Confidence

True Self-Confidence is one of the most influential areas in which you can increase your success with women.

Without confidence your journey will be tough and usually men that can achieve success in the dating world without much of this, are the bad boys or jerks that display false bravado. Often women that are attracted to this type, or fall for them,  have severe problems of confidence themselves. They are

Truly self-confident men are open to all possibilities.

often initially fooled by his false securities and find out, hopefully sooner than later, that his jealousy or rage stems from his true insecurities. Deep down this man with little confidence can not believe he can actually hold an exceptional woman and shows his rage through his child like antics.

I am by no means a psychologist, or a psychiatrist.   See Doctor Paul Dobransky M.D. who actually is a clinical psychiatrist and offers extensive programs on becoming a confident masculine man.  I enjoy his works or materials because his theories and writings allowed me to see the actual road map to my own insecurity and confidence issues. I learned through him how to patch up the holes that existed in me which I wasn’t even aware of. Check him out if you struggle deeply in this area. I can not stress enough how woman perceive confidence as one of the most attractive traits a man can have.

I could relate more in my past how confidence worked through sports. I remember when first being taught how to play golf  I would often hear “you just need confidence”.  I always thought that was a load of bullshit because I needed to work on the skill before I could gain a confident attitude towards my game. How could I possibly be confident when my game at the time consisted of failure after failure? Too many unwanted results of where that stupid little ball would go.  I had the idea in my head that if I could not perform a certain task than I could have possibly use confidence. All I could say to myself was,

“Okay, you’ve made this shot before, so you know you can do it again.”

I would then swing and oops, duff the easy ninety yard shot down the fairway.

“If you don’t prepare, if you perform hesitantly and if you give up easily, you can’t expect to succeed  But that’s the way people who lack confidence operate. Such people probably believe, mistakenly, that confidence can only come from a history of successes. They say they’re only being realistic if they lack confidence. Unwittingly they use ‘realism’ as a justification for thinking negatively and limiting themselves.” Life is Not a Game of Perfect: Finding Your Real Talent and Making It Work for You

Your confidence affects all area of your life whether you believe it or not. Obviously learning any new skills will cause some failure, reworking of ideas, experimenting, and proper practicing techniques, but you can’t practice confidence directly from an outside source. It comes from a part of you that does not allow outside events or the actions of others to control you, or steal from you, your self esteem. Instilling in yourself a greater confidence will undoubtedly spill over into your dealing with women and your dates.  It has to.

“The key element to self-confidence is, therefore, an acceptance of the myriad consequences of a particular situation, be they good or bad. When one does not dwell on negative consequences one can be more ’self-confident’ because one is worrying far less about failure or (more accurately) the disapproval of others following potential failure. One is then more likely to focus on the actual situation which means that enjoyment and success in that situation is also more probable. If there is any ’self-belief’ component it is simply a belief in one’s ability to tolerate whatever outcome may arise; a certainty that one will cope irrespective of what happens. Belief in one’s abilities to perform an activity comes through successful experience and may add to, or consolidate, a general sense of self-confidence.”  excerpted from Wikipedia’s definition of self-confidence

That last definition really puts it together with regards to dating and attraction. People who exhibit strong confidence in themselves, or self-confidence, are not so worried about particular outcomes. They are considered to be far more attractive than someone who is constantly worried about how he appears to a woman. He is not constantly looking so far ahead and predicting which allows himself the freedom to live in the moment. Otherwise the disparity is felt others and  when dealing with women, makes you appear desperate and needy.

You can’t practice self-confidence so you have to figure out the root of your insecurities and work on those issues.  If you are insecure because you feel you are too short for most woman to date, then it’s time to ask yourself some serious questions about why you believe the belief. Stating that all women, everywhere, can’t possibly be with a shorter man is flawed thinking come from an insecurity. It’s a limiting belief in which it’s sole purpose is to give your brain a reason for it’s failures.  When in fact tons of women everyday find themselves attracted to shorter men. You see when it comes to attraction your self-confidence will allow you to handle a particular woman that might put you down, or reject you, based solely on your height. Obviously my first response long ago would be to just say, “Fuck her!”, she don’t know what she’s missing, and then go sulk about it in private. Now, being the man I’ve spent so much time working on, in the rare example I do say “Fuck her!”  I will  turn it around on her and bust her ass for it. Most of the time it is just the woman’s subconscious test anyways. The past me would have failed her test by just saying those two words.  The person I am now, turns it on her and teases her with her obviously flawed views of reality. I’ll joke about it. Even occasionally bust on myself for it. My self-confidence doesn’t allow her feelings or tests to reach into my self esteem and take it to use for herself.

A great article for learning about is self-confidence states this,

“On the other hand, you might be persuaded by someone who spoke clearly, who held his or her head high, who answered questions assuredly, and who readily admitted when he/she did not know something.” excerpted from  Building Self-Confidence, Develop the Self-Confidence You Deserve!

While persuading may not be a suitable term for this site, appearing attractive can be thought of as,

persuading a woman to have feelings for you through your self-confident personality.

The terms under these conditions become one and the same.

This site is about nice guys so I feel I should mention a little about how self-confidence and the nice guy relates to each other.  First check out The WingGirlMethod Blog on How to Show Self Confidence. Notice how a simple blog on self-confidence turns into a discussion about nice guys. Marni is totally right when she says that women do want nice guys, they just don’t want nice guys without any confidence. So keep your nice guy qualities and add to it self-confidence and women will find it hard to resist that combination. Don’t be a pushover or a wussy and your nice guy ways can be

Women can not resist a nice guy with self-confidence.

used to actually attract some great women. This page has some incredible links to learn about self-confidence and you will have to take it from there. Turning a nice guy that finishes last, into a nice guy that finishes first will require confidence building in all or some areas of your life, but it’s well worth the effort. There are not too many women on this planet that won’t respond positively to a strong self-confident nice guy.

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