I was a prisoner doing a life sentence. The jury that handed me the verdict consisted of only women.
They read aloud.
“On all counts.”
The judge peered at me with a disgusted look on his face. The reading glasses he wore were sliding off the tip of his nose reflecting a blinding light on me.
I squinted back up at him hoping for compassion but I never got it.
He demanded I make reparations and that I, Peter White, be deemed to live out my life as number 674893123…
A prisoner of the friend’s zone.
I accepted my sentence.
After all I did feel “guilty” of doing something wrong. What it was exactly I wasn’t sure because women never read me my Miranda rights or provide me legal counseling. In fact the only legal right granted to me was a speedy trial.
I lived through years with that guilty feeling.
Always wanting to escape to freedom as a boyfriend but I just never believed in my innocence.
It was almost like my life had been scripted out by who I was… A Nice Guy.
And with this great power of being nice came the greater responsibility of being alone.
Until one fateful day…
She was Eighteen when I met her. Bold and beautiful. Fun, exciting, and bisexual.
She began visiting me in my eight by eight cell. Maybe it was my nice self guy that drew her in. Maybe it was how I always listened to her and would blindly put her feelings in front of mine.
Although she would always give back just as much as she got.
She looked past my moments of rage and blame fueled by my frustrations and wanted to be my friend.
Yes, my friend. My pen pal to the world of a beautiful woman.
So I agreed.
The friendship failed but in the ashes of my smoldering anger was the seeds of a new life replacing my desperation with a sheer determination to escape.
I finally felt my guilty feelings were not real.
I began to understand that I was NOT predestined to live the “nice guy finishing last with women” role.
That terrible burden of responsibility, which meant suffering as a “good guy”, did not make me any more courageous.
I wasn’t carrying a burden, THAT was just another excuse.
- It was an excuse for failing to study for those tests a woman gives.
- It was an excuse for not doing my homework and learning how and why we feel attraction towards others.
- It was an excuse for not being the man I really wanted to be.
- It was an excuse for believing I was courageous when the real courage I needed to show, was never shown to any woman I wanted so desperately.
Yet with that new determination I began to dig down deep into the feared darkness of my failures.
I tunneled my way slowly but with a clear goal in mind, and I learned how the tools I was using can control the how quickly I could tunnel.
At first I used my bare fingers but then met a friend who loaned me a freaking shovel… Someone who propelled my eminent escape and who I will forever be grateful to:
David DeAngelo gave me a gas-powered drill and introduced me to HIS friends.
Sure I swallowed some dirt along the way. Who wouldn’t? I broke a few nails. I had to change the drill bit constantly. ( After all I couldn’t afford to buy the diamond tipped one. )
Here is one of those drill bits given to me from his friend….
According to his book, “The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed” I was starting in the middle of all my relationships with women and when I did manage to start at the beginning I would get stuck in the middle anyways.
The Nice Guy… Many men understand and appreciate that seduction first makes women feel uncomfortable. What these men do instead is focus on comfort first.
SUMMARY: PROBLEMS ASSOCIATED WITH IMPROPER M3 SEQUENCING
2. Starting in the middle = protective shield problems.
4. Starting at the beginning but getting stuck in the middle = friendship zone problems.
I’m not completely positive but that eventually turned into a model you can have here: The Triad Model: The underlying model which governs almost every stage of an interaction with a woman!
To clarify a little further…
I put myself in the friend’s zone because I would not focus first on creating attraction.
I went right into building comfort and rapport.
Those rare times when the woman was attracted to me I would stay forever in the building comfort phase with her.
I never stepped through the process which leads to connection and intimacy.
The sex part would never come.
A friendship would then surely ensue.
Well you know the rest of that story.
You’ll find more on that in my Eliminate The Friends Zone Ebook: Why Are You In The Friends Zone? She Felt No Attraction For You
Here’s another drill bit:
1. The first and the most common reason is being too nice, two sweet, and too accommodating.
It is essential that you understand that there is a huge difference between being sweet and nice and being ATTRACTIVE.
3. Many guys make the mistake of being overly aggressive with women. Ironically, however, men often get into the friendzone because they are not aggressive enough.
A mistake I made was not focusing on attraction first. This was already covered.
However “Number 3” states not moving on to the next step of creating a sexual relationship.
Keep in mind that these only point to the primary reasons and in no way will be the absolute determining factor.
For example I never pushed the next step because I as not confident enough to make it happen. Once I learned the root of my esteem “deficiencies” the path clearer on how to lead myself ( and her ) in the right direction therefore avoiding the friends zone.
I also made a detailed image of the traits I wanted ( or thought I needed ) and eventually my exterior began to mirror my interior.
The path I took helped me to finally escape the friends zone and even though it wasn’t a straight line, it WORKED.
What I’ve done, which I do hope can help you eliminate the friends zone too, has since been straightened out based on my experiences above and the ones I haven’t shared with you.
You can find them here: 3 Steps to Eliminate The Friends Zone.
You can definitely learn from the mistakes I made just as much as the mistakes you’ve made and are bound to make more. They happen but I firmly believe they CAN be used as learning tool.
You too have the choice to stop feeling guilty about bearing the burden of being nice and this can happen quickly when you utilize those so-called drill bits I mentioned earlier.
Find the ones in which you can directly relate to in your unique life and learn to take control of who you are.
You DO want control of your dating life.
You DO want to choose the women you date and stop settling or hoping one will eventually choose you.
You can NOT directly control things outside of yourself. Everyday in your life you are bombarded with the world’s events and you have, in essence, no real control over them and I will say this…
You have no control over if she will be your friend or girlfriend.
You can not make her like you.
You can not make her want you.
You can not make her see you as more than a friend.
Stick with me now….
But you can control your actions, your mind, your perception, and your reactions. You can control yourself.
This small shift in thinking changes everything.
When your focus turns inwards suddenly the outside world WILL change to meet you.
Gaining control of your dating life and the relationships that follow requires understanding yourself, determining exactly why you end up just being friends, and simultaneously giving up trying to control those around you which only cause more desperation and endless suffering.
I now avoid the friend’s zone when I choose because I gave up trying to control what I couldn’t.
I now know that nice guy in me who was perpetually stuck in the middle, worrying if she was attracted to me, was me trying to control what I couldn’t, HER feelings for me.
This caused me to jump straight into creating comfort instead of focusing on being a more attractive person.
This also caused me to constantly attempt to win her over without ever really knowing if I had sparked attraction or how to do it.
This constant seeking of approval never freed my mind up enough to make that first move.
I escaped the friend’s zone and I know any guy reading this who wants it bad enough can also eliminate it.
You do NOT have to be pre-destined to live out the label that “nice guys don’t get laid.”
Change yourself positively and demand the world meet the new you on your terms.
Learn to lead and invite women into YOUR life and avoid trying to control how they will feel.
My steps for you are simple:
- Distract yourself from women so your life no longer revolves around “getting” them. Focus on yourself by yes, increasing your confidence and strengthening your self- esteem from within. Give UP trying to control things which you have no right to control.
- Learn how attraction is naturally created, why it happens, and how step 1 makes you more attractive just be going through it.
- Re-introduce yourself by now communicated yourself indirectly and by building an attractive lifestyle so you can invite women in or allow to join you because they want to be more intimately involved in it, and NOT just another friend.
The process works and although I don’t cover everything it forms a concrete basis to follow and I’m positive any Escape the Friends Zone Guidebook either adds to or closely resembles it because IT WORKS.
Such as the two below which I recommend for starters:
- Get and Out and Stay Out of the Friends Zone – from Marni and her wing girls.
- Friends Into Lovers – The famous “Badger video”.
And mine of course…