I am confused about a guy. He stares at me, then talks sweetly to me, then the next week he flirts with me. He blushes when he talks to me then the next day he does not talk to me at all. What does this mean? This has been going on for a month and is driving me crazy. Is he interested or just playing around? How do I respond? Why the disinterest the following day? All this is going on at work.
I love this question. Sounds like he is having a sordid love affair with you – INSIDE HIS HEAD. :) And I wouldn’t have known it if I had not been there myself at least once.
If it is not obvious there’s an easy way to get a man to “show” you his hand. Introduce, stimulate, or trigger attraction.
The fact that he is blushing then I’m almost positive he is feeling highly attracted to you but probably lacks experience. This means he knows what to do but he can not get himself to do it. Perhaps it’s a fear of rejection, a little failure, and the curse of public rejection.
Can I tell you a little secret?
When I began to learn all this stuff I would flirt with a girl a little but then felt compelled to stay away from her. (Because in the past I would have hung around like a playful little puppy.) I wanted her to miss me. I wanted to show her I could give her space. I wanted her to believe I had a life outside of women. I also wanted to play it “cool” with the situation in every way possible.
So if you have yourself a “freshmen” who is still learning this could be what he is doing.
However the fact he is blushing and then pulling back tells me he feels guilty for flirting with you. He could also feel he has crossed the line with you.
And most of all…
He’s kicking himself in the butt for not following through by asking you out.
This is where knowing what to do next comes in handy but this is also where so many guys like your co-worker fail to act. Once it’s done once or twice the pressure builds and builds along with the fear. Making it impossible for him to finally step up and just ask you out.
Your man has done this for about a month and since you’re left wondering and confused of his intentions, he’s more than likely afraid his intentions will be less than “honorable” or at the same time he is more curious about how you feel about him.
The thought process goes like this and never forget it because many men think this way.
Okay I’m talking with her and I flirted. I think she flirted back. That MUST mean she likes me. But I’m just not sure!!! I know. I’ll test her with the only way I know how. If she comes to me the next day she must like me.
If you don’t come to him or start flirting with him he becomes more confused. But he can not help to come back for more. Just in case you change your mind. Men will often find every reason to believe there is always hope.
What this type of guy is really doing is waiting for YOU to take that next step. This can be for several reasons which actually goes beyond attraction. For example – in a workplace environment us guys can get ourselves in trouble asking women out because of sexual harassment. But if she asks we know she’s cool with the situation and the flirting.
Is he interested in you?
There a 99% chance he is interested in you. (And as an update this is no way means he will instantly say yes to your advancement. There’s so much more going on.)
Is he playing around with you?
I can tell you “players” are good at what they do. If he’s playing you, a date would have already happened unless he’s that deep of a player. Remember, players know the steps to seducing a woman.
How do you respond?
That depends on what you want. If you’re looking for a man who knows and understands the steps of “courtship” and is able to take action then don’t respond at all. Slip him my page with a wink.
If you feel that strongly about him and you’re willing to risk a date with him because he’s got so many other things going on for him, then you’ll have to either go to him directly on the day he ignores, and demand he take you someplace where you both can forget about work and swap some interesting stories. (Of course you’ll want to build to that moment by doing what works for both of you.)
Put bluntly – you’re going to have to take the lead and hope he follows. If he doesn’t, don’t take it personal.
There are many reasons men turn down dates and in the workplace environment there’s a lot more at risk.
For more information on guys please visit my “for women only” Why Do Guys…? I believe you’ll find it extremely helpful on understanding men.