Image: Danilo Rizzuti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Picture this and let me know if you can relate to it….
I am out with a woman, she is a friend. I am attracted to her but we’re just friends. She doesn’t feel anything for me beyond someone to confide in, and someone to do shit with.
You also have to understand that at the time, I wanted her so bad I would have given up my whole personal life for, wait a minute; I did give up everything for her.
So there we were, discussing the typical loser she is currently dating. If you ever been in this situation you must understand what comes next. She gets everything off her chest (by the way that’s the area a nice guy avoids staring at, because he does not want to make her uncomfortable) , and now focuses on my dating habits to distract her from own relationship failures. She says,
“So ….What about you? How come you don’t have a girlfriend? Are you seeing anyone new I don’t know about? ”
I of course answer discreetly, attempting to evade upcoming questions on my non-existent dating. I had to. Otherwise my nice guy ways would eventually lead me into trying to make her feel guilty. And this just didn’t feel right. It was easier just to avoid he questions therefore eliminating the same advice I heard for years from women friends.
“You’re such a nice guy. You’ll find someone soon.”
“I think you should just get out more often.”
“What about…” pick any name from a list of women she knows that I’m not attracted to even remotely. After all I wanted attractive women. Hot girls. Beautiful ones that always are involved, yet every time you see them, they’re with a new guy.
Really now. When you think about it? That’s the advice I would get from women. Don’t get me wrong, occasionally they would mention my appearance, or point out a useful personal flaw I should correct, but that was rare.
So should a nice guy seek advice from his women friends?
First of all there is more than one useful answer to that question. And it’s going to come down to what kind of nice guy he is, the questions he asks her, and how he interprets the advice.
What kind of nice guy is he?
The two kinds are simple.
The nice guy that finishes first with women. He should not listen and probably doesn’t have the need to ask. I wouldn’t suggest it at all unless he follows his own thinking when interpreting her response.
The nice guy that finishes last with women. He also should not listen unless he is completely positive she is in touch with her own attraction logically. And that is rare for a woman just as it is, for a man. You should compare her to Marni and the Wing Girls.
Try to imagine yourself feeling attracted towards a woman and explaining it to yourself. I like a nice ass on a woman. It’s a really big turn on for me. But just saying that doesn’t explain clearly why I like a nice ass. It merely states what I am attracted to. Logically explaining it requires deeper proven facts.
- Why are we so attracted to butts? and similarly
The questions he asks her. This is very important because some questions yield wonderful results and others can lead to disaster and more ingrained nice guy thinking. Which then leads to how he interprets her answers or advice.
For example let’s say I’m admittedly stuck in the friends zone with this girl and I have finally gotten over it. But she is still a good friend of mine. We’re out having lunch and I notice she is checking out some dude. I decide to ask her,
“What is it about that guy you like?”
She responds,
“I don’t know. He’s just hot.”
I come back with,
“Okay then. What part of his body turns you on the most?”
She states but not in very sure manner,
“His eyes. Yeah I think that’s it. They’re so deep.”
I follow-up with,
“So what exactly did you feel when you look you into them as he passes our table?”
And finally she responds with crucial facts about what attracts her,
“Curiosity. Almost like a cat. I’m curious, but cautious.”
I can tell you that if I learned how to do that with my women friends at an early age, especially the ones I was extremely attracted to, that would’ve led to great insights about what really goes on inside a woman’s real attraction.
I feel most women generally do not know how to give men advice on dating BUT…
Stopping her generalized help and asking the right questions I feel almost every guy can benefit from.
I also feel this works both ways. When a woman asks me for advice it’s crucial to ask her question that will work in the opposite way. And through that manner I can help her to see things more clearly.
HER: “Pete, why do I keep falling for losers?”
“But all men are losers, right?”
HER: “Sort of…I guess. Haha! Seriously no, not all guys are losers, but there are plenty of them.”
“So you want that rare Winner Guy?”
HER: “Yeah. Where are they?”
“The winner’s circle, where else would they be?”
HER: “Oh sure if only it were that easy.”
“Where did you meet this last loser?”
HER: “Through a friend first. She introduced us. We talked. He took me out a couple times you know, to dinner. One night we got a little drunk, and had sex. I don’t know really. It just sort of happened. I can’t explain it. But he turned into a loser. He just did not understand me. But I kept falling for his bullshit until one day he cheated on me so I left him. ”
“What if I were to tell you to create two circles. One named loser. One named winner. When you meet a guy you are interested in dating, put his image between the circles. And always keep this in mind…
As you get to know him by testing him properly, move his image around towards the winner or loser circle. And until he precisely fits in the winner circle, do not date him exclusively.”
Giving advice is, word for word just giving, If we want to get good advice learning the right questions and how to interpret the answers is where the helpful advice lies.
I want to hear any woman’s response to my circle idea. So let me know what would be your response if I were to personally have that conversation with you.
