Online Dating and the Nice Guy.

I have seen it so many times before.  The good guy struggling to meet people outside of his job. He doesn’t like to go to clubs and bars are absolutely out of the question. He struggles with a cold approach at a supermarket and his local coffee shop has the ambiance of a high school cafeteria. So what does this nice guy do? He figures, I’ll go online then.  I will get to pick and choose from tons of single women that will get to know my personality first and judge me less on how I look.  Great idea right? The problem with that is if you are a nice guy who does not seem to understand women very well, and for some reason the friend’s zone is your home away from home. And I’m not talking about a sunny villa on some tropical island either. You end up making the same mistakes online that you do in public. Although the online experience can be a little different than the real world, if you don’t really understand how to make a woman feel attraction for you face to face it is not going to be different in “cyberland” either.  And just think of that moment the good intention man who just wants to be nice has to meet her. What does he do then? If face to face he struggles with interacting with attractive women it is not going to magically disappear because he learned all about her online and she is really into him.

You can use online social sites to practice staying out of the friends zone.

If you feel online dating is your only choice and you are so determined to stick to it then you should keep reading and I will give you some proven advice that will at least make things easier for you. First and foremost you must remember this about the “cyber” world, the buying power or the dollars spent have migrated more towards woman, and advertisers and marketers realize this.  This is why you see the shift from porn everywhere you look, although there’s ton out there still, to something to me that looks like a magazine rack at my local supermarket.  This means I’ve seen a clear direction among dating sites to not only grow numerously and quickly but are geared more to the women. I remember the old days of very few dating sites that consisted of local people and this was always the case in the business agendas of the online dating companies. This is probably a classic scene in the boardroom trumped by their < a name = "leader" >leader.

“Here’s the plan our company can have guaranteed success. Get a few women to join which will bring in tons of men. We’ll make it so the men have to pay to write the other people but it’s free for the women to respond. For every woman we get, the hotter the better, we can gain unlimited men to pay us to talk to those same women. “

A spectacular plan that worked for years. The problem now is the competition is so great through free social sites and the fact that women spend a substantial amount of money on the Internet the man’s money is not worth what it used to be. This of course causes the so called good ethic practicing companies to pour more and more of their advertisement funds into the plan I refer to as “Dumb Man like Hot Woman”. This is basically where you sign up for a site because they show you all the hot girls that want to talk to you and within minutes of signing up, one writes you. And if you just pay for the inclusion into their unique online dating site you can write her back. The longer you wait to pay the more hot girls seem to be checking you out. They tease the shit out of you until your wallet opens wide to them or they piss you off so much you eventually move on, looking for a more respectable site. After all you’re a nice guy remember. Sure you want hot women but you’re not a swinger or just some player dude who wants to get his dick wet.

I am primarily an optimistic person and I have noticed the good side of all this.  More and more sites are now directed towards women. They want to help them find their perfect match. They want to help them find the love of their life and possibly a husband. They also know now that women will pay for this experience. Particular the ones that have struggled on the real dating scenes for whatever the reasons may be.  They research what women say they are looking for, and they give it to them. After all it’s just smart business practice to know your customer.

What does this mean to you nice guys, GOOD NEWS, but with fair warning…

Women that are on strict dating sites are there for a reason. To date. That means she probably will expect you to take her out, wine and dine her, and prove to her that you are worth seeing again. If this is not you then I would suggest you find a good medium sized social site and use it to perfect your interactions with women you find attractive. Use it as a learning tool and don’t be afraid to burn those bridges in your interactions. Make sure it is inexpensive, has lots of pictures, simple emailing, private emailing, not restricted, not too flashy, and has a system in place that gives you some sort of assurance that the women you are dealing with are actually real people. Try Bangme.net and you will see what I mean. Unless you are in a big city finding someone down the street will be tough but practicing and watching what other men say is a valuable learning tool.

Men still dominate the amount of people in those sites. Which means nine to ten nice guys for every woman. Imagine the odds when you are a picky man. You are looking for an attractive women who is smart,  funny, and has her life at least on a manageable level. I would guess there are five of you to .1 of her. Meaning 1 out of ten women you see on the site will not fit  you and there are at least five to six of men just like you doing the same thing. That means for every available woman you might be interested in there are fifty to sixty of you. You can read all the statistics you want here.

Online-Dating-Industry-Facts-Statistics

It’s a little tough to digest but if you’re driven by numbers go check it out. Leave a comment if you have any better suggestions on Internet dating statistics. I have found the real numbers are hard to come by.

Women still are hounded constantly be the not so nice guys. The perverts, the creeps, the leering individuals with no intention on being more than just a pain in the ass. For some reason they harbor deep rooted mental issues with the ladies and find the Internet to be a great place to get back at them. I can’t tell you how many times I have talked to women that tell all the stories of the freaks that write them and what they say to them. I can’t tell you how many times I have lost contact with some great women, or had to move our contact to somewhere else because those men drove them out.

For every email you send in hopes in a response she is probably receiving ten times as much and she will have to weed them out one by one. The simplest way to do this is  to just look at your picture and decide, read your headline, look at your profile before even before reading your mail, or just scan the first few sentences. If one of those is not congruent or catchy in her eyes. You’re done. Now the odds are really starting to stack up. When I started to study online dating and look deeply into what was really going on. I was dumb founded by the numbers and one scenario kept running through my brain.

Are the odds stacked against you in online dating emails you send to women?

I imagined walking into any place well known for hooking up with someone or meeting a potential partner. I walk in confidently and my eyes gaze to scan for attractive women but for every fifty guys leering about the one poor girl nervously shaking in the corner.

I realize there are plenty of bars and clubs that the men outnumber the women but they can not possibly be that extreme. Yet through online dating it can be like that. And with the strike against you of not being able to use your body language or voice inflections to convey your confidence and masculinity, it can be seen like a feat impossible. But people do hook up online. Some actually do get married. Some find life long partners or friends and have wonderful experiences online. But if you are nice guy and struggle with getting women to respond to you online or taking interaction to an actual date, those numbers and warning above must be fully realized and accepted in order for you to achieve your goals  of dating more women. And with that said here are some quick pointers to remember:

Know your competition

Check out other men’s profiles. Particularly the successful ones. This is why I like online social dating sites because I can see what men are saying tho the women and how those same ladies respond. Learn from them of what to do and what not to do. For example if you scan ten men’s profiles and 7 of them start with. “Hey! My name is John Doe. I am looking ….”  Then make sure you don’t do the same.

Learn how to take a photograph of yourself that shows strength and confidence.

Look at all aspects of where it was taken, how you are standing, your smile, and even how that same photograph will look shrunk down to a thumbnail size.

Grammar is an invaluable tool.

You don’t have to be all business like but your writing is very important. First she looks at your picture, then she may even check out your profile before even reading you mail. So everything must work together. If you struggle with writing eloquently again start with other people’s profiles that seem to be popular. Don’t over sell yourself with your writings yet don’t undermine yourself with negativity either. Don’t just blatantly give away your whole life story. She should want to learn more about you. If you tell her everything there is about you it leaves no room for mystery at all. Learn how spell or use a spell checker to check all the unnecessary typos and proof read your writing. It only takes a few extra minutes but it is by far worth your time.

Don’t waste your time writing to women you are not actually interested in just because you think she is hot…

…unless your goal is to practice talking to attractive women. I’ll post more later on specifics on using free or inexpensive social sites to practice. But Being a nice guy that struggles being in the friend’s zone constantly these social sites will give you valuable experience and are great testing areas to work on your skills.

Don’t waste your time writing a book to any one woman you are interested in.

Don’t get all mushy and bent on any one individual. You need to increase your options if you want to succeed.  The more you are corresponding the less time you will have for any one women. Which means you might not be able to get back to her for a while. Which can be a good thing unless you are strictly online for setting up many dates quickly to fill your personal life up more. In that case….

Move quickly and don’t waste your time talking to someone for months and months before meeting them.

A couple of emails back and forth, get their phone number, call them, and then decide where you can meet. Preferable in a very public setting where both of you can feel very comfortable about meeting someone you have never met in person. This is another reason getting them on the phone is very important. Create rapport with her. Talk casually first and again don’t waste your time. I say act quickly here because any potential date that is worth your time will be bombarded with requests for dates. This can send her decision making process into overload and there is a good chance your great personality will get lost in the shuffle.

Get professional help and use your money to work for you.

“On average 10 percent of members pay for the dating service and stay for less than 3 months”

Meaning don’t settle with a long time commitment and do your homework first. The site I have cited here is invaluable for weeding out the bullshit sites. It may be tough to navigate at first but use the search process within the site to gather information about any particular site. Look for things like how easy is it to opt out and get your profile erased. Look for guarantees or money back if you are not satisfied. Just take the time to study and learn about the top sites and find one that works for you best. Go there and search for singles in your area before you ever hand over your credit card to them. Most won’t require you to sign up first and it is important you have local people there that you may be interested in.

Let’s break down the money aspect of  it. Let’s say you are willing to spend $20.00 to $40.00 a month to be a subscribed member for a three month period. That’s $60 to $120 so we will split the difference to $90. This does not include the cost of going out on dates. So even at modest three dates a month for three

Use your money wisely in online dating.

months at $30 to $100 a date. Splitting the cost again to $65 a date brings us to $195 a month, or $585 in three months plus the $90 for the dating service which brings us to a total of $685. Not bad at all right? Less than ten dollars a day. But with absolutely no guarantee of a date, meeting anyone, or having it work out with her, and that list goes on and on. This is why you should make sure you money works for you and not just is spent using a service that does not teach you anything. Since you can’t guarantee any outcome in that situation lets look at this way. Imagine for a minute that you’re 18 years old and never driven before because you are scared shitless of the road. So for the time being you spend tons of money being driven around by buses and taxis.Knowing in the back of your head that you will spend the rest of your life with that added payment because of your fear to drive. This fear is very overwhelming and your inner strength doesn’t seem to be enough to get you through it. There is a good chance unless you pay a psychologist or an expert on driving fears the few hundred dollars to overcome this fear you will spend thousands and thousands your entire life paying someone to do something you can learn how to do yourself. It’s the same with dating. I am saying this because again as I mention above if you struggle with women outside of the online dating environment there is a good chance you will too online. So spending a little extra to learn how to attract women or get dates online will reward you for as long as you are single.

I am suggesting them you should spend up to the difference of $90 and invest in learning all you can about meeting women online first. Join a free social sites and practice what your chosen program teaches and then when you are ready, join a paid site. At least this way you will almost guarantee yourself the best opportunity to achieve your dating dreams. And the great part about learning is that teachers usually do offer a guarantee to their products that go beyond the simple, if you don’t get dates. They offer guarantees in changing who you are or utilizing your best assets as a nice guy to have online dating success after success with limited failures beyond your own, “No. She is just not for me”.

David Wygant has the best cost effective product I’ve seen so far. Check it out and see for yourself.

I’ll try and post as much free help as I can but since this site is not specifically for meeting women online, the articles will be rare. If you have any specific questions or comments I will get back to them as quickly as I can.

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