We’ve all seen the top lists: (insert number here)… Things to never say to a girl or ask a woman. There are literally thousands of them out there on google.
A lot of them list the same questions or statements so why then, with all this great information out there, do guys still find a way to screw up and say the wrong thing?
I realize this isn’t my Why Do Guys…? blog so the why part won’t be found here but I did want to share my list for a few reasons which can be helpful to guys trying to be more attractive men:
- To make sure none of the guys who trust my advice at DiaLteG TM are likely to make these common conversational mistakes with women. Communication and conversations are so very important in attracting women that making these types of mistakes should always be avoided.
- Because some of these questions or statements only tell women that you have little confidence and that you don’t believe in yourself. Belief in yourself and a little real confidence might be all you need to attract a lot of girls. If you have certain things handled in your life, those two things (confidence and belief in yourself) can make all the difference to your dating/relationship life.
What you should NEVER ask a girl and why if you want her to like you… plus what you should say instead:
Some of these apply to being on a date, working up to getting a date, in a relationship or just common courtesy to show to your girl (friends):
#1. Can I call you?
All weak questions must be replaced by strong confident action. Asking a girl if you can call her only suggests you don’t think you can. Why ask for permission, if you are given her information or have a way to contact her, and it came from her, don’t ask… DO IT!
Call her already. Women are tired and frustrated dealing with not-so-real men who make her wait beyond a reasonable time to call her. They only see it as some game you’re trying to play.
You should build your own rules in dating.
“If you want to look cool – Call her early. Text her quickly. Just don’t linger and act like you need the attention or how you’re worried she’s going to meet another guy. Don’t send a 100 texts or call her everyday when you haven’t even gone on a date yet.”
#2. Can I kiss you?
Another very weak question. Sure there may be a right time (although rare) that asking her is cute and some women might appreciate it BUT trust me, you should know when it’s the right time to kiss her. Besides, asking could ruin the moment and imagine the rejection… hearing “NO!” or her pulling away.
PLUS: Asking means you’ll probably NEVER get a second chance. Doing it and being rejected or having her pull away makes a strong statement about you which can only lead to a better outcome later down the road.
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#3. Do you like me?
Sure this one might be reserves for kids in school but don’t count on it. I’ve known several guys (including me) who did it later in life and it’s NEVER a good thing.
Again, the tip of the day: Being a more attractive man means you must substitute ALL your weak questions with strong statements. Or at least flirt with her by accusing her of liking you with the classic cocky comedy stuff taught by David DeAngleo. At least that stuff is highly attractive to women because it makes a clear statement about you:
You’re funny but in a good attractive way. You’re clever. You’re smart and understand the dynamics between man and women. You know how to flirt confidently. (And so much more.)
#4. Why don’t you like me?
“Telling or showing a woman that you “like her” has no effect on how she feels about YOU.”
You might as well ask her if SHE thinks your fat and ugly at the same time. Seriously, you’ll NEVER get a real answer, at least one you can use. She’ll only spare your feelings so she “feels good about herself.
Women (especially younger ones) have no clue why they don’t like you anyways, they only know they’re not feeling attracted to you.
No strong substitute for this one comes to mind because it goes too far. If you feel like you have to ask her why she doesn’t like you – get a book on attraction and study it like it’s a driving test you HAVE TO PASS or else you’ll lose your job, apartment, AND your balls.
“There’s never a reason to ask a woman if she likes or loves you. It should be obvious and assumed if she interacting with you long enough, she wants you to create attraction.”
#5. How old are you?
You would think by now in our society guys wouldn’t ask a woman how old she is, but it happens. It what we call “word vomit”. Unfortunately it’s more likely to happen to a guy who is nervous and is running out of things to say OR he’s just an ass that doesn’t understand women at all.
No matter why it happens, her age will be revealed in due time. Besides, what’s the difference? If you want to date a 23-year-old and she’s 30 or whatever, just pretend, she’ll actually like that. Take how old you think she is and subtract a few or more years and as you grow old together, keep telling her she’s that age… forever!
“By utilizing the following conversation topics, you’ll be able to attract women by turning good conversations into great conversations.”
#6. How much do you weigh?
For the life of me I can NOT imagine a point in time where this question would ever be asked but apparently, it’s up there in numerous times and in stupidity.
Not only is it the WRONG thing to ask, think about it… You can’t tell how much she weights? You can’t look at a person and know close to it what it is? Obviously you’re not working at a carnival but you can tell the difference between skinny, fat, overweight, or obese.
Anyways, what difference is knowing the actual weight of a woman going to mean to you? What could you possibly do with this information which will make you a more attractive man? Nothing. There’s nothing you can do with a woman’s weight that you must know it be it in pounds, kilos, or stones.
#7. How come you’re still single?
This often “first date” question ruins the mood in seconds AND if you want a second or third date, asking her why she’s still single is NOT a good thing in many ways.
First for her having to answer or dodge around the stupid question or reveal to you her inner most thoughts only makes her want to crawl away and hide from you.
Second, think man, do you really want to sit and listen to a woman on a date complain and give you her whole freaking story. A date is supposed to be fun. Don’t ask. You’ll get the information you need sooner that you think. Sure it might be helpful to learn early on but there are more nice and clever ways to get her to tell you why she’s still single. You might even find it out on your own.
Third – uh duh!!! If YOU are still single, what’s YOUR problem. She’s going to want to know now.
“Here are the top five ways men murder their conversations with women before they ever even have a chance to create attraction.”
#8. Are you going to eat ALL of that?
“A date should be an experience where learn you about each other in real situations… Which probably work better if you’re interacting AND having fun.”
Why A Valentine’s Day Date Should Never Be Dinner And A Movie
Okay I must admit this one IS pretty funny but it has a place and time and on a date is not the place or time. Even an experienced conversationalist who can seduce women with his words struggles pulling this one off early on a girl.
Assume, if you’re on a date with her, no matter what she orders, most women won’t finish their food. They’ll poke and prod whatever they order. They’ll eat off your plate if you’re not Joey from Friends and allow it.
Just let it go and never ask her if she’s going to eat all of that. If you must ask or say something ATTRACTIVE, tell her how hungry you are and ask her for some. At least that way, she will feel better knowing she ate light on the first date. You’ll relieve that bit of anxiety for her making a much more enjoyable date.
Lastly, because this is VERY important to me: You can avoid this problem entirely by NEVER taking a woman to dinner on a date. It’s just plain wrong, boring, and it generally sucks for both people.
“If you’re thinking about your next date please take a few minutes and read this PRICELESS little piece of advice from him on what to do instead of taking her to dinner…”
Located at The Approach – dialteg.org
#9. Do you want to come back to my place?
Some guys think this is okay especially when things are going good and it feels like there’s a good chance she’ll have sex with them – but it’s the wording. It’s all wrong. It’s creepy and unnecessary. Besides, if a woman believes you can not be clever enough to ask or say it in a different way, chances are you WON’T be getting anything that night.
Better to say:
“Come back to my place. We’ll have fun. I want to show you my prized collection of Star Trek memorabilia and figures. We can play with them all night.”
Unless of course you’re serious and you do have a collection of figurines AND you like to show them off to women before you sleep with them AND you’re actually AT a Star Trek convention. Then by all means – lay it on her BUT STILL… DON’T JUST ASK HER TO COME BACK TO YOUR PLACE.
#10. Is that your natural hair color?
Don’t mess with a girl’s hair color man. They just don’t like it. Plus as if you couldn’t tell? Sure it can be funny if she obviously does not have a natural color like green or pink. If you ease into it with some humor it might work but since most women don’t have pink or green hair, I’m going to say the odds are against you here.
No, being a prick doesn’t get guys laid from a real quality woman despite what others might tell you.
No matter what color she has dyed in, she’s doing it for reasons which go above and beyond the average guy’s understanding. In other words, unless you do it yourself all the time, you’ll never fully know or understand the reason why any specific woman changes her hair color.
Even if you do know (or think you know) the reasons why, it won’t gain you any points. She likes MEN and real men are not concerned with things like that or care to explore the inner workings of a woman’s hair color. It’s above our “pay” grade.
And again, you know it’s not real, so why bother bringing it up unless you want to piss her off and go home alone that evening. If she’s into assholes, by all means let the insults fly but be warned and lock up your stuff because chances are, she’s going to rip you off.
#11. Is your friend into threesomes?
Hey, believe it or not, at the right time and place, asking or understanding whether your date or girlfriend might be into a threesome it is not a bad thing BUT we must show some tact. Asking if her friend is into this kind of sex play is not the best approach IF you actually want or if you think can actually handle one anyways.
Here are some things you should NOT talk about with her:
- Death, violence, or tragedy
- Her family
- Your money or how much you make
- Your plans for a family or marriage
- Sex (until she brings it up)
- Any negative topics
- Any information about you that is too revealing
#12. What do you want to do?
Women like leaders. You don’t have to be president or the CEO of a company but you must at least lead your life and have goals.
Asking a woman what SHE wants to do (early in the dating phase) tells her you’re not the leader she’s more than likely looking for. You have no skills or confidence in taking a woman somewhere, anywhere. How you’re so worried she won’t like it there and hence won’t like you for it that you want to hand all the decisions over to her. Which you would think might make you look good but it doesn’t at all.
It’s not always where you’re at that makes the date worth having a second or third one, and a guy who can turn even the strangest weirdest place into a fun date or night, is the guy that’s going to sweep her off her feet easier than a guy who just keeps asking, “What do YOU want to do?”
Say, “We’re going to do this, it will be fun.” If she has any objections she will either let you know or tell you later BUT she won’t dislike you more for trying. But hey, be reasonable here, this is not an excuse or advice to just take her anywhere. Use your brains and it will be just fine. Promise.
#13. How many guys have you slept with?
Woah!!! Easy there man. First, you’ll never get the actual answer so why bother asking it.
Second, you’ll have to answer how many women you have slept with too. If your number is high or low, either way, she’ll assume you’re not giving her the real answer.
Three, you’re sort of calling her a slut no matter how you phrase it. I’m not perfect or claim to understand women more than 90% or so, but let’s assume calling a woman a slut is NOT in the book of how to attract women.
Fourth, does it really matter to you? What good will come from you knowing this answer? Sure you might not want to date a woman who has bed a 100 or more men, or even 20 or more. I understand that, to each his own.
But for attraction reasons, assume she’s a virgin and you’re there to seduce her for the first time – if that’s what your goal is. If you plan on dating her and possibly getting into a relationship with her – you would think knowing this answer would be helpful upfront, but trust me it’s not.
One exception – she’s a good friend and this is the sort of conversations you talk about from time to time.
Just don’t do it with a woman you want to date. The answer will come my friend – one way or another you WILL figure out how many dudes have been inside her and the more you think about it (unless you’re into that kind of thing) the more you’ll ruin the actual sex with her.
#14. When is the baby due?
She’s got a little bump and you’re curious. I can understand that. Even other women make this mistake occasionally. It’s also not entirely wrong if it’s obvious she’s pregnant and you want to know but again… it’s not something you need to know.
If you’re picking up pregnant women that’s it might just be best to assume she’s got a little chub around her midsection first and then find out later.
Then again if you ARE picking up pregnant women for this question to come up a lot, then might as well ask because figuring out the why and “what the fuck dude?!” is not something I will ever need to understand.
However in normal everyday circumstances knowing not to ask this question actually makes you a more attractive man. The reason is simple: You’re in the moment more. You understand to think first before you say or ask something stupid.
Here’s a little tip which might work IF you need to know, because this IS information in dating which can be helpful knowing in advance (that is if she’s pregnant or not) just say, “You look amazing. Almost like you have a glow about it.” It’s not perfect, play with a bit but it’s much better much tactful way of HER telling you in advance. It’s the “glowing” part which works and if she’s not then all you did was give her a compliment instead of telling her she basically looks fat.
“The trick to not talking about the “usual” things is to know how to make conversation INTERESTING. Let me ask you, what are the most INTERESTING topics to humans in general? Right – drama, violence, scandal, and comedy that is painful to one of the parties involved.
Here are a few good ideas for conversation that come to mind:”
#15. Are you okay?
Seriously… one of the dumbest questions you can ask a woman is “Are you okay?”. First if you can’t tell something is wrong with her then you need to pay attention more because women desperately want men who just know when something’s wrong without having to ask it all the time. So unless you want to hear, “You should know!” then don’t ask it.
Second – It’s weak. It only tells her you’re so worried about keeping her happy and making everything perfect for her (when it doesn’t need to be, trust a woman can handle some adversity or even a bad time) that you’ll appear needy and overly protective.
Be proactive. See the reality of the situation. It tells and shows her you have everything under control. Don’t ask, “Are you cold?” Say, “You look cold, take my jacket please.” And she’ll let you know one way or another if she’s cold without you coming across weak.
If it’s a relationship thing then there’s definitely a communication problem going on when you have to ask this question. I’ve found it best to just say, “Talk to me.” It’s a positive statement which confidently tells her you feel something’s wrong and that your in-tune with her.
When she’s ready, she’ll talk and LET HER TALK. Allow her to fun through all her emotions BEFORE you offer a solution. Don’t try to fix her problems… just LISTEN. Let her get it all out.
#16. Are you seeing someone else?
Assume, if she’s single, if you’re into her, AND a little voice inside your head is begging you to ask this question because a part of you wants to know the answer – that SHE IS SEEING SOMEONE ELSE.
Now it could be casual. A date here or there with some guy. It could even be more than she’s seeing you. My point is, it’s best to just assume and get over it, that if she’s really that awesome – there are plenty of guys knocking at her door, texting her, up to taking her out.
How you handle those “other” guys says a lot about you to her. Don’t get caught up in all the jealousy or trying anything and everything to get her to commit to you when and if she’s not ready.
Just make sure when you’re ready – truly ready – you go to her confidently and tell her you want to be exclusive with her. Commit to her and the right woman at the right time will more than happily commit to you. Lots of women prefer it and want it to happen this way. They don’t want to chase you down and beg for your approval. Most women don’t enjoy dating lots of men at the same time. They’d rather stick to one.
#17. Are they real?
The list of things you should never ask if they’re real is short but important to know: Her lips, her tits, and her nails. (Of course I’m hoping you don’t have to ask if her legs, arms, or eyes are real or not, that’s some topic I’ll never write about… maybe.)
First consider this, if you ask her if they’re real, she has every valid reason to ask if your balls are real or actually there. It goes both ways. You’ll also probably get the HOW BIG IS IT? question if she sticks around long enough after you asked her this question.
Here’s something you might not know – most perhaps ALL women know when another woman’s breasts are real or not. They are amazed by how many of us guys can not tell as easily. (Of course it’s not like we’ve grown up with them so it’s excusable to not know.)
This is not a matter of saying the wrong thing or a need to know an answer about something which is her private thing, it’s more about being appropriate and respectful. However you choose to phrase this question, you’re not likely to win or attract any women after it’s been asked.
To help you out, I’ll ask my wife to publish a post on Why Do Chics…? so we can all learn how to spot the fake breasts. That way we’ll never have to ask, we’ll just know of what to look for.
That aside, if knowing if they’re real or not is that much of a big deal, you have a few options:
- Learn to spot them early or look for the signs.
- Send your girl friend in like the Seinfeld episode to find out for you.
- Ask your friend who IS a girl what she thinks.
- Get her to show you some early or younger pictures of herself.
- Pretend they’re real and have some fun, enjoy them if they’re fake or not.
I’m going to finish this list off with a bunch of one-liners or what to never ask a or say to a woman:
- Did you cum?
- Is it in?
- Is HE your boyfriend?
- Are you ready yet?
- Her sister’s phone number. Her Mother’s phone number. Or anyone who she is related to or friends with.
- Her name AFTER you’ve already slept with her!
- Why are you being so emotional?
- Why do you need more shoes?
- Don’t you have enough clothes?
- Is that the look you were going for?
- You’re going to wear that?
Feel free to add to this list below. Hopefully they’re ones you heard but if it was something you said and screwed up, add it anyways. ALL information is helpful here to keep guys from making these often avoidable conversational mistakes.