A very common thing for a “nice guy” in the friends zone is obviously not getting out enough BUT more importantly are the excuses used…
“I don’t have any money.”
“I don’t have enough time.”
“I don’t know where to go.”
This question was put in my “friends zone test” because I realized not getting off my ass and doing things was a huge reason why I was in the friends zone. Not the ultimate reason but definitely a big part of it.
First, you have the fact we’re not meeting enough “available” single women.
Secondly, what women really wants to date a guy who is not willing to actually do things with her, and third, as written above…
The constant stream of excuses we use creating a whiny negative cloud of “BUT I DON’T…”
Okay so money is always an issue but there are ways around it.
You can find friends that do and don’t mind taking you places. Although this is not always recommended but a guy with a highly attractive personality will tend to have more things offered to him.
When others want to be around you they will do a little extra to make sure you are there and sometimes it means paying your way.
There are also “other” ways to build some wealth and I suggest you read step 5 of my “Getting A Girlfriend” series for a better explanation of it. She Wants A Guy Who Demonstrates People Skills And Gets More For Less.
You can also find inexpensive places to go that are still fun.
Try these two incredible lists to help with that:
- The Cheapest Places To Meet Women Even If You’re Under 21
- 32 Great Date Places – Where To Go and Meet Up With Her
For around ten dollars a month you could join a gym.
Private parties don’t cost a dime so get yourself invited. Remember earlier about people wanting to be around you more with an attractive personality. This is another area in which getting invited more will pay off. Literally!
Just be a real person and set aside something to eventually host your own and invite all your new friends.
As far as I’m concerned not having enough money is just another excuse to avoid something, possibly rejection.
Sure it means you may not be heading on an expensive vacation any time soon or taking a date everywhere you want to go but don’t let that stop you from getting out and doing things that you enjoy because that is the worst thing you can do.
Okay maybe your time IS limited…
We’re all busy. Well most of us. 🙂
Yet the hard truth is, if you don’t have time for getting out more and meeting new people or potential dates, you’re NOT trying hard enough.
I understand if you have a few children how tough it can be but you have to make the time.
Life is about balance and yes it’s hard work. Going out more and making time for your dating life is part of this balance. Without it you’re missing opportunities you can not afford.
As another part of my “Getting A Girlfriend” series I suggest you read this: When You Control Your Life Effortlessly, Women Will Want To Be In It – “The benefits of managing your time, car, and house. Confidence, pride, enjoying being single will plant the idea of her wanting to be your girlfriend.”
Me, I’ve found working my ass of on certain days means I’m granted some free time later.
A friend of mine was once complained to me about being tired going out on Friday nights and it was really hurting his “game.”
He said rushing home from work, ironing his clothes, the shower, making sure his kid has a babysitter who showed up, took its toll on his energy.
I told him this,
“I spend my typical Monday getting everything done I can until I pass out. I already know I’m not going out. I know I need extra sleep. So I rush home on Monday and make sure my clothes were ready (for Friday). I had a quick easy meal planned. I make the plans. I just keep going until I can not take it anymore. By the time I’m ready for bed I get a great night of sleep and wake up feeling refreshed and accomplished. When Friday rolls along I can relax and rest a little. No rushing also means a better state of mind to socialize.”
To me that’s my balance and it works for me.
It didn’t take much thought to come up with it so I’m sure if you give a little, you can find a balance in your personal life too.
This is a very important piece of removing the excuses from our lives, finding a balance which works, and therefore a step out of the friends zone.
Okay so you don’t know where to go…
Well here’s the list again. 32 Places To Go On A Date.
Here’s a secret… that list took me about twenty minutes to come up with. Yes it took longer to write about each one. I searched for it online. I thought about my life and where I’ve been. and the ideas just kept coming.
Here is a brain storming example you can try to come up with your own.
Ask yourself this:
What do I like to do but have not done in a while?
“Hmmmm I have not played Golf in a while. Not too expensive of a date. I have clubs but does she? It can be long too. Nine holes would be better. What about Mini golf? How about Mini Golf and the driving range. They always have ice cream there. She won’t need her own clubs. We can make it at night too. Hit a few balls and laugh at each other. Putt around after. Grab some quick ice cream. I should grab some bug spray and put it in the car. Make sure I give it to her first and laugh at her smelling wonderful while she’s on a date with me. Haha! Oh yeah she’s going to love me.”
“Hmmm I have not been to a Hibachi bar in a while. Kind of expensive. I always catch a buzz there. Definitely fun eats though. Especially if we’re seated with people we don’t know. I know being the cool guy at a place like this is highly attractive. Not afraid to be myself when I’m close to people I don’t know is a plus. Is it worth the extra cash and the stigma of a dinner date? Sure is for a second or third date.”
Still stumped? Try this.
Ask yourself a consistent series of questions. Write these down and try it yourself.
- What do I like to do but have not done in a while?
- Can my date have fun there too?
- Will the place allow me to demonstrate my attractive personality?
- What would “doing this” lead easily to?
- Are there any places close by we can hop over to quickly without being too random?
- What will I need with me to make sure everything seems to go as planned? (That the bug spray I mentioned above.)
Now that I have covered all three “excuses” how can use this information to get out, or stay out of the friend’s zone.
Excuses. Excuses. Excuses.
I don’t care who you are, what you do, how much you’ve succeeded or failed, how much money you make, or how good-looking you are.
If I had to choose just one unattractive trait that everyone has the power to quickly change which is not very difficult at all, it would be complaining and making excuses.
What happens when you and this person you just met find a common topic to complain about?
You develop a bond. A friendship.
What happens when you give excuses about a bad evening out, or terrible luck you suffered through?
You are consoling yourself and that is what they will feel like doing also.
I know when I just met a woman and she wants me to console her and listen to her complaining or making excuses, she’s already in the friend zone after a few hours.
If You Want Out of The Friends Zone:
“So do something every day that’s going to get you closer to being more confident. Also, stop trying to fix a lifetime of problems overnight. This Is Why You’re Frustrated Not Meeting and Attracting Women.
When you’re with the person you want so badly…never make an excuse known.
Never complain about anything on you, on her, on him, anything.
It’s time the person who cares for you as a friend understands you are now taking charge of your life in a confident optimistic way.
Don’t tell the person. There’s no need. Fight it every minute if you have to until it get’s easier.
I don’t see any way another person won’t begin to wonder or feel more attracted to someone who does this.
They may not act on it or it may not work out because there are way too many variable in place, but you will create a hint of attraction.
Enough to where you will find that friend asking very specific questions they are noticing about you.
Try this experiment.
Look in a full body mirror for about thirty seconds. Now close your eyes and bitch, whine, complain, give every excuse you can think of for a minute or more.
Now open your eyes and tell me what you see. Trust me you won’t like it.
Negativity is just that powerful.
If you don’t go out you have little chance of escaping the friend’s zone.
We all agree on that. I can bet if you don’t go out you make excuses more than you should. If you sit at home with like-minded people you will find yourself complaining with someone who enjoys complaining too.
This will carry over to your appearance, your energy, and your ability to not make excuses. It just gets that much tougher.
So…no excuses. Less complaining. More attractive personality practically guaranteed.
The reality of it all is, if you’re not getting out enough, for whatever reason you have or believe, getting out of the friends zone will always be that much tougher than it needs to be.