Do you become overwhelmed with thoughts of marriage, relationships, and what you would give to another romantically, because you find them so attractive?
This is what I call living in the future or being anxious.
This is where your anxiety causes you to act in a certain way often leading to a scarcity mentality or a negative attitude.
Men would be considered creepy and women would be considered overly needy.
People who often act this way also have a not-so-unique way of telling you they are not good enough for you.
I feel it’s important to prepare for life but when you act this way specifically and sometimes only around those you are highly attracted to, you’re almost guaranteed to be just that much closer to the friend’s zone with them.
- If you feel love is beyond you, you will act anxiously.
- If you are overwhelmed with thoughts of future relationships, you will act anxiously.
- If you are too concerned with the romance of the situation you will on most occasions destroy the unpredictability associated with real romance.
This question came up after realizing whenever I would meet a woman I “wanted”, I would actually go to bed running scenarios in my head of our future events.
Yes it’s true and I believe this is the first time I’m publicly admitting it.
I never spent time day dreaming but when in bed, alone again, I was thinking about my latest “one.” and what I wanted to happen. I lived out every fantasy.
Not so much about marriage but about a romantic affair that could lead somewhere. I was dreaming of her finally realizing she could fall for a nice guy like me.
I may have differed from others in this area because I did not get nervous during the approach or even act in a creepy way, but I feel this future living caused the same results of those who suffer high anxiety.
The negative mixture created may vary in the amounts from person to person but the recipe contains the same ingredients listed below:
- One Part – A fear of success.
- One Part – A fear of failure.
- One Part – A failure to act instead of reacting.
- One Part – Reacting to the future and not acting in the present.
If You Want Out:
It’s obvious now answering ‘YES’ to this question is not good for creating attraction with those you are seeking.
It will however create attraction with those suffering from very low self-esteem.
If you find you are only attracting people you yourself only want to be friends with, this question is part of the reason why.
Below is an example from a popular Christian Carter article that explains the friend’s zone as it pertains to feelings and reacting as opposed to acting.
I feel you can substitute man or woman and it will still hold true.
“Women think that they need to communicate verbally when they like a man… as if that’s part of the necessary process of getting a guy.
In their minds, it goes like this:
Like him->Tell him you like him->He likes you
Well, remember… if you follow this pattern, yourself, with men who aren’t already ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to BACKFIRE.
If he’s not into you, then it goes like THIS:
He thinks of you as a friend>You tell him you like him>He gets the “Instant Ewwws” and withdraws…
The quote above to me represents reacting to the future and not acting in the present.
The quote above also shows me a fear of failure because when I felt highly attracted to a woman I always had this sense of urgency to tell them.
And yes if she wasn’t already attracted to me, it would backfire.
I failed to act on creating attraction.
My fear of failure caused me to be overwhelmed and literally lose sleep creating successes in my mind that would never happen.
My fear of success would have me self-sabotage the situation by continually reacting to a false future.
It now becomes clear to eliminate this friend’s zone mentality or attempting to get out of it, we must begin immediately to eliminate these (over simplified) mistakes from our personalities.
Of course how you manage to do this will depend on your more specific recipe.
That is something you’re going to have to figure out for yourself.
I know it sucks, having to figure out your own blend of ingredients but I just can not do it for you.
However I have given you the pieces to look for.
I have also given you my own personal blend and how they have affected me.
You can use them as a guide to discovering your own self-sabotaging techniques.
I must mention the word ‘deserving.’ before the next question. I felt love was beyond me because it actually felt like I just wasn’t ever meant to be with anyone.
I eventually came to the conclusion I deserved whatever I wanted and whether or not I was meant to be with someone become irrelevant to my situation.
As my fears disappeared I began to care less about love being beyond me and more about creating what I felt I deserved.
And I believe anyone with a great attitude, the drive to change and not fearing change, and of course has decency respectful to those around them, deserves what ever it is that they are searching for.
If you answered “NO” to this question you are not in as deep as I was. Give yourself 1 point.
You should take note to later questions about your optimism and keep a careful eye on it. If you notice negativity later on, you should probably only give yourself one half of a point here instead.
3. Do you feel that love is beyond you? Meaning you become overwhelmed with thoughts of marriage, relationships, and what you would give to another romantically, because you find them so attractive?
Total Votes: 428
Click here to the view the entire results – from the Friend Zone Test
You should also check out my entire Ebook for free – Eliminate (escape) the Friend Zone