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What If You Settled for a Friendship With Her and Now You Want More

in Attraction, Experience
When women choose to “just be mates” it does not have to be the end.

Hey Peter,

What do you think of this…

There’s this girl I used to work with but now we don’t work together any more so I’ve decided to keep in touch with her and maybe make something of it. She’s always been pretty nice around me and always smiley etc, so I just told her straight out that I liked her, her reply was that not to be embarrassed cos “we’re mates” anyway, I’m guessing it was just cos I felt stupid saying it and she was trying to comfort me, she always said we’d have to do something sometime.

So I tried to shrug that off and asked if she wanted to meet up for a bit, she agreed and I went to meet her, she turned up and she’d brought her sister with her, (who I also know anyway, but she didn’t mention she was bringing her…) so I was proper bummed about it and wondered why she had but I didn’t mention it and tried to act as I would anyway but it was a little awkward, ended up back at hers after just sat with her family. But on the way back from hers she seemed to want to talk to me and was asking me stuff and just trying to make conversation.

So now I’m stumped, I don’t know how she feels about me and if she’s interested or not. I don’t know if she brought her sister because I knew her anyway and it would make it less awkward, or if she actually brought her to show that she’s really not interested and that way nothing could happen.

I honestly have no idea what to do, ask her out again sometime when I know her sister isn’t about, or ask her and say just for me and her to go out, or just ask her straight out if she’s interested in any way shape or form or not at all.

Completely stumped on this one, but I’m ridiculously attracted to her and held off until now so as not to make it awkward for us or anyone else while we were still working together.

Any ideas would be greatly appreciated, thanks man.


Hey JT. Thanks for asking.

I believed you’ve learned some valuable lessons from your experience.

Never forget that.

The lesson may not help change how she feels about you BUT it will make a huge difference next time.

It can also show you how or what needs to be done with her.

First – if it’s not obvious…

NEVER tell a woman you “like” her before you’re dating or are in the first few stages of dating.

If you want more of my advice on telling a woman you want to be more than friends, please read this article I wrote: How To Tell A Girl You Want To Be More Than Friends.

Even if she asks tease her with your answers and always in a funny way.

She probably brought her sister along because she didn’t want to lead you on.

What you want to do is to SHOW her you’re interested.

This is done by connecting with her, flirting, teasing, and doing fun things together.


If you are ever “ridiculously attracted” to a woman, NEVER hold back from having fun with her and building sexual chemistry because there are reasons it may not develop.

In your case, the job.

You never really know what the future is going to be so you always want to keep any “attraction” moving – even if it’s only a little.

I understand there are boundaries at work which are unique and you may not want to cross them, but think of it this way…

Attracting women naturally means there’s no switch to control it – it just happens because of who you are.

It’s not something you feel you have to hold back from doing.

Your connection with her will in turn be enhanced by your ability or strength to know there are work boundaries in are in place AND You’re cool enough to not cross them BUT you’re fun enough to push them to an edge YOU have created – based on your own unique set of values.

That strength and confidence you SHOW to her (or any woman) of course creates attraction in many women and holding a constant state of a “present mind,” makes HER wonder or imagine about you…probably more than most guys can even imagine.


Stop yourself from going down the “what if” road:

“What if she’s interested?” or “I wish I knew how she feels about me!”

Let her take care of those things herself. They are technically her thoughts anyways.

The “what if” mindset is not very attractive and I believe you’ll find it hard to get out or avoid being just friends when you’re in that frame of mind.

Here is what I believe and what I do myself.

Start doing things the right way and EXPECT they are working.

If they are not.

It’s no big deal.

It’s a completely different mindset and when done right – shows women how confident you are in yourself and your ability to really connect with women in general.

You see at work you were in the “what if” mindset because hey, it’s work. What if I lose my job? What if it feels awkward after? What if she loses her job? What if she does not date associates and rejects me – and now everyone knows??!!!

Avoiding risks such as those is living in the future. Which is another form of living in the “what if” mode.

Now that you’ve learned a little of what NOT to do and now that you’ve learned a valuable lesson you can begin to move on more quickly. And I’m sure you will now her see in a different light.

Not because we thought about HER feelings but YOUR actions.

And the really cool part is –  You now get to look at her with a “new level  of confidence” behind your eyes.

It’s okay to feel more assured because it’s really hard to feel “awkward” or “different” when you’re full of assurance.

Trust me on that.

Consistency in all your thoughts, beliefs, and values…above and beyond words and deeds. There’s a distinct CONGRUENCE between who you appear to be and who you really are.

In case you’re wondering, YES…this is yet another way to perfectly encapsulate the elusive cure for “What Do I Do Next Syndrome” that plagues guys everywhere in their interactions with women.

How To Make Women Love You – Six Ways To Be Masculine -“new level  of confidence”

It gets better…

I will never promise you the world or any one girl but I can promise you the information I just gave you CAN be used to help you date her or any women – that is if you make a habit of doing exactly what you were not doing above.

She already knows you like her but she doesn’t know how much you like her.

Keep it that way.

You’re only feeling attracted to her which is cool and all but that’s all it is.

Now is the time to act.

Which you’ve already started doing.

But how do you act?

Do you lay it all on the line with her – in other words will you settle for a friendship with her?

Do you still want to stay friends under any circumstance?

And do you think it will just drive you crazy always thinking about her in “that” way, when you know it may never happen.

Do you ask her out again demanding, suggesting, or making it known it’s a couples thing and risk letting her know you still do like her?

Remember she already knows you like her, she just doesn’t know how much.

Do you try to make it seem like doing anything is cool but in reality you’re only asking her out when you know her sister is not around?

All those questions center around risk and reward.

They also center around confidence and strength.

Again those were the exact things I mentioned above about the work situation you were in. About how you may have failed in that area with her.

Once you’ve established EXACTLY how you’re going to act by answering those questions above I believe your new mindset will be a huge shift for you.

This will also allow her to feel some new “energy” coming from you.

Remember to stick with your decisions no matter what they are. The last feeling she wants to get from you is an inability to follow through.

I appreciate you leaving the comment and of course you’re always welcome to ask any follow-up questions. I just have to ask you to not follow it through with a bunch of more information.

Stick to what I’ve left you and we can go from there.

Good luck man and keep in mind I didn’t answer your question directly for a reason. 

I supplied knowledge from my own experiences with women and I wanted you to see the connections for yourself.

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