out. What is his deal? My best work friend says she is certain he likes me because she sees him staring at me when I’m not looking. I just don’t know how to handle this situation, please help!

    • Hello Sarah Smith,

      As painful as it sounds – us guys – well we’re not always the best at going from flirting to a phone number to a date AND at work – it feels like there’s never a right time to ask.

      It’s one thing to be rejected when we’re out and about but when something goes wrong at work – we have to face it everyday adding to the stress. This makes “work situations” like this extremely delicate.

      We’re depending on our job for survival which adds to the risk.

      It sounds like he believes you’re more than worth taking that risk. All the signs are there.

      What you can do is, not ask, but check his schedule, find a time you CAN meet up and try again. You won’t seem desperate or pushy. In fact if he’s really feeling it for you he will be flattered.

      Now you’re going to hear some advice on how guys like to feel we’re doing the pursuing – or how you can do things that make it appear like he’s being the suitor, and that’s fine and all.

      BUT you must consider what he’s doing, the signals he’s giving you IS his way of being the suitor so I believe it’s okay to get to that next level by making sure you meet up outside of work.

      When that does happen then you play all the “cat and mouse” games so many men and women do as long as you’re both having fun and understanding when it all means.

      So understand the risk involved with work environments and dating and try again.

      If you have to make it seem like you’re both under a lot of stress at work and you BOTH need to unwind. It doesn’t have to be a “date” thing.

      Just a loosely planned escape. :D

      Trust me – I’ve worked in a restaurant for years so I understand how stressful and tiring of a job it can be.

      Find a way to unwind together.

      Hope that helps you Miss… Smith. :)

      Pete

  • Jasmine

    hello
    please help me with this
    there is a guy with whom i chatted on fb once like 3 weeks back.and then we didnt chat again.2 days later he texted me and wished me happy birthday.his message ws like he ws expecting a simple thanks or no response.i said thank u and asked how he ws doing.He didnt respond to my text.i feel bad abt it.
    He lives near my place and he stares at me like nothing happend.he did not respond because he chose not to.why wud he do that and then stare and want to make eye contact.is he playing me?please help me will be grateful

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