≡ Menu
DiaLteG TM
Do NOT leave challenging women to just getting lucky.

Let’s take two guys and one woman. And no I’m not talking about a threesome. The first guy is nice, accommodating, and generally lacks any real potential girlfriends in his life.  The second guy is also nice, but very busy, and has many potential girlfriends in his life.

Who’s more of a challenge?

Obviously the second guy is more of a challenge. But…

  • How can you be that challenge when you don’t have a black book filled of girlfriends to compete over you?
  • How can you be a challenge when you really like a girl and want to let her know, but everyone tells you that when a woman knows you like her too early on, she will lose interest?
  • When is it really safe to let a woman know you like her without scaring her away?
  • When should you let a  woman know you like her before she loses interest?

and finally…

  • How can you be that challenge without playing games?

You’re in luck. In this post you will not only discover ten ways to challenge a woman but also answers to the questions above.

Below is the “short list” to start us out.

Top Ten Ways to Challenge Women

  1. You show interest by enjoying your own life and challenging her to join you.
  2. Give her just enough space to wonder what you’re doing.
  3. Tell funny stories about you and your friends, that are women.
  4. Avoid answering every question she asks about you too directly.
  5. Show just enough interest to give her the opportunity to miss you.
  6. A mystery challenges the mind to want to know more.
  7. Tease her!
  8. Compete over something.
  9. Be creative. Be Murhpy’s Law and challenge yourself.
  10. Don’t be afraid to reject women the right way.

Personally, I use to fail at being a challenge because I was too available, too accommodating, and never ever teased.  Among many other “nice guy” tactics you could say I was a typical nice guy “man-whore” but I wasn’t getting laid. I was just that easy.

Now I’m not going to lie to you and tell you the answers to those questions above are easily understood then put in practice. I’m not going to tell you that there is a solid black and white line dividing the right answer from the wrong answer. That just wouldn’t be fair to you at all. But I did want to talk a little about them and see where that leads us.

  • When is it safe to let a woman know you like her without scaring her away?

The words in this question of “letting a woman know” are very misleading. You should show interest in her without directly making it clear you like her. Save the “I like You!” for the kids in school. I realize you hear women all the time saying,

“I wish men would just let me know they like me. Why do they have to play games.”

I’m blatantly telling you not to listen and don’t let it affect your actions. The only time you should tell her instead of showing interest is when you are in a committed stable relationship. And even then do it sparingly.

One of my favorite dating coaches, David Wygant  once wrote,

Women always want men to express their feelings.  One of the biggest complaints I hear from my women clients is:

“Why can’t he just say he loves me?” or “I wish he would just compliment me more.”

What you need to pay attention to and realize, though, is that men do tell you they love you and compliment you … they just do it USING THEIR OWN LANGUAGE.

Actually, here’s something most experts never tell you about men: MEN SOMETIMES DON’T USE WORDS AT ALL WHEN THEY ARE COMMUNICATING WITH YOU.

(…) Sometimes it’s not what men say, but it’s their actions that are significant.  

David Wygant

You see I firmly believe when in a long-term relationship you should verbally express your feelings occasionally. Particularly when your girlfriend or wife is under real extreme mental or physical stress such as death in her family. I only believe this because I feel it can be unfair at times to expect a woman to  spend extra energy figuring you out.

Okay moving on…

Top Ten Ways to Challenge Women to Feel Attracted to You…


1.) You show interest by enjoying your own life and challenging her to join you.

QUESTION: So how can you be that challenge when you don’t have a black book filled of girlfriends to compete over you?

Let’s say you’re just starting out increasing your dating skills because this is where it’s toughest. Really, how can you not put too much interest in one particular woman when she is the only potential date you have. You exert control over your actions by stepping back from any one woman. Never smother or be needy.

And that’s much easier to do when you’re enjoying your life as best as you can.

2). Give her just enough space to wonder what you’re doing.

You must be strong for this. No excuses. Limit your failures but it is a must to be that challenge. I used a little inspiration on myself everyday by writing down stuff and reading them out everyday.

“The stronger I am to resist acting on that needy feeling inside me the more powerful my masculine energy becomes.”

And women can feel this in you. It becomes part of you naturally over time and it works!

3.) Tell funny stories about you and your friends who just happen to be women.

Yes. Go ahead and do it. But you must learn to refrain from giving unimportant junk or information that does not directly relate to the stories.

For example:

NOT GOOD-   “My good friend Lisa and I were shopping and we…”

MUCH BETTER   “This woman I know, Lisa. fun girl, we went shopping…”

The difference is what was not important to the story was that Lisa was your friend.  What is important is  that you know this fun girl and had a humorous experience with her. Which actually is better story telling anyways.

For those of you who struggle with storytelling you should sign up to a great teacher of mine – Scot McKay - 8 simple secrets to master storytelling.   The Leading Man – Never Be At a Loss to What to Say to a Woman Again

Now if you’re talking about other women AND she has a little interest in you she will ask who these women are. Which leads to:

4) Avoid answering every question she asks about you too directly.

Be careful because too much kind of kills the mood and too little is not challenging at all.

What works great is the classic “cocky/funny” response I learned directly from David DeAngelo. He told me to do it right you take a cocky statement and spin a little humor into it.

It takes a little practice but you’ll be more pleasantly surprised how well it works.  Keep in mind every situation has a different balance that works great.

I say the more high up she claims to be – be more cocky and definitely sarcastic.

If she’s down to earth then blend a little more lighthearted humor into it.

The more confident you become, the more skilled you become, then the less cocky you should be in your humor. Use it rarely. You see just being funny isn’t enough to challenge a woman. So there needs to be that cockiness to attract her. Also, the more confident you become the more naturally your humor will challenge her.

It’s pretty cool the way all that works.

One more thing – if her questions do not seem to give you an opportunity, like they only require yes or no statements, immediately call her out on it in a funny cock way.

5.) Show just enough interest to give her the opportunity to miss you.

She won’t really lose interest if she is missing you AND you’ll peak her curiosity in you even more. This challenges her to step up to “reserving” time with you.

Here is the best example I’ve found:

I balanced just enough mystery about what I was doing when Alicia wasn’t there, with just enough BEING THERE for her to get that girl to like me more than any other guy she knew.

The standard Pickup logic may not support this, but I’m here to tell you that if a person is exposed to your presence regularly enough (but not to extremes),they will start to miss you when you’re not around, and they will feel a burning attraction begin to build for you.

Again, this has to be done with the right method and in the right intensity, otherwise it will fizzle out into “friendship” territory.

How to Get a Girl to Like You – The 3 Laws of Attracting Women - by Carlos Xuma

This naturally leads to challenge number 6:

6.) A mystery challenges the mind to want to know more.

Huh? What does that freaking mean?

I’ll explain from a more recent post:

 He IS the ultimate challenge. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.

…Women are generally considered “nurturers.” And when you don’t ask to be nurtured or present an overly need to be “taken care of” you “trigger” her need to find a way to take care of you without damaging your modest “ego.”

This challenge to her becomes more than just a want – it becomes a desire to figure you out which often leads to her frustration which often leads her to a sexual emotion. These triggers, when lined up, stirs her attraction in such a way, many women can not resist but to get “trapped” in the emotional high it creates.

7 Reasons Why Women Like Quiet and Mysterious Men Plus How To Be It

The absolute way to achieve this challenge is of course to be stable and completely free of approval, but for now just keep some secrets about yourself. Don’t feel the need to give too much information.

Leave just enough room in your conversations to force her to fill in the blanks herself.

Challenge her to figure you out.

Have you ever watched a movie where the lead character refuses to tell someone his secret even though it would make his life easier? Have you ever sat at the end of your chair screaming at this individual, “JUST SAY SOMETHING!”

Well you can be that guy and if you do it well with little things  you’ll certainly become an ultimate challenge to her.

QUESTION: How can you be a challenge when you really like a girl and want to let her know, but everyone tells you that when a woman knows you like her too early on, she will lose interest?

The answer is simple:

7.) Tease her!

Yes tease her. There is no rule that says because you can do something with a woman that you have to. Walk away once in a while.

How can you be that challenge without playing games?

Teasing her by walking away once in a while does not have to be a game that you are playing. But when you think about it, teasing is a game. But it’s a fun game that creates anticipation. This anticipation creates a sexually challenging experiences for her.

Prove to her that you have the strength to say no.

It’s very powerful and create much more exciting experiences for both of you.

You can tease her in so many ways but for the sake of this post – tease her in a way which challenges her wit.  You’ll be that challenge and she’ll see how smart you are. And of course how much fun and in control of yourself you are.

Here’s some great info to really start teasing women attractively. Tease Her to Please Her 2 “ Teasing is all about raising the stakes of challenge to her, and letting her know that you don’t get all mushy inside when you get near a …”

Next up…

 8.) Compete over something.

Go play game with her.

Challenge her through sports, quiet board games, trivia, and anything you are not too passionate about. Meaning relax and don’t make it a brawl or be the guy that hates to lose or doesn’t know how to beat a woman because he feels bad if he does.

Your purpose  is to have a friendly competition that invokes a challenging fun and exciting experience. Just don’t be a dick when you win. Be a good loser and raise the stakes when you do lose.

Just a few competitive experiences like a snow ball fight can set you up as a fun challenge.

No only that but it’s a great way to escalate into a physical experience.

9.) Be creative. Be Murhpy’s Law and challenge yourself.

This  means to challenge her in a way lots of men can’t.

Scot McKay put it best in this quote:

When it comes to getting what you want when others want it also, the fact is that someone is going to get what he or she wants. Someone is going to–if even by default–act as the “enforcer” of Murphy’s Law while the others suffer under its iron fist. That someone may as well be you.

Here’s your challenge.  From now on, be Murphy’s Law.

When you see that great woman online, envision all the other guys out there puzzling over what to write her. You may even visualize all the other “Mr. Nice Guy” or “Mr. Creepy Guy” emails flooding her inbox.

Then, without hesitation, read that woman’s profile, find what catches your eye about it, challenge her with a creative first e-mail…and expect results. Be the guy who enthralls her enough to make her want to hide her profile for now–even as other guys are yet in mid-sentence typing to her.

How to Succeed With Women – BE Murphy’s Law - Scot McKay

10.) Don’t be afraid to reject women the right way.

Knowing how to reject is a big part of being a challenge.

When a woman realizes that you do have high standards and are not afraid to nicely reject those you don’t want, you challenge her to step up her game around you.

Men with more choices attract more women – and men who hold themselves up high enough not to bend to every woman’s advancement displays:

  • Solid decision making skills.
  • Clear goals.
  • Strength and character.
  • Empathy.

All four are traits which some women will spend their entire lives looking for just one guy who has them. And if that’s you – you’re doing better than most!

There you have  it- 10 ways to challenge women to increase their attraction to you.

Understandably to reject you’ll want to Get More Women in Your Life!

“I’m telling you to be a challenge by getting more women in your life  This is not exactly the same as being a challenge to women, …”

Bonus – 11.) Learn to add some “edge” to your nice guy ways.

I’m not saying to be a dick or play women. Just throw a little edge into your personality.

Bad boys are notorious for challenging women.

Click here  for a Bad Boy Formula Special Report  “Discover 3 Forbidden ‘Tricks’ To Bad Boy Attraction – The Proven Method For Triggering Instant Sexual Attraction In Women…”

It’s free and full of great info on challenging women. Carlos Xuma gave it to me and I couldn’t help but to share with you. No sign  up. Straight to the source



Join me below by leaving your name and email. Get my “nice” approach to attraction delivered. Always honest. Always upfront. And always the real truth about women.

27 comments… add one

  • Tony

    ok so we have seen eachother 3-4 4times since then , we went bowling, went to my place watched movies and went away for a day on a road trip.. she still thinks i have a wall up ,, cause i dont show too much affection or dont rell her how im feeling .. but weve fooled around now quite abit.. she reckons we have alot of chemistry.. mental and physicall,, no i didnt have 5ex with her lol .. she wont let me go that far.. which is good cause then id think she was like all the other girls i been with who give it up instantly.. but its weird we talked and talk yesterday and the “how many people have u had sex with’ question came up ,, he told me how many then i didnt want to tell her cause i been kinda bad .. anyway i told her briefly and she was like wooh.. but that didnt stop us from fooling around after.. i just find it strange that im still initiating contact sms .. calls but shes always up for it to see me .. i havnt like a girl like this for a while .. do u think she is trying to test me , do u think she just wants to have fun with me .. or she just wants me to be a man and show her how much i want her,, cause the last guy she was with was a total ass and they were frineds for 2 years and when they did make it official and startd being boyfriend and girlfriend he goes and cheats on her.. she has a big wall up and she even admitted it after she said that i did first,,… do u think she likes me for fun or like she wants to test me cause shes scared and wants me to show what i feel .. lol listen to myself.. i sound like a bitch i never been like this for years.. hahaha

    • Thanks for the update Tony.

      My instinct tells me she’s looking for a relationship or sees you as relationship material. She doesn’t want to ruin it by just jumping into sex with you. (Remember her last ‘relationship’ and how long it took her to commit. She’s probably scared about getting hurt again)

      Women will always test you even if you’re in a committed relationship. It’s not a bad thing. It’s just a instinctive skill they are born with to determine the real truth. Don’t concern yourself too much about determining what is a test and what is not. Just focus on doing what you’re doing because again, it’s working.

      Of course she wants to know if you really want her. She also wants to be certain you’re the real deal. She will wait until you decide where the relationship is going because let’s face it Tony, you’re the male, she’s the female. And in relationships like this the masculine man always must lead and if the woman accepts she will follow your lead.

      Also my guess is that she knows you’ll contact her so she won’t initiate it. I bet if you made her wait or did something unpredictable like waiting much longer than you ever had before you would drive her crazy. Too much would have her believing you’re only in it for a sexual encounter. When women are looking for long-term relationships they look for predictability in certain parts of your actions. Meaning the romance should feel spontaneous and unpredictable but congruence in the male leadership role and being predictable in them shows her you’re a reliable man and can prove to be a great partner in life.

      As for the fun thing…keep having it because of course she wants to have fun with you, but if that was the only thing she wanted from you she would not be testing you to see how good of a boyfriend or husband you would be. In fact she probably would not be testing you much at all.

      Now the big questions are….drum roll please…..hahah….are you sounding like a bitch?….haha!!! No seriously Tony the big questions are…

      Who is going to reveal their true feelings first? Will it cause one of you to back off after it is revealed? Has she already revealed her feelings for you? Have you already revealed your feelings towards?

      From what I know of your situation she already has revealed how she feels about you. When women mention chemistry. When women mention how they are scared because of a last relationship. When women always answer your calls or texts. When women always want to see you. When women still see a wall up or find it difficult to read your true feelings.


      She might not say the words exactly but that’s because it’s your job to make her comfortable enough to do so. She’s feels vulnerable in this area and she wants you to protect her heart from further pain.

      I would say you don’t have to go so far as telling her directly but if you want her to profess her love first you must make her feel safe enough to do so. This could take time.

      Hope that helps out Tony and again thanks for keeping me informed on what is going on with you and her. Let me know how she responds to what I told you to say about the reading thing. I bet she’s going to love it.

      Good luck Tony.

  • Tony

    by the way … i like ur response about the “ur hard to read.. very good .. im trying that next time she says that

  • Tony

    ok well ive been seeing her alot we gone on dinner dates.. spent the day together on a road trip.. gone bowling.. she even wants to go fishing.. anyway last night .. i took her to eat at this chocolate bar. and we talked ,, and she said “you dont say much Tony.. and she said she isnt sure what my intentions are… anyway after a little while i said ok well here goes.. my intentions arent bad cause i wouldnt spend so much time with u and also i havnt met a Girl like you before ” so yeh thats what i said and left it at that.. anyway then she said that she hadnt met a guy like me and i give her a different vibe to other guys.. and that her friends also think im hot and a nice guy cause i met them saturday night when i went out she came and visited me in a club.. .. browny points lol “im hot” hehe and yeh she knows i was a bad boy like i had my fair share of woman .. hmm hmm but she said thats my past and its fine.. cause im a man.. and then we talked and she said that the reason she has or had a wall up was because i was hard to read and she didnt know what my intentions were .. by the way she persisted on paying for the desert meal.. cause i usually don’t let her pay but yeh i liked the fact that she has pride and independance and persisted //
    then after that i took her near the harbour for a walk in the main city ..we walked , talked kissed she held me cause she was cold and asked me if i minded if she held me in public and i said yeh why not ..

    then we went near the beach and fooled around abit,, anyway its all good but i see these other guys on her facebook posyig shit and smiling at her on her facebook , writing all this shit on her pics.. mind u i never write or comment on anything on her page cause im not one to do so .. and i looked at her phone when she took it out of her bag and i saw a guys name on it he sent her some long ass message and i got pissed off, all want to do is confirm that she really wants me .. like we saw a shooting star and shes like ” make a wish” and then asked me what i wished and i wouldnt tell her cause then it wouldnt come true and she was looking at me funny when i asked her,, i still always initiate contact sms and call her.. i dont want to do this but im thinking should i not call or sms her for a few days just to see if she cares .. or do u think i shouldnt… but from what ive told u .. do u think she really likes me r do u think there is another guy or other guys she talks to or is into .. i just get the shits cause she said to me she went through a faze where she was adding all these random guys on facebook and they write shit on her wall and i feel like ground and pounding their head in ..i havnt liked a girl like this in soo long .. its weird.. lol

    what do u think Pete .. talk to me and thanx for all this advise

    • Classic stuff Tony and I appreciate you keeping us all informed. I bet there are a ton of guys learning from our comments.

      Just a quick note here. The next time a woman throws the “What are your intentions?” test your way I would rather you find a humorous way to turn the focus on her. You don’t have to avoid the question just have fun with it. This is a huge test women give men to guage their reaction. If you get defensive, she may think you’re up to something. If you won’t tell her she may believe you’re hiding something. If you give in too easily and try to demonstrate your intentions are only good she may feel like she can control you with tough questions like that. Which is usually not good for a lasting attraction.

      Most guys think they have to fight off the test but there’s a much better way of passing it and staying the challenge by answering,

      “I want the world and I want it now.”
      “I intend to enjoy life to the fullest.”

      Answering with a confident and funny statement about your intentions or what you want out of life is far more enjoyable to most women. Sure some of them get mad because you won’t answer her directly but it typically won’t destroy her attraction for you. In fact it actually can frustrate her just enough to literally turn her on.

      Let’s put this all in perspective because I feel you’re losing control of the situation on some ends. I just feel at this pace if you end up in a relationship she may feel she has to lead. Which might be good for some women but in general it leads to relationship problems.

      She got you to admit your feelings for her are relationship based.
      She saw some jealousy in you. Even if you did not comment about the guys I’m sure she realized or sensed your jealousy. Which may even be her way of seeing how you react to her guy-friends. If she sees jealousy she knows you like her.

      Here’s a huge thing men overlook when they’re dealing with an insecurity which causes jealousy…

      A guy who is confident, stable, an alpha male, assumes any woman that is worth his time must be one hell of a woman. Meaning if you think she’s awesome then I can guarantee there are other men out there who will always want her too. They have to because you do and you’re a selective man.

      So…always assume she’s dating other guys. Always assume she’s leaving her options open. But respect her integrity to her life as her own.

      With that said you’re a confident stable man who knows what you want out of life. Remember those intentions I mentioned above to share with her. Well make sure those are real because they depict a big piece of your self-worth. Your values. You self-confidence

      You have to trust your ability to meet, date, and keep a woman in demand. Which means to step up your qualification to a higher level than hers.

      Her tests are qualifying you but that also means she likes you. The bigger the test, the harder ones she gives, means the more she likes you. No one wants to make the wrong decision. No one wants to fail in a relationship. She want to feel safe entering a relationship with you and does not want to invest all of herself without first understanding you’re the real deal. So she consciously or unconsciously tests you or qualifies you.

      When she feels you’re qualifying her more and just as much she also has these feelings of,

      “Wow. This guy is more selective than I am. And I think he likes me. I am a great catch.”

      You see how you qualifying her more can actually boost the confidence she has in herself. When she’s confident and feeling strong she’s more likely to let down her guard and really open up to you.

      Just remember at that point she’s looking for you to take the lead. She looking for you to step up and make the relationship decision. This takes the burden off of her and allows her to feel better about what is going to happen. Because you’re in charge. Above I mentioned how she may feel like she’s gaining control of you. Well that is screaming to her she might have to take the lead. And she does not want to do that. She can do that with any of those guys who are writing on her facebook wall.

      She’s looking for the guy who is different. She’s looking for they guy that’s in control of himself and knows how to be a leader.

      I’m running out of breath over here. Hahaha!

      Screw those other guys your biggest competition will always be yourself. I learned that long ago.

      Keep Qualifying her and challenging her.

      Take the lead. Figure out what exactly what you want out of your life and do it. If she’s a part of it, step up.

      Don’t play games of waiting to call to try and see if she likes you.

      Assume you’re the best guy she has ever met and of course what women wouldn’t like you.

      Assume if she’s hot and you want her, other guys will too. It’s unavoidable.

      Trust your ability to be the alpha male and if you don’t feel that way, go to work on it immediately.

      Her friends validated your social status. Very cool.

      A woman who talks about having a wall up is more than likely telling you to take it down and make her feel comfortable. And guess what, most women have a wall up. That’s her persona you meet. When you’ve broken through the persona and she is still claiming to have a wall up, she saying, “Sweep me off my feet PLEASE!!!!!”

      I hope that helped out and you’re welcome Tony. Again please keep me informed on the progress. Good luck to you.

      P.s. ..and oh what’s her facebook handle? Hahaha! Just messing with you man.

  • Tony

    hey Peter

    i didnt message her today and she messaged me in Greek which is my second language saying she thinks im handsome ..lol

    anyway yeh i think she knows im an alpha male… even though i told her.. but ur right i will keep what u said in mind..

    i was going to fk around with her abit when she asked what my intentions are.. and say well i just want a fk buddy lol .. i kinda did say that and then she realised i was kidding..

    so do u think by me saying that i haven’t met a girly like her in a long time and i said what do my intentions seem like .. without saying that they were good i referred to the time i spend with her should show my intentions.. so far so good but .. hopefully i keep it going ..

    lol u want her facebook handle haha.. no fkn way .. with all ur smooth tricks u will cut my grass lol

  • sohlmn

    Hi Peter, I’ve been seeing this girl for a month now, at first, she was really attracted to me, never declined my invitations and made a couple of investments in our budding relationship. She always avoided my gaze because I realized it made her blush (she’s the shy type)..after the second date, we had a long passionate kiss, after which I acted like it wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t contact her for about 2 days, within which she showed signs of loosing control over me, like sending me txt msg that she misses me and giving missed calls of which she quickly made excuses that they were sent due to an error on her phone (her phone is in good condition…lol) so the next time we met, I made a mistake and asked her to be the number one girl in my life…she immediately freaked out saying that she wasn’t ready for a relationship and that it was a no (she just got out of a terrible relationship months back) she brought all kinds of objections especially about me not saying anything about the kiss and insinuating that all I wanted was to have her and dump her. but her body language was saying “pls I don’t want you to go” I acted cool as if it didn’t bother me and she texted me later that night asking if we were cool..a few days later, we were supposed to hang out but she came late with a guy (I learnt had been chasing her for 2 years and she had friendzoned) saying she came to pick some of her stuffs from my room and that she couldn’t stay for long. I immediately knew it was a scheme to make me jealous out of my skin..lol. At this point I knew I had messed up but as an alpha male, I made up my mind to correct the mess..so I didn’t contact her for a few days. I started focusing on my other options and she got to know through one of my blackberry update…so she pinged me asking if I was home that she wanted to hang out but I told her I was tired and needed to rest so she said it was okay. Ever since, our relationship has been akward even though she still shows signs that she’s attracted to me but she kinda has a wall up now and is not as open as she used to be. I need to bring down those walls as fast as possible and bed her before its too late….pls I need help. tnx

Leave a Comment