Not Growing Up Alpha – Part 3 – No Confidence With Women

Confidence is such an overused phrase when it comes to attracting women. It’s not overused because it’s not important. It’s overused because everybody talks about it but rarely do you hear what it is, where it comes from, how to get it, how to keep it, if you have it, and most importantly for this series on me not growing up an Alpha Male…

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2ueRnMuBHE]

 

What changed in me that instantly conveys to women my confidence today, that I never had growing up?

(in later posts you should expect  Why does it matter so much to women that you have real confidence? or Why can you NEVER consider yourself an Alpha Male without confidence?)

If you have not read the first two parts of this series, why haven’t you???? No seriously I’ll tell you about them in a few short sentences. I didn’t grow up an Alpha Male despite having so many traits that would make some believe I was. I had a lot going for me but I was missing the two important traits which I felt stopped me from getting what I wanted so badly back then. The hottest girls in my school who only would be friends with me.

The first trait was high status.

The second trait was confidence and that is what this post is about as you may have guessed it from my opening statement and questions.

Again, it’s true, I did not grow up alpha and the big reason was my lack of confidence when it came to attracting women, kissing them, having sex, meeting girls, and just getting more dates. Sure I was more than assertive when it came to my music or my ability to lead the small social groups. But I never believed I could succeed with women therefore was not assertive or showed any confidence with regards to women.

I believe my lack of confidence showed up during my first exposure to a girlfriend.

I remember it vividly to this day and it’s been at least 25 years since the event. This event literally broke my esteem for years. So here is what happened.

I was in fourth grade and in a new school. We were the two shortest kids in class so I thought I had a chance. We talked a little and hung out. I don’t recall exactly how it happened but I remember quickly asking her to be my girlfriend. I was surprised, happy, and terribly nervous because…she said YES!

So there we were finally boyfriend and girlfriend. I finally got to hold her hand on the bus we rode to school. But I froze. I didn’t know what to do with a girl. I did not know what having a girlfriend meant. I wanted to kiss her so badly but I just could not get the courage to do it. And she knew it.

Apparently she wasn’t as nervous or worried as I was.  She was waiting for that first kiss but as I told you before, but I had no clue what I was doing. After all I was in fourth grade and up until that point all my girlfriends were just friends I played with. (Not surprisingly the few girls who I did play with were the hottest ones around.)

I believe a little over a week passed which to a young kid felt like forever, and she did it….

SHE BROKE UP WITH ME!!!!!

I talked to the person who she found to tell me (haha! yeah she got someone else to do it for her) and the reason she gave was because I was too stiff. Yep. Who would’ve known a fourth grader was afraid to make that first move. Can you feel the bitterness from my sarcasm?

In case you’re not my age  ‘stiff‘ is what they called you if you wouldn’t kiss a girl. This term was typically reserved for women but the label was given to me. I was emasculated. I was confused. I was heart-broken. She tore my heart out in a little over a week because I was…well let’s just say…acting like a fourth grader and clueless about kissing and no one to teach me.

(On a side note I now realize me not making a move on her most likely made her feel like she wasn’t good enough for me and probably hurt her confidence as much as the experience hurt mine.)

I can almost guarantee from that moment on every insecurity I felt toward my height or my lack of confidence in making the first move or kissing a woman was felt by those hottest girls in school I mentioned I never had a chance with.

I just got finished going through Scot McKay’s Real Confidence – Practical Steps To Bulletproof Self-Assurance  this is a buy only link no sales page, when I do a write-up on it I’ll put the link in for you.

(Carlos Xuma, you know the guy who is a genius at teaching men how to be the Alpha Male has developed Secrets of The ALpha Male will give you Scot’s program for FREE as a bonus when you buy his product first. Sign up for his video for more information. )

I finally released a page where I give a small review and reveal what you’re going to find inside of Scot’s Real Confidence E-book.

I wanted to explore as many ways as I could about confidence. Up until then Doctor Paul was a big influence on my thoughts on confidence and hs goes deep into the scientific aspect of our masculinity. Scot brought it more to me in simple situations I could relate to and he also explained to me a difference between self-esteem and confidence I was not aware of.

Doctor Paul helped me to understand the science of my confident barrier protecting my self-esteem or self-worth and Scot showed me an example of the difference through my music.  I was never scared to get on stage and I was extremely confident in my ability to perform in music but since my self-esteem was low this feelings of confidence did not transcend into other parts of my life. As in my failures with the opposite sex.

I’ve made it clear growing up with this lack of assertion when it came to women was a huge downfall for me. It showed in my body language. It showed up in my weak timid way I dealt with women. It showed up by me being afraid to offend or worse yet it demonstrated to those women I wanted to badly that I wasn’t the leader of myself.

I wasn’t considered an alpha male for several reason stemming from my lack of confidence:

• I was short and I also had the body language of a short man.
• I was not assertive in dealing with women.
• I was shy because I did not want women to realize how ugly I felt.
• I had not personal power when it came to living the life I wanted…which as most guys do, just having choices when it comes to who we want to date.

From that short list I can now see what changed inside me and although the list is too long to list here I throw a couple at you so you too perhaps can learn and grow from my past experiences.

It’s true. I’m still short…

• But I have the body language of a taller man. My self-esteem stands tall. Being short is no longer a limited belief of mine.
• Assertion is no longer a problem with women for many reasons but the one being the validation of large social groups who have confidence in my ability to be with any woman I want. (Something again I learned from Scot.)
• I’m no longer shy because I found first a job, then a career which I am put in situations to alleviate this anxiety naturally. I no longer have to be on stage to feel comfortable in at least one of my skills.
• I have maintained growth of my personal power in any venture I attempt. It could be just talking to a complete stranger on the street, man or woman. My personal power still grows to this day and as it does my confidence strengthens a little with each success and fortifies me during my failures to rebuild quickly and move on.

I didn’t plan on doing more in this series because I planned on developing an Alpha Male quiz and then survey for guys to take to determine where they are lacking when it comes to being an Alpha Male but this post turned out longer than expected.

You’re going to have to stop back for the next post which will be about,

“Why does it matter so much to women that you have real confidence? or Why can you NEVER consider yourself an Alpha Male without confidence?)”

Until then comment below if you want me to speed up the production of my Alpha Male quiz and/or survey.

Remember though you’re not getting a personalized report if you’re not a member here. I just hope I can keep up with all the emails. Be assured it will be a limited offer.

I’m happy you stopped by to read me series on Not Growing Up Alpha. I hope you’re leaving with a better understanding of your own life when it comes to attraction and being an Alpha Male.

Talk to you soon…and below you’ll find part one and part two.

Not Growing Up Alpha – Part 4 – Why Women Are Attracted To Confidence

I Didn’t Grow Up An Alpha Male- Part 2 – My Status Was Too Low!

True Story – I Didn’t Grow Up An Alpha Male

 

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Tagged as: alpha, assertive, body language, Confidence, confident, failure, Girlfriend, growing, male, personal, power, rejection, short, shy, success, timid