Nice Guys escape the Friend's Zone.
How to Flirt with Women
Flirting can seem so natural for some men and can seem like an insurmountable task to others.
The Flirty Eyes of a Woman
Some men flirt so badly they don’t even realize the signals they are giving out are so far from where they need to be, they drive a woman to think, “He needs to get laid.”
The subtle hints of flirting will often lead average men down a road they have never traveled before. Sometimes just a small gaze at girl can be flirtatious. Sometimes busting her ass about how she wants you, when you just met, can be flirtatious. So what is it that really describes a flirt and how can a men learn to do it if he has no clue where to begin?
For me it was a long journey. Being the typical nice guy I thought flirting was only done by players, hot guys or creepy old men. I thought mostly they were just trying to get laid. Maybe some of them were, but for others it was just their personality enhancing a woman’s experience when she meets you, or sees you occasionally.
Flirting almost always has sexual overtones and although women respond to it extremely well when it is done right, most of them probably can’t even explain how it is actually done. Or what kind of flirting they respond well to. It all depends on your approach, your desire, and your ability to hint at something sensual or sexual. Flirting is a communication all its own. It leads the people involved in a romantic cat and mouse game where each try to better the other by having them give in. Or admit to liking the other.
I believe this is what flirting is all about. Creating tension and keeping sexual tension between two people. It can be done with words, or in can be done with gestures or facial expressions. The meaning is quite clear if the guy can do it right but it is not always a good determination to know if someone likes you. People flirt all the time with no thought of something actually happening between them. If fact I just looked up and on my television and watched Brian from Family Guy have a flirty conversation with a woman. She agrees to let him perform at a party she is giving. He spends all this time and money getting ready for it and then when he shows up, she introduces him to her boyfriend.
Nice Guy Law for staying out of the Friend’s Zone with women:
Just because a woman is flirting with you doesn’t mean you’ve found your next girlfriend.
You meet a girl. She seems into you and you have a great fun flirty conversation. You know you won’t see her for a week so it gives you plenty of time to set up a perfect date. Anxiously you await your next meeting. Then it happens. The night comes you make yourself look hot and head out to where you know she will be. There she is across the room looking so beautiful so you catch her again and she smiles and waves you to come see her. You’re thinking “Okay here it is!“ Here is the moment you’ve been waiting for all week. You reach in to shake her hand and out from behind her this scruffy looking man steps to her side. Kisses her on the cheek. She then blushes and says,
“Oh have you met my boyfriend. We’re so happy together. He’s great.“
Bamm…felt like a cold hard slap in the face. Your heart sinks to the floor and your mind slithers away into itself as you throw out a fake smile and introduce yourself. In your mind you’re thinking, “What a bitch! How could she lead me on this way? UGGGGGGG!” But you politely excuse yourself and head back to your social group with your proverbial tail between your legs.
Here is the law again:
Just because a woman is flirting with you doesn’t mean you’ve found your next girlfriend.
You first of all you should be proud because she probably was slightly attracted to your personality. You’ve achieved what so many men struggle with. But putting so much emphasis on that one woman is not always a good thing. You’re going to run into women all the time that not only seem interested and are sexually attracted to you, but due to circumstances beyond your control nothing is going to happen… at that time.
Putting so much emphasis on the outcome of one interaction is what nice guys do that keep dropping them into the friend’s zone. If you carry those feelings with you during the next interaction she will most likely sense a neediness in you. Then the problem compounds itself as you struggle during the next interactions until your heart gets over it. Sure you can eventually overcome it but just think of all the women you failed with after because of that one woman you met a week, a month, or even a year ago.
You can’t avoid theses situations so again be proud of your success at communicating sexually and use it again on the next woman you meet. It really is that simple. Once you get a handle on flirting and talking to women your rate of success will begin to soar. Keeping yourself out of the friends zone is different than being friends with women you are attracted to. After all you can’t predict the future and as long as you are the person she met that day she will always be slightly attracted to you. So keep it up.
It is important to note though that flirting is essential to attracting women. How you flirt can vary from encounter to encounter but I feel it must be done. If you don’t know how to flirt, or tell if a girl is flirting, you should learn. Flirty acts are a form of sexual communication. It is not just giving out compliments or telling a woman that you like her. I have found that you can have a conversation with a woman that creates sexual tension even if you are talking about something completely different than sex. It can happen by the way you look at each other or how closely you are speaking to each other.
One way of creating sexual tension by flirting works like this. You hint at your attraction towards her, then you take it away. It can be seen as mini teasing.
“That outfit looks great on you.“, and NOT “You look great in that outfit.”
“Buying drinks is so cliche and overdone, but since you are cute, I’m going to let you buy me one.”
Playing hard to get, sexual humor, playing out roles of future events with her, being cocky and funny are all ways in which you can flirt. This page is not large enough to go extremely deep into the subject so you might have to do a little more reading here or check out some the books listed below. You can also try Flirt Mastery, a program designed to cover every aspect of flirting in one complete package.
As long as you do something to learn about being flirty and then practice what you learn it will help. If you fail at first don’t worry about it. It happens. Learn from those mistakes and they will become less and less as you get better at it. I was a terrible flirt for years and didn’t even know it. Again I thought flirting was what player men would do to get laid. I didn’t realize it was actually fun and as long as I didn’t put so much weight on that one interaction, it could lead to some great results with woman I meet everyday. David DeAngelo mentioned I should perhaps start with waitresses and cashiers because they do make great practice. Little did I know I would end up dating waitresses or cashiers from it. Thanks again Dave.
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