It’s a well-known fact that women can, will, and do test men at every level of dating and your relationship too.
Learn to pass these tests as a part of your personality and you can increase her attraction quite easily.
Notice the two key points in that last sentence , your personality, and increase attraction. My nice guy’s approach to attraction is about adding to your personality the skills needed.
It’s not about learning tricks that negate her tests.
There are several steps to needed to achieve this. Below you’ll find as many as I can come up with at this time. Click on the links to easily skip around within the page.
I firmly believe by reading this page and following the links you will have a much better understanding of how women test.
1. Learn to Recognize these tests. Recognize
2. Begin to understand how to pass them. Understand
3. Build your lifestyle and add to your personality the traits needed to pass them. Lifestyle
1. Recognizing Her Tests
The most common question I hear from men about a woman’s test is,
“How do you know if it’s a test?”
The simple answer here is assume everything is a test.
Over simplified… Yes.
But while we’re trying to figure out if it’s a test or not we’re more likely to fail or miss the test.
Failing typically means not creating attraction or having a woman disqualify us based on our certain responses.
Two important facts about testing are:
1. Women rarely ever realize they are doing it.
This isn’t what EVERY woman does. and it’s not like we have a big rule book that tells us to do it- it’s a automatic thing that girls who know they are good value as partners do without thinking. And they’ll rarely admit they even do it. But they do. I’ll admit I do. And those guys who pass the test? They can pretty much do anything after that. I’m sold.
Rachel Goodchild- “Do Women Test Men”
2. When she turns the level up it’s a great sign she is interested in you.
I consider myself an attractive woman so if I’m putting you threw the tests bear with me it means your worth the time to figure out. Most women (like men) have been hurt before and we just have to try suttly to see if your like the last jerk. If you notice that a woman is going too far; trying to see if she can boost her self-esteem by belittling you, ditch her. But if it’s a small test like asking you about your previous relationship she’s thinking about what you would be like in the long run.
Being Cool Comment
Recognizing her tests is just not as important as learning or knowing how to pass them.
If she has even a small amount of interest women will test. It’s kind of a part of the female’s courtship.
2. Begin to understand how to pass them.
Notice I carefully chose the words, understand how to pass them, and not learn to pass them.
There are several ways you can learn to pass them but understanding how to do it is more important for any continued success in dating.
If you’re a beginner in studying attraction it will help you to write down some common responses that work well in many different circumstances at least until you get a complete grasp of how to respond.
You will want to add your responses into your personality. This will affect all areas of your life and by doing so multiplies your success in creating and amplifying attraction.
Understanding how even a male boss of yours will test you as an employee and then building into your personality the self-esteem and confidence to pass them can help your career. Men who succeed in one or many parts of their lives, definitely attract more women.
You must understand every part of your life is a test.
But not one that is given to you by others. Sometimes you give it to yourself through your personal integrity.
Understanding how to pass them starts with maintaining this integrity to a high level. (Under any circumstance.) Always maintaining this level no matter how attractive you think she is becomes natural if you practice it with everyone.
This second step is designed to make you consciously aware of the connections between attracting others and passing tests which may appear to have no connection to dating.
This requires some thought about who you are. It also requires some thought into your social dynamics with others.
If you are beginning to realize this whole testing concept is NOT a natural part of your personality then I’d check out one of these two: Own The Room by Master “Socializer” David Wygant, and for shy guys The Power Of Social Skills by Carlos Xuma. Carlos also has a video up on Why Women Test You based on how to talk to women.
Now let’s go onto number 3 since it is so related to number 2.
3. Build your lifestyle and Adding to your personality the traits needed to pass them.
We don’t need to play games which are manipulative to pass these “congrunece” tests.
At first you may want to learn the proper techniques and some common responses but in the end it will help you more to integrate it into your personality. That is what worked best for me.
Let’s now break down her tests into some common types:
This is where a woman will scan you the first time she sees you for inconsistencies and clues as to how you live your lifestyle. Sight
This is the most common. She will test you with questions to see how you respond.
This is the area most men focus on a lot because this is where your conversational skills will either enhance or create attraction or ruin any and all sexual tension. Conversation
These are not just touch tests. These can be her attempt to see how far you will go before you crack and admit wanting to sleep with her. This will be your hardest and most confusing test. So be warned. Physical
This is where she responds emotionally to something you say or do to gain the upper hand or higher status than you. Using this a woman can rule out tons of nice guy’s who are not strong enough. Emotional
Let’s look a little deeper into each one.
When a woman first sees you she will often scan your looks for congruence, excitement, and a deeper meaning behind your look. She wants to know quickly what kind of lifestyle you lead and how will it fin into her social life. Generally speaking of course.
- Will it make her more popular among her friends?
- Will her family accept you?
- Can you physically please her?
- Are you a clean person?
- Do you excel at the details in your life?
- Will she have to dress you everyday?
She wants to know that how you present yourself to her matches your personality matches it. They have to be consistent or she bails.
Excitement is - do you live a wild lifestyle, sometimes too wild for her, sometimes not. Depends entirely on what type of guy she thinks she is looking for.
The deeper meaning behind your looks is – Do you care enough about yourself to maintain a sense of style and dress.
The three mentioned above are almost always used together.
For example if you show up dressed up like a rock star this might excite her at first. When she checks you out she will attempt to test how you dress with who you are.
Checking for tattoos that are creative and deep. Shoes that are not bought at a department store. This is her “congruence” test and you may never realize it is going on because she can do this from anywhere.
She then adds the deeper meaning to the mix by testing who you are associating with.
Everyone knows a rock star. If you don’t socialize with others and be the star you will fail her test and she won’t even have to talk to you to find that out. Unless you’re the angry anti-social rock star type. Either way she’ll have her answer quickly.
If you’re dressed in a suit and tie but you’re running around acting like you’re the rock star she also won’t have to bother talking to you. In fact she will probably avoid you.
This means how you dress should convey to yourself who you are. Not to her. Don’t worry about that part.
Obviously if you are clueless in this area you may want to seek advice.
To pass her “sight tests” you also want to make sure the details are taken care of competently. Not perfection. Screw perfection. That actually screams to a woman you might be a little too much into yourself.
Don’t be afraid to show very little weakness in this area because you just might get a few women that are curious about your looks enough to approach you. Although they may not mention it at first.
Check all aspects of your appearance and to pass these tests – make sure it’s actually who are. Yes it’s that simple which is why we shouldn’t let something this small ruin it for us. You’ll find my page on appearances here –> Making A Great First Impression
For a woman’s point of view AND complete makeover from them you’ll want to get this –> Fashion Makeover A complete guide to helping you look your best and to develop your own unique style. This is not about pea-cocking. Her girls will definitely help you pass any sight test from women.
Here are also three great sites and one extremely good articles on fashion:
Here are some common questions along with typical nice guy responses:
- What do you do for a living? - “I’m a graphic designer.”
- What’s your name? – “Larry. What’s yours?”
- How old are you? - “25. How old are you?”
- Are you always this upfront? – “I’m just curious.”
- Do you have a girlfriend? – “No. We broke up a month ago.”
Granted they are simple questions but how you respond to them are very important and answering in the typical nice guy way will land you in the friend’s zone all too quickly.
The more attractive the woman, the quicker you fail. I don’t make the rules I just know how they are. They are there for a reason and one is… Those responses are boring and predictable.
Let’s try this again but this time I’ll show you how to respond which will not only pass her tests but ge her excited to talk to you”
- What do you do for a living? – “I run an online dating service for little people.”
- What’s your name? – “My birth certificate says Max Power, but I prefer sexy.”
- How old are you? – “65. I know… I look great for my age.”
- Are you always this upfront? – “Wow, hitting on me so soon.”
- Do you have a girlfriend? – “Yeah, but don’t tell my wife she might get upset.”
Notice how the dynamics of the conversation change when we successfully respond to her tests.
What you want to do is to create a fun and flirty conversations which portrays mystery, humor, and confidence. All three are very attractive traits.
All three can be made a natural part of your personality too so her tests get passed without even trying.
They also allow the interaction to build and by answering the right way, you can lead a woman where you want.
The longer you can keep it up, while still making her laugh, the more likely she will find herself into you. Be warned though – you can over do it. Please always moderate yourself in this area or you’ll come off as a creep or weirdo.
It’s a delicate balance and a little difficult to achieve at first.
She may even start to get upset by your answers but all she is doing ( as long as you’re being fun ) is taking her testing to a new level which is often called the “emotional test”.
If you break down and try to negate her anger by consoling her, you will fail her test. Read “Emotional Testing” below.
This is an area of testing any men can easily improve because you probably already do this with your guys friends. Obviously it’s not the same but the concepts and sarcastic humor are very similar.
If you are failing in this area consistently it can be like a huge wall is being put up in front of you.
For amazing results learn how to pass these conversational tests because I get lots of emails from women wishing more men could understand how to talk to them.
Carlos is by far the best at showing any guy how to pass her conversational test. Just just have to know how to talk to women, and how to talk with them. There’s a distinct difference and if you don’t know it – you’ll probably failing this test every time. Watch this –> Video Presentation- 3 Reasons Why Women Test You – How To Turn Women On With Small Talk
I’ve pulled together lots of free “guest posts” to help us understand exactly how to pass her “conversational” tests:
- When Your Conversations With Women Are Not Creating Attraction Get This
- How to Get It One Nights Stands With Challenging Conversations
- One Night Stands “Secrets” – Not Rushing The Conversation – The Flow
- Conversation Topics That Keep Her Attention, Charm Her and Attract Her
- How to Avoid Awkward Silences with Women – Conversation Techniques
- How to Have Better Conversations with Women
- The Six Deadliest Conversation Mistakes You Make With Women
- Create Instant Attraction So She Calls You First, How To Talk to Women
These kind of tests often involve a deeper connection between you and her however they can include a woman’s flirty test with how she dresses to judge a man’s instant reaction.
I’ll explain further.
Have you ever noticed a woman who claims she doesn’t want to be seen as just another hot body but she dresses in a way we might consider slutty?
The Physical Test. Her physical self against your will to see past her body.
Don’t get me wrong, woman dress that way for many reasons but there always seems to be the underlying theme, aside from the competition or lack of self-esteem which can instantly rule out the man who gets some, and the man who doesn’t.
Think about it this way. If you just got laid by a hot girl yesterday there is a greater chance you won’t let her looks affect your actions.
After all, to you, beautiful women are just a part of your life. Now as for the man who is never close to such beauty or even a blatant slutty look he may not be able to control his stares.
Her physical test of her beauty separates the real strong men who can handle her from the weaker men who might end up being possessive jealous guys who only want to control her.
Here is another example and how you pass or fail the test.
Walking away and turning her head to see if you are checking her out.
YOU FAIL: Turning away quickly so she doesn’t catch you.
YOU PASS: Keeping your eyes on hers and raising an eyebrow with a, “shame shame” look on your face.
I have found these physical tests will often come after there is a small physical connection already there. These are the tests than can truly separate the men who get it from the men who don’t.
Here’s another example:
Leaning in for a kiss too early.
FAIL: Diving into her lips.
PASS: You say, “Wow. Are you always this upfront?“, then gently pushing her away with a smirk on your face.
Yo’ll find some great examples on how to pass lots of her test in my two part MAN or WUSSY test I devised based on David DeAngelo’s Attracton Isn’t A Choice Ebook.
The first post is here –> Are You A Man or A Wussy? Nice Guy Or Not These 5 Answers Help Us Attract Women
Here’s an example from part two:
6. You’re kissing a woman and she says, “We should stop.”
How do you respond:
- You’re in a position where more intimacy is not possible anyways so you look at her and say. “Okay.” and then you walk away.
- You’re in a position where more intimacy is possible so you look in her eyes for a second, smirk, and walk away not saying anything.
- You push the issue forcefully because you can’t control your urges and you want her now!
- You’re not in a position where intimacy is possible so you look at her and say. “You’re right. It’s late and I’ve got to get going anyways.”
The physical test above clearly indicates to her your level of control and your ability to tease. You pass her test by indirectly proving to her she is on YOUR physical time.
When you pass these types of physical tests and more:
- It tells her you have complete control over yourself when you’re around a hot woman.
- You can control your physical state and therefore will be more than enough in bed to give her incredible orgasms.
- It shows her that you understand how to tease and build sexual tension and how it doesn’t always have to lead to sex that night.
Pass her physical test on all levels and she will not be able to get her mind off of you.
At this level she will be contacting you. She will go well out of her way just to be around you. She will always follow your lead whether she claims to be in control or not.
These kind of tests are huge and it’s best to spot them quickly because one they tell us a lot about the woman we’re dealing with and two most nice guys who struggle with women fail these almost every time.
Women with little or no value for themselves or for you are known for doing these kind of tests.
Sure she is testing you but in reality she is just showing you who she really is.
It’s unfortunate that even some higher quality women will find themselves doing these. All you have to do is pay attention to the severity of it and the depth of it.
In other words, always ask yourself this,
“Is there a deep emotional issue causing her test or a small - get it over with quick response – or a test of your ability to hold your own against her?”
Here are a few quick examples:
YOU FAIL: Giving in to her every demands.
YOU PASS: “So…do all your guy friends actually fall for that look?”
Fake anger. (small)
YOU FAIL: Apologizing for making her angry.
YOU PASS: Stating, “Would you like to borrow my friend’s anger management tapes. They come in three different languages, whiny, pouty, and grumpy.”
Hitting on your friend when you are on a date. (severe)
YOU FAIL: Getting angry at her.
YOU PASS: While smirking, “The two of you would make a great couple. Would you like to borrow her?”
Notice the difference between the severe and the small. Her small test was mostly about seeing how strong you are in standing up to her obvious “acts”.
The severe emotional test has roots in jealousy and insecurity and tell us she’s probably a game player and maybe we should avoid her OR she’s just messing with us and wants to see if we respond differently than an average guy would.
The small tests were about you.
The severe tests are mostly about her.
THAT is the major difference.
If her tests center around her own insecurity and create drama it’s a bad sign.
In the small case we can pass them with the examples above using our own style. Pass several of them and she will soon give up and assume at this point, you can handle her so let the fun begin. Literally.
The level of her tests will be consistent with how well versed she is with men or how experienced she is in disqualifying men. Whether it’s good or bad will dictate the overall theme of her tests.
Sometimes they will have to do with how attractive she is and her tests tend to center around that theme because it’s the most effective and efficient way to get a guy to reveal his real self.
“There is no scientific definition for “shit test“, but it’s generally defined as follows: the test a woman gives a man in the early stages of dating, usually through curious and sly questions or comments.
How Women Use Shit Tests and Why It’s A Good Thing for You
Sometimes it will have to do with how strong of a woman she is and her past experiences with men. If she’s had bad experiences with guy her tests will generally center around that like being closed off, shy, unresponsive etc…
Here are some types:
- Highly attractive strong women can and often will increase her testing to t he extreme especially if you pass the early “easier” tests..
- Beautiful women who do not have strong personalities are usually not very good at this so her tests are not so direct.
- Average looking but extremely good at testing. Who knows maybe she doesn’t feel that attractive and spent a lot of time creating a dynamite personality when she realized how well men respond to it.
- Average looking women that do not have strong personalities therefore have not perfected the art of testing. Her tests are a little less direct and can be considered very subtle.
Recognizing the type of woman you are dealing with is very important to understanding when she is testing.
Recognizing the level of her testing also will make it easier for you to create and build sexual tension with the specific woman you want to date.
If you are interacting with an average looking woman with a great sense of humor but lower self-esteem you must not turn it up too high. The only thing you will accomplish is hurting her.
However, highly attractive women with strong personalities and an extreme sense of humor you must never let go of the slack. Except perhaps in the moment she is screaming your name during sex. I suppose then it’s okay.
Be a real man at that point. Be sensual. Be sexual. Tease her but wait until after a normal period of after-play before you continue to testing her.