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18. Give Her Space.

18. Give Her Space. post image

18. Give The Women You Are Attracted to… Space.

One rule of attraction implicitly states, when we chase those we are attracted to, they will run quicker than Forest Gump on steroids.

If you want one way that will always separate you from any pack of needy and horny nice guys better known as the “hot girl’s entourage,” it is to step back and give her space.

Allow her to live her own life. Allow her to make her own mistakes and more importantly, allow her to learn from those mistakes. Allow her to miss you.

And most importantly – She must understand you’re not needy, clingy, and desperately starved for her attention.

“An independent, secure man does not NEED a woman for his approval. He can stand alone and separate of her opinion… Another way to show this is to allow for long pauses between contacts with a woman. Don’t email her right back. Don’t call her right back. How to Create (or Kill) Sexual Tension

When you smother any woman with too much affection and attention you have little hope in creating sexual tension.

You’ll be that nice guy friend or worse, you’ll be her “go to guy” when she’s experiencing problems with the guy who either keeps blowing her off or has too little time for her.

Let’s not get too deep into the reasons for this approval seeking or “urgent” act of a man who is scared he’s going to miss something. Let’s leave it at –

I’ve been “that” guy and this is a big reason why I wrote Nice Guy Tip 18 – I thought if I left her alone, she would leave me. She would find someone else. I acted out of fear and had every excuse to explain my actions.

The truth is…

Women are not inanimate objects you can keep for yourself.

They have feelings and experience emotions at every level in their lives. They need space and the room to live their independent existence. They also need the space to determine you are right choice for her.

If you’re struggling as a nice guy and despite anything you do, you just can not give her the space she needs I have a few tips for you:

  • Date many women.
  • When you meet a woman you really like, quickly go out and find others like her.
  • Don’t be afraid to leave your phone at home once in a while.
  • Don’t be afraid to turn the phone off during your most desperate times.
  • Restrict how much you see her or contact her to at least half, maybe more depending where you’re at.
  • If you want to call her and you know you’re appearing desperate, STOP and get yourself busy doing something else. I used to journal my reasoning in vivid details. The longer it took me to write, the better chance my sense of urgency would take over.
  • In your weakest moments think of every clingy women who wouldn’t leave you alone and give yourself a hard smack.
  • If a woman has ever told you to ‘get a life’ (yes it’s happened to me) she may not be too far off. Find some goals besides getting a girlfriend.
  • This goes without saying – develop strong self-confidence and build your self-esteem.
  • Always remember to allow any sexual moments to build naturally and never force the issue. If you don’t know how, learn the true art of seduction.
  • If you’re struggling after a recent break up, read this: How to Get Over an Ex Girlfriend – Recovering From a Break-up

As a nice guy, fear is typically the ultimate cause of not giving a woman enough space.

If you’re seeing her now and you’re worried she is going to cheat on you, your fears will actually push her closer to that next guy.

Another cause of not giving her space is pure neediness for affection.

We all desire affection. It feels good. But I guarantee it’s going to feel better if you can hold back a little more each time.

The third cause of a nice guy’s inability to give a woman space is a need to be affirmed.

You don’t feel loved unless she is always reaffirming her love for you. As the old saying goes, you can only be loved as much as you love yourself. If you don’t even like yourself then women are not your problem and will never solve it for you, despite how many times she tells you how worthy you are.

ONE LAST TIP: When your emotions are beginning to overwhelm you and you must see her despite your intuition, come here and start reading until you pass out.

I’m always happy to put you to sleep if it keeps you from crowding that girl. 🙂

Click here for the next tip – Confidence

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98 comments… add one
  • Daniel Martin

    Hey there,

    Great read on the article. I really enjoyed it and have learned quite a lot from reading a few times now.

    I have a dilemma just like many comments before and was hoping you could help me.

    Ok so i met this girl online and shes absolutely stunning and perfect in everyway.
    We met up a few weekends ago on Saturday and sunday and I asked her to be my gf to which she said yes (I now realise this was way to early). We spent 2 weeks together and then I got a text saying that she’s just not ready for a relationship with anyone and she’s very sorry.
    We still speak with each other and I did try to convince her to atleast meet up with me to discuss things over maybe I could change her mind as she said she’s still got feelings for me but shes not mentally prepared for it.
    So moving on I came across your article and this had made me realise where I’ve gone wrong but just wanted your advice and help to how I could try and atleast get her backcas I believe there is still a chance. I’ve not made contact with her since 2 days now as Im giving her her “space”
    What else would you suggest for me?

    Once again thank you for writing this article. Really has helped me understand so much more.

  • Cooper

    Hey man, that was really helpful. Me and this girl, have been super off & on, and its confusing, because one day it feels like we really like each other and the next she tells me that she misses me and all but she doesn’t want to be with me, and I think I do smother her cause I text her everyday and that can be the only explanation. I am only 17 years old, but I love this girl man, ever sense the moment we met. And a lot of people are telling me to give up and move on cause of how confusing it is, and i bet you if I texted her today I might have great day, and she might be cute with me, but i’m not because I need this cycle to end. I know these feelings are right, you have to take my word on that one. All her friends are telling me she’s confused and I know, and me texting her all the time probably isn’t helping. I see other girls in the meantime too, so it’s not to unhealthy, but any words to motivate me on giving her space man? I just know shes right and I cant explain that, I guess some people just know when they meet that person, and I know if I do give her space it will go great and I will have a great chance. Any words of support or comfort?

    • Cooper

      And maybe I should give you background. Last year, we had a thing but I cut it off because I was too overwhelmed. I regretted it because I knew I loved her and managed to get her back. plus I was only 15 when I met her, I couldnt handle the feelings. So I decided to to take her for granted and I treated her like a princess, and I loved her with all my heart and she did too for a while. Then, she did what I did last year… she left me due to confusion and things she must not be ready for. The irony is she is the same age as me when I did it (almost 16) and we are both a lot a like. I just want her back man, I love her so much and I just know she is right for me, she is my best friend and being with her never gets old.

      • Hey Cooper,

        Yeah, I know it feels confusing but it’s really not. You’re both at an age where things are a little messed up inside. That’s all. As you both begin to come “into your own” these things are bound to happen. Your situation is not confusing, it’s the emotional side-steps you’re both experiencing inside that makes it feel over-bearing or too much or beyond your control.

        With that in mind – stepping back to see the bigger picture can really help you out.

        Look at where you’re at in life. Where she is. Understand as things come together (life, happiness, direction, balance, etc…) so will the both of you IF you keep in touch AND not let this emotional pull towards her cause you to do some stupid stuff.

        Understand for both of you this is an internal struggle. That means by focusing on yourself, where you’re going, where you are, finding your passions away from her, enjoying life as it comes to you, finding your balance, and all that lovely stuff – that’s where you’ll find your answer. That’s when it will all come together.

        Uncertainty is also part of the problem. You’re not a 50 year old couple who know what’s coming.

        All I’m trying to say is when you both begin to feel less confused about YOURSELVES and more certain of what you want for YOURSELF (which does not include another person) everything else will take care of itself.

        Your separation does not mean you’re going to just suddenly stop loving each other (you know as well as I do that’s not going to happen). Sure you could grow apart over time. It’s a possibility.

        But if it’s not the connection, the space thing, or love that’s broke – there’s nothing to fix or trying to get back with her or fixing something that’s not broke tends to break it or make it worse – realize what needs to be taken care of, are the things I mentioned today.

        Allow her to find herself. Do the same for yourself. Keep in casual contact – feel free to share with her a little and be open to her too.

        Never forget this: each time you both get pulled into each other – where it feels confusing, this only delays the process of actually getting back together because when we put so much effort into someone else, we have nothing left for ourselves. And less focus on YOU delays growth and thus delays hers growth which in parts delays ever getting back together. Right? 🙂

        Don’t think of it as giving her space or time, think of it as giving her the opportunity to find herself or where she is or wants to be, while using the extra time to focus on the same things yourself and just maybe, you’ll find a good enough reason to remain focused and stay the course.

        AND without playing games or using some secret technique to win her back will GREATLY increase the chance of you two being a couple again – later.

        All the best to you Cooper,

        Pete

        orbecause at such an early age, love tends to make it feel like we’re losing a part of ourselves without it when it’s the opposite (when you give up too much of yourself to another before you feel whole yourself, you’re left with less.)

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