Here is a quote I stole from an anonymous woman’s profile.
I always wondered how pretty girls end up with ugly boys
and pretty boys with ugly girls.
(Like how my cute boyfriend wants some fugly chick like me)
I think love is stupid. But im crazy about him.
What does she really mean or what do I think she means?
Here’s the situation. You’re talking to a woman when all of a sudden she mentions she has a boyfriend. You didn’t ask her if she was seeing someone. You didn’t ask her out on a date. You didn’t ask her for her phone number.
In fact, as far as you know, you didn’t even show any interest in dating at all.
But some reason she decided to throw out,
“Me and my boyfriend…”
“When my boyfriend does that…”
“My boyfriend loves that song…”
“My boyfriend has that same problem..”
A friend of mine just texted me telling me she had been baking in the sun all day. Stuck in the middle of nowhere in a broken down truck. She also didn’t fail to mention how great of a person she is, yeah she’s a bit cocky, but this time it was because she hasn’t bitched at all. All day!
She explains to me it was because she really likes this guy and doesn’t care whether the truck gets fixed or not. It’s allowing them to spend all this time together and she can’t get enough of him.
That means about 29% of all searches made to my page are from curious women, asking, what in essence the title of this post. “So… You Like This Guy…and He’s Just Your Friend.”
I recently wrote an article for women, Ten Secrets to Break a Guys Heart, and I feel you will find, contained with the absurdity of the list, is a stripped down version of what men are attracted to.
Ten Secrets on How to Break a Guy’s Heart.
1.) Shower him with attention and then suddenly take it away.
2.) Let him know how much you enjoy listening to him speak about his life, and then stop asking about it.
3.) Be his lover. Be his friend. Pull back sexually and then… just be his friend.
4.) Agree to being in a committed relationship with him but then get scared and act fearfully.
5.) Shower him with affection and gifts the last day you plan on seeing him as a lover.
6.) Tell him you don’t believe that he will miss you or you can not understand why he even would.
7.) Always widen your eyes and give him a big smile when it has been some time since you last saw each other. Then turn that smile to a frown and a look of being unsure about where the relationship is going.
8.) Tell him how much you care about him but that you don’t believe in love.
9.) Enjoy wild nights of sexual gratification and be open in bed to exploration of each others desires. But then let him believe you are not good enough for him.
10.) Be sweet. Be fun. Be caring. Be sexy…
Be loving. Be supportive. Be daring. Be “sexty”….
And then one day, just stop being there.
Quick jump to a decade later…
I saw her profile thrown up online. She was looking for dates online. She was still single with no kids and still looked incredible!
So I wrote her with a funny story and updated her on the status of our mutual friend. She never wrote me back. I wasn’t surprised at all.
Flashback to our meeting ten years earlier…
Let me tell you about my personal experiences with dating younger women and how I feel you can date them. Perhaps you can gain some insight through that. Bear in mind these are from my own experiences and I will admit I do not rank as high as many of the men who seem to master getting that younger woman to date. But this is true. Ten years ago I was constantly told by every woman I wanted between the ages of 18 and 25, that they just don’t date men over thirty, and now that I’m pushing forty, rarely, if at any time, do I hear those same words. So it’s either women are beginning to date even older men, or I have learned to develop that part of me that knows how to attract them. You can make your own mind up on that one.
She may not be ready for a relationship. Women who put their career ahead of everything else in their life often put men in the friend’s zone because they don’t have time for a relationship. She puts men in the friend’s zone that are strictly relationship type while enjoying casual sex with partners who may not be relationship material.
The reality of it all is that I was consoling myself. I was acting like a boy, not a man. I was wallowing in my self pity and I became addicted to the emotions associated it with it. And yes, I was acting like a small child because in a way, I was pouting. And pouting is what boys do to get his mother’s attention. Except the attention I was seeking was hoping, in a small way, that she would feel sorry for me enough to like me more as more than just a friend. Which is absolutely absurd and when you think about it, a nice guy’s manipulation tactic that always fails. It’s just plain unattractive.
Let’s take two guys and one woman. And no I’m not talking about a threesome. The first guy is nice, accommodating, and generally lacks any real potential girlfriends in his life. The second guy is also nice, but very busy, and has many potential girlfriends in his life. Who’s more of a challenge?
Obviously the second guy is. I’m sure it doesn’t take a genius to realize this. Look around and you see it all over but…
How can you be that challenge when you don’t have a black book filled of girlfriends to compete over you?
How can you be a challenge when you really like a girl and want to let her know, but everyone tells you that when a woman knows you like her too early on, she will lose interest?
When is it safe to let a woman know you like her without scaring her away?
When should you let a woman know you like her before she loses interest?
and finally…
How can you be that challenge without playing games?
I would meet her, become friends with her, and slowly over time try to win her affection through my nice guy ways. And it never worked!
It wasn’t a matter of me wanting to become friends first to enter a relationship or was more of an excuse I would use. The excuse rationalized my thinking I could get women to like me over time.
Being single again is always tough.
Our relationships often encompass our lives and intertwine themselves into our everyday existence.
We begin to rely on that comfort.
We rely on that feelings of special phone calls and special moments. The ones we share with our partner that only are known to us.
So there we were, discussing the typical loser she is currently dating. If you ever been in this situation you must understand what comes next. She gets everything off her chest (by the way that’s the area a nice guy avoids staring at, because he does not want to make her uncomfortable) , and now focuses on my dating habits to distract her from own relationship failures. She says,
“So ….What about you? How come you don’t have a girlfriend? Are you seeing anyone new I don’t know about? “
We all make them. Some fewer than others and they are LIMITED BELIEFS
My biggest one was, being short!
Let me tell you a quick story. I was at a bar once that always featured live bands. Being a musician I would always bring myself up close to see what chords they were playing. Check out their equipment and meet the players after.
Do you feel that when a woman brings up the topic of sex early in the conversations she is telling you she wants sex or is it a sexual test?
It’s unfortunate the nice guy label given to men have them always stuck in the friend’s zone. Trying to escape or get out for good with any future interactions. They don’t typically have many girlfriends and struggle getting the women they really want, to be attracted to them.
This guide is meant for those men.
You can exchange numbers with her so you can send SMS messages when you need her to reserve a seat for you or vice versa. Since you see each other on a daily basis, you can ask her to share a cup of coffee with you somewhere near your regular meeting place (the subway).
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