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DiaLteG TM

Why People Like Me and How It Makes Me Less Attractive – A Fear of Being Socially Judged

in Attraction
A nice view from far away. Looks great on the surface but what happens we we get closer to it.

Beauty admired from afar – but what happens we get closer?

You’re a nice guy or at always pleasant to be around…

I’m not!!!

I’ve been called every name in the book but for some reason I’ve learned that people actually like me.

Probably because as a single person you and I are more likely to oppose an action and not the one doing it.

“She still likes me even though she claims I’m such a jerk. On some days I’m just an ass which means she’s horny today and looking for a fight first.”

As a group I believe we’re more likely to judge a person solely by their actions.

When you look around my little “corner store” DiaLteG TM it’s hard to see the jerk, isn’t it?

I get very little angry comments. Nobody lashes out about me personally. Rarely, if  ever, do I state a very personal opinion about something which I know will definitely upset a few people.

Stands to reason because if a statement does not move someone – or if they have no strong personal opinion about the subject or the person then you, as a group they have little reason to tell me to go to hell.

Despite the fact I’ve used my very personal feelings as a clever means to get underneath the social mask often worn by women, I have still failed to show “that side” of myself to the world.

My greatest asset to create change typically lies with the individual. I feel strong in that area. However I can not help but to admit fear. I avoid the group judgement so there’s no chance of it affecting my personal esteem.

Which does little to help me attract you, does it?

It does little to challenge my esteem and effectively making it stronger as it bends or sways from time to time.

This is me – People like me because face to face my actions come with respect for those around me. In this closeness I’m trusted, open, honest, and occasionally I can throw a joke around.

“You gotta make ’em laugh once in a while.”

With that “persona” and personal dealings you might not like something I’m doing but you may be less likely to judge me for it.

You’ll disagree with me until the end of time. You’ll argue with me over it. You’ll take every available stand to perhaps prove I’m wrong.

You’re right or whatever concludes the “discussion” and still maintain our “ego.”

Which only leads me to feel complacent in that bubble.

Warm, predictable, and let’s be honest – perhaps not too attractive…

“Wait… I’m not attractive?”

Seriously – Nice people are generally warm, predictable, complacent people with YOUR best interest in mind BUT when left face to face in relationship can easily become the complete opposite.

Mean, hurtful, anxious, with only THEIR best interest in mind.

The closer you get, the more you can see. The further you are, the more pleasant the view.

When you or I are afraid of being judged by the group we try to appease the masses.

We censor our thoughts in public.

“They don’t know the real me.”

They will see us as bad and not a nice person doing something “controversial” “opinionated” or “emotional.”

Yet we will blow those emotions up when we’re in close proximity to the people we care about.

Almost like we save all the anger and hatred only to let it loose when we feel safe.

For those who do the opposite, we call them troubled.

Socially dysfunctional.

Unable to cope with reality in a civilized manner because just maybe they get drunk, burned out, and have no real line of what’s acceptable and what’s not.

Perhaps they never feel safe in the first place and so reach out for someone, anyone, any group, any following, to save them by standing besides them.

In my rude “dealings” with people where they were forced to question themselves or me or how nice I am – the names flew.

I’m a jerk, angry, a complainer, player, loser, stubborn, a womanizer, liar, manipulator, evil, not able to be trusted…

But they wanted to like me. I could see it in their eyes.

Because everyone else does.

My “nice” appeal to the group has me pre-selected as one of the good guys. Which I probably am.

Get to know me you’ll question your opinion.

Sooner or later you’re not going to like something I do or say.

Sooner or later we’ll butt heads.

It may not cause a “break up” or a fist fight but I will fully admit without that tension – there is no attraction.

Strange as it sounds when we like everything about someone and can not find fault, trouble, realism, mistakes, or bad decisions, when there’s never tension, heat, an emotional attachment, personal disagreement…

Attraction gives way to warm, predictable, and complacent.

Avoid group judgement you leave your esteem at risk of becoming defenseless.

I am NOT the exception or an example to follow.

If I do nothing to get you (as a group) emotionally involved because of a strong personal opinion I hold I leave DiaLteG TM defenseless, warm, predictable, compliant, and so on… and since every word I write is tied to my esteem or came from my internal beliefs…

My strength wavers, becomes unbending, perhaps broken, unfulfilled and at the very least – unattractive.

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