This girl “really” liked me once. All the signs were there…
We had fun together. Everything we did or talked about just clicked. I felt a definite “connection” beyond the friendliness of our situation.
It was like the instant we met something finally happened for me…
A cute girl ( okay better than cute, ) an accidental meeting that went MY way, and an overwhelming feeling that she “liked” me too.
I was completely convinced through every signal she was throwing that we were bound to get together as more than just friends.
The months we spent together were actually only a few days and during it I was pounding my brain. I needed to ask her out.
Surprised by my own courage I threw it in,
“Would you like to go out with me?”
Her reply took what felt like hours… How would she respond? A hug and kiss… a grabbing of the hand… a soft sultry look… a huge smile?
Nope. She said something completely unexpected,
“I’m not sure. You’re such a great guy but I REALLY like this other guy.”
What else could I do but level my head with hers. She gave me the pathetic “oh you’re cute” head turn like I was a little boy being cute so I responded appropriately,
“Okay. But if it doesn’t work out, let me know. “
She all too easily agreed. She was obviously avoiding the worst thing you can ever tell a guy who “likes” you, “We’re just friends. I don’t want to ruin the friendship. You’re nice but I only want to friends.”
Every sign she gave me I completely misunderstood.
I became her “friends zone” buddy the moment we met.
Every interpretation was built on what I was feeling causing me to first, put MYSELF in her friends zone and secondly, fail to see the signs which were clearly in front of me.
The first sign we’re in the friends zone, and this took me years to figure out is…
Walking around with a proverbial neon sign above our heads in just such a position where everyone else sees it but us with it’s letters blinking,
“I’d Only Make A Great Friend.”
If it doesn’t make sense, because it didn’t to me at first too, imagine a guy who is incredibly good with every woman you ever wanted and what do you think his sign says?
“Sexy & I Have Enough Friends.” –> Okay I know we can do better with that but still…
First friend zone sign – We put ourselves in the friends zone.
Of course… Women have a TON of reasons to put us there. Some are entirely about her. Some are about us.
You’ll find 36 reasons I came up with here –> Why Women Put Us In The Friends Zone along with an explanation.
Women tend to follow our lead with the whole relationship/attraction thing. Not 100% but amazingly accurate is most situations.
If we act like “just a friend” she’ll assume it.
If we act like a “sexual option” AND we back up up with action she’s more likely to follow our lead. Granted there’s more skill and experience required to be a sexual option and just being a friend seems easier… but it doesn’t change the situation.
Act like “just a friend” we’re giving her that lead to follow and nothing else.
We do have options here to tear down this sign and put a new one up. Becoming sexy, confident, and doing better with what we already have is always a good start.
The first impression is highly important as you might have noticed already.
Here are a few recently developed areas to study –> The Lust Response by Carlos Xuma and 7 Second Seduction by David Wygant. Both are highly effective in getting results quick and both “players” are highly respected people in the attraction game which helps us to avoid cheap tricks and mind games. In other words – no jackass jerk stuff included.
Sign #2 – She reveals way too much personal information about herself much too quickly.
When women are feeling attracted to us (which is very important to keeping us out of her friends zone) she WILL withhold details about herself.
Just like we shouldn’t tell a woman right off the bat our defects she won’t do it either.
The more she “likes” a guy the more she wants to exercise control of how we see her.
She WANTS us to see her as someone special, different, attractive, sexy, perfect, and all her attempts to act shy or avoid being nervous are great signs she is attracted to us.
If she is feeling something deeper she’s also can become worried we’re going to put HER in our friends zone and so acts accordingly the best she can. Granted some are better than others.
The conclusion becomes clear…
If she’s giving away ALL her secrets early on or is NOT overly worried or even acts a little (cutely) nervous being with us, it’s a definite sign we’re in her friends zone.
This brings us to the next sign.
Sign #3: She’s all too comfortable around us.
When a woman finds herself extremely attracted to a guy she may feel anxious.
She may fidget.
Her words may stumble out and she monitors what she is going to say or ask.
The emotions she feels will keep her on the edge and she can even get actually physically excited. If you study body language you can easily see the signals.
We can then (more than assume) if she’s entirely too comfortable (and I’m not talking about cuddling when you’re in a relationship) that’s an indisputable sign there’s no sexual tension.
Without sexual tension or chemistry or minor physical and mental reactions it’s almost impossible for women to see as just more than a friend.
Our goal to avoid this shouldn’t be making her feel uncomfortable… tried it… didn’t work.
This happens very naturally as she reacts to our personality and the confidence we project and of course how we convey it all.
The bad part is – if we’re not good at all that stuff and we aim to just wing it most of the time AND our desire to make her feel more comfortable around us, is telling her to put us in the friends zone because no matter how bad we want it, or she wants to feel it, if it’s NOT there no matter what we do can change it.
Along the lines of the first few signs we come to:
Sign #4: She only calls when she wants advice, help, or wants to talk about how SHE is feelings.
It’s ALWAYS about her and not us. She’s looking to a great close friend to dump her problems on to get them out.
Which is fine if we ARE actually close “sharing” friends but as a one sided non-agreement that she uses to make her feel better but unknowingly makes us feel bad (for her and us for not being with her) then I don’t see a greater sign that we’re just friends.
She’ll complain about being single. How they’re no good guys out there. How we’re all jerks.
Worse yet, she’s not sure what to wear on a DATE. She’s feeling nervous before it (see above).
She confides every last detail up to AND including her periods and bathroom un-sightlies without reservation.
Of course she will because we won’t judge her – WE’RE HER FRIEND.
Now normally this is one-sided. She’ll only feel empathetic to our plight. She’ll help us out a little but most of the time it’s because of how friendly and giving we were in the beginning, because we wanted her to see us a different and nice… she ends up valuing the friendship more than anything else.
We may FEEL in love or something close to it but she’s feeling only supported and not at all sexually attracted to.
She is more likely to happen when we put women on a pedestal and guard others from knocking her down. Here’s a video “presentation” to explain how BAD that can be. Promotional but truthful AND helpful –> Triggering Instant Attraction – Bad Boy Formula.
Sign #5: She flirts with a little “different” than she does with other men.
Friend flirting is real and it’s deadly (for us friend zone inhabitants) because we’re more likely to confuse the flirting with meaning something more.
Especially if we’re attracted to her.
She’s sees it as friendly play – we thinks it’s a sign she wants more.
Sometimes – it’s just who she is.
Sometimes – it’s just her way to relax around you.
Play fighting, name calling, or busting your ass can be a major sign she is attracted BUT it’s never a guarantee. There’s just so much more going on to separate it all.
I’ve found a few ways around this so we can determine what her flirting really means.
We must notice HOW she flirts and where the flirting goes and not IF she’s flirting to determine whether it’s a sign we’re in her friend zone.
The “rule” is – if it’s NOT escalating sexually it’s friendly banter.
How she flirts – well she’ll touch us more than usual while she’s flirting. She’ll position her body more sexually towards us.
Here is a post I pulled which keeps it simple to tell if a woman is interested in us more –> How to Tell If A Woman Is Interested In You Look for these signs with her flirting or how she’s flirting to determine if it’s friends zone material or not.
For help on escalating with women and how it’s supposed to work sign up to Alpha Sexual Power and read the popular intro Titled “Shark Fin Soup” –> Alpha Sexual Power. It explains it all.
My premise being with having sexual confidence and power we’re less likely to get the wrong type of flirting in the first place which signals the friends zone.
Sign# 6: She doesn’t care she looks like when she’s with us.
She’ll spend no time getting ready when we go out UNLESS we’re going somewhere she plans on meeting another guy.
Think of what people do when they go out to that first date. We shave. Iron our clothes. Throw on some cologne. We want to make a great first impression. We WANT to look our best.
Well if she’s not doing THAT early on than how are we supposed to believe she’s interested in us sexually.
If she’s doing later on then she either believed we were not interested in her or decided we’re only friends material relieving her from womanly duty to look good.
This is an easy sign to look for and may not count if we’ve found ourselves falling in love with a roommate but that’s an entirely different area to explore.
Sign #7: WE failed to act during a pivotal time where emotions were at its peak.
There’s always an opening with a woman who is attracted to us. We can make it happen or we can let it happen but it does appear.
That moment is known as making the first move.
I’ve found the moment we look back for the first time and say “SHOULD” is the clearest sign to see we’ve now been friends zoned.
It’s a pattern. We balk at the best opportunity to kiss her or grab her hand or become slightly more intimate.
We pull back when we SHOULD’VE moved in.
This is a sign because not only has it probably happened to us before thus making it more likely to be something we just do, but also because sometime after we missed that chance, we spiraled into her friends zone.
Too much comfort with sexual tension tends to turn off a woman and in a way she may consider it a silent rejection. To pare the junk which comes along with it she might let it slide and assume we put her in the friends zone.
If we thought we should’ve done something and we didn’t THAT’S the sign.
Take it from a guy who did it for years. Too scared to BE that guy and unsure on how to do it combined for some pretty ugly friend zone affairs.
All these signs listed are clear indicators we’ve winded up in her friends zone.
Working our way back through them reveals:
- We didn’t make the right move at the right time.
- We’re flirting but it’s not escalating physically.
- She rarely ever cares what she looks like when she’s with us.
- It’s always about her. We’re a spectator and never fully engaged in her life or the the conversations.
- She more than comfortable around us. There’s no sexual tension.
- She makes no reservation about revealing even the things about her she doesn’t like.
- We have shown a definite pattern and give her every reason to put us in the friends zone. If we’re there a lot – we’re doing something wrong.
Now that we have the signs and there are lots more. Some are covered in this special “secret” page I just posted –> 5 Signs You’re In The Friend’s Zone
What happens when we find ourselves there over and over again?
We must start doing something different and with regards to this whole friends zone subject, help is here and there and everywhere we look – if we’re willing to make some changes.
Some changes are quick. Some are not. And I firmly believe both must be at least attempted so we can avoid having that giant neon sign over our heads…
“I’d Only Make A Great Friend.”
Here are several ways to eliminate or escape the friends zone. Choose one of all of them: