What to Say When Approaching Women

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You DO NOT need pickup lines to approach women…

What does a nice guy that finishes last do, when approaching a woman he desires?

He puts the woman on a social level that is higher than his own. He not only approaches a woman haphazardly and nervously, but also makes it clear to her he is interested in her beyond just getting to know her and he advertises that he needs her to like him back.

He may also use pickup lines he learned in high school, or from a cool television show.  Ne may even attempt to mask his intentions, hoping she will not be offended or upset by his approach.

I know this because I did it for years!


The Cold Approachdefinition
The Warm Approach – definition
What To Say (Opening)
Related Posts and Recommended Products

What does a typical nice guy that finishes first do, when approaching a women he finds attractive?

He does not give away his status to the woman.

He doesn’t allow her to be his one and only when he barely knows her.

He understands that if he approaches a woman confidently she will automatically assume that he is interested, and therefore leaves the overused and boring compliments for the other guy to fail at.

He saves his compliment for a time when it will be for her only, romantic and unique.

He doesn’t need pickup lines because his fun flirty self is not concerned or stuck in his own head about what to say.

He also understands if he fails to start a great conversation with her it is not the end of the world. So he will move on.

My biggest two mistakes I made when I approached a girl, was waiting entirely too long and not knowing what to say.

You have 3 seconds from spotting a woman to when you approach her and say something to engage her interest. If you wait longer, your opportunity window closes faster than Ticketmaster can sell out Britney Spears tickets….Carlos Xuma

How to Approach Women – Part Two of Five: Situation – On the Street

I was never clear if she really wanted  me to approach her. I wasn’t aware of her flirting signals and I was not confident enough. Doubts would run through my head and my brain would literally freeze up. I was constantly stuck inside my mind, thinking about what to say.

I would wait for the words to come to me and the right time to say entirely too long but the words never came. The moment would soon pass or the night would come to an end with yet another failure.

Knowing what to say when approaching a woman is a difficult task for many men. But think about the last time you made a good friend. You probably can not even pinpoint your exact approach. Who really does that anyways? Who thinks about a non-sexual approach in making a friend?

I’m positive some guys are not great in social situations and just making a friend may be difficult, but there are many more men that struggle approaching a strong good looking woman. That I can guarantee!

The truth is it does not matter what you say.  You can say almost anything and as long as you are coming from the right place emotionally.  A place of high character and strong boundaries.  Literally, you can walk up and say, “God I feel constipated… what’s up guys?” and get the girl.
Doctor Paul,  “Have You Have Ever Thought “What Do I SAY To Her?”

The Cold Approach:

My definition of a cold approach is where you approach a woman and you haven’t made any real kind of eye contact at all. You will hear from other how this approach can also be seen as approaching women on the street, in clubs, bars, and any public place. I don’t see it that way. The cold approach as far as I’m concerned is approaching her in any situation where you disrupt whatever she is doing.

I would not suggest this approach if you are struggling with your confidence or self esteem. If you are extremely confident and have a great attractive personality then go for it. You shouldn’t have to worry about what to say. Your words will flow naturally and your body language will be strong enough.

However if you’re having trouble getting to that next step there is good reason to believe you’re allowing her to lead the conversation. You walk up to her with higher status, and then slowly hand it over. Which is not good for attraction.

Cold approaches are much easier with strong masculine body language.

Body language which exhibits and triggers a woman’s sexual instincts are key in this area. In fact they may even get more women to approach you.

Let’s face it to a woman a cold approach is exactly that, cold.

The Warm Approach:

A warm approach is any approach where you have made eye and contact is she appears to be approachable. In other words you don’t interrupt what she is doing. This can be done in your social circle, a market, a bar, a club, even on the street as long as you follow a few important rules woman be will more open to this approach.

This is the best method for any skill level and I still believe women prefer this method. Your success rate will increase using this one.

The best part about the warm approach is that you will find she will often make it easy for you to approach her, especially if she is single and wants to meet available men.

In case you didn’t know, this is one way in how it works.

You catch each others eyes, she looks away, usually down and to the right. A little while later you look up and feel her eyes on you again, so you catch her glimpse and she looks away again. Warning…If you see her eyes widen, looking up and rolling her eyes, it is usually not a good sign she wants to meet you. Anything but that, or hiding among her friends, is the perfect time to approach.

Don’t wait and let the moment pass. If you’re letting too many moments pass you by you can get immediate help from some of the best in the game when it comes to approaching women. They are programs designed to teach you everything you need to know but you’re going to have to pay for them.

Here are my main influences in this area you can buy yourself:

If you learn to get good at this, you will be surprised how much easier it is to have a woman open up to you. She will allow the conversation to develop naturally. You will also find with casual confident eye contact women will actually come to you. She may not walk up and say hi, but she will put herself in a easy position for you to begin a conversation.

What To Say To Women – The Opener:

I supposed this is the part where most men break down. The anxiety about what to say coupled with the nervousness associated with failure freezes most men in their tracks.

Stop worrying so much about it is easy to say. I know it is. But I guarantee if you get these areas covered you’ll worry less about what to say and focus more on what to say next. Which, believe it or not is much more important.

  • You’re confident.
  • You have high self-esteem.
  • Your body language is that of a sexual man.
  • You’re not wearing a dirty t-shirt with the words “Wanna fuck?” on it.
  • You understand how to talk to a woman and increase her attraction.


What Your Conversation Should Avoid In The Approach:

  • Don’t compliment her.
  • Don’t offer to buy her a drink.
  • Don’t ask if she is single, has a boyfriend, or if she seeing anyone.
  • No politics, religion or family talk.
  • Don’t ask close ended questions. Nothing that can end in yes, or no.

There are many exceptions to those listed above and it will depend on how good you are in the approach. I’m assuming you are just learning or else you wouldn’t even be on my page.

Here are some exceptions:

You know how to open up with a compliment.

You have an amazing sense of style. I believe we had the same teacher. Wait… How do you know my Mom?

She is in the process of buying a drink.

You’re money’s is no good here. This one is on the house.” (of course it’s not but you may have to pay up.)

  • Don’t respond directly to her questions. Play with her but have fun and make sure she is laughing.
  • Don’t smother her unless where you meet is extremely loud. But then only lean in, to talk.
  • No fidgeting, quick movements, or unusually whiny or fast speaking.

I feel it is important to learn the don’t s because I believe it frees the mind up. It’s easier than thinking about what to say. And when you start thinking too much it seems unnatural and you will come off as creepy or inexperienced. If you know what not to do, if can allow yourself to be more free and open. Especially since you can’t predict every situation.

What Your Conversation Should Include In Your Approach:

  • Something she is passionate about.
  • Something you are passionate about.
  • A funny and sexually based story.
  • Learn how to tell interesting stories.
  • Busting her ass in a funny way about something you notice.
  • Fun and flirty games.
  • You can even bust on yourself a little. Just do it sparingly.

Sou see what to say when approaching women is not that hard at all. If you struggle with it because you are getting nervous or you fear rejection, you’re going to have to get that under control. I’ve learned throughout my life when I put myself in situations that made me nervous, I overcame them quickly.

But I actually like feeling a little nervous at times. I don’t want to feel anxious at all but I’ve learned to distinguish the two feelings. A little nervous energy can heighten your awareness so use that energy in a good way.

Related Posts on Approaching and Having Conversation With Women:

I believe you’ll find them extremely useful and full of great information.

From Carlos Xuma

As a free gift for making it this far please Download and read this report from Carlos – his tag line – If you Don’t Do This You’re Risking Losing Every Woman You approach 
How To Go ‘All The Way’ With Women – Without Worrying About When To Make Your Move – Or Her Slamming On The Brakes…

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2 comments… add one

  • dave

    So let’s see, play with her, do not answer her questions, do not compliment her and do not make any sudden movements…
    What are these women,snakes? This sounds really, really awful!

  • Yes! Your sarcastic comment was right.

    Play with her and make sure it’s fun for both of you. Women enjoy playful interactions.

    Don’t ask her questions… that bore the shit out of her. Observe and interact and connect. Just asking questions will only get you one word answers and one boring moment.

    Do not compliment her. If that’s all you got. Or if you use compliments to avoid real conversations. Or you’re just trying to get her to like you. Then yes. Avoid the typical compliment unless you want to be just like every other guy.

    Do not make any sudden movements. Yes! Unless you want to scare them or anyone away. Women want to be reassured when a stranger approaches, you’re comfortable and relaxed. I say it’s best to avoid being a creep.

    Yes! Women are snakes. They hide in the underbrush and swallow their prey whole.

    Seriously Dave. If you have found any reason to believe my nice guy approach is about relating women to anything but human beings then you have missed the big picture of what DiaLteG stands for. Which is fine with me so I’ll expect you’ll never waste our time again with your “off base” comments.

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