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He Stares and Flirts at Work But The Next Day, Won’t Say A Word – Is He Interested?

in For Women
Flirting at work can be a risky fun thing but does it mean he really likes you?

I am confused about a guy. He stares at me, then talks sweetly to me, then the next week he flirts with me. He blushes when he talks to me then the next day he does not talk to me at all. What does this mean? This has been going on for a month and is driving me crazy. Is he interested or just playing around? How do I respond? Why the disinterest the following day? All this is going on at work.

I absolutely LOVE this question. It sounds like he is having a sordid love affair with you – INSIDE HIS HEAD. :)

And I would not have known that so confidently if I had not been there myself… More than once.

There’s an easy way to get a man to “show” you his hand.

Introduce, stimulate, or trigger attraction.

The fact that he is blushing means he IS feeling highly attracted to you but probably lacks the necessary experience in this area or at work. This means he knows what to do but he can not get himself to do it. Perhaps it’s a fear of rejection, a little failure, and the curse of public rejection.

Can I tell you a little secret?

When I began to learn all this stuff I would flirt with a girl a little but then felt compelled to stay away from her. In the past I would have hung around like a playful little puppy and since that NEVER worked I needed to do something different.

I wanted her to miss me.

I wanted to show her I could give her space.

I wanted her to believe I had a life outside of her and women in general.

I also wanted to play it “cool” in every way possible.

So if you have yourself a “freshmen” who is still learning all this fun stuff, then like me, he could be doing it on purpose. That I will NEVER deny.


The fact he is blushing and then pulling back tells me he feels guilty for flirting with you. Like maybe he crossed a line with you because you’re at work. Some guys even feel guilty crossing that proverbial line outside work so keep your eyes out for them.

But most of all… and this is something almost every guy does:

He’s kicking himself in the ass for not following through with the flirting by asking you out.

This is where knowing what to do next comes in handy but this is also where so many guys like your co-worker fail to act. Once it’s done once or twice the pressure builds and builds along with the fear beginning to grow, making it impossible for him to finally step up and just ask you out.

Your man has done this for about a month now and since you’re left wondering and confused of his intentions, he’s more than likely afraid his intentions will be less than “honorable” or at the same time he is even more curious about how you feel about him.

Many men think this way…

Okay I’m talking with her and I flirted. I think she flirted back. That MUST mean she likes me. But I’m just not sure!!! I know. I’ll test her with the only way I know how. If she comes to me the next day she must like me.

If you don’t come to him after (like the next day) and start flirting with him he becomes more confused because he figures now – if you liked it, you’d have to come back for more.

Yet, he can not help himself. He NEEDS to come back for more or your “goodness”. Just in case you changed your mind. Men will often find every reason to believe there is always hope.

What this type of guy is really doing is waiting for YOU to take that next step. There are several reasons why which goes beyond attraction. For example – in a workplace environment us guys can get ourselves in trouble asking women out because of sexual harassment BUT if she asks then we know she’s cool with the whole situation.


Is he interested in you?

There a 99% chance he is interested in you. :D ( This does not mean he will instantly say yes to your advancement. There’s much more going on in most circumstances. )

Is he playing around with you?

I can tell you “players” are good at what they do. If he’s playing you, a date would have already happened unless he’s that deep of a player. Remember, players know the steps to seducing a woman and they know how to do it well.

How do you respond?

That depends on what you want.

If you’re looking for a man who knows and understands the steps of “courtship” and is able to take action then don’t respond at all. Slip him DiaLTeG TM with a helpful wink and a very cute smile.

If you feel strongly about him and you’re willing to risk a date with him because he’s got so many other things going on for him, then you’ll have to either go to him directly on the day he ignores, and demand he take you someplace where you both can forget about work and swap some interesting stories. You’ll want to build to that moment by doing what works for both of you.

Put bluntly – you’re going to have to take the lead and hope he follows. If he doesn’t, please don’t take it personal.

There are too many reasons why men turn down dates at work. There’s a lot more at risk than just rejection.

For more information on guys please visit my absolutely free and “for women only”  Why Do Guys…?  I believe you’ll find it extremely helpful on understanding men and I answer lots of question directly on subject similar to this and more.


Peter White. Intelligent ideas with a simple goal… Turn you into a more attractive man with my Nice Guys Approach to Attraction. You can also visit The Approach… Dedicated to Meeting and Approaching the opposite sex. Please visit my Facebook “Fan” Page. Lastly… Introducing for women only, Why Do Guys…?. Thank you for everything and the best of luck to you.


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40 comments… add one

  • Bessie

    i am also going through something similar at work. We flirted like crazy, looking each other in the eyes, staring as if there was no tomorrow, he tries to touch me and he bits his lips and he smiles at me…and i look at him too. We do not talk about anything cause it’s work…i feel we wanted but nothing. Sometimes i see him looking at me when “i am not watching” (i have a very good peripheric view lol)…
    But last week i tried to add him on linkedin. he saw my profile and did not add me.
    I say this because this week for the first time in weeks he didn’t try to look at me. I could see he was a bit nervous but didn’t try to smile or look or touch (i gave him a pen when he needed and he make question to take it from the tip so he would not touch me) and…it is just weird.
    I also can’t look cause it has been so intense and we are at work and..well the worse part and that everyone is going to crucify us, is that we are married. I am not looking for something more than a nice talk with a guy that makes me feel a bit more of a woman (i am now getting divorced and trying to be on my feet). I do understand this is NOT the way to go and that is why i also decided to be a bit more discrete and honest – i have decided sometime ago to be less flirty. He is married and there is no way, in the end, that i could be ‘the other one’. But the flirt made me feel good…
    In the end, i am just wondering what is going on in his head since i cannot talk to him. It is nothing, it would never be, but…i guess i am in need of a self-esteem upgrade.

    • Hi Bessie,

      Often our self-esteem suffers after or during a divorce. I’m sure you’ve already felt that. I guess it’s because we lose the confidence in what we had or in the choices we made which allow our esteem to “leak” out. So it’s not necessarily a “self-esteem upgrade” as it is in building some confidence to protect your esteem.

      To help you along I’d say he just you know wanted to keep a fun flirty work environment and felt threatened by your request to add him. At which point he decided it would be best for him AND his marriage to cut it out now.

      I definitely would NOT take it personal. The flirted made you both feel good but you must admit, it was flawed from the beginning because of yours (and his) situation.

      Again don’t take it personal and keep pushing forward.


  • Carrie

    There’s this guy that I work with. I like him. We decided to be FWB with the option of it turning into something more later. However, I told him from the beginning that I wanted a relationship. We continue to sleep together for a month. No one at work knows that we do. He flirts with me all the time at work. Touching me, teasing me, making eye contact. And there are days I don’t get anything. Every time he’d come over we’d watch a movie or cuddle and he’s opened up to me about his personal life. He’s also initiated the ‘goodbye kiss’ every time he’s visited, on his own. The very last time he visited it was the usual but right before he left after he goes in for the kiss he said, “you really want a relationship don’t you?”. I said, “you kissed me first” and we kissed each other again before he left. Anyway, I think that he likes me because he flirts with me and does really sweet things but then he’ll ignore me and I really just don’t know. But it’s driving me up a wall. Any advice? Thanks.

    • As always Carrie, I don’t ever advise FWB. Especially if you’re looking for something more long term. You’ll find more on that here:

      FWB – Does It Really Work? Don’t Relationships Need Clear Definitions?

      He’s acting “cocky” because he’s getting everything without any sort of commitment, relationship, or defined dating “status”.

      If he is ignoring you it’s because he has nothing invested. Keeping his distance means he don’t have to deal with your personal problems or even offer some form of compromise to meet your needs.

      I’m not going to advise you to do something drastically. Just if you’re not getting what you want out of this “deal” or if you’re looking for more… you might have to pull back and define the relationship so it’s clear to him and make sure you keep your boundaries clear.

      You might even definitely start “dating” other guys who might be looking for something more long-term too. I didn’t say, “drop his ass”, just to definitely look elsewhere to meet your needs and goals.

      Also, when you add FWB to a work relationship you’re always going to have problems. I don’t see a way around that.

      Step back, define what’s going on, and take a hard stance one way or another.

      He knows what you want and I feel that lack of challenge can easily mean he will continue going nowhere with all this, especially if he’s getting a friendship he’s in control of, sex on the side, someone to talk to, with absolutely no relationship boundaries set.

      Make sure you check out my definition in the article link I gave you:

      Friends = A Platonic relationship which may or may not develop into something more. When more happens, it becomes…

      Dating = A Non-committal exploration to figure out compatibility on a deeper level.

      Girlfriend and Boyfriend = A committed relationship unless otherwise specified ( as in an open relationship ) meant to explore an even deeper level of compatibility. Exclusiveness is implied.

      All the best to you Carrie. Hope this helps you out as best I can,


  • kerry

    I have a question I think my coworker likes me buuy its hard if he does or my boss does but my coworker gives me fist bumps a lot and looks at me then looks away is this a sign he likes me any help would be helpful please thanks

    • No Kerry. I would have to say “fist bumping” is NOT a classic sign of liking someone. It can be but it’s not a clear form of flirting which is the most obvious sign there’s something there.

      Here’s a definition I borrowed from Scot McKay on flirting,

      “Flirting” is simply ANY INTERACTION of ANY KIND with MOTOS (members of the opposite sex) that would flat-out feel WRONG were it directed to someone of the same gender.”

      Secrets to Flirting For Men – A Real Definition With Tips

      Looking at you and then looking away quickly is not always a clear sign either. It can mean lack of confidence and yes, it can mean he’s trying not to get caught which then you can assume he’s “checking you out” because he’s attracted to you.

      I’d say to introduce some subtle flirting, break the touch barrier beyond fist bumping ( because guys do that with other guys ) and watch for a pleasant reaction, a nervous reaction, and/or a smile.

      I bet you’ll definitely know by then so trust your intuition. Trust you are attractive and feel attractive and even guys who like to fist-bump you will probably feel it too.

      Best of luck to you Kerry,


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