Today is the perfect day to cover sending messages which WILL get you more responses.
In this lesson ( part 4 ) we will cover briefly:
- The common types of dating sites.
- How they are not the same and how your approach to messaging changes for each of them.
- List of what to avoid in your message.
- Short list of what your message must do or say.
My success was mainly on social dating sites and I quickly realized other sites may require a different technique.
Here are the three main types:
#1. No cost or free social sites which contain millions of members. Facebook being the leader of course.
The direct approach is often considered creepy to women.
The best advice I can give you is to treat it as it was meant to be…
A highly social environment not unlike a “high school” filled with adults. Yes sometimes it’s that bad but since there are an endless stream of women using it, I’d say if you learn how to use it the right way, you won’t need anything else.
That is unless you want more privacy and to pay for a dating site where most of the women are there just to date guys like you. In that case only use Facebook as proof and an indirect way to show off your attractive personality and lifestyle.
Remember if you give her your Facebook address, she’s going to check it out and if she likes you, she WILL “spy” on you, 🙂 a little.
You must make real friends and stay active within the community. You approach women under the pretense you have friends in common. I feel it’s essential to make a safe connection with women on this site.
They are not there to be “picked up.” If you do this or try that you’ll be wasting a lot of your time.
Personally, at least the moment of writing this, I’m NOT a huge Facebook fan and rarely and reluctantly use it. I don’t want to pretend I’m an expert on it.
Carlos Xuma wrote very little on it but has some great quick ideas to get you started and hopefully headed in the right direction.
Here are his four steps to use:
- Connect with the guys – and other women – who have a lot of cute girl friends.
- Connect with women you are interested in VERY indirectly.
- Start leveraging the tools.
- Start escalating and creating more opportunities.
You can read the entire article here at DiaLteG TM: 4 Step Guide To Meeting Women on Facebook
As I said it’s a limited offering.
The absolute best person to use, because of his online social mastery, is David Wygant. For undoubtedly remarkable success get this: Facebook – Friends To Lovers.
Practically any woman with a phone and computer uses Facebook and since she has the advantage of looking you up and watching what you do and who you socialize with, before you try anything on it, make sure you get that before it’s too late.
Yes it’s THAT important.
#2. Specific social sites which are offer limited free usage but encourages paid memberships.
You can find a ton of them listed at DMOZ: Picture Rating Sites
The clever ( perhaps better looking guys) usually wins on these sites and I’ve had amazing success on them.
Luckily, since they mostly are visually orientated you get a lot of creepy guys who struggle talking to women. You also got a lot of Ego driven women looking to boost their esteem so be warned.
However, those two things combined means less competition and women who are more open to sexual talking. Not a bad combination.
You must be good at clever commenting on pictures and not just telling every woman how hot she is. That won’t get you dates.
Use your intelligence as an advantage Leave funny observations on her pictures and your profile.
These are the easiest sites to interact with women you don’t know because it’s expected to happen here. All seriousness aside works best.
There’s a Lot of flirting going on but you must restrain from doing it all the time. Mix it up a little.
Keep in mind “Ego Boosting” is probably the main reason people join them so don’t fall into the trap of only complimenting the women. It’s overdone and too expected.
This also means refrain from getting sucked into all the drama. Stay above it.
Keep your messages brief and get her laughing. Don’t just make jokes. Be original and stay a little illusive.
Talk to every woman you’re attracted to and do it publicly so other women can see it. One reason why just complimenting doesn’t work.
Be genuine. Real. Upfront. Bust their ass. Above all else have fun with it.
#3. Paid dating sites which are generally used to browse profiles and find dates. They are useless to men unless you pay for a membership.
Most men get lost in the “sea of sausage” on these sites.
Most men also waste their money and only join for about three months.
They build a profile. Wait for responses. Hope women will come to them.
Most men leave frustrated with a feeling of being outnumbered by men who can show off their wealth and status.
Which is good news for you!
There’s always a steady stream of new women looking for dates on these sites so if you want an often private dating area to explore they are perfect.
They know you’re serious or else you would not be paying for it so they’re easily open to messages from someone new.
If you hesitate on them you will miss out because women turn on and off their profiles often. Avoiding what most men send along or when they’ve lined up a few dates.
You must be persistent and stay updated almost daily.
Since these are not normally social sites, although lots of them are adding that part quickly, your headline, profile, message, and pictures are very important and if you’ve had no success at all, I would definitely consider ( and suggest ) you pay someone to show you how to use them and to perfect your entire theme.
For every dollar you spend to be a member, invest the same in advice and style.
There is a ton of inexpensive help out there to help you but I’ve found most of them are cheesy tactics and tricks and are normally reserved for guys just trying to get laid. If that’s what you’re after, who am I to judge you.
For the rest of you make sure you look hard into the character and person who’s helping you because those people understand you’re not out just to get laid. You’re actually looking to date many women to land you an amazing girlfriend… right?
I used this one and it DID work for me and now I earn a commission when it works for you too, so yes, if you return it or ask for your money back, I do NOT get paid.
Meeting Women Online – A Proven System For Getting Tons Of Dates With Amazing Women Online… With Almost Zero Effort.
Online Dating Secrets – Developed by David Wygant. He’s done all the work and will take you step by step and give you an inside look into how women use online dating sites to their advantage. That is knowledge which will give you an edge. David’s a social genius so use him and his product every way you can.
I did mention character above and this guy’s has a real one which not only deserves respect and admiration, but understands how any morally driven man needs advice which he can trust won’t morally corrupt them. Online Dating Domination 2.0 was put together by Scot McKay. That link is a sign up page so make sure you take in his newsletter first before you decide.
The Gentlemen’s Guide To Online Dating – I was actually sent a preview of this some time ago and realized it contained a lot of what worked for me. The team at Lovesystems put it together but was written by Derek Cajun. These guys are known for their boot-camps which gives them direct access to guys which I believe allows them to easily see what guys needs to know to succeed. It has a great trial package too so you’re not stuck with it after if you don’t like it.
*Remember each of those are redirected links which earn me a commission if you buy it and keep it and NOT if you opt for a refund so please make sure you read all the fine print and I insist that it helps you succeed.*
Now enough of all that…
Writing Messages to Women to Get More Responses:
A general rule you must always abide by when sending messages online, (with no exceptions) is something I mentioned before but still holds true:
Don’t Try So Hard!
I can not tell you how many messages I’ve been sent by women which were almost begging her to respond back. Like I said before, if it feels like you’re working too hard, you are. Conversations start with a natural lead in and then flow within the topic or topics. If you push – you will push her further away.
Give Her a Real Reason to Respond.
Leave a question.
Ask her something which goes beyond the obvious.
Encourage a response by gaining her interest in having a conversation with you.
She will give you more than enough to go on in her profile so make sure you read it first.
Use open-ended questions because, and I know this from experience, if you ask a yes or no question and she’s not that interested but still responds, you’re going to get a “yes” or “no” answer. and where are you going to go from there? Trust me this has happened to me a lot and once I learned NOT to do it totally frustrated me.
Here’s a list of what to avoid in your first message:
- Do not mention her looks or any part of her body. Unless you’re on a site where it’s appropriate.
- Do not tell her what you’re looking for.
- Do not mention marriage or how you’re looking for a relationship.
- Do not abuse the language and use every day speaking grammar.
- Do not mention your sexual body parts. Unless you’re on a site where it’s appropriate Haha!
- Do not mention having sex with her.
- Do not make excuses as to why you are on a dating site.
- Do not overstate the obvious which is already in her profile or yours.
- Do not brag, boast, or try to be overly confident.
- Do not be rude or obnoxious. Crass is definitely okay though in a lot of circumstances. Learn the difference.
- Do not put a time constraint on her response.
- Do not EVER apologize for writing her.
- Do not invest too much into writing one person.
- Do not over think about how you want her to respond because this will appear manipulative.
Here’s a shorter list of what to say which are effective or tools to use:
- Give her a genuine laugh in a clever way. Trust me when I say this method by far will give the best results on any dating site you join.
- Use a spell checker in all your messages. Write it on the side and copy and paste it in the field after.
- You’re a man. She’s a woman. Be real about it and understand your role. If you try to be her friend by nurturing her you will only become her friend.
- Talk to her like she’s a real human being and not some picture or computer screen. ALL women appreciate this. She’s not a number. She’s not there for you to solve like you would a math problem.
- Stay within yourself. You’re going to have to meet this woman so it better be who you are or why bother even trying. In other words, if your lifestyle does not consist of expensive dinners and attending high-class shows don’t try to make her believe that’s who you are just because you thought she would be more likely to respond.
- Read her profile entirely unless it’s long and boring and in that case, why write her anyways? You can always send her a message asking her when her autobiography is out because you prefer the Cliff notes. 🙂
- If you can not think of what to say within a few minutes, come back to her later. Any message you send to her must feel like (to her) as a conversation that just naturally happened.
My intentions are to show you how I have succeeded online so you too can experience better success but up until now but I’ve left out some important information.
NEXT UP: What your message must do to give you not just more responses, ( because I feel that can vary and change over time), but how to get you BETTER responses making it easy to connect with women, and create an attractive chemistry. Which let’s all admit is essential.
I have had great success online ( and I sucked at it for years ) which means you can get better at it too.
I’ve gone from dating on Yahoo and Match in the mid nineties, failing miserably along the way, to meeting many women in person whom I’ve dated and was in some fun amazing relationships with.
Online dating really is unlimited and if you’re failing to get women to respond to your messages you’re probably not following the basic rules or advice. They must be used as a solid foundation from which you can build stronger skills.
If you just found this page, make sure you read it all from part 1 and on:
- Are You Frustrated With Your Online Dating Experience? No Messages – Part 1.
- How To Write A Headline That Gets Women Interested In Reading Your Profile
- How To Write A Perfect Online Profile Women Will Want to Read – Part Three.
- How My Short Internet Story Can Change Your Dating Life Online – Plus A Lesson in Flirting – Part Five.