• Nice Guys Lie to Themselves, in Their Just Friends Relationships

    Nice Guys Lie to Themselves, in Their Just Friends Relationships

    Here is the feelings of a guy I once knew in his mid twenties. He was considered a man, but he really was just a boy. A good part of him was a nice guy but the other part, a liar. The part of him, who was nice was good friends with women he felt attraction for but the liar in him acted like a friend, but deep down he wanted more from the relationship. And yes…That was me. Lying to myself.

    If you want to experience more satisfying relationships Read more...

Being Cool

Being cool I believe is a state of mind and it’s a way of life.  It is the ability for an individual to deal with a situation with a calm attitude and strong compousre. A cool man or woman does not bend easily to outside interference. Cool people do not give in to peer pressure or create that same pressure to the people around them. Cool people have a way of handling certain problems in their lives which make it seem effortless. They rarely “Fly off the handle”. They rarely get upset or show strong negative emotions towards others. Just the word “cool” assumes a relaxed attitude, not too hot…but not too cold. And yes cool guys always have their choice with women and which ones to date.

The 007 Lifestyle is an e-book package for guys looking to live an interesting life full of travel, wealth, and women just like Bond himself. How cool is that?

You can not claim your “coolness” and have it be so. It just does not work that way. When I think about all the cool men and women I have known in my life those traits above were present. They didn’t walk around telling everyone how cool they were. Everyone just knew it. I also have yet to meet someone I would regard as being cool that acted immature, brought others down to satisfy their own ego, or willingly alienated someone else because they were not cool. Those types of people may have lots of friends but in essence, are not classified as a cool guy to hang around with.

Now, being a nice guy, would you consider yourself cool? If you can say yes because you fit perfectly in that description above then how much does being cool matter when attracting women? How many cool guys do you know that find themselves surrounded by adoring women constantly? In my eyes being cool requires more than just the attitude listed above. There is something deeper going on which is not measured easily.  Take a look at my page by clicking here in which I describe the order a person steps through to being cool.

Here are the steps, stages, or attributes of being a cool person:

1.) Confidence
2.) Self esteem
3.) Indifference
4.) Fearless

1+2+3+4 = Being cool
If you are a nice guy struggling with dating women successfully she is more than likely finding a major hole along those steps. Or each step isn’t big enough to support the ones around it.

Based on my own experiences in being that nice guy it was the indifference step that I could not fake and it is the one step which, when it comes to attraction, played such a major role in my failure or success.

Bear with me now. Obviously with no confidence, your self-esteem is non-existent, and to top it all off you are afraid of everything chances are, the indifference is not worth shit.

But you can fake confidence for a while and most of us are confident in something we do.

Your self-esteem can always be worked on. And it plays an integral in being cool but your self-esteem alone won’t get you laid.

Being fearless can also be learned. We can all overcome our fears and you don’t have jump out of a plane as a fearless skydiver to get women, although it will help. All you really need is a little courage. That’s all.

But how do you learn indifference?

Can you just act like you don’t want her? Will that get you a girlfriend? And if so how long will she stay with you?

And those important questions I have just asked is why I say my biggest struggle was always trying to be indifferent. And it just can’t work that way. The best advice I have is to not get yourself too concerned with that step. Just letting it happen is the real secret to it. It will naturally happen as each other step grows.

The “take it or leave it” attitude that indifference exhibits is most undoubtedly how cool people act. Think of it this way. If you are a woman and you meet a man with high confidence, a healthy self-esteem, is indifferent to their interactions or lives his own life, showed no fear in approaching or being himself,  how can she not find him one of the coolest men she has ever met. How could she not find him attractive?

It’s rare that a woman will call you cool without being attracted to you, unless you’re a good gay friend of hers of course.

I recall this one woman I met and when I asked her out this is what she said to me,

“You’re really cool. But I have a boyfriend.”

We are great friends now but why did she think I was cool? Because I didn’t act like every other guy around her did. I didn’t gawk at her and I talked to her without her looks affecting me in any way. It just didn’t matter to me. I may have acknowledged her beauty but it did not it dictate how I treated her. I was indifferent to it.

I was confident enough to know I was good enough for any woman.
My self-esteem was high enough to not fall or fail her tests.
My indifference to the world around me or how others saw me was obvious in the way I handled myself.
My fearless attitude was clear in areas where the fear was not real.

Why is this picture cool? Nature is ultimately indifferent. The boardwalk is confidently above the water, protecting its self-esteem. And inanimate objects can not have fear.

A good strong women will look for those traits in a man to qualify him. First she will sense your confident attitude. Then she will test your self-esteem. Then she will casually have you prove your indifference. When all these areas appeal to her emotions your fearless self should move in for a kiss. This could take some time or it can actually take ten minutes. It all depends on the situation or what kind of mood or day she might be having.

She may play out one of those stages longer than another to qualify you. Perhaps she has struggled in her past with meeting jerks with false confidence or low self-esteem. If she has learned from her mistakes or is just concerned to repeat failure she will test you fully on your self esteem. You may find her talking to more men when she is with you. Testing you for jealousy. Some women have ended up with needy guys so much in their lives they will test your indifference longer. She may flake out on dates more to gauge your reaction. She may even get real close to you, rubbing up against you with no intention of getting physical at that time.

Don’t misunderstand me or women. They are not really games she is playing. She just needs to find the best options possible and most do these things so unconsciously they never even realize it. If you build your confidence, grow your self esteem, allow you indifference to happen, you will become fearless and in turn will be a cool person that women will be highly attracted to. You will be that cool guy.

I actually found someone out there that wants to teach you all about being cool. Check out Scot McKay’s Program, The Engineer’s Guide to Being Cooler than the SalesGuy.

Sure it’s a cheesy title but I like the way Scot writes. He’s intelligent and most definitely insightful. He also wants to give you these four bonuses.

–Amy Waterman On Greatness: Attract The Best By Being The Best

– Make Women Laugh (Intro Version), by Martin Merrill

–Scot And Emily McKay’s “Rapid Fire” Audio Program

–Monthly Membership:   Power Sessions For Men

You can check out my category of ‘Scot McKay for Men’ Articles at Attraction Transformation. There’s about 18 articles there at the moment if you want to discover for yourself if you like what he teaches. He does seem like a pretty cool guy, in a nerdy kind of way.

Thanks for stopping by guys and yeah I’m going to say it, “Be Cool.”, :D

Pete

 

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Recent Topics

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  • #1 written by steff
    about 6 months ago

    Ok. as a woman reading this I feel like you are piecing my puzzle together and I want to thank you!!! Maybe men will read this and pay attention!! Oooh yeah, I consider myself an attractive woman so if I’m putting you threw the tests bear with me it means your worth the time to figure out. Most women (like men) have been hurt before and we just have to try suttly to see if your like the last jerk. If you notice that a woman is going too far; trying to see if she can boost her self-esteem by belittling you, ditch her. But if it’s a small test like asking you about your previous relationship she’s thinking about what you would be like in the long run. I prefer a man to give no details about his ex except maybe they just grew apart but there’s no hard feelings. If he’ll talk bad about her where is the loyalty and I’ll probably be treated the same way. I also don’t want to here all the great things about her because it means you probably did something wrong to mess it up and regret it. I know we’re complicated but we’re really alot alike. Also, I’M TIRED OF HEARING “NICE GUYS” POUT AND SAY WHY DO WOMAN ALWAYS GO FOR THE JERKS. STOP IT!!! I’M NOT GOING TO GO OUT WITH A GUY TO PROVE HIM WRONG OR OUT OF PITY!!!OBVIOUSLY THESE ARE MEN WHO ARE ATTRACTED TO WOMAN JERKS. THEY WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE CRAP TOO. THEY JUST CAN’T ADMIT IT. whooo I’ve been waiting to finally put that out there.

  • #2 written by peter white
    about 6 months ago

    Exactly Steff. I actually do remember trying to pity a woman into going out with me, through my child like nice guy antics. That was a huge mistake.

    Also good point on the testing. I used to think it was a bad thing but now I recognize if a woman is testing me,it’s a good thing because it usually means she is interested in me.

    Great advice on mentioning previous relationships. Usually it’s just best to say you grew apart. Never bad mouth your previous romantic involvement. Woman will always see it as a bad sign. And if you mention how great she was over and over, then compare the date you are on with her she will assume you fucked up and you’ll probably mess it up with her too.

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