Rejection sucks and we've all been there before. No one guy who has tried to date a girl has ever not been rejected at least once. What makes it worse and frustrating is when a woman lies about it and won't give you the real reason she turned you down so you can actually fix the problem.
Why do girls do that?
Why do they have to lie?
You're about to be shown WHY they do it and I'm also going to give you a quick list of common excuses women might have given you and what they really mean by it.
The #1 reason she will lie to when rejecting you: She doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
Tell me what you think hurts worse?
What would "spare your feelings" more?
Being lied to or being told the absolute truth about why she won't go on a date with you?
I'm not sure which would make it feel better. If it was not too bad like bad breath or stinky feet, I guess I could've dealt with that... BUT what if it was much worse like something you have no control over.
For me it was how short I was. My height was a big issue and a few did tell me I was too short for them. It hurt a little but the "why" wasn't the problem, I didn't believe them anyways, what really stung was the actual REJECTION.
"I ALWAYS KNEW that she just didn’t want me but I refused to believe it.
I tried to change her mind.
I made myself believe that because she would not tell me directly, there was still a chance."
So why then are so many women afraid of hurting a dude's feeling? Is she really worried about YOUR feelings?
She is (generally) more concerned with proving to herself she is a nice person.
Sure you're going to find a few girls who generally care about turning a guy down but that might depend on how hot she is and other things.
The more attractive, the MORE she gets hit on, the more it becomes less about you and more about HER.
The #2 Reason why women lie when they reject you: They're not lying, they actually don't know the REAL reason why they don't like you... they just don't.
Sure they may have "superficial" reasons but the underlying affect the guy is having on them is only telling them that,
"I am just not attracted to you."
If you don't know this I'm going to let you in a little well-known "secret" but when a girl says,
"I don't want to ruin our friendship."
What she really means is,
"I'm not feeling attracted to you that's why I'm your friend in the first place dummy."
Which supposedly is not a nice thing to say to a guy let alone hear from someone.
When she says,
"I'm not looking for someone at the moment."
She simply means,
"I'm not feeling attracted to you because if I was, I'd be thinking about how I'm going to fit you in my life BUT I'll find a way."
Trust me, I've heard this excuse many times but once I learned how attraction is triggered in women, it became clear to me a girl will (more often than not) make time for a guy who makes her all squishy inside.
No, not wet, get your mind out of the gutter... okay well yes, WET!
Yes, if you make a woman feel wet in her pants, she'll probably blow off her uncle's funeral for you IF you ask nicely because the guy (her uncle) was kind of a prick anyways.
When she says,
"I really like you but...",
Add anything you want here because it always means the same thing. Hope you've followed along so far:
"I'm not feeling attracted to you so I'm going to say anything that pops in my head while hoping you'll take the hint and go the fuck away!"
Wait, I can just hear you now, "Isn't this post about 'why girls lie when they reject a guy' and yet you're saying the #2 reason is that she's isn't lying?"
Well here's the thing.
They don't consider or care what it takes for a guy to attract them.
They only know it when they feel it for a guy. (Like shopping, they don't know what it is exactly they're looking for, BUT they'll know it when they see it!)
She'll know why she isn't physically attracted to you BUT those can be overcome with the right skills. The part which is more illusive to her is the more important deeper feelings of attraction.
So if you've ever heard...
"I don't know what it is about him but I just can't stop thinking about him."
Then you know what I'm talking about except in our case today, twist it around. She doesn't know what it is about you but she just isn't feeling it.
Now don't misread me - women CAN learn these things over time. Some better than others.
Take sex for example, she may realize with experience what feels good or what she likes in bed although I'm positive that having sex means more much to her than WHY she rejected some guy she may never see again. So she'll explore those feelings any day over why she is rejecting a guy.
"When I politely say I just want to be friends, you say I’ve rejected you because you are ‘nice’. Dude. No. Has it occurred to you, that maybe, just maybe, I’m not sexually attracted to you? Is that even possible? Has that thought crossed your fragile ego at all?"
The #3 Reason a girl will lie when they don't want anything to do with you romantically: Because it's the SAFEST thing to do and she doesn't want to be asked again.
Rejection is tough for some to handle and some guys just don't get it. They feel entitled to know the answer. They feel like they deserve a real reason and guess what...
A woman will gladly lie to you so she doesn't have to deal with any more questions or a continuing (often annoying) guy who goes well beyond attractive persistence.
When you hear things like, "I have a boyfriend.", "I'm engaged", "I'm kind of seeing someone.", or any lie designed to get you away from her as quickly as possible it actually means,
"I'm not interested in you at all. I'm looking for a way to reject you and it is in my best interest to stop you from thinking you have a chance... when you obviously don't! I'm lying to you to get you away from me as quickly and easily as possible."
It's hard for a guy to understand why a girl would do this probably because women tend to one, approach guys less often and two, chase guys less than guys chase women, but if you can imagine a chic you don't want in the slightest bit who wouldn't take the hint you'd quickly see why women do this whole bending of the truth...
...Because way too many guys don't understand when and how to use "persistence" in a way which works. Some get angry or upset with the woman and demand more from her.
“As a woman, I’m always on my guard when it comes to rejecting a man,” Spelman told me over email. “I err on the side of niceness because I think it’s the safest decision. But sometimes even the nicest response isn’t enough. And because the man in this case was super entitled, not only was my nice response not enough, but he demanded I give him ANOTHER explanation. Men think that because they took the time to ask you out, you then owe them your TIME and your POLITENESS.”
Women are constantly being bugged by guys who just don't get it.
They try one rejection and if it doesn't work, they escalate their response until they find one which finally gets him away from her.
The more experience she has with guys like this, the more likely she will lie just to get you away with the least amount of drama.
Here's the thing about all this:
If you're rejected and it's a lie, whether you know it or not, whether you believe it or not... it's TIME to MOVE on.
They lie to you because:
- They're playing "nice" and if it's for you or them doesn't really matter. They're not here to solve YOUR man problems. That is something you need to do on your own.
- Most will never know or even care why they're not feeling it for you. They don't sit around thinking about all the reasons why they're not attracted to you (beyond looks). Again it's not up to them to figure this shit out, it's up to you, as a guy, to learn what you're doing wrong so you can best change it for the better.
- It's safer and quicker to lie if and when they don't want to be asked again. After dealing with lots of angry men who feel entitled to know why, or who just don't get when it's time to give up - they often resort to quick, "No!" tactics hoping the guy will just walk away.
So you've been lied to - This is what she really wanted to say - what she really means:
Take these in good fun. Learn from them.
I've heard them all and sure it sucked to hear but over time, when I learned how to interpret her words they were extremely helpful.
Reading between the lines and her "lies" WILL help you to figure out what you're doing wrong so you can avoid many future rejections.
USE this and the article above to YOUR benefit and NOT negatively and you'll be so closer to being a real man - and rejection won't be such a big deal anymore PLUS it will become far less likely to happen to you.
"We're too much alike."
Girl speak for, "You're more woman than man to me and I don't like girls.... period!"
"You're like a brother to me."
Girl speak for, "I have feelings for you but they are in no way sexual and since I don't sleep with my family, that will never change."
"You're too perfect for me."
Girl speak for, "You're a little arrogant. In your own nice way you think that just because you're nice, you're better than others. You're so afraid of screwing it up with me that you don't act like a real person. It feels fake. You are trying WAY too hard."
"Let's just be friends and see what happens."
Girl speak for, "I'm getting something from you and I don't want that to go away. I'll put you (on the hook) for a while just in case. Nothing's ever going to happen but you don't need to know that right now."
"You're too old for me."
What she really means, "Ewwww!!!! I don't mind older guys but you're either way too old or act real old but in reality, you're just don't know how to make me feel attracted towards you and I don't feel like having to explain myself anymore to you."
"I just get out of a bad break up."
Girl speak for, "I'm still in love with my ex... maybe... there's still a chance... anyways since that was months ago, I'm really just using it as an excuse hoping you'll think I'm some overly emotional crazy chic who will only bring drama into your life so please... let me be."
"I'm not looking for someone... right now."
What she really means is, "I am looking for someone but it's not you. This is my nice way of saying you don't have a chance with me because I feel little or no sexual chemistry between us. I want to leave you with a little hope because you were really great and I'm not interested in breaking your heart... right now. Maybe I'll do that later if you persist and don't get the hint."
"I need to focus on myself for a while."
Girl speak for, "I have my eye on another guy who I can not figure out. I think he's into me, I'm just not sure. Either way since I can not get him on my head, I'll pretend like I'm trying. I'm trying to distract myself from that guy and you're just not much of distraction to make the feelings I have for him go away."
"You're not my type."
When she says this she's really saying, "I prefer the manly take charge kind of guy. You're kind of tentative, weak, and have very little confidence. You treat me like I'm some goddess who needs to be pampered. We're just not on the same level. I see you as being below me when we're together. I can not feel attracted to a guy who does those things."
"I don't have the time to date anyone."
Girl speak for, "Your lifestyle is kind of lame and boring. You're not giving me a good enough reason to make time for you. You want to do things which are not really that interesting and you tend to play it way to safe with me."
"It's not you it's me."
She's nicely saying, "Oh it's definitely... YOU."
"I'm kind of seeing someone."
This is the "female" way to say, "I'm obsessed over a guy but he keeps blowing me off. He's probably playing me but I need to know what's going on with us. I don't know where we stand. Is he into me or not? We're dating but we're not really dating. It's complicated to me but it doesn't seem to bother HIM at all. I really wish I knew what was up with him. Ohhh sorry.... not interested."
If you've ever been rejected by a girl - chances are, one time or every time, you were lied to over the reasons why she turned you down.
Sometimes it's to spare your feelings.
Many times it's to make her feel good about herself for not hurting a guy that just likes her. (Who knows maybe she's thinking it's not YOUR fault that you're so madly in love with her, right? Who could blame you?)
Excuses or reasons aside - they don't sit around coming up with clever little routines to spare your feelings. They've had a lot of practice and when they find one that works that spares the drama after and gets you off her back (or continually doing things for her as a friend) she's sticks with it.
The three reasons above are the most common but the theme is generally the same:
Attraction just isn't there. She's not feeling it towards you. You did little or nothing to make it happen.
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