How do we GET a hot girlfriend?
We allow the commitment to happen naturally, qualify the right woman at the right time, avoid some common mistakes, and trust in our ability to BE the guy she’s never met before and will WANT to be an integral part of our lives.
Once we’ve reached this point and have followed ( the best we can ) all the previous steps then we’ve formed a pretty good basis to attract women.
Once a woman is attracted to us she’s going to see us as roughly 3 different types:
- The Nurturer – A Father Figure – Someone who’s Able to Commit or Be a Good Boyfriend – is Ready to Commit and is looking for a commitment.
- The Long-term Dater – A Sexual Option – Has Low odds of commitment – Not ready to Commit – not ever looking to “settle down”.
- Somewhere in the middle – Not too nurturing but capable – A Leader – A Sexual Option – Very Selective – Able to commit with the right woman.
SOME Women WILL enter a long-term relationship with the Nurturer.
SOME Women WILL, under the right conditions, try to enter a long-term relationship with the long-term dater or change him or make him commit to her.
MOST Women WANT the guy right in the middle and if we’re to make a woman our girlfriend THIS is the guy we should be looking to emulate.
“Learn how to be the Alpha Man women want… because THAT is how to get a girlfriend – a quality woman who you will want to seduce over and over again.” Carlos Xuma – How to Get a Girlfriend – The 4 Core Alpha Male Seduction Skills
Nurturing, empathetic, compassionate, strong family values, respectful and respected, trustworthy, reliable… All are great traits and what women should be looking for from a guy who’s going to stick around.
But those kind of traits rarely create the deeper kind of attraction in the beginning.
The total opposite is also true – teasing, sexuality, charisma, charm, wit, indifference, passionate… All are incredible skills to create attraction right from the beginning BUT are not the traits women look for, generally speaking, for a long-term relationship.
My personal experience tells me when we’re too much of the “relationship type guy” we get popped in the friends zone a lot, she controls the pace, she holds out longer for any intimacy, the dating process is slow AND in the meantime she’ll be dating other guys who may just be her sexual options.
It also tells me somewhere in the middle sets us apart from so many others guys, we don’t have to wait for intimacy, we can be more selective, we can wait while she’s tries out other guys because we’re dating other women too, we have the making of a strong sexual connection, and the list goes on and on and on…
What else this ( and that ) means is, getting a girlfriend requires us to hint we’re capable of commitment.
It means we focus on attraction first. We maintain being a sexual option to her.
We’re not out to prove anything. She needs to figure out on her own that we possess many of the “nurturing” traits and that when we do find the right woman we’re not against dating just her.
We’re also not setting out to “get” a girlfriend. We understand this sort of thing happens naturally and over time. We’re not falling for an instant relationships just because we might even be having sex with her.
We understand some of the basic the elements of what it takes to form a good relationship:
- Knowing when to compromise.
We also understand the easiest way to have women want to be our girlfriend or more is to create a life for ourselves she’d want to be a part of.
Not because she doesn’t have a life of her own – but because the combinations of both our lifestyles fit together. Maybe not perfectly but they make sense and to mix them doesn’t require a huge sacrifice which only tends to create resent and put unfair pressure on our partners.
Let’s go back to the beginning…
Allowing the commitment to happen naturally.
A good rule to now follow is – if it’s too much work to get a relationship going, then it’s not happening naturally.
This is for YOU and HER to decide and not me.
You’ll know things are working because it won’t be work.
You’ll find other women in your life and other guys in her life seem to be disappearing. When you both slowly stop dating other people then the relationship is on path and is moving forward.
“Let her come to the conclusion on her own that she doesn’t want to see other men, and/or that she’d rather give up the ability to see other men in return for knowing that you won’t see other women.” – Nick Savoy – How To Make Her Your Girlfriend – Go From Dating To A Relationship
There’s rarely a conscious decision because it just feels right AND you’re both in the same place at roughly the same time. It will never be 100% percent so assume the majority is okay.
Compromising a little is okay because it does make an effective basis for a future relationship when things get tough ( and they will ) and it shows the partner without words you’re capable of it.
Women do NOT want to be pushed into a relationship they are not ready for.
They also don’t respond positively to ultimatums either. Saying “We either commit now or it’s over!” is not going to work.
Remember women are people just like you (hot or not ) and they want to be allowed to come to their own conclusions.
Entering a relationship ( which will have a better chance at succeeding ) means both you and her must be in the same emotional place at the same time.
The point is – if one of you “jumps the gun” there’s always going to be doubt and the problems with tend to surface with uncertainty.
You avoid “jumping the gun early with the practice as one man put it…
Qualification. Qualification. Qualification…
Qualifying the right woman at the right time.
“The only way you can maintain a strong and confident attitude out there is to be the chooser – not the chosen…” Carlos Xuma – What Do You Really Want? Here Are Seven Tips To Get A Girlfriend
Do NOT commit just because of how she looks.
It doesn’t matter how attractive she is, how beautiful she is, or how many guys are “trying” to get with her.
Allow her to qualify you ( re-assuring herself you’re the one for her) AND make sure you are doing the same.
If she believes or feels it was too easy she’ll be less likely to commit.
I’m not saying to “act” unattainable or “play hard to get”. Just make sure you ARE hard to get.
I’m suggesting that if she wants a relationship with you look a little deeper into the whole of her and her life.
This may include where she’s going to be in a year or two, how she deals with her family life, how she gets along with her friends, and how compatible you both are.
- How effective is her communication?
- Do you miss all her hints?
- Is she always having to explain herself to you because you’re just not getting it?
- How much compassion does she have?
- Does she respect your opinions and maybe not assume you’re always right but are at least valid?
- How do your arguments end? How does she handle them?
- Is her lifestyle maintainable and can mix with yours?
- What if you’re ready but she’s not?
- What if she’s ready and you’re not?
These are questions you must know the answers to or you’re going to waste a ton of time on one women. Granted things and circumstances change but people rarely do.
This means you can date her for a while but if there were things about her you were not sure about in the beginning and they are still there after a reasonable amount of time – they’re NOT going to change.
This can have anything to do with her age, what her personal goals are, and of course her past relationships and how good or bad they ended.
You are also a big part of this.
If you’re not ready you’ll be more likely to self-sabotage yourself and the relationship if you try to force it.
This sounds easy to do on paper. That I understand. But when a beautiful girl is doing it for you – your mind might play tricks on you.
You’ll be more likely to want to assure another guy doesn’t snatch her up – which is NOT a good reason to start a relationship.
For more information on qualification you can try my Nice Guys Approach by first reading this post I wrote –> Are You Qualifying Her Too? – Attracting Women & Better Relationships
Now that we’ve covered qualification and “natural relationship” building the third part is about…
Avoiding common mistakes us guys tend to make which ruin our chances of getting AND keeping a hotter girlfriend.
Common mistakes are what usually gets us lumped in the “just like every other guy” category.
Here are some very common ways it can happen to ALL of us which can stop us from getting a quality girlfriend…
Getting jealous too easily.
Do what you have to here because it’s very important. Obviously we can hide it a little. We don’t want to bury the feelings but CONTROL them where and when it’s needed.
The only real way to rid ourselves of the jealousy bug ( not entirely because it will always be there IF you care about a woman ) is through:
- Building strong confidence.
- Raising self-esteem.
- Determining your real self-worth with respect to those around you.
- Living in with an abundant attitude and not acting out of scarcity.
Not knowing how to handle “other” men in her life.
What helped me best here is understanding and believing so much in myself that even if she wanted to “sample” the competition, as long as I remained true to who I was and what was working – then she’s more likely to become tired of the rest.
It also helps to casually date lots of different women so we’re completely sure which one fits the best in our life.
Telling her you love her way too early or even before you’re even committed is a very common mistake.
This is about getting a girlfriend and not proposing to your future wife. Most of the time you’ll find one day you both look back and realize you hooked up somewhere along the line. Less work means it’s working.
Telling a woman you love her prematurely is a common mistake and lot of “hotter” women are told this by guys who are just looking for a way to keep her around. Mainly because they’re scared they can’t keep her around because they’re not good enough.
Treating her like a prize or something you want to own.
Too many men believe they have to control the situation which leads her to feel trapped. She will actually do the opposite and pull away from you.
This is a common mistake because there are always more men who will put a beautiful women on a pedestal which can only make her feel little or no emotional change for them AND it makes her feel like a trophy.
Unless you’re into that kind of thing which I hope not, you don’t OWN women or TRY to keep them around.
Avoid those common mistakes and you WILL stand out among lots of other guys.
Next up is a list written by my first teacher ( David DeAngelo )and I felt compelled to put them here.
These are basic core mistakes we all should avoid because a critical first step in finding a girlfriend is to make sure we’re not scaring them away – and this list does that well.
- Being Too Much Of A “Nice Guy”
- Trying To “Convince Her To Like You”
- Looking To Her For Approval Or Permission
- Trying To “Buy” Her Affection With Food And Gifts
- Sharing “How You Feel” Too Early In The Relationship With Her
- Not “Getting” How Attraction Works For Women
- Thinking That It takes money or looks
- Giving Away All Of Your Power To Women
- Not Knowing Exactly What To Do In Each Situation With Women
- Not Getting HELP
You can read the full article here: Ten Reasons Why Men Fail With Women It will explain them all in detail.
Mistake are not always avoidable and they are not always corrected while everything is happening. You can’t fix everything.
Understand if you make too many of them too early on – STOP. Go back to square one and trust you’ll see the signs before it happens again.
Making them is okay – but doing them over and over again is NOT and will destroy many of your chances with women.
We’re not perfect. She’s not perfect.
She’s making mistakes with you too.
Avoid arrogance especially with her and open up many possibilities and the mistakes will help you to learn and if you go too far with one woman – make sure you have the options with a few more.
The last part is about…
Being consistent and upholding all values, skills, and “traits” steps 1 – 10 have given you and trust the process works.
“Let her come to the conclusion on her own that she doesn’t want to see other men, and/or that she’d rather give up the ability to see other men in return for knowing that you won’t see other women.
You MUST let her come to this conclusion herself.
We want to make sure she has the freedom to believe and think, that what she’s feeling for you is genuine and unstoppable.
Be the guy she’s never met before, follow all the previous steps and you’ll be living a life ANY woman will want to be a part of.
So much so you’ll have to stay strong, qualify, and avoid letting your emotions or feelings for her change how you behave.
They will also help you to avoid the common questions which destroy the natural progression of the relationship like:
“How do I ask her to be my girlfriend?”
“What must I say to make sure she says yes?”
“How long do I wait?”
Granted there’s nothing wrong in wanting concise answers but consider…
Most women will give clear “clues” and sometimes blatant “hints” that she wants more or the next step to happen and that she has absolutely no desire whatsoever to see anyone else, if and only if you’ve proven to her “emotional” state…
She feels like she’s never met anyone like you before.
You appear original to her.
She has a “sense” or a small part of her feels what is happening is unbelievable. How she can not believe you could feel the same about her.
It feels a little unpredictable – like all of it “just happened” – how there were definite moments but everything else became a blur of, (for lack of better explanation) “Ecstasy.”
The best way to naturally allow her to experience it all is to, under any and all circumstance stick to the Alpha mindset you’ve created.
Trust your ability to see all the signs, trust in your ability that you can give her all that, trust what you’ve done so far is working, and trust it’s rarely going to be exactly the same for every girlfriend.
This will help you in the trust area –> How Trust And The Belief In Yourself Can Make You A More Attractive Guy
Some women want vocal reassurance.
Some women don’t want you to ask because it feels fake.
Prove to her by allowing yourself to act according to your “not perfect self ” but your best ability to function as a strong masculine presence in her life.
Sometimes that’s enough.
Never forget you were born with the ability to procreate so it’s naturally ingrained in you.
Relationships are about much of what I mentioned here today and for the “long-term” women will seek out certain guys who can prove to her you might be good at them.
BUT I’ve found if you spend too much time catering to those parts of you (proving you’re capable of maintaining a family and being a good father…) women will hold out just a little longer because it’s important for her to make sure you are who you are.
Now if that’s who you are then great – stick with it.
If you have none of those qualities or skills then be all means do work on them.
However NEVER re-position your goals to match her because you think she’ll finally cave in… Because you’ll always find yourself out to “get” her…
Relationships are about connecting, trusting, sharing, and communicating in more ways than you would normally do when just causally dating someone.
And this is no different whether she’s the hottest girl around or not.
I do sincerely hope my steps have helped you and of course I want to hear about it one way or another.
Yes, it can be a little overwhelming, maybe difficult to follow along at times, but I do believe everything I’ve shared with you and the extra advice along the way lays the foundation in getting a girlfriend.
Long ago I urged a friend of mine step through another man’s advice. Some of what I’ve proposed to you here is clearly contained within the framework and so credit is due to him and all the wonderful people I’ve learned from over the years.
Two of his articles are quoted here and posted at Attraction 101:
- What Do You Really Want? Here Are Seven Tips To Get A Girlfriend
- How to Get a Girlfriend – The 4 Core Alpha Male Seduction Skills
They form the basis of his version of “getting a girlfriend” and complement my steps in ways which I have not covered.
You can watch the video intro here: Get A Girlfriend Fast. It’s an n affordable and practical start up course to land a girlfriend quickly. Once you’re there you’ll also want to train your girlfriend with this advanced series on keeping a woman attracted to you… forever! Girlfriend Training.
Wishing you all the best of luck in finding a girlfriend and thanks for stopping by -Peter White – DiaLteG TM – A Nice Guys Approach To Attraction