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You Meet and Suddenly She Mentions Her Boyfriend

in Experience
Oh you have  boyfriend. Wow. What kind of man would put up with such a pain in the ass like you?

Here’s the situation. You’re talking to a woman when all of a sudden she mentions she has a boyfriend.

You didn’t ask her if she was seeing someone.

You didn’t ask her out on a date.

You didn’t even ask for her phone number.

In fact, as far as you know, you didn’t even show any interest in dating her at all.

But some reason she decided to throw out,

“Me and my boyfriend…”

“When my boyfriend does that…”

“My boyfriend loves that song…”

“My boyfriend has that same problem..”

So how do you handle the situation?

It would certainly depend on how you felt about her. If you wanted to date her you might assume she was giving you a preempted rejection.

But what if you didn’t care one way or another and she did basically nothing for you – how would you take her whole mentioning a boyfriend thing?

Let’s think about this for a minute and all the reasons why some women feel the need to mention their boyfriend more than just casually.

1. She hasn’t been in many relationships.

She was single for so long that when she finally hooks up, her life revolves around the relationship. She has nothing else to talk about or can’t think of anything but him.

2. She’s testing you to see how interested you really are in her.

She likes her boyfriend but since they just got together she hasn’t invested too much in him. She feels you’re interested in her but she’s just not sure. She may not throw him aside for you but is certainly considering what life would be like with you, and not him.

3. She is letting you know, while trying to be nice about it, that there is NO chance you two are ever getting together.

She may or may not have a boyfriend but she hates turning down guys. She understands most men who hear this will back down almost immediately and give up.

But she also knows a guy who is worth the extra effort if you know what I mean, won’t give in so easily. He’ll either step up to her challenge or ignore it completely.

4. She is playing a bad game.

She’s wondering if you would be willing to allow her to cheat on her boyfriend. Yes. Allow her. Some women never like to take the “cheating” blame.

She’ll expect you to take the blame and then will let her current boyfriend know,  “I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened. I didn’t mean to do it.”

Here are two types of women who will play number 4.

The first one might want out of her relationship.

She probably met you before she hooked up with him but she had her eye on you. For some reason it never happened. She is faithful but is now questioning herself and her choice in him.

She is confused and will more than likely, no matter what you do, stay with her man. But you will always pop in her mind and if you stay close, as flirty friends, there is a chance you’ll hook up later on. 

If and only if her relationship fails AND you don’t discuss that relationship with her.

The second one definitely wants out of her current relationship.

She doesn’t care how it happens just as long she does not feel responsible for it. You’re the excuse if you’re willing to take charge and are willing to make it happen.

Would I suggest this type of girl for you?

Probably not.

But you know what?

Just because a woman is playing a bad game doesn’t make her a bad woman. Don’t get me wrong, most of the time it does mean she won’t be much of a girlfriend but I always try to keep in mind that women are just like every other human running around this planet…

Sometimes we do things, especially bad things, because it’s all we know how to do that will get quick, sometimes easy results. Mind you I didn’t say drama-free results.

For some women this may be the only way she knows how to get out of a relationship. Maybe she hates being alone so trudges from one relationship to another.

Let’s say you do like a girl who mentions her boyfriend. You are interested in her and you’re looking for advice around it.

Personally I would start with,

“Oh you have boyfriend. Wow. What kind of man would put up with such a pain in the ass like you? Haha!”

Just to get her “juices” flowing in my direction because that is what kind of “ass” I am. 🙂

Another choice is to completely ignore her words. Assume she is telling the truth and take it from there.  But remember if you play into her test and she begins to talk freely about her relationship you will be entering the friends zone very quickly.

But since this is about what YOU want… If you don’t want to settle for a friendship you must not allow that to happen. And if it does end it there and walk away and/or say,

“Listen. I know you like to talk about your man a lot. But I’m just not interested in going there with you. I’m fun to hang out with. We have a great time but I’m just not willing to be your counselor at this time. I’m sure you have plenty of friends you can confide in and if you want to continue what we have, go to them with it, not me.

Just be honest and upfront and be willing to walk away before a deeper friendship happens.

You have to keep the “in the future attitude” with her and leave it there because you never know what’s going to happen later on.

Relationships end all the time.

Date around and keep her in your “que” so in case something goes wrong and you’re still single, you’ll have the option to date her.

If you let it go and become close friends with her – there’s little chance she will ever see you as more than a friend in the future.

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8 comments… add one
  • dave

    yeah this is the ting that pisses me off the most… at a new job few yrs ago (i was 20 at the time) and sitting oppositte a woman who was like 28 just talking.. and i had no interest in pulling her at all. I mean i wouldnt even expect to due to the age difference and so on! And she mentioned a boyfriend literally within about 5 minutes of talking to her. and it was in the most pathetic way ever… I think she said something like “we went to the barbeque in my boyfriends car” lol. I mean why would you say that? You would say.. we went to the barbeque… or.. we went to the barbeque in a car… it is just funny that she said in the boyfriends car.

    But what annoys me tho is in a way it kind of under mines me as a person. Its as if she is saying ‘the only reason your talking to me is because you want to sleep with me’. Which isnt the case.. and it annoys me. A part of me thinks.. be positive – she sees you as a threat so has to mention her boyfriend, which in a way is like a compliment. But on the other hand i also think it annoys me as it under mines me as a person really. I was tempted to say something back like.. i went to the local shop (….with my girlfriend) just to do it back to her.

    and anotehr time recently me and my friend were walking back from a nigh out on town and a girl started asking to use my phone to ring her friends as she lost them.. then she started saying how she was in the pub with her friends.. and her boyfriend. And then started mentioning her boyfriend almost eery 3 sentences. but what makes me laugh is me and my friend both thought she was nice.. but she wanted something from us. SHe was clearly trying to get money for a taxi or something… But again it was like – oh well, dont mention your boyfriend then you stupid bitch lol then we may have given you money. But.. as you seem to insist on mentioning your boyfriend.. see ya later and enjoy walking home!

    My final point is.. both these women were ‘ok’. Not stunning.. but youd give em one. And anyway the girl we met in town had a fat ass. And as far as im concered.. im not the one stuck with a girlfriend with a fat ass, so over all, im happy

    • Carlos

      I feel annoyed with that too! I don’t show it, but when it happens all of a sudden the way it happened to you I:

      1- just ignore the girl and go find someone else to talk to.
      2- just ignore the fact she mentioned her mate as though she had not even mentioned him and keep talking about whatever we were talking about.

      I dont know, I think it can be women’s deffense mechanism working but I don’t think we (men) are on all the time trying to hit on them. I think with that, that women are so pretentious thinking that we are willing to get into their pants all the time… and it’s not like that, life is not just sex and they should be aware of that.
      Depending on the girls personality my n°1 makes her come after me or just reciprocate. Any of both is okay with me.
      On the n°2, which is the most effective, makes her open up to you… or at least happens to me…

      Anyway, I believe this deifying women society makes them feel desired all the time and that couldn’t be further from the truth…

  • johnny cakes

    Mostly women mention their boyfriends as a defence mechanism, either she feels you are attracted to her or are getting too close, or she is trying to make you jealous to ascertain how you feel about her because she is unsure. The second one is usually if she has some level of attraction towards you. The guy who mentions this above shows this context, she was happy to be friends with you but quickly mentioned her boyfriend so you didn’t get the wrong impression about her friendliness. Don’t take this personally, girls have to do this to stop a ton of guys from asking them out all the time.
    The only women who have ever mentioned their boyfriends to me were either trying to make me jealous/make themselves appear desirable, or trying to establish boundaries, or were just female players trying to play mind games. Also lets not be so cynical and forget that maybe she talks about her boyfriend because she just really loves him.

  • Good points Johnny. It just goes to show you how many reasons a women will all of a sudden mention she has a boyfriend.

    And how it so much of it depends on who she is, how you are with women, and
    how some women are so deeply in love they can not help but to tell the world about him.

  • I found this article because I have the reverse problem–guys suddenly dropping their girlfriend or partner in the conversation.

    I like talking with people from a variety of backgrounds, so yes, sometimes guys do assume that I’m talking to them because I’m interested in dating them, when the reality is I like to make new friends, or sometimes I’m just being polite. I think that both genders mention that they have a boy or girlfriend because it’s a non-confrontational way of saying, “don’t go there” that doesn’t hurt anyone’s feelings. (Unless you learn later on that they’re lying. Then that kind of sucks.) From my perspective though, it does get annoying when your intentions weren’t anything more than friendship or politeness, i.e. drawing someone who is alone into the conversation at a party or waving a quick hello to a neighbour when you see them at the supermarket.

    I agree with Johnny though, sometimes people do just mention their boyfriend or girlfriend because they care about them and want the whole world to know how amazing that person is–and unless you approached the person with the intention of dating them, this is the healthiest assumption to make.

    • Thanks for sharing Kathryn. My girlfriend tells me all the time… 🙂

      You’re making me wonder how many guys mention their fake girlfriend because their are trying to make themselves more attractive. Kind of using the old “girlfriend” trick to make you believe they’re a sought out man hoping you’ll take the bait.

      On a side note – love your fish.

  • AnonymousAndy

    I for one am sick and god damn tired of a girl or woman who immediately mentions a “boyfriend”
    It’s as simple as going into a store and buying something and making simple NOTHING conversation IF she continues talking to me. I never just start telling a strange girl about my day or who I am. I simply reply to what is said to me and before I know it, I hear, yeah me and my boyfriend or yeah a my boyfriend really likes this too. Understand this. I’m Asexual. But they don’t know that. I could be gay for all she knows yet she always ALWAYS drops MY BOYFRIEND at some point during the brief exchange. Even worse is going to a store I frequent and here my boyfriend when I ask a price or of something is in stock… Girls, just stfu when at work or when in public. Don’t smile or feign interest. Not all guys are out to screw you.

  • AnonymousAndy

    I’m a straight white male, 33, 6’2″ 260Lbs, large frame and for lack of a better term, a jellyfish. Because I don’t fornicate or hit on any girl / woman. In simple exchanges at the store with a girl I will always hear MY BOYFRIEND in some way. It’s always segued into the conversation. Never from a come on. I merely speak when spoken to and then MY BOYFRIEND! Meh…

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