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The Definition of Being Cool and Why You Must Be It to Attract Women

Be cool nice guys because it can and will attract women.

Nice guys who allow their coolness to come out naturally will almost certainly finish first attracting women.

Being cool is a state of mind and it’s a way of life.

It is the ability for an individual to deal with any situation with a calm attitude and strong composure.

A cool man ( or woman ) does NOT bend or break easily to outside interference.

Cool people do not give in to peer pressure or impart pressure on to others.

They have a distinct way of handling certain problems in their lives which on the outside appears effortless.

They rarely “fly off the handle”.

They rarely get upset or show strong negative emotions towards others.

The word “cool” implicitly defines a relaxed attitude, not too hot… but not too cold.

And yes…

Cool guys tend tend have more choices and options to date lots of different women.

The opposite is also true…

Every guy just wants some cool chic.

You can NOT claim your “coolness”.

It just does not work that way.

When I think about all the cool men and women I have known in my life those traits above were present and none of them walked around stating how cool they were. Unless they were joking of course…

Everyone just knew it.

I also have yet to meet someone I would regard as being cool that acted immature, brought others down to satisfy their own ego, or willingly alienated someone else just because they were not cool.

So… you’re a nice guy, but does that make you cool?

If you can say yes because you fit perfectly in that description above then how much does being cool relate to attracting women?

How many cool guys do you know that find themselves surrounded by adoring women constantly?

In my eyes being cool requires more than just the attitude listed above.

There is something deeper going on which is not measured easily. 

Take a look at a page I wrote in which I described or proposed the exact order a person needs to step through to even be considered cool and no, it had nothing to do with the latest trends or fashions.

Which is good because it means we ALL have the ability to be cool and therefore attract more women.

Four Steps To Being Cool Starting with Confidence

Confidence –> Self-esteem –> Indifference –> Fearless –> COOL.

If you’re a nice guy struggling or having problems attracting and dating the women you actually want, they might be finding some unknown to you “holes” or missed steps which lead you to “cool” status.

My biggest obstacle was “indifference.” I couldn’t fake it.

We can’t really fake it and have it work the way it’s supposed to and since it plays a major role in attraction, without it, this nice guy was failure with women and I believe a root cause of many nice guys who are like me.

It’s a known fact CONFIDENCE is a universally attractive trait. Confidence also attracts more confident people into our lives and you CAN fake outward confidence a little, at least for a short time AND most of us I believe are confident in something we do.

Your self-esteem can always be worked on. It’s a never ending journey every human goes through their entire life.

However, as weird as it sounds, our self-esteem may never get us laid. It’s integral but never enough alone.

Being fearless can also be learned.

We can overcome many of our daily fears and we don’t have to jump out of a planes or scale mountains to become fearless.

We just need to start being a little more courageous around the little things which tends stop us from succeeding.

But how do you learn indifference?

Can you just act like you don’t want her? Well that might work sometimes but in the end it always leads to problems AND we will be more likely to miss a lot along the way.

If acting like you don’t give a shit actually lands you a girlfriend, how long before she figures out your weakness and leaves you?

There’s something more going on with becoming indifferent but I don’t think it’s something we can achieve directly.

Which is why it fits perfectly here and can lead us to the opposite of the assumed idea that nice guys finish last.

It’s the step that naturally happens and that leads to us becoming a cool guy because the “take it or leave it” attitude that indifference exhibits is a trait or mark of a really cool person and therefor is just one key to attracting women, getting more dates, enjoying success in relationships and so on…

A good strong woman will look for those traits in a man to qualify him.

First, she will sense your confident attitude.

Then she will test your self-esteem.

She will casually have you prove your indifference.

When all these areas appeal to her emotions your fearless self should move in for a kiss.

This could take some time or it can actually take ten minutes. It all depends on the situation or what kind of mood or day she might be having.

She may play out one of those stages longer than another to qualify you. Perhaps she has struggled in her past with meeting jerks with false confidence or low self-esteem.

If she has learned from her mistakes or is just concerned to repeat failure she WILL test you fully on your self esteem.

You may find her talking to more men when she is with you. Testing you for jealousy. Some women have ended up with needy guys so much in their lives they will test your indifference longer.

She may flake out on dates more to gauge your reaction.

She may even get real close to you rubbing up against you with no intention of getting physical at that time.

Don’t misunderstand me or women.

They are not “games” she is playing. Her intention is not to manipulate you.

She just needs to find the best options possible for her and most of them do these test so unconsciously they never even realize it.

You can read all about her shits on my page: Understanding A Woman’s Test and How To Pass Them

If you build your confidence, grow your self esteem, allow you indifference to happen, you will become fearless and in turn will be considered that cool person lots of women will become highly attracted to.

You will with out any doubt be that cool guy despite what you do, where you go, what you look like, and all that despite being a nice guy.

As a nice guy I encourage you to work on your “coolness.” and just allow your indifference to come out. Don’t force it!

There’s not much out there to teach you exactly how to be cool ( which is related to becoming an attractive nice guy ) except for this one: The Engineer’s Guide to Being Cooler than the Sales Guy Deemed as, “The most comprehensive program ever produced on the subject of becoming a cooler guy. Discover the elusive traits and attitudes that separate the cool guys from everyone else.”

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5 comments… add one
  • steff

    Ok. as a woman reading this I feel like you are piecing my puzzle together and I want to thank you!!! Maybe men will read this and pay attention!! Oooh yeah, I consider myself an attractive woman so if I’m putting you threw the tests bear with me it means your worth the time to figure out. Most women (like men) have been hurt before and we just have to try suttly to see if your like the last jerk. If you notice that a woman is going too far; trying to see if she can boost her self-esteem by belittling you, ditch her. But if it’s a small test like asking you about your previous relationship she’s thinking about what you would be like in the long run. I prefer a man to give no details about his ex except maybe they just grew apart but there’s no hard feelings. If he’ll talk bad about her where is the loyalty and I’ll probably be treated the same way. I also don’t want to here all the great things about her because it means you probably did something wrong to mess it up and regret it. I know we’re complicated but we’re really alot alike. Also, I’M TIRED OF HEARING “NICE GUYS” POUT AND SAY WHY DO WOMAN ALWAYS GO FOR THE JERKS. STOP IT!!! I’M NOT GOING TO GO OUT WITH A GUY TO PROVE HIM WRONG OR OUT OF PITY!!!OBVIOUSLY THESE ARE MEN WHO ARE ATTRACTED TO WOMAN JERKS. THEY WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE CRAP TOO. THEY JUST CAN’T ADMIT IT. whooo I’ve been waiting to finally put that out there.

  • Exactly Steff. I actually do remember trying to pity a woman into going out with me, through my child like nice guy antics. That was a huge mistake.

    Also good point on the testing. I used to think it was a bad thing but now I recognize if a woman is testing me,it’s a good thing because it usually means she is interested in me.

    Great advice on mentioning previous relationships. Usually it’s just best to say you grew apart. Never bad mouth your previous romantic involvement. Woman will always see it as a bad sign. And if you mention how great she was over and over, then compare the date you are on with her she will assume you fucked up and you’ll probably mess it up with her too.

  • MikenIA

    Has any guy tried to sort of throw those things back at you, like say if one decided he would give you a spelling test? You may be out of a date, or perhaps he finds it classy that you say you’re going to get your G.E.D. as soon as you can.


    • Nice Mike (assuming your comment was for Steff) but I assure she has not visited this page in years. I’ll be seeing her tonight and if I get a chance I’ll let her know.

      I’m not sure if your intention was to bust her ass a little, you know the old cocky comedy routine, but I’ll give you a few pointers on how it works for me anyways.

      There’s a fine line between being out right mean and funny. Personally I stay far away from insulting her intelligence. It only pisses them off and rightly so. (And if I know Steff, if you try that on her – you better watch your back. Haha!)

      Look for more clever ways – like how she mentions that she finds herself attractive, or how she believes women are complicated, or how she over emphasizes in the end…

      “Wow. Why don’t you tell me how you really feel?”
      “Wait a minute…I know I have that soap box around here somewhere you can stand on…wait you’re already standing. My mistake.”
      “Women? Complicated? Confused. Maybe irrational…stop me if I’m describing you too closely.”
      “Wow…such a big head for a little body. 😉 ”
      “Does this mean you don’t want to meet my ex? Sorry Lisa – I tried.”

  • Bill

    Isn’t this all a bit complicated? In my career managed a $335 million dollar contract for IT services. I had over 300 persons working on this contract. Tough job. What you folks are talking about is far more complicated. I am married so dating is a thing of the past. However, if I were single I would not even participate in this nonsense. I don’t tolerate people trying to trick or manipulate me. It is shallow, petty and superficial.

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