How I Escaped the Friends Zone

I was a prisoner doing a life sentence. The jury that handed me the verdict consisted of only women.

“Guilty,” They read aloud.

“On all counts.”

The judge peered at me with a disgusted look on his face. The reading glasses he wore were sliding off the tip of his nose reflecting a blinding light on me. I squinted back up at him hoping for compassion but I never got it. He demanded I make reparations and that I, Peter White, be deemed to live out my life as number 674893123. A prisoner of the friend’s zone.

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I accepted my sentence. After all I did feel I was guilty of doing something wrong. What it was exactly I wasn’t sure. Women never had to read me my bills of rights or provide me legal counseling. In fact the only legal right in granted to me was a speedy trial.

And I lived through fifteen years with that guilty feeling. Always wanting to escape to freedom as a boyfriend but I just never believed in my innocence. It was almost like my life had been scripted out by who I was. The Nice Guy. And with this great power of being nice came the greater responsibility of being alone.

Until that fateful day…

She was Eighteen when I met her. Bold and beautiful. Fun, exciting, and bisexual. She began visiting me in my eight by eight cell. Maybe it was my nice self guy that drew her in. Maybe it was how I always listened to her and would blindly put her feelings in front of mine. Although she would always give back just as much as she got. She looked past my moments of rage and blame fueled by my frustrations and wanted to be my friend. Yes, my friend. My pen pal to the world of a beautiful woman. So I agreed.

The friendship failed but in the ashes of my smoldering anger of the situation was the seeds of a new life. A new life of replacing my guilt with a sheer determination to escape. I finally felt my guilty feelings were not real. I began to understand that I was not predestined to live a typical nice guy role, That terrible burden of responsibility, which meant suffering as the good guy, did not make me any more courageous. I realized I wasn’t carrying a burden, it was an excuse.

It was an excuse for failing to study for those close booked but telling tests a woman gives.

It was an excuse for not doing my homework and learning how and why we feel attraction towards others.

It was an excuse for not being the man I wanted to be, because I was nice.

It was an excuse for wrongly believing I was being courageous when the real courage I needed to show was never shown. To her or any woman I wanted so desperately.

Yet with that new growth of determination I began to dig down deep into the feared darkness of my failures. I tunneled my way slowly but with a clear goal in mind, I learned so much along the way and I learned how the tools I was using can control the how quickly I could tunnel. I first used my bare fingers. Then I met a friend who loaned me a shovel. A man named David gave me a gas-powered drill and introduced me to all his helpful friends.

Sure I swallowed some dirt along the way. I broke a few nails. Haha!  I had to change the drill bit constantly. After all I couldn’t afford to buy the diamond tipped one.

Here is one of those drill bits…

(Incidentally there are plenty of those bits listed all over this wonderful website.)

I now direct you to The Mystery Method. According to his book The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed I was starting in the middle of all my relationships with the women I was most attracted to and when I did manage to start at the beginning I would get stuck in the middle anyways.

The Nice Guy

Many men understand and appreciate that seduction first makes women feel uncomfortable. What these men do instead is focus on comfort first.

p.50 The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed

SUMMARY: PROBLEMS ASSOCIATED WITH IMPROPER M3 SEQUENCING

…

2. Starting in the middle = protective shield problems

…

4. Starting at the beginning but getting stuck in the middle =  friendship zone problems

p.60 The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed

To clarify a little further…

I put myself in the friend\’s zone because I would not focus first on creating attraction. I went right into building comfort and rapport. Those rare times when the woman was attracted to me I would stay forever in the building comfort phase with her. I never stepped through the process which leads to connection and intimacy. The sex part would never come. A friendship would then surely ensue. I believe you know the rest of that story.

Here’s another drill bit I found recently …

How to avoid “lets just be friends” with a woman and never end up in a friend zone.

1. The first and the most common reason is being too nice, two sweet, and too accommodating. It is essential that you understand that there is a huge difference between being sweet and nice and being ATTRACTIVE.

3. Many guys make the mistake of being overly aggressive with women. Ironically, however, men often get into the friendzone because they are not aggressive enough.

In the quote above the mistake I made was not focusing on attraction first. Number 3 states not moving on to the next step of creating a sexual relationship.

Keep in mind that these only point to the primary reasons and in no way will be the absolute determining factor. I would also like to point out that I never felt confident to make that next step. I never knew that creating attraction was not 100% about how I looked. Once I learned the root of my self-esteem deficiencies I saw a clearer direction to lead myself. I made a detailed image of the traits I wanted and eventually my exterior began to mirror my interior.

So how can my experiences help you and how can it affect your dating life?

You can learn from my mistakes. You too have the choice to stop feeling guilty about bearing the burden of being nice. And this can happen quickly when you utilize those so called drill bits I mentioned earlier. Find the ones in which you can directly relate to in your unique life, and learn to take control of who you are.

TAKE CONTROL!

You do want control of your dating life.

You do want to choose the women you date and not just hoping she will choose you.

Everyone is aware that you can not control things outside of yourself. Everyday in your life you are bombarded with the world’s events and you have, in essence, no real control over them. And I will say this. You have no control over if she will be your friend or girlfriend. You can not make her like you. You can not make her want you. You can no make her see you as more than a friend. Stick with me now….

But you can control your actions, your mind, your perception, and your reactions. You can control yourself. This small shift thinking changed everything. When your focus turns inwards suddenly the outside world around you will change to meet you. Gaining control of your dating life and the relationships that follow requires understanding yourself, determining exactly why you end up just being friends, and simultaneously giving up trying to control those around you.

I now avoid the friend’s zone when I choose because I gave up trying to control how any particular woman will see me. I now know that nice guy in me who was perpetually stuck in the middle, worrying if she was attracted to me, was me trying to control what I couldn’t, her feelings for me. And this caused me to jump straight into creating comfort instead of focusing on being a more attractive person. This also caused me to constantly attempt to win over women without ever really knowing if I had sparked attraction. My constant seeking of approval never freed my mind up enough to make that first move. Typically not stepping through the steps courtship properly regardless of the outcome.

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I escaped the friend’s zone and I know any guy reading this who wants it bad enough can also achieve this escape. You are not doomed to live in a label created by the typical standards that nice guys don’t get laid.  Change yourself positively and demand the world to meet you on your terms. Learn to lead the women in your life to join you and always avoid trying to control how they will act. The quote below I came up with pretty much sums up the attitude of a nice guy that does finish first.

“You know you’re kind of cute and I just might be that sexy guy you’ve been looking for. Let’s talk about ourselves and the crazy world around us. If our mouths tire, we’ll find a way make our own fun and spend the evening laughing, joking, and holding hands. Then who knows, you just may be lucky enough to earn my kiss.”

I found some great articles for men, and yes, women too, go check them out. I found them to be useful and they certainly enhance this wonderful post of mine.

For Women:

• Seven Ways To Avoid The Friend Zone (thefrisky.com)

• The Friend Zone (richmond.com)

For Men:

• 5 Tips For Avoiding The Friends Zone With A Woman (articlebase.com)

• The Friend Zone: The Ultimate Guide (wellcultured.com)

• How to Escape the Friend’s Zone in 9 Quick Steps (ezinearticles.com)

• Friends Zone (ezinearticles.com)

Welcome back…One more thing…

I also found this web page during my research for this page. I read through it. It’s certainly a catchy web page. I’ll give it that. I’m not into turning your already friends into girlfriends. To me it seems like a waste of time. But of course you are more than welcome to give it a try. I would love to hear from anyone that has bought it and what they experienced after. It really caught my eye because many of the trusted experts I have listed here have contributed to it. That was impressive.

Here the link, click on it, How to Turn A Friend into A Girlfriend.

Here’s the tag line,

“At Last! Here’s A Guaranteed Way To Turn A Friend To Be YOUR Girlfriend Without Rejection And Get Her To Suddenly Develop Wild Romantic, Sexual Urges For YOU!”

Good luck everyone,

Pete

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