How to Flirt with Women
“Do you know how to flirt with women?”
Flirting with women comes so natural for some men and yet for others it might as well be a second language. Learning how to flirt will require these following steps.
Learn the definition of flirting1
Practice with many different women.
Embellish the skill based on a generalized reaction.
(links on this page)
Nice Guy Bonus Reading
Products On Flirting and Conversations
Related Posts On Flirting
What is Flirting?
Flirting is a sub-textual language with overtones generally related to sex. I use the term sub-textual because often there is no direct correlation between the words and the real meaning. The actual flirting lies beneath innuendos, fictitious future story lines, and body language cues.
Flirting may not directly create attraction but it can create the same emotional response. This is where the phrase, “Just because she is flirting, doesn’t mean she wants you.” comes from. You can read about that in a minute. Flirting often builds on or increased the tension of a situation. This tension or chemistry can be sexually blatant or hidden deeply within2.
Why Some Men Don’t Flirt.
I know men who refuse to engage in the act because they insist on using a direct approach, hoping a woman will just feel attracted to him. I was there myself and I feel it just doesn’t work for average looking men.
I know men who don’t do it because they feel it’s a player move reserved for good-looking guys only.
I also know men who just can not flirt to save there lives. Flirting is a language which was never taught to them so they avoid it doing at all costs.
The last type of man thinks he knows how to flirt but often is too direct in his approach. He creates no tension. No sexual spark. He may get lucky once in a while but most women see this as false sexual bravado, or a lack of confidence.
If you fall into one of those categories of men listed above you are missing out on an important skill. Give a typical nice guy the ability to flirt and his success with women can rise immeasurably (often only held back by his failure of progression, making a move).
Learning How to Flirt.
Flirting is a communication all its own. It often leads the people involved in a romantic cat and mouse game where each try to better the other (or admit to liking the other in status flirting). Therefore it can be as easy as learning a new game. A fun game.
Learning this skills also requires knowledge of sexual tension. David DeAngelo’s magnet explanation has been forever hard wired in my mind. Two magnets with the same poles are being held together by a rubber band. Hold them closer and closer together and you can feel the force between them repelling each other. Yet the rubber band is pulling together them together. This can be created with women and flirting is one way of doing it.
It is a game of skill and it is a game that must be tweaked in real time (being cool) .3
It is a game that must be fun for both involved. Without humor, flirting is boring and ineffective.
The game must also be played with at least decent body language. You will also have to read her very subtle body language. Which trust me on this, is much more difficult than controlling your own.
In shorter terms, learning to flirt requires a fair ability in being cool, making her laugh without being a clown, and controlling your body language along with recognizing hers.
Remember I said a fair ability. You don’t become a great flirt overnight. You’re going to have to practice and simultaneously keep learning new skills. You will bee adding new phrases to your repertoire. Throwing away stories that just don’t work. Creating a better imagination. Understanding when to escalate and when to pull back.
Now to those list of skills we’ve added story telling and imagination, flirty phrases, and creating tension.
Putting it altogether you can come up with tons of way to flirt:
- Playing hard to get – sometimes called a neg, or disqualify yourself from her.
(You know this just isn’t going to work out…)
- Using sexual humor - innuendos, sexually related jokes, etc…
(Have you heard about the woman who needed sex ten times a day? No? That’s good because honestly we did go our separate ways months ago.)
- Playing out roles of future events – role playing, women love this!
- Being cocky and funny – the right mixture work well.
(This is tough but with a little practice you will find the right blend. I’ve found some women respond better to more cocky, and less humor, while other women respond positively to more humor. I have also found that this attitude works best with strong independent woman with very successful careers. It challenges them. Shows your confidence. And entices them with your it. All this raises your status above hers hence her attraction.)
- Teasing her about something – be nice guys, if she’s not laughing with you it’s not working.
- Accusing her of doing funny often things – like being a clutz or spaz. Doesn’t have to be true!
(I once offered a cashier one of the beers I was buying, even though I knew she was under the age for drinking. Then I accused her of being a lush. Stealing my beer. Overcharging me when she wanted one. Then I told her I see her next time I’m there, and to not be drunk)
It’s now up to you now to go out and practice your new skills. Find the skills you struggle with the most and work on that first. I promise it will come easier over time. Many experts will tell you to start practicing with women that have no choice to talk to you, like your waitresses, cashiers, and bartenders. I will warn you it is exactly what I did, and little did I know I ended up dating more waitresses and bartenders. They were all great women but if you don’t expand on who you practice with, you’re going to get more dates with those women. It’s inevitable.
Let’s Rceap the Skills You Should Focus On To Succeed In The Game of Flirting:
- Humor.
- Imagination.
- Being Cool.
- Body Language.
- Effortless Social Communication.
- Building Sexual Tension.
- Creating Chemistry.
I know it seems like a ton of work but it is worth it. Flirting is essential to men who want to attract more women. The skills needed will also help you in the more broad concept of creating attraction because:
-Women love men who can make them laugh.
-Women give men with great imagination higher status.
-Women find cool guys irresistable.
-Women are subconsciously drawn to men with masculine body language.
-Women are attracted to your social status and/or your ability to communicate effectively more than your looks.
-Women want to be turned on the right way. It mirrors their orgasms. A slow build up, a huge explosion, and long lasting lingering feelings.
-Women often associate your chemistry with her as something that just happens. They tell their friends about it. No chemistry equals no stories equals boring relationships with too much predictability.
Definitions, Resources, Products, Articles on Flirting
Photo Credit and Thank You:
Image: healingdream / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
1Wikipedia’s definition of flirting – Quickly check out a not so brief definition on flirting from Wikipedia.
2Tension can be sexually blatant or hidden deeply within -
I recently had a conversation with a woman which involved a fictitious pet rock. He has a personality which is over the top sexually and demands much attention. I asked her to take him because I could not take care of him anymore. He’s too much of a pain in the ass. In this context the rock represents a flirty game which inevitably leads to a hidden connection between us. Over time this connection can be used effectively to amplify attraction. Particularly at times where other’s don’t have a clue what you to are talking about. This is considered a special connection. Learn to flirt this way and women will love it.
3Tweaking in real time -
You will often hear me describe this term because it’s a trait of a cool person. I learned this mainly from Doctor Paul and a little from Scot McKay. I formed my owns views from them and announced this:
(confidence -> self-esteem) -> indifference -> fearless -> being cool.
How Can I Tell if Someone is Flirting With Me
Honestly this article touches on no more than the basics of most visual flirting. Here’s a quote from it.
“The best thing you could do is compliment your new friend on a feature he or she obviously feels is a strong asset.”
I just don’t believe this statement has much validity. This is like telling a guy to point out the most obvious feature any man can see, and then hoping it will lead to a conversation with sexual chemistry.
I say – One major key to creating attraction by a man or woman, is to be different from everyone else. Approach attraction like an artist approaches his craft. It should develop through inspiration, fulfill your own desires, and it must express your passions uniquely.
Top Ten: Signs She is Flirting Ask Men.com
Huge, huge site. Reminds me of a magazine for men. I’m assuming that is what they wanted and they do a wonderful job of it. It’s an okay list, nothing really too new though. But again, it’s not about attraction, the site is a broad magazine for men.
What is Flirting? – WikiAnswers
Short answer. Short reading.
Longer explanation generally for women but a man can still read it. You should take away a little more by reading it.
More Articles I wrote related to flirting from DiaLteG™:
Flirting While Using Sexual Communication Increases Attraction and Sparks Chemistry
How to Read Sexual Communication, Nice Guy and The Friend’s Zone Law 3
Do Women Hide it When They are Attracted to You?
Nice Guy Tips – 2. Women Flirt
Great Articles Posted at Attraction Transformation:
Flirting With Women
How to Make Women Laugh and Feel Attracted to You
Create and Build Sexual Tension With These 4 Techniques
Dating Tips
Secrets to Flirting For Men
Awesome Products To Buy (highly recommended):
“Flirt Mastery”
Steve Scott can do wonders for all your flirting needs. If you feel you are missing a piece of the puzzle in attraction it’s good bet you just are not flirting effectively. This info product is designed to teach you from day one, how to add this important skill to your dating life.
If you’re not getting enough dates Flirt Mastery will teach you how to go from a non-flirt, to a master of flirting. In time you will discover just how many women respond positively, and sexually to your fun personality. And more positive responses means you will get more dates.
Don’t take my word for it completely, check it out for yourself. Just remember these important facts before you do:
- When you master flirting, you will gain the confidence to talk to any woman at any time.
- When you master flirting , approaching simply becomes, “Hey, she’s cute. I think I ‘ll go flirt with her.”
- When you master flirting, women will assume you’ve mastered other parts of your life. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a woman tell me I must be good in bed, because I’m such a good flirt.
- When you master flirting, women will make you the center of attention. And women are always more attracted to a man that can hold a group of girls attention with just his personality.
And last but not least…
- When you master flirting and maintain your looks, it won’t matter if you’re tall, short, average looking, or make very little money, women will be attracted to your personality. Most women will gladly date a man with an attractive personality that they will often overlook physical attributes entirely.
Still not sure – check out my additional page on flirt mastery – you will find more articles written by the author Steve Scott there too.
If you are ready – just click here and let Steve Scott tell you more about what you’re going to get, the features, the benefits, and the great bonuses.
“How to Talk to Women”
I’ve included this awesome program because flirting can be verbal sport and if you don’t know how to talk with women how are you going to flirt successfully.
Flirting requires the skills of communication and conversation. If you are not attracting enough women because you feel you just don’t know how to talk to them, this is one product that will teach you everything you need to know.
Carlos is not going to just tell you what to say, he is going to tell you why should say it, how you should say it, and what to say after it.
Your conversations are not just limited to social interactions. They will include emails, texting, and phone calls. Don’t worry though, Carlos covers those also.
Remember the skills above about sexual tension and building it up?
It is a part of flirting that requires you to learn advanced storytelling and conversational flow. The dynamics of a conversation must be controlled by you. If you lack in this area women will often disqualify you quickly because women want you to be one step ahead of the game. If she always leading it’s just not fun to her and your masculinity decreases.
Yes, flirting is a game you want to win and staying one step ahead in all situations is a great formula for success.
Don’t get caught behind and pick up How to Talk to Women today from Carlos Xuma. Knowing the dynamics of a conversation will without a doubt, increase your success in flirting and that alone brings more dating opportunities your way.
Still not sure if Carlos is a Man you want to learn from – click on my full page dedicated just to him (because his material is worth it as far as I’m concerned!). You can also check out a quick introduction to Carlos I wrote here and a few mp3s that he lets me use. He owns and operates on of the most successful businesses related to everything at DiaLteG™, click here for his massive homepage. You should find some great useful information in all of his pages.
If you are ready to learn how to talk to women – go right to the source of How To Talk To Women and let Carlos explain the features, benefits, bonuses, guarantees, (HAHA!) you’re getting the picture.
(Please let me know if I’m missing something here and I will add it. We’re all in this game together guys. We may compete within ourselves but we’re still on the same team.)
Nice Guy Bonus Reading
Just because a woman is flirting with you doesn’t mean you’ve found your next girlfriend.
You meet a girl. She seems into you and you enjoy a fun flirty conversation. You know you won’t see her for a week so it gives you plenty of time to set up a perfect date. Anxiously you await your next meeting. The night comes and you head out to where you know she will be…
And there she is across the room looking so beautiful so you catch her again and she smiles and waves you to come see her. You’re thinking,
“Okay here it is!”
Here is the moment you’ve been waiting for all week. You reach in to shake her hand and out from behind her this scruffy looking man steps to her side. Kisses her on the cheek. She then blushes and says,
“Oh have you met my boyfriend. We’re so happy together. He’s great.”
Bamm… a cold hard slap in the face. Your heart sinks to the floor and your mind slithers away into itself as you throw out a fake smile and introduce yourself. But in your mind you’re thinking,
“What a bitch! How could she lead me on this way? UGGGGGGG!”
You politely excuse yourself and head back to your social group with your proverbial tail between your legs.
Here is the law again:
Just because a woman is flirting with you doesn’t mean you’ve found your next girlfriend.
Be proud because she probably was slightly attracted to your personality. You’ve achieved what so many men struggle with. However putting so much emphasis on one woman is not always a good thing. You’re going to run into women all the time that not only seem interested and are sexually attracted to you, but due to circumstances beyond your control nothing is going to happen…at that time.
Putting so much emphasis on the outcome of one interaction is what nice guys do that keep dropping them into the friend’s zone.
If you carry those feelings with you during the next interaction women can sense a neediness in you. Then the problem compounds itself as you struggle during the next interactions until your heart gets over it. Sure you can eventually overcome it but just think of all the women you failed with because of one woman you met a week, a month, or even a year ago.
You can’t avoid theses situations so again be proud of your success at communicating sexually and use it again and again. Once you get a handle on flirting and talking to women your rate of success will begin to soar. Keeping yourself out of the friends zone is different from being friends with women you are attracted to. After all you can’t predict the future and as long as you are the person she met that day she will always be slightly attracted to you.
So keep it up Nice Guys!
