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18. Give Her Space.

18. Give The Women You Are Attracted to… Space.

Sexual Woman

This may be the toughest behavior for most “nice guys” to adopt. And it will also sound radically contrary to what you’ve been brought up to believe by the media and your mom….
This will make the difference between the guy that walks away with the sweet taste of woman on his lips… or the bland and disappointing taste of her “friendship.”
How to Create (or Kill) Sexual Tension by Carlos Xuma

One rule of attraction implicitly states, when we chase those we are attracted to, they will run quicker than Forest Gump on steroids.

If you want one way that will always separate you from any pack of needy and horny nice guys better known as the “hot girl’s entourage,” it is to step back and give her space.

Allow her to live her own life. Allow her to make her own mistakes and more importantly, allow her to learn from those mistakes. Allow her to miss you.

And most importantly – She must understand you’re not needy, clingy, and desperately starved for her attention.

When you smother any woman with too much affection and attention you have little hope in creating sexual tension.

You’ll be that nice guy friend or worse, you’ll be her “go to guy” when she’s experiencing problems with the guy who either keeps blowing her off or has too little time for her.

Let’s not get too deep into the reasons for this approval seeking or “urgent” act of a man who is scared he’s going to miss something. Let’s leave it at -

I’ve been “that” guy and this is a big reason why I wrote Nice Guy Tip 18 – I thought if I left her alone, she would leave me. She would find someone else. I acted out of fear and had every excuse to explain my actions.

Women are not inanimate objects you can keep for yourself.

They have feelings and experience emotions at every level in their lives. They need space and the room to live their independent existence. They also need the space to determine you are right choice for her.
If you’re struggling as a nice guy and despite anything you do, you just can not give her the space she needs I have a few tips for you:

  • Date many women.
  • When you meet a woman you really like, quickly go out and find others like her.
  • Don’t be afraid to leave your phone at home once in a while.
  • Don’t be afraid to turn the phone off during your most desperate times.
  • Restrict how much you see her or contact her to at least half, maybe more depending where you’re at.
  • If you want to call her and you know you’re appearing desperate, STOP and get yourself busy doing something else. I used to journal my reasoning in vivid details. The longer it took me to write, the better chance my sense of urgency would take over.
  • In your weakest moments think of every clingy women who wouldn’t leave you alone and give yourself a hard smack.
  • If a woman has ever told you to ‘get a life’ (yes it’s happened to me) she may not be too far off. Find some goals besides getting a girlfriend.
  • This goes without saying – develop strong self-confidence and build your self-esteem.
  • Always remember to allow any sexual moments to build naturally and never force the issue. If you don’t know how, learn the true art of seduction.

As a nice guy, fear is the ultimate cause of not giving a woman enough space.

  • If you’re seeing her now and you’re worried she is going to cheat on you, your fears will actually push her closer to that next guy.

Another cause in not giving her space is pure neediness for affection.

  • We all desire affection. It feels good. But I guarantee it’s going to feel better if you can hold back a little more each time.

The third cause of a nice guy’s inability to give a woman space is a need to be affirmed.

  • You don’t feel loved unless she is always reaffirming her love for you. As the old saying goes, you can only be loved as much as you love yourself. If you don’t even like yourself then women are not your problem and will never solve it for you, despite how many times she tells you how worthy you are.

ONE LAST TIP: When your emotions are beginning to overwhelm you and you must see her despite your intuition, come here and start reading until you pass out.

I’m always happy to put you to sleep if it keeps you from crowding that girl. :)

Click here for the next tip – Confidence


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25 comments… add one

  • Paco

    Hi peter ..so my situation is this..i met this girl about 6 months ago she had a bf at the time which she was having problems with…he never treated her as a gf he mevee gave her the recognition she deserved ..long story short i waa just a friend for hee a listener someone that gave her advice and support…soon we both caught feelings for each other we both confessed it..but she was still taken..once i saw thing seemed more serious between us i decided to talk to her ans told her that if this was going anywhere that she would have to be single and it would have to be done the wrong way..she was sad about it but respected my decision to back of and not talk..about 2 weeks later she broke it off with her now exbf and we started to hang out again.. During the 2 weeks we didnt really talk much or text it was just very simple hi ans bye..also she is my friend’s sister so i see her often when im with her brother ..our families both kno each other well so theres a bunch of strings attached now…shes friends with my fam and im friends with hers…so its been almost 7 weeks since she broke it off with her ex and for the first 4 weeks things were going great between us we went on cpl dates and we moved on to kissing making out cuddling while movies holding hands all that stuff. Then out of nowhere she changed she seemed different. I confronted her about it and she saying that shes having trouble getting over the break up..she feels guilty because shes the one that broke it off but she assured me she still has feelings for me…weve made future plans like going to the beach together and other places and she does flirt alot with me still but there are days when shes just different…im thinking about giving her space and just let her get through this process..but sometimes i just dont know what to do

    • Hi Paco,

      The thing is, how your relationship started – just as friends where she was either going to you for advice and support or you just happened to be there or were even offering help…

      Tells me she’s not feeling any real emotional attraction to you. At least not in the same way she’s feeling it for her ex.

      It’s great you two hooked up and I would never tell any guy that nothing’s impossible BUT I must warn you, without certain excitement, without the emotional ride, without the friction attraction often creates – there’s always going to be her ex ( or another guy ) who she’s feeling “that” for.

      I don’t think she changed or started acting differently. To me, she was hiding her true feelings and TRYING to stir them with you – but then realized it just wasn’t the same or it wasn’t going to happen. She puts on the “face” for you because she feels like she owes you something but the unfortunate truth is – she’s not over her ex and until something happens it’s highly unlikely she’ll move on until then.

      I would definitely give her space and avoid being the “friend” she can turn to for advice unless you’re willing to give up on it all and just be her friend. Definitely reach out to other women where you can create the attraction women need to feel. The kind of stuff similar ( but not necessarily the same ) this girl and her ex first felt.

      The best thing you can do now, for yourself is to introduce other women in your life. It will make it easier to give her space among other things.

      Also, the next time a woman appears to start acting differently ( in a bad way )- that’s your cue to step back and not an invitation to “confront” the issue. ( Unless you’ve already been in a long-term relationship. )

      All the best to you Paco and make sure you start with attraction with all your many next dates. If this one comes around ( that ) has to happen first.

      Thanks for asking and I do hope this helps you out,


  • Adam

    Hey Pete,
    I’m going into college this year and this attractive girl that I really like is 2 years younger than me that I met at a concert and lives 4 and a half hours away in the next state. She works at a camp in my state near my house during the summer and was at the concert with one of her friends that went to my high school which was why she was at the concert. Anyways, nobody else I was with at the concert knew her so I introduced myself and was very nice and made small talk all the way until we got into the concert. I strayed away from her at the beginning of the concert to talk with other people but I looked for her every now and then and we made eye contact a couple times. Towards the second half of the concert we found each other and decided to go down closer to the stage. She knew all the songs and was trying to get me dance and was being flirty. I was being flirty back, made her laugh and such and then after the concert we met back at her friend’s house.

    Little did I know until I got to the house, that this girl had a boyfriend of two years back home that I had to find out about from her friend while she was in the bathroom. I had planned to make a move that night until I found that out. So we sat together for a couple hours talking and flirting until around 3am and she put her number in my phone. She had to leave for camp the next morning and would not have her phone for 2 weeks.

    So fast forward 2 weeks and she starts texting me again and I was being funny, nice, and complimenting her a lot. I decided to surprise her at the airport a couple days later before she flew back home. That went well and we starting texting and having long phone calls in the late night and early morning. We both were being flirty and I was complimenting her a lot. She still doesn’t know that I like her and that I know she has a boyfriend at this point. That is until she could somehow sense that I wasn’t okay through text and called me and I told her that her boyfriend was the luckiest guy and that he better know it and that it really sucked that we couldn’t date. She told me that I was a perfect guy and that who knows and that I’ll meet people in college. I was very sad to hear this because she is my ideal girl.

    Another couple days go by of us texting and snapchatting but being less flirty. I still went about complimenting her and such. Then I sensed something was wrong so I asked her and told her she could tell me anything. So she told me that her boyfriend lied to her and that it bothered her, and so I just comforted her. A day later we are on the phone playing 20 questions and she is asking me personal questions about my previous dating life, what my ideal young girl would be like, and questions about our previous experiences together and so I asked her if she could see us dating in the future and she said yes. We’ve been texting each day pretty much and I leave for college in the next few days and I’m not sure what to do now. I’ve just been nice, complimentary, funny, and trying to make her comfortable with me this whole time. I really want to have a future with her but yet I’m not trying to be over the top, needy, or desperate. I know I’ll meet people at college but she is amazing. I just am not sure what to do about it?

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