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Why Some Relationships Fail – Understanding Women and Emotional Places

in Growing
Relationships rarely work if both people involved are in two different emotional places or states of mind.

My subscribers make me think and I appreciate every question that is sent to me.

Not only do I get to hear what is going on inside the minds of men and women who visit DiaLteG™,  I also get to help people with my advice and in the process, I’m able to learn new things myself.

A dedicated member sent me a letter because of a recent interaction with an ex-girlfriend.

He was wondering what “my take” was on it all and what her actions meant.

I’ve decided to privatize his letter in respect of him but I felt what I wrote back was interesting enough to share with everyone.

I’m going to warn you…

I get a little deep and this may not be for everyone. If you have an opinion or question, please comment them below…

Here was my advice…

When two people are not in the right place (emotionally or personally ) or at the same level there will never be a willing relationship and there’s very little or nothing either one of them can do about it.

Whether she’s ready or you are not, or you’re ready and she is not, the relationship becomes impossible, highly improbable, or is more likely to fail after a short time.

Each partner must be ready at the same time.

You want answers as to why a certain woman may have made a decision.

Maybe you’re hoping you will understand women better if you can understand her but that’s just not the case.

Maybe you’re hoping you will end up together if you can just understand why she does or says the things she does…

Well I understand how Quantum Physics works but that in no way makes me a physicist.

Yet I still enjoy learning about it.

Why is that?

Because my head feels clearer, more fulfilled, like I’m putting the universe in order.

But in actuality I’m changing the world around me by creating more chaos from order. I believe it’s called entropy and I’m okay with that.

Since I don’t have an emotional investment in the quantum world it’s okay for me to continually ask why and explore the possibilities.

However you have an emotional investment with this woman.

You have a need to put everything in its place.

You want the structure.

The clearer thought.

A deep almost physical need to understand something which is outside your self.

As if with knowledge comes skill.

But that’s not the case.

Just as I won’t change by mere knowledge nor will she be at “your” place by learning a truth that may not even be there.

Meaning she could tell you one thing one day, another thing the next day, and even another reason next year.

The reasons or answers you seek will change for her because they are based on her present emotional state.

That is one big reason why so many men struggle “figuring out” women entirely.

Back to physics…

Now the crazy thing about the Quantum world is when we try to measure it we change the result.

Whereas women are highly complex in their thought process there’s a similarity between women and the quantum world.

When you try to measure her ( or figure her out) you’re changing the result.

You are in fact creating chaos from an ordered state.

The ordered state is… she does not want something.

You want order in your life.

The order being “knowing an answer” which changes over time and life.

I know I’m getting pretty deep here.

After all, physics and women – I’m sure plenty of us have watched “The Big Bang Theory” understand how women can seem like complete chaos compared to the structured physics of this century.

So lets move over to a shallower pool of knowledge where it’s easier to ignore the reflection and see what lies on the bottom.

I feel the only thing you need to understand in your relationship with her is… You both are in different places in your life.

Don’t get trapped into believing that knowing the “why’s” of the past will make your path in life clearer.

Don’t get trapped into believing with knowledge and order comes truth.

The real truths, what lies on the “bottom” of our relationships and desire to be in one with someone we love is:

Both people must be in the right place inside where they feel what they have to give to their partner is within their grasp.

Despite all the reasons a woman would say “we’re not compatible” it can mean – “Where I’m at, in this point of my life, my emotional state right now, will not give me the strength to work through any minor incompatibilities we naturally will have.”

All of us are guilty ( at some point ) of looking for the answer to a failed relationship and the answer to how they might work better the second time around.

I feel through this searching we put fault on our partner or ourselves.

Who’s to blame?

Who did what?

When we’re emotionally invested in the answers to “what went wrong” it’s best to move on quickly because the answer may always elude us.

There’s a reason many of us constantly tell others to date more people or don’t commit too early, and it’s because of this and much more.

We BOTH need to be at the same place at the same time and have at least a fair amount to give to a relationship.

This includes emotional stability.

The ability to love and the openness to be loved.

A clear career path or a loosely based plan of the future so we know ( physically ) where we’re actually going to be.

A certain completeness of ourselves.

And of course…

A reason to be happy even if we’re single. Something this man knows about – Being Single is Just as Good! Do You Need a Girlfriend To Be Happy?

Relationships fail for many reasons and trying to figure out what caused it is okay to a certain extent – again as long as we distance ourselves first because early on, we’re generally too emotional invested to know the real cause.

It’s sad because so many couples fail because they tried to make it work when they both were not really ready or in the same place.

Usually both get hurt in the process and find themselves forever searching as to what went wrong…

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2 comments… add one
  • Bridget

    This was an amazing article and I very much appreciated it.. thanks Peter.

  • You are more than welcome B. Your appreciation goes a long way with me…as it always does.

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