Women In The Friend’s Zone!

I still can not believe how many women come to my pages being stuck in the friend’s zone. But then again when I think back to all the women that were obviously interested in me and yet I felt nothing for them, I suppose it’s possible.

I got into this field of dating and relationships for many reasons and one of them being, I spent my whole life amazed by beautiful women. They were my life. I revolved my daily living around them. I went anywhere I could go just to be close to them. (All though never really acting on those feelings.) I suppose all those times I spent staring across all the heads dancing in front of me to get a glimpse of the 10, perhaps to get in her pants, (which by the way was always he ultimate goal), it never occurred to me that I was being eyed by those less scaled girls that saw me as a catch. I was slightly above them on the social scale, and me being slightly below my desired 10 on the social scale.

There was always a chance that girl staring at me would eventually bump into me and we would talk a little, and eventually she would leave not knowing what was going on inside my head. Perhaps she left resenting me, hating me, adoring me more; perhaps she left with her ego sagging just a little more due to the fact I was obsesses with the ten and showed no interest in her at all.

I make no apologies for my actions. After all, I am a man whose attraction is driven differently than a woman. Just as I’m sure that hottie makes no apologies for never giving me a second glance because I was lower than her in status.

Lately I’ve been thinking about the rules of the pickup, or the rules in which men must follow in order to attract a woman and then to successful date or engage in sexual activity. From all my experiences in the field and the research I have done I have no doubt seen this pattern,

The steps of courting from approach to a sexual relationship never change no matter who she is. Yet the details of how to achieve each step successfully varies slightly depending on the woman’s overall status and her perceived attractiveness.

I see now that for a woman it must be similar but on a different platform, so to speak.

The steps of being successfully courted from being approached to a sexual relationship never changes no matter who he is. Yet the details of achieving this varies slightly depending on the man’s overall status and perceived attractiveness.

Women seek status. Men seek beauty. All of which is generally speaking and why I choose the word, perceived. What I find attractive is not the same as the guy next to me, although the patterns over time can give a broad definition of what men instinctively respond to. And the same goes for women through social status.

I am by no means a woman, this I can guarantee and as I slowly reach down to feel the what lies between my legs, I have the goods to prove it. Yet for years my feminine thinking put me in the nice guy friends zone so I feel my perspective is valid and insightful, for women. I may not match a woman’s view due to the way her mind is wired, but I do have the unique ability to think like a woman and derive my man’s logic behind it. Men put themselves in the friend’s for two major reasons and neither of them have much to do him being good-looking or not, although it can play its minor role. Women get stuck in the friend’s zone for exactly the same reasons but instead of leading through the dating process, she either does not allow it to happen, or cares not to gently push a man to step through process with her. The second usually being a woman’s  instinctive defense against mating with potentially inferior genes.

I realize how women think and I can not help any woman unless I can put it in the emotional way she thinks. in other words, logically explaining this becomes a waste of both of our times, and it just won’t work. Therefore any woman reading this might need more discussions to solidify it inside their minds, you can do so by commenting below.

Back to the issue…

So you’re a woman. You meet this incredible man you are highly attracted to. The meeting goes well, you offer your phone number and he accepts it. He was flirty but every instinct in your body told you this man will be a challenge. So you put up your guards. Those tiny thoughts that randomly appear in your head trying to dictate your every move, so as not to scare this potential boyfriend. You stumble your words. You won’t let the conversation go stale so you eagerly break into asking him question after question about anything and everything. You manage to squeak out a joke or two, busting on him for qualification, and he laughs giving it right back to you. Each time you feel his hand push slightly your body. The clothes you are wearing rub up against your skin and your heart beats a little quicker. Once even a slight warm chill runs from your toes to the top of your head.

At the end of this wonderful moment the time eventually comes to part your ways. You know if he asks you to go somewhere that evening, you will accept. But he doesn’t and you leave saying, call me.

BUT HE NEVER CALLS!

In fact the next time you see him he is primed up another girl and you find out from a mutual friend that he even left with someone else later evening. Your heart sinks. You’re pissed and at the same time, a little jealous. You feel your self-esteem drooping to your side but you pick yourself up and try to act uncaring and positively so those around you don’t see your weakness.

If you’re asking what all this has to do with women in the friend’s zone, this post is not about not being called, then that’s good. You’re thinking like a woman.  You’re trying to find the deeper meaning behind my words and the reason why I chose that story above. Well here’s the reason…

That man above knows, naturally or not, the steps behind meeting women and building sexual relationships. It was obvious to me when I wrote it, and was obvious to you when you read it. But guess what? Out of every man I have met in my life I would have to say only 1 out of a 100 (if not higher, which as just a guess on my part) can successfully do what that man did. What that means to you is  your defenses, depending on your ability, stops those other 99 men from ever getting close to you. You see your mind is wired to protect you from those men therefore it acts or reacts with any means possible. Those are also the same feelings which causes you to get stuck in the friend’s zone with that one man whom you see so often.

FROM A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE:

I meet this girl. She is attracted to me. I get stuck creating so much comfort she gets bored or eventually sticks me in the friend’s zone because I pose no challenge or slowly revealed my true status in the world, which is below hers. My nice guy ways controlling my inability to properly move to the physical engagement.

FROM WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE:

I meet this guy. I am attracted to him. He seems interested in me. We have a great conversation but he never makes the effort to escalate into physical engagement. We went out several times and he still didn’t make a move. We’re good friend’s now and I have seen him with other women and dealt with that last girlfriend of his, who was obviously not right for him. I’m still attracted to him but no matter what I do he still only sees me as his friend, or worse yet, his little sister. He tells me EVERYTHING and I sit and listen to it. Trying to reassure him he is a great man and someday he will find that true love of his life. Knowing inside at times I wish I could throw him down and show him how sexy I can be and how we belong together.

I hate playing the blame game but who’s fault is it of why both of those relationships above never got physical?

According to the man, it was his fault, according to the woman, it’s her fault for not being sexy enough. I’m here to tell you that I believe it is always the man’s fault if he wants to make a move but fails to do so at the appropriate time. BUT it is the woman’s responsibility, if she is truly interested, to make it easy for him to escalate physically at the appropriate time.

Unlike like a man who I feel doesn’t create attraction first will find it utterly impossible to change that emotion in a woman, without first stepping far away and reworking his attractiveness, a woman, once a man sees you as attractive, unless your looks drastically change, will always find you attractive. We may not find you as attractive years later when our lives change our perceptions, but there still exists the thoughts of your sexuality.

Therefore when, as a woman, you feel stuck in that friends zone with a guy ask him this:

“Do you find me attractive?”

If he responds positively then I urge you make it easy for him to escalate physically. I know. I actually hate giving advice to women to do the man’s work but think about it this way.

Most men do know how to perform as a man, they just haven’t learned to the proper skills to achieve this.

So you have two choices, keep searching for that man who can do that, or when you meet a man who you feel has the characteristics you want in a man…

AND YOU FEEL ATTRACTED TOWARDS…

Skillfully guide him through without leading on that you are doing this. If he can not properly respond and in the cases where it just isn’t going to happen, meaning you thought he was into you but really wasn’t, then it’s time to move on.

Get over him quickly and find someone new. Someone that is mentally and physically attracted to you.

As a woman your friends zone exists differently than a man’s but I have found the root of the friend’s zone is always being perceived as attractive in another one’s mind firstly and foremost.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Tagged as: feel, feelings, friends, Friendship, opposite, Relationships, understanding