A man was looking for help out of the friends zone.
My suggestions to help him were written and ready but the web site he asked for the advice from decided my comment was not “comment worthy”. The nerve of those bastards. Haha!
Anyways – good news for us at DiaLteG TM because I’m going to answer him here.
Hopefully if you’re in a similar situation you’ll find this short post more than useful.
Here’s his situation…
He thinks she’s out of his league. She has a boyfriend. Her parents love him and want him to be with her.
First things first…
You are NOT out of her or any one woman’s “league”.
That type of thinking will only put you deeper in the friends zone.
Imagine how lost she is without having you as her boyfriend.
Imagine how you put her in the friends zone because as long as she is (exclusively) dating another guy, she is off-limits.
The important thing to remember is “never give away your power as a strong masculine man who has his life together” because she will forever see you as just a friend.
Secondly, she will probably always have a boyfriend. If you’re believing the next time she’s single then you’ll make your move, you are fooling yourself.
If you have not made a move on her yet it’s only going to get tougher to do so.
Also, hot women always have boyfriends. Generally speaking of course I don’t want to discourage other guys.
In your case it’s just best to assume she will always have some guy who swoops in when she’s single and becomes her boyfriend.
Some women even keep one around because it’s easier for them. They can defend against being hitting and use it as a “nice” excuse to let down some guys down without feeling guilty about it.
As long as you are the son her parents never had you will always be her step brother. That’s how she sees you and if that’s how you act and think I’m sure you make a great brother to have around too at least based on what you written.
Here what I believe you should do to start giving yourself the best opportunity to be with her or make her your girlfriend…
1. You might have to be the guy that breaks them up… sort of.
Remember it will appear she will always have a boyfriend.
You don’t have to manipulate the situation to cause it personally because that could hurt you in the end.
What you want to do is just allow her to make the right choice for herself and that choice is YOU.
This is part of my three steps for eliminating the friends zone.
On the other end – since you’re her “good” friend this guy might easily or eventually become jealous of you.
2. Break up with her parents.
Women don’t normally date their brothers.
When things change between the two of you and she is your girlfriend THEN you can start acting like a son-in-law and throw away the brother label
3. Stop being her friend and start being a man whose nice guy ways are merely the top of your personality.
Charming, funny, confident, charismatic, masculine, sexy…work on what you have to and stop labeling yourself as a nice guy.
That’s just a label thrown on guys to who feel their niceness is not attractive.
The real Alpha Males I know are actually nice guys they just don’t manipulate women with their niceness. They also don’t allow a woman’s looks affect them. They don’t put women on a pedestal and they certainly understand attraction has little or nothing to do with being nice.
Read this incredible article from Scot McKay here at DiaLteG Tm because it will explain the difference –> The Difference Between “Nice” and “Mr Nice Guy”
4. Get over your crush.
To her, a crush from a guy who feels like her brother probably feels more than just creepy. It feels wrong.
Respect her femininity while demanding her respect for your masculinity.
What that means is you need to start seeing eye to eye with her. The opposite of your sexes will naturally attract each other. It’s part of being a man or woman.
Having a crush gives her all the power to see you as a neutered friend. This defeats the purpose of you being a man and her being a woman.
Number 7 below with help you with this.
5. Start seeing her looks as more of a problem for her and not you.
Her looks are stopping her from getting to know people for real.
It’s like they always have a hidden agenda.
She questions the motives of every guy who jut stares at her and how men only see her as a body. Attracting most men is NOT a challenge for her…which leads to…
6. Start becoming a real challenge for her in many ways.
Rather than list all the ways just read one of my most popular articles on this subject: Top Ten Ways to Challenge Women to be Attracted to You.
7. Start dating women who are better than her.
I know. She’s a ten right?
But the women who are better than her are the ones who are better for YOU.
Your needs and your desires should be as important to you as they are to your close friend.
Unfortunately your desires are not being met by her so in my book that means there are plenty of women out there who can fulfill that for you and your friend must respect that.
8. Start putting your new dates in your friends zone and allow them to prove to you they may be a potential relationship over time.
Make it positive fun qualification.
You want these new dates to see you as a man with more to give than an intelligence.
You can do this by demonstrating indirectly the traits of the Alpha Male I mentioned above. Demonstrating indirectly is another part of my friend zone steps and on a way it means,
“You don’t advertise your strengths on being a mature masculine man. Allow your actions, words, and body language to act accordingly.”
9. Use your intelligence to learn wit, charm, how to properly flirt, and a good education on what truly attracts women.
Don’t make any of these mistakes –> Ten Reasons Why Intelligent Men Fail with Women – David DeAngelo
Too many “smart” guys make them and their huge attraction killers AND they get you stuck in the friends zone. Something you’ve already noticed to be true.
If you’ve made it this far you’re going to be feeling more confident.
Add the traits I’ve mentioned slowly into your personality (focus on your weakest parts and less on your strengths) and allow her to start feeling attracted to you.
10. My warnings about the nine suggestions listed above.
- Do not tell her how you feel about her.
- Do not feel pressured to move too quickly. Take your steps at a pace you are comfortable with.
- Do not force the issue or attempt to make her feel something for you directly.
- Until you’ve enjoyed spontaneous intimate romance with her do not attempt to romance her into liking you.
- Do not USE other women against her. Follow this rule. If you’re enjoying being with other women there’s nothing wrong with talking to your friend about them. If you’re unsure as the reasons for your need to make her jealous get back to me and I’ll do what I can.
Good luck getting out of the friend zone with her. I understand it’s not the easiest thing in the world to do BUT it does happen. It can happen.
You can allow things to happen if you remember to get out of your own way.
If you fail – Sorry BUT just imagine what you’ve learned along the way which will keep you out of the friends zone the next time and the next time and the next time…
If you fail – It hurts – that I know from first hand experience. It may feel like you’re never going to get over her but trust me – you will. You will also help yourself get through it quickly when you start dating other woman and continue to date them .
The “just friends” shit happens and for lots of us it may seem unavoidable.
We meet a hot girl. We become attracted to her. We live our lives normally and the next thing we know we’ve fallen for her but by then it’s too late and she’s befriended us…
BUT on the other side – women can be highly emotional and unpredictable causing us to rip our hair out trying to make them our girlfriends but in a way – that is great news because it also means – they can go from just wanting to be our friends one minute – and when we learn to start doing things differently around them – they suddenly want more from us.
Great women, among other things, are forgiving, understanding, and live life on their own terms and they’re also well known for changing their minds or feelings in a flash.
Meaning this to us – WE can allow them to change their terms to include US and in YOUR case – escape the friends zone and make her your girlfriend. IF you loosely follow what I’ve laid out for you and questions each step along the way so you understand them completely and you understand how to use them the right way.
Outlined today are specific measures to help this young gentlemen make a specific woman his girlfriend. They may not work for everyone. Some of you may need broader advice centering around changing the way a woman feels about you. If you’re not interested in just eliminating the friends zone by following my Ebook or the exact steps I personally used to help myself get out and stay out then I suggest you watch this video and quickly decide if turning that friend of your into a lover is possible –> Friends Into Lover Video