18. Give Her Space.

18. Give The Women You Are Attracted to… Space.

Sexual Woman

This may be the toughest behavior for most “nice guys” to adopt. And it will also sound radically contrary to what you’ve been brought up to believe by the media and your mom….
This will make the difference between the guy that walks away with the sweet taste of woman on his lips… or the bland and disappointing taste of her “friendship.”
How to Create (or Kill) Sexual Tension by Carlos Xuma

One rule of attraction implicitly states, when we chase those we are attracted to, they will run quicker than Forest Gump on steroids.

If you want one way that will always separate you from any pack of needy and horny nice guys better known as the “hot girl’s entourage,” it is to step back and give her space.

Allow her to live her own life. Allow her to make her own mistakes and more importantly, allow her to learn from those mistakes. Allow her to miss you.

And most importantly – She must understand you’re not needy, clingy, and desperately starved for her attention.

When you smother any woman with too much affection and attention you have little hope in creating sexual tension.

You’ll be that nice guy friend or worse, you’ll be her “go to guy” when she’s experiencing problems with the guy who either keeps blowing her off or has too little time for her.

Let’s not get too deep into the reasons for this approval seeking or “urgent” act of a man who is scared he’s going to miss something. Let’s leave it at –

I’ve been “that” guy and this is a big reason why I wrote Nice Guy Tip 18 – I thought if I left her alone, she would leave me. She would find someone else. I acted out of fear and had every excuse to explain my actions.

Women are not inanimate objects you can keep for yourself.

They have feelings and experience emotions at every level in their lives. They need space and the room to live their independent existence. They also need the space to determine you are right choice for her.
If you’re struggling as a nice guy and despite anything you do, you just can not give her the space she needs I have a few tips for you:

  • Date many women.
  • When you meet a woman you really like, quickly go out and find others like her.
  • Don’t be afraid to leave your phone at home once in a while.
  • Don’t be afraid to turn the phone off during your most desperate times.
  • Restrict how much you see her or contact her to at least half, maybe more depending where you’re at.
  • If you want to call her and you know you’re appearing desperate, STOP and get yourself busy doing something else. I used to journal my reasoning in vivid details. The longer it took me to write, the better chance my sense of urgency would take over.
  • In your weakest moments think of every clingy women who wouldn’t leave you alone and give yourself a hard smack.
  • If a woman has ever told you to ‘get a life’ (yes it’s happened to me) she may not be too far off. Find some goals besides getting a girlfriend.
  • This goes without saying – develop strong self-confidence and build your self-esteem.
  • Always remember to allow any sexual moments to build naturally and never force the issue. If you don’t know how, learn the true art of seduction.

As a nice guy, fear is the ultimate cause of not giving a woman enough space.

  • If you’re seeing her now and you’re worried she is going to cheat on you, your fears will actually push her closer to that next guy.

Another cause in not giving her space is pure neediness for affection.

  • We all desire affection. It feels good. But I guarantee it’s going to feel better if you can hold back a little more each time.

The third cause of a nice guy’s inability to give a woman space is a need to be affirmed.

  • You don’t feel loved unless she is always reaffirming her love for you. As the old saying goes, you can only be loved as much as you love yourself. If you don’t even like yourself then women are not your problem and will never solve it for you, despite how many times she tells you how worthy you are.

ONE LAST TIP: When your emotions are beginning to overwhelm you and you must see her despite your intuition, come here and start reading until you pass out.

I’m always happy to put you to sleep if it keeps you from crowding that girl. :)

Click here for the next tip – Confidence


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77 comments… add one

  • david

    Dear,peter. I’m in a relationship going on 3 months , things have been great,wonderful, until bout a week ago she told me she needed space,time, & she was confused I’m like wow never had it said to me before never even heard of it, this is a lady that’s been married 2 time & her last go around in a relationship was bad,, yes I told her I’m sorry for her last relationship but don’t compair me to them , its been 11 years for her 3 year for me, I was married for 22 years been devoiced now for 11 years …. Yes I’ve told her take all time she needs , I’m not going anywhere & that I won’t text or call also told her she knows where I live, knows my Numbers,knows where my heart is…

  • steven

    this is so helpful. i am everything that has been described in this write up. i am sure with this new information i have, its getting better for me

  • Yeeta

    Hi Peter,
    I haven’t checked the date of this lost or the reply a but I hope that you will be able to shed some sort of life on my situation. I’ve been dating this girl for 4 years. She recently told me that it’s over and I’m not the guy for her, she’s unable to see my in her future, she doesn’t want a guy like me. After she told me those things I didn’t understand and kept asking her why is she breaking up with me. She kept repeating herself. She told me that I didn’t know how to love her the way that she wanted to be loved. She wanted to feel special and she wanted affection. I would say I failed to love her that way but I do believe that I showed her love. A few days after that I hung out with her before she had a church meet up at the university. The next day she told me about the passage they read; it was about how the tongue is a powerful tool and can be very hurtful or nurturing. She apologized for what she said and didn’t mean any of it just that she was very emotional and mad. She’s shown me signs that she not completely done with this but at the same time she shows me that she is. In the beginning she used to ignore most of my texts but recently she would respond to all of them whether with one word or a sentence. There was also this one point when I was at her house she asked me to kiss her and hug her; I tried to hug her before and she didn’t want no part of it so when given the chance I politely kissed and hugged her as I didn’t want to be all in her face if she didn’t want it. After that she told me that the kiss made her tingly inside as she felt happy and sad. She just went to California for a day to visit her family for about 2 weeks or so. I told her that I’ll try to give her about 2 weeks of space, no contact. Do you think that there’s still a chance? Sometimes I ask her she’ll say no and then other times she’ll say maybe. She’s also made it clear that she’s been waiting for a long time for me to love her the way she wanted for a long time. She’s been hurt and vulnerable to me for too long and and since gotten strong. She says she doesn’t want to fall back into be weak and vulnerable again. Right now she strong and wants to be independent and focus on herself and doesn’t want to be in a relationship. In the end she says she strong right now and doesn’t want to be weak again so she won’t give me another chance. I admit i wasn’t most dependable and best boyfriend and hurt her a lot but I do believe that she loves me a lot as well. I’m hoping that due time she’ll start to give me a chance once I start changing into a better person. She told me to love myself and others will love me too. We both start school at the same university in about 3 weeks. She’s any light that you’re able to please. Thanks again Peter.

  • Bruce

    My girlfriend for the past 7 months just closed on her new house last Wednesday. She is the type when she is busy or stressed she handles her problems herself which is good.. She is very independent and i love her for that. It is hard sometimes because i miss her alot and i have not contacted or text over a week now and she has not either. I know she loves me and i love her too.. I just wish she would contact me soon.. but i’m patience and i am going to wait for her to contact me since i was the one who called her last week and no answer and no reply back on my text. She also told me when she doesn’t reply she is just busy.. I just miss her..

    • Hey Bruce, great to hear you’re giving her some space and the right kind… letting her live her own life as the independent woman she obviously likes to be. BUT I’ll say one thing, you’ve been in a relationship for 7 months, I’d say it’s okay to reach back at her with a quick supporting text and nothing more IF she doesn’t get back to you for a week or more. She might like that.

      This whole “give her space” thing is typically meant for guys who are overly needy and smother women too much and too early and not fully intended for guys in committed relationships.


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