Nice Guys Lie to Themselves, in Their Just Friends Relationships

Here is the feelings of a guy I once knew in his mid twenties. He was considered a man, but he really was just a boy. A good part of him was a nice guy but the other part, a liar. The part of him, who was nice was good friends with women he felt attraction for but the liar in him acted like a friend, and deep down he wanted more from the relationship.

Yes…That was me. Lying to myself.

Lying to the women around me. And worse of all… Lying to the man inside me by telling him it was okay to act that way.

The boy inside me would console the man for holding him down. He would reassure him by patting his head and then mentioning it was not his fault.

“Without a woman in my life,” he would say,

“how could I be a man? I’m sorry dude. I really am because I know let you down.”

These feelings are conveyed or written by The Truthful Man. He was able to personify the nice guy mindset so well that I felt compelled to include it with my thoughts. It is so eerily close to what that man I mentioned above went through. Here is the article link, Time to Exit the Friend Zone

You with me so far? Good.  I am going to show you how my beliefs changed. I will take a few quotes and comments on how my thinking about attraction and women has changed from when I was that mid twenties boy.

“She cries because no guy “gets” her.”

I see now is a woman complaining to a good friend about how men just don’t understand her. And how it is so frustrating when others don’t get you. It’s not even that others don’t understand what you are saying but when someone you love just does not understand or acknowledge your feelings it is frustrating at its highest peak.

When a woman speaks out of frustration she is conveying her feelings and…

What is she feeling?

Sad!

Because the men she finds herself attracted to the most, treat her badly, and the men that don’t make her feel like shit, are only good at being just her friend.

When I came to that conclusion it really hit me hard. The absolute truth behind that last statement puts everything in a new perspective so I’m going to say it again…

The men she finds herself most attracted to, treat her badly, and the men that don’t make her feel like shit, are only good at being her friend.

You see that nice guy is only good at being her friend and that is so much more frustrating to a woman than being stuck with a man who treats her badly. Women want nice guys but they also want him to know how to make her feel attracted to them. It’s a completely different concept that changed my life forever.

“You know her favorite color, book, food, movie, and childhood memory. You could, without hesitation, plan out the most romantic, seductive date to take her on simply because you know exactly what turns her on…”

I claimed to know everything about the women I was in a “friendship no sex relationship” with but I didn’t know the most important part, how to increase her attraction towards me.

And big deal.

I knew everything about her but I still I failed to notice she was never going to feel attracted to me, just because I was a good friend.

I assumed the more I learned about what she liked, how to console her, and what she says she wanted in a man or from a relationship, it would all of a suddenly have her begging for my approval. She would then seduce me. Yet this failed assumption seems to cloud the difference between attraction and relationships.

Relationships are in short about connecting, learning, growing, bonding, and respecting…Attraction is about how someone else makes you feel, instantly, with total disregard of how we act on them.

People will put themselves though so much grief when they are deeply attracted to someone. Attraction has a way of hijacking us for its own purpose.

Next quote…

We are the one man who would actually appreciate you. You wouldn’t have to call us to “see where this relationship is going”…you would never doubt how we feel.

Yes, woman want men to appreciate them. I also know that I appreciate many things in my life. I appreciate good food and great music. I appreciate my friends. I appreciate that I exist to experience this wonderful world. And yes, I even appreciate the woman in my life now. I also appreciate there are women out there that would go through a ton of shit just to be with me…

But it’s not going to make me change my mind about sleeping with them.

I won’t suddenly feel sexually attracted to them just because they appreciate me. Sure women call men and question where the relationship is going but only if she’s unsure about how he feels about her.

She will begin to question him in a way that will more than likely push him further away. But that’s for a different post.

I now know that if a woman is completely sure about you and where you stand at the beginning of a relationship she will be less interested. Mystery is good and women are attracted to a mysterious man. They peak their interest and there’s no reason for any man to give out every emotion you feel about a woman when you are not committed, just because she asks. Often it can dispel what she felt initially.

Next quote…

“Best friends can make the best lovers and spouses.”

I definitely felt this way at a time in my life when I was constantly in the friend\’s zone, but now I believe this,“The best lovers and the best spouses, can make the best friends.” When I become intimate with a woman, when we grow closer and closer, and then decide to enter a long-term relationship, I never forget to always keep building the attraction, all while being there for her just as a true good friend would. I don’t expect any one woman to have to wait around for it.

If I am interested in more than friendship, I feel it is my responsibility to tease, flirt, and constantly keep her on her toes. Even when it may take several months for a particular women to become interested enough to casually date. I never give her myself on a platter expecting her to suddenly change her mind. If there is no sexual tension, I won’t waste my time. But if there is I will always increase it and never let it dissipate. That way, over time, a flirty friendship can develop into more.

Next quote…

“Ladies, I am officially removing the privilege you have of talking to a lovestruck “friend” complaining about how you’ll never find someone to care about you.”

I really like the way he ended his article. Although it is a little harsh and still focused on her, which I feel is not healthy selfish thinking it is the first step in escaping the friend’s zone. And that is to stop acting like a friend and start acting differently. Start acting like the sexual man you want to be and notice how quickly the dynamics of your interactions with her change.

Discovering how to become a more attractive man means understanding women make choices and act on those choices because of how they feel. Sometimes they will put themselves in terrible situations to feel something over nothing. A nice guy acting like a friend fails to create these uncontrollable emotions inside her and so he stays, “un-datable.”

As the old saying goes,”Over feeling nothing and pain, I will take pain.”

Thanks Truthful Man for writing your article. I truly appreciate it. It brought up some not so pleasant memories but more important it has shown me how far I have come. My beliefs have changed. The way I interpret the world me around has changed and in a new wonderfully exciting way. These beliefs I now hold have actually changed the world around me.

It goes like this, believe there is much good in the world, and you will see the good. Believe the world is an evil place, and the world will prove it to you. And if you, like me, begin to believe that you are actually lying to yourself in these just friends relationships, you will begin to see the truth.

And that truth I believe is:

Lying to the man inside me by telling him it is okay to act that way is wrong. Letting the boy inside me console that trapped man is a childish act in which I still may suffer from occasionally but I can now recognize it quickly and slap myself on the face to break me out of those unwanted needy moments.

You know I always enjoy writing here and look forward to doing it more. Always keep in mind though, out of all these experts I mention, the one person that gave me that first slap in the face was David DeAngelo. Better yet, Just go sign up for his newsletter and you’ll see quickly. It’s actually easy. Just click here, watch his video, and enter your name and email. 

Tagged as: act like a friend, attract, Attraction, being attractive man, beliefs, boy inside, friend zone, Friendship, liar, limited, lying, nice guy, Relationship, understanding