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What NOT To Do When A Woman Flakes Out On You

in Attraction, Dating
Women are NOT similar to breakfast flakes. Bit is it really possible to enjoy a flaky woman like a bowl of cereal?

A reader sent me a question wondering how to handle a woman who flakes…

If she is interested in you, but cancels the third date to test you, how would you handle it? I simply refuse to contact with her and when she sent a text massage, I ignored for four days to show her to stop her silly games. What do you think?

Playing a game with a woman because you believe she is playing one against you means you’ve already failed her “flake” test.

First of all, if she doesn’t know how you responded she won’t know WHY you’re doing it which makes your “punishment” fairly useless.

Some women will get it but why trust she’ll make the connection when there’s other options in dealing with a “flaky” dating situation.

I’d say “punishing her” fails her test ( if it actually was one ) because she’ll only learn this from it…

You can’t handle her every changing emotions and when things happen which are beyond her control, your first move is to disappear.

Remember: We normally fail her “test” when we respond in a way she was expecting.

let’s go a little deeper to figure this all out.

NUMBER ONE: A woman’s REAL tests are subconscious.

She does not always know they’re happening and they can manifest themselves in many ways.

Missing a third date could be a self-defeating action which manifests as a test to assure the guy she’s dealing with is a step above the rest BUT is going to stick around.

From that standpoint – something ALWAYS happens around the third or perhaps fourth date depending the nature of the relationship.

Quick and deep connection you’ll get this test on possibly the first or second date.

Light and short connections may take five or six dates before it happens.

Like maybe she’s not satisfied with her clothing options. She reached out to a friend and wouldn’t you know it, that friend needed help that night.

She suddenly feels bloated and is thinking about sex, and now doesn’t want that to happen so she flakes out.

I could go on because woman have a ton of “oops” excuses to explain backing out on a date and sometimes they are self-sabotaging moves which look like a test.

Sometimes of course it works its way out to actually be one too so…

Subconscious = TEST.

A conscious move to elicit some kind of response, mostly negative = GAME.

That’s how I see it.

If she’s doing it on purpose AND it’s usually negative or overly dramatic then it’s a game.

NUMBER 2: Women use these TESTS because it’s her best way to get to know the real us.

It’s a simple and efficient way to get past the bullshit and break through our persona or the persona we’re trying to represent to a woman we’re attracted to.

Most of the time they work extremely well and blend in seamlessly in the relationships.

The early tests are done so we inadvertently disqualify ourselves saving her time and energy with a dead end date.

On the other hand as we slowly reveal ourselves to her and knowingly or not, pass them, they shift deeper and more elaborate until they reach a breaking point.

I’ve found after that they get so subtle and blend in to the relationship quite well. But don’t quote me on that just yet.

Now that we’ve cleared up the difference between game playing and actually testing and how they might cause a woman to flake out on us, let’s clear up one more misconception on how to respond to a “flaker ” – the Alpha way.

Most assume the “Alpha” responds with brute force tactics – or in this case “ignoring” her as a punishment.

Like they have to stand up and put her in her place or else she’ll walk all over you.

But in reality…

The real Alpha Male doesn’t let it affect him either way. He’s not driven by her actions. He’s not easily upset or feels like he must play a game to get his point across.

A real alpha male never feels the need to prove himself especially to a woman who may or not be flaking out on her.

If you’re still not sure what being a real Alpha Male is then read one of the best description I’ve found. What The Alpha Man Is.

So to pass her flake test…

We’re not allowed to have it affect our manhood or our masculinity.

We’re not allowed to demand a reason or feel we’re owed an excuse.

Tough response I know and until I started dating more women I wasn’t running into any flake tests.

A long time passed before I was tested on this.

My first time I thought a lot, perhaps too much about it.

I went from being hurt to being angry to feeling like giving up on her altogether. I took it as a huge sign she was not a woman I wanted in my life. You know, put my nose up in the air and thought “screw her then… bitch!”

But since I knew it felt wrong I went and talked to someone who has been through it a lot.

He offered this advice…

Do nothing.

Act like it didn’t even happen. Don’t even shake your head at her in disgust.

If you have to, pretend you didn’t even notice she had flaked out. You can even bust her ass a little but mainly – as far as you’re concerned – “We were supposed to meet up? Ooops! My bad.”

Carlos Xuma

The whole “flaking” thing then took off.

Tons of guys were asking what to do, how to do it, and wanted to know the exact reasons why women flake out.

It was linked to him forever in this video –> Why Women Flake ( The answer is so good that he requires your email to watch it. )

His advice made sense and I trusted it would work so I tried it…

When she came to me apologizing for her flakiness I simply stated,

“Hey…No problem. I ended up meeting a few friends that night and one thing led to another… I got home around four-thirty in the morning… we had a great time.”

Her response was simply amazing because it reminded me of something Manri Kinrys wrote about it in her guest post at DiaLTeG TM –> Why Women Flake And Exactly What To Do

You see, when a woman likes a man there is no way she would cancel plans on him for something else AND if she does cancel she will make certain they have concrete plans in the future.

This girl I’m talking about began rattling off dates to hook up again.

She began kissing my ass.

She was acting quite desperate to make her flaking up to me.

You see to her, a guy who is not affected by her moods or whatever she is doing, is not the type of guy she was used to dealing with.

Some threw fits. Some got angry. Some even begged her not to flake out on again and how it pissed them off.

And yes, every one of them failed her tests.

“Some PUA’s advise the man to ignore the shit test (by changing the subject) – and that’s good advice if you only want to get into her pants. But if you actually want to date her, you should step up and use the shit test as an opportunity to prove that you can handle her… How Women Use Shit Tests and Why It’s A Good Thing for You.

She suddenly saw me as a guy she wants to keep around.

It became in HER best interest to try harder and not flake out on me the next time even though I didn’t respond harshly or with a game.

Pretty cool stuff because who would’ve known such an easy response would have worked so well.

Which brings me back to what I mentioned above:

If we respond to her test in a way she was expecting than we have just failed.

I have a rule of attraction because I’m a lazy guy and like to avoid doing more work than necessary. It has worked for me.

Do as little as you can to attract a woman.

Being a dick is hard work.

Too much drama and definitely way too much bullshit to deal with.

Playing a game is also a lot of work.

Too much thinking, planning, etc…

And it usually only leads to more game playing.

Again, a lot of freaking work.

The best option is to simply act from a real Alpha Playbook with a calm cool collected attitude towards women.

“If we refer to our specific set of rules we make then every time we begin to question what to do or how to do it then the answers will ( mostly ) come. How And Why A Set Of Man Rules Can Help You Attract Women.

Less work.

Less thinking.

No scheming.

No games.

Building an attraction which can work with lots of women and lasts a lifetime because less work with women means more time to enjoy BEING with them.

That’s my attitude.

When a woman flakes out on us, of course we can learn from it.

We can try to avoid it in the future.

Learn what signs to look for so we can avoid the women who are more likely to flake.

We can also give them more memorable first impressions with real phone numbers so when we do set up a date she going to make sure she doesn’t miss it.


HOW we respond must be simple.

Something she doesn’t expect or normally get.

And I’ve found having or growing an Alpha Attitude takes care of that for us, this is when and if we know what being Alpha really is.

Before you go and ever try to punish a woman for flaking, or to play a game with her thinking that’ll solve your Ego or her flaky problem, consider everything you’ve read today and do what I’ve done which seems to work wonders… less work, more attraction.

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6 comments… add one
  • Liquid Snake

    All of this is pure non sense. Both parties should walk into any potential relationship with their best foot forward. This means not flaking. If you hit a dog with a stick and it bites you – you can’t say “Well, I don’t want this dog anymore – it bit me.” Your flaking actions provoked a harsh response, and this lets the woman off the hook for accountability.

    This subconscious mumbo jumbo is really just self sabotaging behavior for women. If women knew how to pick a decent guy, there wouldn’t be so many articles on it or lovelorn women out there. They insist on playing games, pushing all decent guys out, shacking up with whoevers left and being unsatisfied with the guy they got with. It’s a self inflicted cycle of perpetual angst.

    Furthermore, what guarantee do you have that if you play it cool, another date will happen. I’ve been strung along for months “playing it cool” When I should have just called the girl out on her bullshit and moved on. I’m okay now since that girl has a baby, and the guy left her – she didn’t flake on the wrong guy, she flaked on all the right ones.

    • The problem is, women flake for lots of reasons and it’s not always what you think.

      Sure they might flake on what you would called the “wrong guy” but chances are she bailed out because she wasn’t feeling attracted or the date was setup so badly she knew she wasn’t going to show up anyways. I wouldn’t call her a flake there. She was just agreeing to get the guy away from her.

      Playing it cool doesn’t guarantee another date BUT it does set up a strong position that our lives are not based on whether or not she is a flake.

      If you’ve been strung along for months “playing it cool” then how is that HER fault?

      Nowhere above does it say to let a woman walk all over you or to allow yourself to be strung along. I’d say if this is or was a consistent problem then you’re not creating attraction or given women a good enough reason to even show up on the first date anyways.

      I’ve known women to flake out for reasons which go beyond what most guys would consider… bad hair day, having a period, not feeling social, long day at work, doesn’t know what to wear, doesn’t trust herself to not have sex with a guy, etc… I believe you’re getting the picture here. Again, how are those problems deserving of a harsh response.

      If you want to hold women accountable for every action or treat them like “dogs” when they screw up, that’s your deal. If you want to pick up women who only appear to push out the decent guys, that’s your problem, not theirs.

      Yes. I agree there are lots of “damaged” women out there who make bad choices and continue to do the same thing over and over again BUT there are just as many men who are just as bad or worse because they blame their lack of success on somebody else.

      Women flake. It’s a fact. Women have trouble reading lots of guys. That’s a fact too.

      My advice is to not bully women and accept that shit happens and until you’re absolutely positive why it happened, getting all bent and angry over a woman who won’t bend over to your command, is a waste of time and energy.

      Listen… If she flakes because she can’t remember a simple date and you don’t want a woman like that… by all means drop her number and move on.

      BUT I would never place blame, categorize all women to be the same, or demean women just because you’ve had a bad go with it and want to take it out on them. You have to own up to your responsibility and take a closer look at how you’re getting numbers, how you’re getting dates, where you’re taking them, how you’re creating attraction, where you’re meeting these flakes, AND the type of women you’re interested in who apparently only string you along because you let them.


      • Liquid Snake

        The length of your comment proves you know little to nothing about women in general. 1st you’re blaming men for not creating enough attraction, this is why she flakes – this is simply to sell whatever it is you’re pushing. You can have the best game in the world, and once she leaves your sight be distracted by something else.
        Since you’re a master at creating attraction that means no woman has ever flaked on you right??? I’m not going to introspect myself for anything that I do regarding a woman’s stupid behavior – it’s pointless. People see and hear what they want from other people. I’m good looking, speak 2 languages, 5’11, world traveled and college educated, with a nice car and job. If a bitch wants to flake – especially if she isn’t as good looking as me or as educated – then I don’t need to do any introspection. We can’t blame ourselves for everything, or keep constantly tweaking ourselves until we’re just right. Acknowledge your shortcomings, fix what you can and get over what you can’t. Women are as far from perfect as you can get regardless of how much make-up she puts on – once you get to know them. I also have a life so I can’t spend all day dwelling in neurosis about what I did or didn’t do right or wrong creating attraction in a capricious woman.

        2nd you’re letting flaking women off the hook for being disrespectful. You’re making a ton of excuses for why they flaked. Most flakes come down to “I don’t feel like it”.You have to look at it like a job, if someone doesn’t show up to the initial interview, would you hire them? It all goes back to positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement. If ALL guys called women on their shit, instead of writing noodle spine articles making excuses for them then they wouldn’t flake so often.

        Flaking on a 1st date is not a big deal since it happens, nor should a person get bent out of shape about it, although I understand it can be disappointing. But after 2 or 3 dates and tentative plans are made, then last minute flaking is unacceptable. REMEMBER, the man has absolutely no power before you have sex with her, so you are completely at her whim. These date(s) are to get the ball rolling so you can eventually have sex. Flaked dates break forward momentum PERIOD.

        “Strung along” means I didn’t get upset or drop a bitch in HOPES of eventually getting a date. So when she called me again and again to make plans, I was up for it.
        She kept flaking on me, and I kept giving her a chance. Is that my fault??? No – I’m a red blooded virile American man, who wants to have sex. It’s her fault for not coming through.

        If you want to read the chapter about flaking in my book – let me know, I’ll send you the pages. It is “In-Lightning”

        I’m sure no one agreed with this article since I’m the only one who commented.

  • Rob

    1/5 dates flake… shit happens. Even the best PUA / masters get flaked, really the sooner you get over it and deal with it like a man, the better off you are. Set yourself a bloody limit, allow a 2nd flake but not a third. I wouldn’t close the deal on a first flake… go do something else, have fun, call a few friends and have a beer and/or play video games. Do work, something else. Also if you suspect flaking, you can save yourself the trip (and money + added annoyance) by texting her like 1h before letting her know you’ll be running late e.g. 10 minutes. If she wants to flake, offer a window of opportunity for her to jump through: it’ll at least mitigate the risk somewhat.

    • Well said Rob and I love the advice… “if you suspect flaking, you can save yourself the trip … by texting her like 1h before letting her know you’ll be running late e.g. 10 minutes. If she wants to flake, offer a window of opportunity for her to jump through: it’ll at least mitigate the risk.”

      Perfect and thanks for sharing it,


  • Woman's Perspective

    Oddly enough I ended up reading this and the comments as I have been dealing with Men Flaking.. Or slow fading… Or ghosting… Or being the opposite of an Alpha Male/take charge.. Pursues you, get you then flake on you type of guy.

    And no I did not sleep with him after several dates. I find it interesting though that the same advice given to women for the flakey men is the same given to men for flakey women.

    I am not flakey, I truly believe there are arrogant people out there both men and women .. That have such self centred attitudes that this flakiness shows up and shows their true colours .. I don’t think either are being honest with themselves at all and it messes up the other party. All we can do is what for red flags, play it cool, not get sucked in by the drama and move on. If they (men & women) are worth it people will step up.

    As a women I don’t want to be smothered but I can
    Smell bullshit a mile away and it shows up pretty quickly when you are the normal one.

    “Sell crazy someplace else lady we are all stocked up here” ….. Jack Nicholson movie I can’t rmbr the name of lol
    ….. Next.
    Guys. Be real… Be nice to women.. Just don’t be a door mat. That goes for ladies too. We love strong nice men with good morales and good values :* at least that is just imho.

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