I Didn’t Grow Up An Alpha Male- Part 2 – My Status Was Too Low!

Remember my last post, “True Story – I Didn’t Grow Up An Alpha Male,”  I explained a ton of reasons why I should gave been considered an Alpha Male, but I wasn’t. At least I felt I was not attracting women the way an Alpha Male should.

So what was the problem?

What was I missing?

What are some of the traits an Alpha Male must posess to have women feel more attracted to him which I did not have?

The two parts of me growing up I failed to tell you about which was stopping me from being seen as an Alpha Male were:

1. My Status.
2. My Confidence.

In part two of this series I’m going to cover my status.

So what was the status of my social life?

I mentioned I knew everybody and got along with just about everyone. I also mentioned I was well liked. But I’ve come to realize status has little to do with being likable. Some guys that appeared to have higher status than me were not very liked by everyone at all…but they still dated the top girls.

This is how I saw status growing up as it relates to dating women:

You need status to get more dates. The more dates you got the higher your status went. As Marni of the WingGirls put it to me years ago,

“Beautiful women want guys who have beautiful women.”

The problem you’re obviously seeing is how do you get beautiful women to date you and increase your status when your status is not high enough to date them in the first place. It seemed impossible to demonstrate higher status without having some sort of selling piece of yourself.

Here are some example of selling pieces…

• Being a top athlete.
• Driving an expensive car.
• Having lots of money.
• Being good-looking.
• Being tall.
• Being the leader of a popular social group.

All of which represents something a woman might want for herself or in the men she prefer to date. All can show others we have high status.

Below I will list several ways in which my status and beliefs affected my rank in being an Alpha Male. They are contradictory only in the fact that I explain what I thought about them and the limited belief I often associated with them. (In other words high status can be achieved in several different areas of our lives.)

I believed being good-looking automatically gave you one up but that was because I did not know HOW to attract a woman. I believed a woman had to find you physically attractive on order to feel attracted to you and in turn give you higher status. Sure being good-looking may give you temporary status but it is not required.

Having lots of money meant you could take women to places to most other guys could not afford. I believed it represented freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted. I didn’t realize having money could be used as a crutch or an easy way to not be creative. Sure having money can give us power and freedom but again, having money is not necessary to gain higher status.

Driving an expensive car meant women would want to be seen with me. Which was a major issue of mine mainly because of my height. I thought women would not want to be seen with me because of what I drove or because I was too short. And no woman wanted to date a guy she couldn’t show off to her friends. I didn’t realize this simple truth which was all around me…

Many women gave up friends, a stable family environment, a drama free life, just to be with that one guy who attracted her on an emotionally level she could not control. In other words I saw how women would give up everything for some guys and often these guys were the worst for them. They were typically the bad boys.

Yet I still believed women would not want to be seen with me because it would affect their status but again, having prestige is not necessary to gain status

Having the status of a top athlete represents status which normally transcends social boundaries. When others look up to you or give you higher status regardless of their social group your status is measurably higher than someone who doesn’t have it.

Max Weber was a sociologist who developed theories on stratification based on the three P’s of status. His theories are in short described below as quoted from Wikipedia:

• Property refers to one’s material possessions and their life chances. If someone has control of property, that person has power over others and can use the property to his or her own benefit.
• Prestige is also a significant factor in determining one’s place in the stratification system. The ownership of property is not always going to assure power, but there are frequently people with prestige and little property.
• Power is the ability to do what one wants, regardless of the will of others. (Domination, a closely related concept, is the power to make others’ behavior conform to one’s commands). This refers to two different types of power, which are possession of power and exercising power…. For example, some people in charge of the government have an immense amount of power, and yet they do not make much money.

Max Weber developed various ways that societies are organized in hierarchical systems of power. These ways are social status, class power and political power.

• Social Status: If you view someone as a social superior, that person will have power over you because you believe that person has a higher status than you do.
• Class Power: This refers to unequal access to resources. If you have access to something that someone else needs, that can make you more powerful than the person in need. The person with the resource thus has bargaining power over the other.
• Political Power: Political power can influence the hierarchical system of power because those that can influence what laws are passed and how they are applied can exercise power over others.

Max Weber’s three dimensions of stratification

 

According to Max my thoughts on status were very close to being right and they were definitely a huge reason I was not considered an Alpha Male.

My status was just way too low in all areas of my life.

Remember the list I gave you above about the pieces I thought I needed to increase my status. If you look at Max’s definitions you’ll see how they are related to his three P’s.

Power:

My only political power was that of a figure-head predominant ‘nerd‘ social arena. The only power I had was contained within my small social group. Therefore that real status level of my power did not transcend into other social groups. Another way of looking at this is through a work example.

Let’s say you’re a manager of three people in a large corporation. Obviously you have higher status in the power area over those three people. But since you have no power over the hundreds of others in the corporation, in reality or when it comes to being an Alpha Male, you have very little status.

Prestige:

The prestige I enjoyed was limited by my unwillingness to not only do what others were doing but getting other to do what I was doing by making it fun for everyone. Sure I showed up at parties but I was never the life of the party. In order for my prestige to rise without wealth or property I needed to display or demonstrate superior social skills. Which is an essential ingredient on being an Alpha Male.

Have you ever watched the episode of  Friends where everybody loved Fun Bobby. They loved him and gave him high status because people loved to be around him. He made everything that much better. I was not Fun Bobby growing up except to my very limited social group. I was shy and slightly introverted when it came to public. And it’s hard to be an Alpha Male when you’re a shy introvert who only knows how to have fun with a few close friends.

Property:

Truth be told I had no status with regards to my property. I owned nothing and had very little money, if any at all. I also did not have what Max called ‘life chances.’ which normally overrides or gives us the ability to overcome having low status because of our property. I feel this is the area in which you aim to succeed in areas such as health, wealth, and family.

In other words this is where your passion to succeed come into direct play in attracting others based on you status. I gained a little status through my music. This was true. But when it came to seeking wealth, health, or a family, I missed the mark by more than just a little.

Keep that in mind because this is very important for men who want to become an alpha male but have little desire for money or huge amounts of property. Your ‘life chances‘ can set you up as being seen as potentially great father. And someone who is willing to get done whatever needed to insure the livelihood of his family. And this is a trait of the Alpha Male women seek out for long-term relationships. (Your life chances does not have to mean being born an heir to some rich family.)

I realize I only touched on a small part in the complete area of status and how it affects you being an Alpha Male or in my case, how I missed being one because of it.

I do hope I didn’t go too off point because I will admit this is a large and often complicated area to comprehend for everyone, including me.

But as I mentioned in the first part…

I’m determined to get to the bottom of this for myself, for you, and any guy who feels like a genuinely real man but not an Alpha Male.

Again you must stop back for part three or subscribe below.

PART ONE ~ “True Story –  I Didn’t Grow Up An Alpha Male“

PART TWO ~ “I Didn’t Grow Up An Alpha Male- Part 2 – My Status – I Did Not Grow Up an Alpha Male Because My Status Was Too Low”

PART THREE – “I Didn’t Grow Up An Alpha Male- Part 3 – My Confidence”

PART FOUR – Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves. Actually I think you’ll like this because based on my three posts, the enormous works of Carlos Xuma Alpha Programs, Scot McKay, and a few others I am designing a quiz to tell you just how much of an Alpha Male you are.

Thanks for stopping by and I look forward to seeing you in part two.

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Tagged as: Alpha Man, attracting, Belief, Confidence, Cool, higher, lifestyle, masculinity, power, skills, social, status