Being cool is a state of mind and it’s a way of life.
It is the ability for an individual to deal with any situation with a calm attitude and strong composure.
A cool man ( or woman ) does NOT bend or break easily to outside interference.
Cool people do not give in to peer pressure or impart pressure on to others.
They have a distinct way of handling certain problems in their lives which on the outside appears effortless.
They rarely “fly off the handle”.
They rarely get upset or show strong negative emotions towards others.
The word “cool” implicitly defines a relaxed attitude, not too hot… but not too cold.
Cool guys tend tend have more choices and options to date lots of different women.
The opposite is also true…
Every guy just wants some cool chic.
You can NOT claim your “coolness”.
It just does not work that way.
When I think about all the cool men and women I have known in my life those traits above were present and none of them walked around stating how cool they were. Unless they were joking of course…
Everyone just knew it.
I also have yet to meet someone I would regard as being cool that acted immature, brought others down to satisfy their own ego, or willingly alienated someone else just because they were not cool.
So… you’re a nice guy, but does that make you cool?
If you can say yes because you fit perfectly in that description above then how much does being cool relate to attracting women?
How many cool guys do you know that find themselves surrounded by adoring women constantly?
In my eyes being cool requires more than just the attitude listed above.
There is something deeper going on which is not measured easily.
Take a look at a page I wrote in which I described or proposed the exact order a person needs to step through to even be considered cool and no, it had nothing to do with the latest trends or fashions.
Which is good because it means we ALL have the ability to be cool and therefore attract more women.
Confidence –> Self-esteem –> Indifference –> Fearless –> COOL.
If you’re a nice guy struggling or having problems attracting and dating the women you actually want, they might be finding some unknown to you “holes” or missed steps which lead you to “cool” status.
My biggest obstacle was “indifference.” I couldn’t fake it.
We can’t really fake it and have it work the way it’s supposed to and since it plays a major role in attraction, without it, this nice guy was failure with women and I believe a root cause of many nice guys who are like me.
It’s a known fact CONFIDENCE is a universally attractive trait. Confidence also attracts more confident people into our lives and you CAN fake outward confidence a little, at least for a short time AND most of us I believe are confident in something we do.
Your self-esteem can always be worked on. It’s a never ending journey every human goes through their entire life.
However, as weird as it sounds, our self-esteem may never get us laid. It’s integral but never enough alone.
Being fearless can also be learned.
We can overcome many of our daily fears and we don’t have to jump out of a planes or scale mountains to become fearless.
We just need to start being a little more courageous around the little things which tends stop us from succeeding.
But how do you learn indifference?
Can you just act like you don’t want her? Well that might work sometimes but in the end it always leads to problems AND we will be more likely to miss a lot along the way.
If acting like you don’t give a shit actually lands you a girlfriend, how long before she figures out your weakness and leaves you?
There’s something more going on with becoming indifferent but I don’t think it’s something we can achieve directly.
Which is why it fits perfectly here and can lead us to the opposite of the assumed idea that nice guys finish last.
It’s the step that naturally happens and that leads to us becoming a cool guy because the “take it or leave it” attitude that indifference exhibits is a trait or mark of a really cool person and therefor is just one key to attracting women, getting more dates, enjoying success in relationships and so on…
A good strong woman will look for those traits in a man to qualify him.
First, she will sense your confident attitude.
Then she will test your self-esteem.
She will casually have you prove your indifference.
When all these areas appeal to her emotions your fearless self should move in for a kiss.
This could take some time or it can actually take ten minutes. It all depends on the situation or what kind of mood or day she might be having.
She may play out one of those stages longer than another to qualify you. Perhaps she has struggled in her past with meeting jerks with false confidence or low self-esteem.
If she has learned from her mistakes or is just concerned to repeat failure she WILL test you fully on your self esteem.
You may find her talking to more men when she is with you. Testing you for jealousy. Some women have ended up with needy guys so much in their lives they will test your indifference longer.
She may flake out on dates more to gauge your reaction.
She may even get real close to you rubbing up against you with no intention of getting physical at that time.
Don’t misunderstand me or women.
They are not “games” she is playing. Her intention is not to manipulate you.
She just needs to find the best options possible for her and most of them do these test so unconsciously they never even realize it.
You can read all about her shits on my page: Understanding A Woman’s Test and How To Pass Them
If you build your confidence, grow your self esteem, allow you indifference to happen, you will become fearless and in turn will be considered that cool person lots of women will become highly attracted to.
You will with out any doubt be that cool guy despite what you do, where you go, what you look like, and all that despite being a nice guy.
As a nice guy I encourage you to work on your “coolness.” and just allow your indifference to come out. Don’t force it!
There’s not much out there to teach you exactly how to be cool ( which is related to becoming an attractive nice guy ) except for this one: The Engineer’s Guide to Being Cooler than the Sales Guy Deemed as, “The most comprehensive program ever produced on the subject of becoming a cooler guy. Discover the elusive traits and attitudes that separate the cool guys from everyone else.”