In the last few lessons I have covered how you can start succeeding dating online. We’re now up to messaging women which will take two parts but first…
I can not tell you how many messages I've been sent by women which were almost begging her to respond back. Like I said before, if it feels like you're working too hard, you are. Conversations start with a natural lead in and then flow within the topic or topics. If you push - you will push her further away.
Here’s a review of what has been covered:
- Your expectations and what you should expect in getting messages.
- How talking to women and talking with women is different and why it’s important to understand if you want to attract women online.
- How having a life outside the internet is very important.
- How and what your headline must do.
- A simple exercise to create and develop your profile headlines, (and message subject lines.)
- How headlines which are out of the ordinary entices her to want to read your profile.
- A small example of a profile based on a strange headline which demonstrates who you are and what you are all about without having to directly say it.
- What your profile should say or what it must be about.
- How you should say it.
- What to avoid when writing it or the common mistakes too many guys make.
It’s Now Time to Cover Sending Messages Which Will Get You More Responses.
In this lesson I will cover briefly:
- The common types of dating sites.
- How they are not the same and how your approach to messaging changes.
- Strong list of “dont’s” in your message.
- Short list of “do’s” in your message.
I’ve explained before I became very good at doing this on a very small social site called Bangme. I would comment on pictures and almost instantly would get women to message me privately. And no they were not all winners. Yes sometimes I would fail or piss her off or find out quickly we had very little chemistry.
Either way I wanted to make sure you understand how these main dating sites differ and how they are similar. After all which ever one you choose to join your success can depend on using that site to your best ability. They are not all created equal.
Here are the main types.
No cost or free social sites which contain millions of members. Facebook being the leader.
The direct approach is often considered creepy to women. The best approach is to use it exactly how it was meant – as a social environment not very different from a grown up aged high school.
You make friends and stay active within the community. You approach women under the pretense you have friends in common. I feel it’s essential to make a safe connection with women on this site. They are not there to be picked up. If you do this you’ll be wasting a lot of your time.
Carlos Xuma wrote an intro post to review on how to succeed using Facebook. I suggest you read it before trying anything on a social site like this. It will really help you avoid many mistakes. Here are his four steps as a guideline:
- Connect with the guys – and other women – who have a lot of cute girl friends.
- Connect with women you are interested in VERY indirectly.
- Start leveraging the tools.
- Start escalating and creating more opportunities.
Specific social sites which are offer limited free usage but encourages paid membership.
Such as Hot or Not or Bangme. Rate my Body, etc… I’m working on a small list but for now you’ll find a complete list of picture rating sites here.
The clever usually wins on these sites. Cool pictures. Clever comments. Intelligent or funny observations made on a picture or in your profile. These are the easiest sites to interact with women you don’t know because it’s expected to happen here. Lots of flirting.
Keep in mind “Ego Boosting” is probably the main reason people join these sites. This means don’t fall into the trap of complimenting the women there. It’s overdone. This also means refrain from getting sucked into the drama.
I wrote this page a long time ago but I believe you’ll find some helpful hints on how I succeeded on a picture rating site. It’s a review so scroll down for the tips. How I used Bangme and What the site is.
Paid dating sites which are generally used to browse profiles and find dates. They are useless to men unless you pay for a membership.
Most men get lost in the “seas of sausage” of these sites. Most men waste their money and join for about three months. They build a profile. Wait for responses. Hope for women to come to them. Most men leave frustrated with a feeling of being outnumbered by men who can show off their wealth and status.
But there’s always a steady stream of new women looking for dates on these sites. They know you’re serious, or else you would not be paying for it, so they’re open to messages from someone new. If you hesitate on sites like this you will miss out because women turn on and off their profiles often. (Avoiding what most men send along.)
I understand I went really broad but this is a very large area to cover and I don’t want to overwhelm you or distract from the purpose of this lesson -
Writing Messages to Women to Get More Responses:
A general rule you must always abide by when sending messages online, (with no exceptions) is something I mentioned before but still holds true:
Don’t Try So Hard!
I can not tell you how many messages I’ve been sent by women which were almost begging her to respond back. Like I said before, if it feels like you’re working too hard, you are. Conversations start with a natural lead in and then flow within the topic or topics. If you push – you will push her further away.
Give Her a Real Reason to Respond.
Leave a question.
Ask her something which goes beyond the obvious.
Encourage a response by gaining her interest in having a conversation with you.
She will give you more than enough to go on in her profile so make sure you read it first. Use open-ended questions because, and I know this from experience, if you ask a yes or no question and she’s not that interested but still responds, you’re going to get a “yes” or “no” answer. And where are you going from there? Trust me this has happened to me and I was clueless where to go from there.
Here’s a short list of what to avoid in your first message:
- Do not mention her looks or any part of her body. (Unless you’re on a site where it’s appropriate.)
- Do not telling her what you’re looking for.
- Do not mention marriage or how you’re looking for a relationship.
- Do not abuse the language and use grammar correctly.
- Do not mention your sexual body parts. (Unless you’re on a site where it’s appropriate.)
- Do not mention having sex with her.
- Do not make excuses as to why you are on a dating site.
- Do not overstate the obvious in her profile or yours.
- Do not brag, boast, or try to be overly confident.
- Do not be rude or obnoxious. (Crass is okay though in a lot of circumstances. Based on my experiences.)
- Do not put a time constraint on her response.
- Do not ever apologize for writing her.
- Do not invest too much into writing one person.
- Do not over think about how you want her to respond because this will appear manipulative.
Here’s a shorter list of “do’s” which work quite effectively:
- Give her a genuine laugh in a clever way. Trust me when I say this method by far will give the best results on any dating site you join.
- Use a spell checker in all your messages.
- You’re a man. She’s a woman. Be real about it and understand your role. If you try to be her friend by nurturing her you will only become her friend.
- Talk to her like she’s a real human being and not some picture or computer screen. All women appreciate this. She’s not a number. She’s not there for you to solve like you would a math problem.
- Stay within yourself. You’re going to have to meet this woman so it better be who you are or why bother even trying. In other words if your lifestyle does not consists of expensive dinners and attending high-class shows don’t try to make her believe that’s who you are. Just because you thought she would be more likely to respond.
- Read her profile entirely. If you can not think of what to say within a few minutes. Come back to her later. Any message you send to her must feel like (to her) as a conversation that just naturally happened.
The two lists above are basic concepts and you’re going to read them almost everywhere you look. I’ve included them because they are important and I want to make sure you’re getting everything, including the basics in my online dating lessons.
For more of the basics I’ll give you two outside of DiaLteG™ links:
- This is a hard to read page but I felt it contains a ton of useful information. How To Write Opening Emails On Online Dating Sites.
- The next one covers the basics in greater detail and is very easy to read. How To Write a Good Introductory Email Message for Online Dating.
I do not intend to leave you just with the basics. I have a lot more for you coming up.
My intentions are to show you how I have succeeded online so you too can experience better success. I’ve given you all the basics you need to succeed. Yet up until now but I’ve left out some important information.
NEXT UP: What your message must do to give you not just more responses, (because I feel that can vary and change over time), but how to get you BETTER responses making it easy to connect with women, and create an attractive chemistry. (Which let’s all admit is essential.)
I have had great success online which means you can get better at it. I’ve gone from dating on yahoo and match in the mid nineties, failing miserably along the way, to meeting many women in person whom I’ve dated and was in some fun amazing relationships with.
Online dating really is unlimited and if you’re failing to get women to respond to your messages you’re probably not following the basic rules or advice. They must be used as a solid foundation from which you can build stronger skills.
If you want to buy advice on dating online here are my top two recommendations.
(You also support me when you do buy either one of them. I do appreciate it and always wish you the best of luck. Please. As always I encourage you to send me your success stories or share them below ~ Peter White)
Online Dating Domination – from Scot McKay.
Scot met his wife online and they are still together producing material that helps men and women succeed from online to better relationships. If you want to learn from an intelligent man who inspires confidence in you, Scot can be him. In other words, based on my experience from learning from Scot, he inspires energy and competence. You just feel when you’re done with even his smallest pieces, a surge of confidence hits you and you’re ready to take on and succeed in any dating challenge you experience.
Online Dating Secrets – from David Wygant.
If you’re looking for the most detailed video demonstrations ever made to teach you how to become a master dating online, David has them all. He works with real clients, real women, in real situations, and shows you exactly how to do it for yourself. Based on my personal experience in what I have learned from David… His attitude, like Scot, inspires confidence and a belief in yourself anything is possible. And he also refuses to toss you meaningless junk to fill up his products. Everything is there for a reason and that reason is to only help you succeed.
Photo Credit of Woman Online:
Image: Sura Nualpradid / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
