I am confused about a guy. He stares at me, then talks sweetly to me, then the next week he flirts with me. He blushes when he talks to me then the next day he does not talk to me at all. What does this mean? This has been going on for a month and is driving me crazy. Is he interested or just playing around? How do I respond? Why the disinterest the following day? All this is going on at work.
I absolutely LOVE this question. It sounds like he is having a sordid love affair with you – INSIDE HIS HEAD. 🙂
And I would not have known that so confidently if I had not been there myself… More than once.
There’s an easy way to get a man to “show” you his hand.
Introduce, stimulate, or trigger attraction.
The fact that he is blushing means he IS feeling highly attracted to you but probably lacks the necessary experience in this area or at work. This means he knows what to do but he can not get himself to do it. Perhaps it’s a fear of rejection, a little failure, and the curse of public rejection.
Can I tell you a little secret?
When I began to learn all this stuff I would flirt with a girl a little but then felt compelled to stay away from her. In the past I would have hung around like a playful little puppy and since that NEVER worked I needed to do something different.
I wanted her to miss me.
I wanted to show her I could give her space.
I wanted her to believe I had a life outside of her and women in general.
I also wanted to play it “cool” in every way possible.
So if you have yourself a “freshmen” who is still learning all this fun stuff, then like me, he could be doing it on purpose. That I will NEVER deny.
The fact he is blushing and then pulling back tells me he feels guilty for flirting with you. Like maybe he crossed a line with you because you’re at work. Some guys even feel guilty crossing that proverbial line outside work so keep your eyes out for them.
But most of all… and this is something almost every guy does:
He’s kicking himself in the ass for not following through with the flirting by asking you out.
This is where knowing what to do next comes in handy but this is also where so many guys like your co-worker fail to act. Once it’s done once or twice the pressure builds and builds along with the fear beginning to grow, making it impossible for him to finally step up and just ask you out.
Your man has done this for about a month now and since you’re left wondering and confused of his intentions, he’s more than likely afraid his intentions will be less than “honorable” or at the same time he is even more curious about how you feel about him.
Many men think this way…
Okay I’m talking with her and I flirted. I think she flirted back. That MUST mean she likes me. But I’m just not sure!!! I know. I’ll test her with the only way I know how. If she comes to me the next day she must like me.
If you don’t come to him after (like the next day) and start flirting with him he becomes more confused because he figures now – if you liked it, you’d have to come back for more.
Yet, he can not help himself. He NEEDS to come back for more or your “goodness”. Just in case you changed your mind. Men will often find every reason to believe there is always hope.
What this type of guy is really doing is waiting for YOU to take that next step. There are several reasons why which goes beyond attraction. For example – in a workplace environment us guys can get ourselves in trouble asking women out because of sexual harassment BUT if she asks then we know she’s cool with the whole situation.
Is he interested in you?
There a 99% chance he is interested in you. 😀 ( This does not mean he will instantly say yes to your advancement. There’s much more going on in most circumstances. )
Is he playing around with you?
I can tell you “players” are good at what they do. If he’s playing you, a date would have already happened unless he’s that deep of a player. Remember, players know the steps to seducing a woman and they know how to do it well.
How do you respond?
That depends on what you want.
If you’re looking for a man who knows and understands the steps of “courtship” and is able to take action then don’t respond at all. Slip him DiaLTeG TM with a helpful wink and a very cute smile.
If you feel strongly about him and you’re willing to risk a date with him because he’s got so many other things going on for him, then you’ll have to either go to him directly on the day he ignores, and demand he take you someplace where you both can forget about work and swap some interesting stories. You’ll want to build to that moment by doing what works for both of you.
Put bluntly – you’re going to have to take the lead and hope he follows. If he doesn’t, please don’t take it personal.
There are too many reasons why men turn down dates at work. There’s a lot more at risk than just rejection.
For more information on guys please visit my absolutely free and “for women only” Why Do Guys…? I believe you’ll find it extremely helpful on understanding men and I answer lots of question directly on subject similar to this and more.