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Can a Woman Secretly Love a Man She Put in the Friend Zone?

in Attraction
Is she hiding a love or an attraction from you?

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T here is no doubt in my mind that women CAN find themselves loving a man secretly…

But can she secretly love a guy she put in the friend’s zone?

Think about the answer you want to hear.

Do you feel someone close to you loves you secretly and you’re trying to figure out if she really likes you?

Well, fortunately no answer in dating or relationships is always so simple or black and white. Otherwise it would be kind of boring, wouldn’t it.

We all have choices to make and sometimes women, just like men, make choices they think are the right one. Some women will put a love interest in the friend’s zone for reasons which go beyond the,

“I have no sexual feelings for him at all.”

Which is probably the most common. Nice guys like us tend to believe she did on purpose. Like she’s hiding it from us because she won’t admit it but in reality I’ve learned more often than not it was not a conscious thought to NOT like us.

They just didn’t have any sexual feelings for us at all.

BUT, since it’s not all THAT simple there are definitely other reasons a woman will put a guy in the friends zone. As long as there is attraction because without it, the first reason remains the ONLY reason so…

If she’s attracted to us:

She may not be ready for a relationship.

Women who put their career ahead of everything else in their life often put men in the friend’s zone because they don’t have time for a relationship. Although they might re-think it all when the right guy comes along.

She puts men in the friend’s zone that are strictly relationship material while enjoying casual sex with partners who are not. She’ll hook up with guys just because she assumes they’re not going to get clingy, needy, or they’re commitment phones.

They’re probably pretty good in bed but are NOT marriage material.

Sometimes this is conscious. Sometimes it’s not.

She may not love herself enough.

This type of woman often ends up in short-term destructive relationships. She doesn’t love herself enough to feel someone else could love her back. She always questioning herself and why someone else might like her so much.

She ends up opening up to men who will prove this to her. She will then put men who show her the most real affection into the friend’s zone and avoid looking deeper into it.

She may even think,

“If he loves me – then what’s wrong with him.”

She’s not in touch with her feelings or better yet, how to act on them AND she claims she struggles reading men.

This type of woman often misreads many clues or hints a man gives that he wants for more than just a friendship.

She unknowingly puts him on the friend’s zone because she actually believes he doesn’t like her that way.

When we wait too long without advancing or showing we’re even remotely interested in more she’ll do it to possibly spare the heartache or assume we don’t like her back.

Waiting too long and entering the friendship can easily lead us to become such good friends with her – she doesn’t want to ruin the friendship you’ve created.

Often at this point though, she’s feeling little or no attraction at all making it even easier on her to choose “just friends”.

Is every woman mentioned above keeping a secret.

Of course not…

But to us, if we don’t understand women and attraction it just feels like she’s keeping a secret.

  • Case 1 – She’s not attracted to us what since we’ve made a connection we think it’s there.
  • Case 2 – She won’t allow herself to date a guy who is only relationship material.
  • Case 3 – She’s hiding herself and not the secret.
  • Case 4 – She missed the signs, we didn’t act on time, so the attraction went away and was replaced by strict comfort.

There is one situation I’m aware where she’ll keep it a secret.

He’s married or in a committed relationship

She loves him without any doubt in her mind. He’s all she can think about.

She may never reveal her secret to anyone, anywhere, or at any time but it’s there.

What makes it deeper and then worse for her is that since it’s never revealed or the relationship is never played out, the mystery remains along with all the “what ifs” having her continually over think everything.

She’ll wonder – if he’s doing this because of me. Is he happy with her? What if they break up? Why is he…..?

So yes. If you’re asking this question – Can She Secretly Be In Love With Me? AND you’re seeing someone, married, possibly a live-in girlfriend and all the signs are there, then there’s more than a great chance she has feelings for you.

Ask yourself and try to answer objectively by looking for all the clues you’ll find written here –> How to Tell If A Woman Is Interested In You. It’s one of the best I’ve found and so posted it up for us.

We may not be any closer to figuring this common problem or question so many of us nice guys have so I’ve included a post I wrote –> –> Is She Interested in You? Is She Attracted You? How Can You Tell? to help us out.

It will explore this attraction or secrecy problem from many points of view and is intended for “habitual” friend zoned guys like I was.

We also might find ourselves wondering why women DO put us in the friends zone or the signs she gives which are not always so obvious.

This is why we’ll find these helpful:

We can all get closer to the real answers if we contribute below: *As a woman have you ever secretly loved a guy you put in the friends zone?

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5 comments… add one
  • Francesco

    She hates herself, and she hates men all together. She’s been through many bad relationships and at first really wanted me, and then we had an argument. From that point on I was a friend, and she said she will never change it. Every now and then she says she likes me again, and then goes back to being a friend, and now she is reverting back to it again. I don’t know what is going on with her.

  • Why would you want to be with a woman with so much hate and obvious issues in her life?

    Personally I would rather spend my time getting on with a woman who has her act together and less time figuring out another one’s personal problems.

  • Cami

    Hi Peter. I have recently discover your website and I am really impressed. I can tell that you understand women in another level and I am surprised with this topic, I feel identified.
    As a woman (25 year old), I put systematically guys into the friendzone. I am attractive and never had a serious long term relationship in my life.
    I do it because I am afraid of commitment, I am afraid of not meeting the expectations of a man in a long term relationship and then being dumped. But the main reason (and this is a new acknowledgement for me) is because It’s very difficult for me to get in touch with my feelings. I live in denial and when I finally admit to myself that I have feeling for someone… I can’t do anything about it. It’s hard for me to know exactly which are my real feelings for someone and because I am not sure and I don’t play with other people feelings I always choose to stay as friends without speaking about it

    • Hi Cami,

      Thanks for sharing. I appreciate it.

      I can tell you, because I’m a man, our expectations are normally not as high as you might believe. All we need are a few things from a woman and we’re happy about it. Those tend to vary from man to man but there are some similar ones like trust, respect, attraction, and freedom with rules. Yeah figure that last one out. HAha!

      I can also tell you from experience that there are NO fake feelings. If you feel it, it’s real to you.

      You’re going to find it difficult to sort it all out until you take a few risks and see what happens. That’s how we get stronger. That’s how we learn to deal with our emotions. Trust you’ll get through it. Trust you’ll be strong enough to bounce back. If you wallow in it for too long, then get someone to help you through it who knows what they are doing.

      Start slowly, you don’t have to jump right into a long-term commitment with a guy. Take your time. Stop putting so much pressure on the possibility of a relationship and you might make it so much easier on yourself.

      One more thing Cami… from my experience with women, they feel a gut level quick attraction with some men BUT they rarely ever act on that. This means the deeper attraction, the more important one comes later and much more slowly. That to you simply means… you’re a woman and you’re not alone. Lots of women are not sure at first and it takes time for them to figure it all out in their head. Often that also means denial before admittance. Just lots of women use the denial stage and call it something else, “I wonder if he likes me” stage. 🙂

      Thanks for sharing and all the best to you,


  • Sophie Hudson

    I am a woman and yes, I have put someone in the friend zone before.

    First of all: I was 16 at the time. We went to the same school since I was 12. I used to only see him in the hallway and always thought he was attractive. However, he was gay. In the summer when I was 15 we went on a school trip together and that’s when we meet and became best friends. Like actual best friends: texting everyday, sitting next to each other in class etc etc. After about 5 months, he told me he was doubting his sexuality and said it was because of me. I told him I didn’t know what to say and the subject became sort of a taboo. 2 months later, he told me he really really liked me. I didn’t know what to do. I loved him as a friend, but I assumed he was gay so I had no idea how to feel about him! I loved him so much as a person and he’s the best person I have ever met. But that’s also why I was afraid it wouldn’t work out: I was afraid that, in the end, he would still like men more and would leave me for another man. That’s why I told him I didn’t like him the way he liked me: I was too afraid I would lose him as a person all together and that I would get heartbroken, because he is seriously the best thing that happened to me.

    Now fast forward 2 years later.

    He’s still my best friend, and I still can’t imagine a life without him. We still talk everyday almost to the extent like we’re a married couple. In EVERY way he’s what I look for in a guy. He gives me happiness in no way anyone has ever done. In the meantime I had a boyfriend and flings, but they never worked out and I think it’s because my bff is always in the back of my head. He’s still unsure whether he’s gay or straight or bi by the way.

    Something hás changed though. I feel sexually attracted to him. Like, very attracted. I think about him all the time, and whenever something happens I wanna tell him. I have been feeling this way for about 2 months now but still haven’t told him. Deep down I’m still afraid to get heartbroken because he’s not sure about his sexuality, but at the same I just KNOW that he’s feeling the sexual tension too. We’re constantly playfully fighting, simply to touch each other, you know? But because I am so unsure whether it will work out, I don’t dare to tell him I like him more than friends. If however he will ever say to me, I like women over men, I will definitely tell him my secret!

    So yes, a woman can put a boy in the friend zone when actually loving him. Although I do have to say I’m not sure I REALLY loved him two years ago. But like I said, I do love him now, so don’t lose faith! But at the same time, wait and don’t push her into anything. That’s the biggest advice I can give you. If she says she doesn’t want you, she has a reason and you should respect even when you don’t know the real reason. She has to get over how that reason herself, without you pushing her. Besides, it’s actually a real turn off when men are pushing you or are desperate, trust me.

    Also at the same time, have fun and go on dates! It’s important you’re still looking and are available, plus it can make her jealous (again trust me, when he gives other girls a simple hug on their bday or whatever it literally hurts and burns inside) and that in turn can make her realize something!

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