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How Do You Get Stuck In His Friends Zone? Can You Ever Get Out and How?

in Learning
Women do end up in the friend’s zone.

Trust me, I understand how being in the friends zone sucks.

But I also stick to my beliefs that it always easier, and more advised to not put yourself there in the first place. With all that said, if you’re a woman stuck in the friends zone and you’re looking to get out… keep reading because this is stuff you’re not going to hear anyplace else.

Take it from a guy who spent half of his life going from one “just lovely friends” relationship to the next…

Women stuck in this abyss with lots of guys and find it difficult to attract certain real men don’t allow (those) men into their lives for one example.

In order to break free from that pattern you must learn to objectify and untangle the emotions that are putting you there.

Think about what type of man you truly want and ask yourself how you feel about those traits that attract you.

When I first begin teaching a guy on how he can attract more women we often talked about what triggers her attraction. As a women, you need to find that out for yourself and discover the emotions they create inside you.

Try this simple exercise.

Write down what traits a man has that attracts you. Separate the physical from his personality. Be very descriptive about what you are feeling.

Here’s a common example:

Dark mysterious eyes on a gorgeous man gives me goosebumps.

  • When I think about meeting a man like this I get a little anxious and shy.
  • When I experience this anxiety it makes those around me a little nervous. When I am anxious I feel fragile. Therefore I must put up a barrier to protect me.

A charming man makes me feel happy and special. He puts me in a fun, flirtatious mood.

  • When I’m having a fun flirty conversation I often begin to get a little reserved because I think men assume I want sex, just because I am flirting.

The purpose of this exercise is to get you in better touch with your feelings and associate with how you act on them, and then determine why you act that way.

I’m not asking you to dig into your childhood and be your own psychologist. I am telling you to find the root of your emotions when you meet a man who interests you.

Those examples above only show a positive light so let’s now take a more negative association:

A confident man makes me feel safe and secure.

  • When I feel safe and secure I often will let my guard down. This means a confident jerk or at least one that becomes a jerk over time can easily break down my barriers. It allows him to reach inside of me. I don’t like being vulnerable. I want to be strong but the type of guy that has that confidence can often mislead me into thinking he is a nice guy.

Now let’s look at those feelings objectively.

This will give you great insight into what makes you tick and the reason why you get stuck in the friend’s zone.

When you are constantly stuck in the friend’s zone with a guy that has “dark mysterious eyes” it is because you create a barrier around you. No real man wants to break them down. It feels obtrusive.

A nice guy will often feel like you’ve been hurt so many times before that you are not willing to put yourself out there. It’s understandable but still leaves you alone. So remember this…

No man has to wait for you to eventually lower your barriers. I’m not talking about the barriers in which your subconscious creates but the one your conscious mind puts up.

I’m not talking about instinctual testing either. Those are there to protect you and allow you to decide who would be a better mate.

I’m talking about the walls that seem to exclude you from being with guys who only wants to be friends with you.

The two types of men that you will experience with regards to those walls are:

  1. The real man. The nice guy. The attractive, mentally or physically ones. They will not, because it is a part of their personality, he won’t try to change you. He would rather let you learn on your own.
  2. The jerk. The overly confident low self esteem type. His disregard for your feelings means he’s willing to destroy the walls you put up, because it allows him to control you.

If you want to attract the first type you must learn to put up strong healthy walls with many overpasses and something a man can climb or scale over.

Think about it this way…

You’re a newly found city and your surroundings are dangerous. You build this giant wall that allows no one in.

So what happens when a representative from a nearby friendly city wants to start a beneficial relationship with you? Well chances are he will see your city as full of recluses. He can not find a doorway and so leaves.  Only to return occasionally in hopes someone had the common sense or friendly invitation to build a door.

And what about this?

With a fully enclosed wall the deviants around see possibility. You must be hiding something valuable. Since they are deviants by nature they will appear time after time slowly damaging the walls until they create their own doorway to your hidden riches.

The first type of man listed above, the real man, will be your friend. He is a good guy and if you are generally a good person he probably won’t mind being your friend. But those men are highly sought out and you will have plenty of competition to get him and keep him. Because he has choices.

But don’t let that get you down. Men and women everyday find it difficult to move from a platonic friendship to a real sexual relationship. Although the tactics men and women use may differ, there is one rule that transcends both genders in getting out of the friend’s zone. And that is…

Stepping back from the situation and working positively on yourself!

So why do women end up in the friend’s zone?

I’m a man and I’m not holding it back from you. I become “just friends” with women because I enjoy their company but I’m just not physically attracted to them. I may become more attracted to her after spending time together. I may even find some physical features of her more appealing over time.

But the absolute truth is if I don’t feel it, I will only be her friend.

Women will also end up as a good friend with a man they are attracted to because he has a girlfriend, a wife, or he is gay. For these women I’m sorry to say I’m not into breaking up relationship for someone’s own personal gain. You’re on your own there. Oh and good luck convincing a gay man to go straight.

Another reason for becoming “just his friend” centers around his own ignorance. He doesn’t “get it.” He might not even have a clue you love him or want to date him.

Let’s face it, some people are heavily self-centered and notice very little around them. These types of men usually end up with dominant women because she had to make the first move.

How can you possibly get out?

If he doesn’t find you physically attractive you must make yourself more appealing to him. I wouldn’t suggest making yourself more attractive to one man’s preference but that choice is up to you.
Take careful notice to the women you know he is attracted to. I’m sure if you’re good friends you already have a good idea of what he likes.

The articles below may help:

So you learn what attracts men, their desires, and reintroduce yourself to him.

If you feel it’s his ignorance then you’re just going to have to do something about it. You might have to make the first move. Just do it skillfully.

If you reveal your feelings you put yourself out there. So be prepared to get rejected. It happens to all of us.

Most likely if you are rejected it is because he does not feel attracted to you as I mentioned above.

This ignorance is not often his fault entirely. No one ever taught him how to read the signals. No one ever showed him how. You may have to dial it up before he realizes what is going on. So flipping your hair a lot, exposing your neck, flirting, or catching his eyes seductively may not ever be enough.

You can try these next:

  • Show more interest in his life.
  • Ask many questions about him.
  • Lightly touch him when he makes you laugh.
  • Make him a romantic dinner.
  • Bring up sexual topics.
  • Get him to dance with you.
  • Pull back from him as a friend. (In other words become less available and give him space. Let him miss you.)

We definitely covered a lot today and I do hope I haven’t confused you even more. :)

Summing it all up, getting out of the friends zone, as a woman is very similar to what a guy is taught. But for you I’ve included getting in touch or better relating your feelings to certain guys and why and what makes it happen.

Once that is done you can then learn to objectify or untangle all the emotions you experience when you first meet a guy. To help you allow him to feel attracted to you.

From there it’s a matter of stepping back from the situation, or a future encounter, and learning what men desire you can make yourself a better attractive version of yourself. He has to feel attracted to you and you too, must actually like yourself enough to allow him to feel it.

From there you can start a “new” relationship with him built on everything we covered and your chances of escape will become much higher.

Yes, just like the guys, you might have to realize it’s never going to happen so you can get on with your new attitude and life and find another man. There’s no guarantee on this whole friends zone thing with any particular person.

Acceptance is perfectly natural and a very healthy thing to do especially when it comes to self-esteem issues. If you want help on this acceptance, and the real truth, leave a comment below or make sure you visit Why Does A Guy…? 

It’s my gift to women revealing my inner thoughts so men don’t have to confuse you anymore. I do hope you enjoy it. :D


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2 comments… add one

  • aqua

    Thank you for your post. It’s an interesting topic. Quite a few of my girl friends complain that they are in the friend zone with a man they are attracted to. Often, they end up in the friend zone after having had a short sexual relationship with the man in question. The man still wants to meet them but only as “friends”.

    The common denominator to all those stories is that my girlfriends became the “go to” friend when the guys had an issue they needed to sort out. And my girlfriends played an active part in creating the dynamic. They listened to the guy’s issues with care, they suggested insightful solutions…like a mother or an older sister or a lawyer would (at least the good ones do). How very helpful…but oh so un-sexy.

    So my advice to these women would be: if you don’t want to be an agony aunt don’t behave like one. When a guy you like does little puppy eyes (they all do at some point or other and it is very cute), poke fun at him flirtatiously. It will jolt his ego to life and hopefully something else.

    • peter white

      An “agony aunt” Very nice Aqua and great advice too. Thanks for sharing.


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