T here is no doubt in my mind that women can, and do, often love a man secretly. But can she secretly love a guy she herself put in the friend’s zone?
What is the answer you are looking to hear? Do you feel someone close to you put you in the friend’s zone and you’re trying to figure out if she really likes you? If that is the case read this instead, Is there a way to determine a woman is interested, attracted, and is really into you?
No answer in dating or relationships is always so simple or black and white.
We all have choices to make and sometimes women, just like men, make choices they think are the right one. Some women will put a love interest in the friend’s zone for reasons which go beyond the,
“I have no sexual feelings for him at all.”
I will list a few.
She may not be ready for a relationship. Women who put their career ahead of everything else in their life often put men in the friend’s zone because they don’t have time for a relationship. She puts men in the friend’s zone that are strictly relationship type while enjoying casual sex with partners who may not be relationship material.
She may not love herself. This type of woman often ends up in short-term destructive relationships. She doesn’t love herself enough to feel someone else could love her. So she ends up only opening up physically to men who will prove to her, her lack of self-worth. She will then put men who show her the most real affection into the friend’s zone.
There are also women who quite honestly are not in touch deeply with their feelings, or how to act on them, or her she can not read men very well at all. This type of woman often misreads many clues or hints a man gives her that he wants more than just a friendship. She unknowingly puts him on the friend’s zone because she actually believes he doesn’t like her that way. This usually takes some time but if she doesn’t feel wanted soon enough, a friendship happens. At this point she is not willing to back up the relationship because she has made an investment in the current relationship.
Are all these women I mentioned above keeping secrets?
No. Of course not. But to a man who does not understand women and attraction it feels like she is keeping a secret. And these are the men who want to believe so badly she has this secret crush….more about that below1
There is one situation I failed to mention above and I believe this is the most common type of situation where woman will secretly love a man she is friends with:
He is currently committed to another woman. She loves him without a doubt in her mind. She may never reveal her secret to anyone, anywhere, or at any time. But she does feel it. And since the relationship never gets played out she might always feel that way. The mystery of “the What ifs” lives with her always. She may not feel it all the time but it’s there.
If you’re a guy asking this question and you’re seeing someone, married, or have a girlfriend, there is a great chance your old friend has feelings for you. Tell me below more about your situation and I will be happy to help you figure your mystery out.
If you’re a woman asking this because you feel a friend of yours, or your boyfriend, or husband, has this secret woman admirer you could be right. Again leave more information below and let’s see if we can bring more light to your particular situation. You can also read this article, If He’s “Friends” With Another Woman – Do This… It’s just such an intuitive article about this kind of situation and how to deal with it.
There are so many different reasons why potential relationships turn into just friendships where a secret is being kept. My advice to avoiding this question from entering your life entirely is to be honest with yourself and your situation. Let’s face it, if you found someone you like but never act, or fail to create any kind of physical or mental attraction, you’re in the friend’s zone with good reason.
To her… it’s no secret at all.
To him…it’s more hope than reality.
If you don’t fall into one of the situations I listed above then please read on below. If you do feel I’ve enlightened your situation let me know about it. Don’t keep it a secret. 
Secrets between men and women only occur because someone fails to reveal information about themselves. Which is great for mystery. But keeping the mystery alive and yet still finding a way to display your affection openly and honestly without destroying the attraction, is the right way to go. I’m not saying blurt out your feelings but find a way to show them in a manner she can understand and relate to. That is how to avoid any secrets.
When she feels your attraction, and wants to reciprocate them, you will never ever have to ask this question again.
A Nice Guy’s Approach Bonus Reading for Men
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I used to think that a woman’s mind could be changed. I believed she had a choice to change her feelings about me. I also used to believe she was keeping this all a big secret from me. This would cause me to think,
“Maybe if I stay with her as a friend she will finally see me in a sexual role.”
But that only made things worse because…
I focused so much on her that I failed to see the truth of our relationship.
“She is the one for me. If I could do just one more thing for her, she would finally be attracted to me enough and feel compelled to kiss me. She will finally love me for who I am.”
Sure, women can love someone secretly. I’m sure there are many women who have a close friend she wants to feel something for. But she doesn’t and she can not change how she feels. It even upsets her a little knowing this awesome guy she met does nothing for her.
Her frustration is often misread by men as a sign she likes him.
I know this from years of experience of being that nice friend. I wanted to believe it so badly I refused to see anything else. These feelings I felt of love were never ever going to change the way she felt about me.
You can grow closer to someone and to learn to love them, but love is not attraction. When you learn to love someone, you spend time with them. You grow closer and make connections. You become a part of their life. But again, this is not a gut level attraction.
You love your parents, your friends, your children, but that has nothing to do with the sexual feelings of attraction.
I also have learned this about the us nice guys being labeled as just friends when it relates to the thinking that she has secret feelings for you:
The only way you will ever get yourself out of the friend’s zone with this woman is to sop being friends with her.
The only way to take this essential first step is to first move past the idea she might secretly love you, because I will guarantee 99% of the time, she does not secretly love you. You are only fooling yourself as I have done many many times.
So break it off with her, now. Be honest and direct and leave her. She might hate you for it. She might not. You have no control over how she feels but you can control how you say it to her. Now this might take some balls. You might get nervous. It could take a couple of times. But it must be done and it must be done right.
Doing it right is to dedicate yourself to being more selfish about who you are and what you want from your dating life.
(The biggest mistake I made was to build this scenario in my head in which she is forced to decide between having a sexual relationship with me or nothing. I thought she would finally show her feelings when I broke it off. But it never worked out that way because I was secretly hoping, by breaking it off, it would force her to change her mind. It’s nice guy manipulation and it does not work.)
The first step must also be done because It is not fair to her, or to yourself, harboring emotions towards someone and yet only acting as a friend.
If you love a woman but you consistently act as just a friend you are fooling her. You are pretending to be someone you are not. That is manipulation. You’re trying to manipulate a woman into feeling attraction for you by being a great friend.
But…
You get a woman to feel attraction by being a real man who possesses many attractive traits.
Here are a few great examples of those traits:
How To Make Women Love You – Six Ways To Be Masculine
Three Winning Attitudes That Impress Women
How to Get a Girl to Like You – The 3 Laws of Attracting Women
A man who learns to do that can never be absolutely in the friends zone. You might end up in the maybe zone. But at this point it’s your choice to build the attraction.
If you are hoping that a friend of yours is secretly in love with you, when she is only acting like a good friend, you are more than likely creating a scenario inside your mind that does not exist.
Some More Related Articles
Nice Guys Lie to Themselves, in Their Just Friends Relationships (dialteg.com)
A Secret Women Know But Men Don’t (dialteg.org)
Turn a Female Friend into Your Girlfriend in 9 Easy Steps(dialteg.org)
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