When you qualify a woman the right way you do several things:
- You create attraction in many ways up to and including getting a woman to qualify herself to you.
- You’re showing her you have high standards minus the arrogance.
- Your assurance to yourself that she is the right type of woman you’re looking for.
- You’re looking deeper into who she is in a way that is hard to fake. You’re seeing past and beyond her persona, and looking for any real character flaws she may have which can be problematic in the future.
If and when you decide to further a relationship with her, through better qualification techniques…
You’re giving BOTH of you the best chance in developing a longer-lasting, happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationship.
Qualifying a person is an integral part of the human mating ritual.
Imagine a male and female bird and how the male flamboyantly shows off his colors as the female “inspects” his goods. She scrutinizes everything about him from the way he displays his colors to the actual colors to how he moves.
What she is doing is qualifying her future mate. She wants to be more than sure he is worth her time and more importantly in the animal world, worthy of her future offspring.
Men and women are not much different except our rituals are a little more complicated.
We’ve developed some pretty elaborate forms of qualifying each other to find our best mate, although some might argue that in the modern world – we’re failing at it.
(What do you think? Are as humans dumbing ourselves down? You can leave your answer in the comment section below.)
When a woman is qualifying a man we typically call it a “test” and you can read all about that in this amazing page I wrote:
BUT those tests are only a piece of the qualification process.
Men do test women too but there’s less known about exactly how it happens and if you look closely at the early interactions of a guy – you could miss it entirely because, just maybe, he’s not as good at it, doesn’t do it much at all, or doesn’t want to do it because he’s more concerned with passing her tests.
I’ve been giving advice to a friend who is constantly worried about making mistakes.
He spends way too much time thinking about what he might do wrong that he completely forgets about qualifying her first.
It’s as if he’ll almost accept any behavior from a woman just as long as she likes him or accepts him and approves of him.
Which is wrong on so many levels and does little to building a real relationship with a good woman. This imbalance often leads to major problems in the future and many dating problems along the way.
All in all – learning and knowing HOW to qualify a woman to meet your needs and desires is extremely important part of dating and should never be avoided IF you want to attract better relationships into your life.
The sad but truth is:
You will NEVER find a better woman unless you first qualify her.
You might get lucky, sure. It “could” happen. But why rely on luck when you can rely on something proven to work.
Stop worrying so much about passing her little tests and START testing her and the rest will fall in place much easier and much more efficiently.
More on her tests later.
Get a Girlfriend Tip #2: Adopt the attitude of the Interviewer…
QUALIFICATION, Qualification, qualification.
It’s all about qualification, my friend. The only way you can maintain a strong and confident attitude out there is to be the chooser – not the chosen.
How do you qualify a woman?
First thing first – knowing the type of woman you want with the knowledge that she is actually the right type for you. This basically means, sure you might have an idea or a vague image of her – but then you must also be objective enough to know if her type does indeed match your type.
Very generally – couples often fill in their weaker areas. You’re good at some things. She’s good at other things. Together you make more than one plus one.
BUT the secret most people miss is that, within your own self you MUST be capable, satisfied, happy, and feel good about yourself.
You can NOT USE your partner to fill yourself up to make you feel better about yourself.
The pieces you add only ENHANCE your already magnificent self.
As it’s said:
“If you’re not happy being single, you won’t be happy in a relationship.
You may be too eager to find a girlfriend. Sure it feels good. Regular sex. A woman to hang out with.
But it doesn’t make you a happy couple.
Date many women.
Make yourself secure and happy before you get into a relationship.”
Know yourself, your stronger points and your weaker areas, and know what kind or type of woman you’re looking for that will enhance, not fill or generally complete your life.
The qualities most men look for in a woman tend to be very basic. There are not many men out there who are actually looking for a miserable woman who treats people like shit.
With that said…
Go ABOVE those basic items and search for true compatibility in relation to your personality type.
Sure, qualify her for the good stuff, nothing wrong with that and it’s a good thing BUT also look beyond the basics.
Look for more than just a pretty face, a nice smile, and a kind demeanor.
Since this isn’t an article on finding your perfect woman I’m going to skip forward.
If you want to read a little more about knowing whether a woman is right for you, try these two articles I’ve posted here at DiaLteG TM:
Five Steps to Qualifying A Woman Which Can Lead to a Better Relationship For You AND HER.
STEP #1: Admit to yourself right now you CAN be the selector!
You CAN be a man who has choices with women. You don’t ever have to settle with a woman who is far below from what you want or expect.
If you feel like you have no choices you will in fact give yourself no options.
Sure, qualifying is about her but it starts with you.
The first step in becoming a better qualifier is believing you are worth it. There are no ways around this.
Not only does having high standards and expecting women to match you lead to better relationships they also make you a more attractive man.
Women WANT guys who believe in themselves. Who are confident in themselves. Who have CHOICES.
Thus choosing your ideal partner reinforces in her mind that she is also attracting you.
It works both ways.
In the words of Scot McKay…
You are NOT average! You DO deserve who is best for you.
“No one is average.
You do deserve a wonderful partner.
Couples find each other because they don’t listen to bad stuff.
They don’t feel average. They’re not arrogant. They know themselves.
You’re not average.”
You may be asking how this qualifies a woman, or how does this relate to using certain skills or techniques in the process…
Easy – because when you ACT or INTERACT with women from a selector’s view (humbly speaking and far from arrogant) it challenges women to match you and if she can not or doesn’t meet your wants or needs, it becomes more obvious to you that she’s not the on you’re looking for in a partner.
And what’s best of all about this is you don’t have to do anything more, play any games or tricks, or anything you might find deceitful or manipulative…
All you have to do is BELIEVE IN YOURSELF and/or find a way to make that happen with some “inner game” work.
If you do nothing else – DO this one and you might not need any other tools at all.
Of course – more tools or real skills in figuring her out is always helpful so let’s go to step 2…
STEP #2: Learn everything you can on how women test men.
Once you study them you’ll notice the patterns and you’ll begin to see it happening in practically every one of your interactions with women.
Remember this just doesn’t happen between men and women – socially speaking it’s a big part of each and everyone of our lives – from your boss to your best friend to the guy who wants your job or respect and even at a supermarket – everyone’s jostling for validation, approval, qualification – call it whatever you like and often they form or come out in tests between us.
The purpose for learning these tests is of course to pass them, but that’s obvious and is not so much about qualifying a woman.
Learning about these test puts you in a great position to see and notice the difference between the subconscious tests and the conscious tests up to and including the GAMES women might play on you.
If you know she’s playing nasty games then you should assume she’s not for you.
If she’s only doing what is expected even from you (with the tests) then you can be assured she’s only making sure you are right for her and on that level, it’s okay AND it’s good.
You do NOT want a woman who is only settling for you.
She could be using you for money or something superficial.
She could not be that into you.
She could effectively just not be a nice person – which is real bad.
Learn her tests. See how they work and why they work and why they’re given and what they mean. Here’s my page to help you with it:
Once you’re there then you can move on to the next step…
STEP #3: Test women right back.
This is where you get to create attraction and at the same time be fun and creative.
This is where you learn to challenge her on many levels.
This is where you establish yourself as having a high enough value to expect more than just looks or an average woman in your life.
You want more – learn how to get more.
Demand that you won’t settle for mediocrity in your life especially when it comes to a woman sharing your bed.
Trust me – women have higher respect for men who want more than just a quick lay or an easy relationship because one bows down at every whim.
They WANT to be challenged fully.
They want emotional charges.
They don’t want to sit around bored shit-less because the main character in their lives is just a guy who felt like he settled for her. because THAT will only make her feel worthless and unappreciated.
Your tests will be different than a woman’s and I will warn you – your tests are (or may be) more consciously done so you need to be VERY careful in what you do or say.
It’s all too easy to come off as some arrogant prick.
It’s all too easy to be seen as a passive-aggressive prick too because going there, makes you one.
The key to “testing” a woman for qualification is normally done through your conversations with her and when done any other way is normally just a mind game.
Do it and women will feel or sense they are being played thus negating any test you do.
(I’ve done lots of research on this subject and found no answer to disprove this “theory” of mine. IF you have anything to refute my findings, I’m interested in hearing them to satisfying my mind and learning process.)
Your “testing her back” then comes down to how you respond to her tests (by passing them) and how you communicate to her in a way (mostly through conversations) which reveals to you who she really is and whether she’s someone you want to spend more time with.
Hence the qualification.
Next step we will deal with those conversational techniques…
STEP #4: Practice and refine your conversational skills in a way which qualifies her to you.
You’ll probably screw this up at first but that’s a good thing because it means you’re learning.
Failing is just a great way to show you what works and what doesn’t so don’t be afraid to fail and don’t let it stop you from trying.
This is not a win or lose game – and just by trying to qualify her through your conversations, whether you suck at it in the beginning or not, will make you out to be an attractive guy who values himself and puts a real worth on the women he wants in his personal life.
If you’re like me – you’re also going to piss off a few women but as long as you’re not an overly rude bastard – she ( they ) will get over it.
(Remember if she’s getting upset superficially – or over nothing too extreme, then your “test” revealed how well she handles her emotions and how cool of a “chic” she is AND her sense of humor too so… .You’ve just “disqualified” one major pain in the ass from being let in your life. One less possibly failed and miserable relationship.)
Here’s how it works in it’s most primitive form.
Flirt with her – does she flirt back?
Basic shit, yes I know.
But you’d be surprised by how many men and women don’t think like that. They flirt, she flirts back and right away they’re thinking, “Cool, she likes me.”
What they SHOULD be thinking is,
“She’s a flirt. I like a woman who flirts back and plays along with my role-playing fun.”
This is the whole point of qualifying a woman, again in it’s most simplistic form.
Ask her about her family?
Does she get upset or automatically start bitching about them?
Not good. Her first emotional response to a simple question gives you all the insight you’ll need to either proceed or back off.
Bring up sex.
Does she get easily offended? Does she avoid talking about it? Does she tell you about the last guy she slept with?
EVERY answer she gives you is a way to dive deep into her personality IF you know what questions to ask and how to ask them.
The key is it LISTEN to what she says and how she responds and whether they match your criteria.
This is NOT the same as sitting across a dinner table and asking boring questions and expecting something more than boring answers.
In that case you maybe didn’t find a boring women, YOU are the one who is boring.
See the difference?
Again the key things here you MUST know for all this to work is:
- Knowing the type of woman you want in your life.
- Knowing what kind of questions to ask which are related to that type.
- Knowing how to ask them in a way which not only makes good conversation but makes the interaction fun AND creates attraction at the same time.
- Knowing how to read her answers which means LISTENING & WATCHING her responses so you’re connecting it all together.
- Paying ATTENTION and not ignoring her answers or the manner in which she responds for any reason at all.
Kind of makes you feel like an interrogator, doesn’t it?
Well in a way, the tactics are very similar AND this is a skill which is learned.
Some do it more naturally than others but it’s still a skill so it must be practiced, refined, and learned.
All the while DATE lots of women to experience the different responses.
Use every available “communication” device to boost your learning curve such as in texting, talking on the phone, and through your social media account.
The good thing about this “style of communication” is that you don’t have to be dating a woman to learn and practice it. You can do it with ANYONE, anywhere, at anytime you wish AND you’ll learn so much more about the person you’re talking to, you won’t want to do it any other way ever again.
This is also a skill which requires tact and subtlety or else you will come across as some cop whose trying to find out whether they’re guilty or not:
“Let’s say a cop suspects a guy of robbing a house on Main Street last night around midnight. The wrong way to phrase the question would be, “Were you on Main Street last night at midnight?”
This allows the suspect to simply answer “no” and leave it at that. It is an easy question to dodge. The more effective question is always, “Where were you last night at midnight?”
Note the difference. Now the crook is forced to elaborate and come up with an explanation.
He may hesitate ( which indicates guilt ), or he may be forced into a lie ( which can be turned against him ).
Not that you’ll NEVER want to take an “interrogation” tone with women, but understand the difference between asking a yes/no question, and encouraging a more thoughtful response.
Cliché question: “So do you come here often?”
Mack question: “You strike me as a girl who has her finger on the pulse of this town. Tell me your top three spots when you go out on the weekends.”
This conversational technique is amazing and all things aside, if you get really good at this, you can break through her persona and dig deep into her true character within a very short time. It’s a life/time saver in dating.
Do your homework. Work it out. Give it some time to develop and you WILL GET RESULTS.
No more just asking questions hoping she’ll like you or because you think that’s what you’re supposed to do, or because talking is something you just do on a date or when you’re hanging out with someone.
Connect with her on a level which:
- Gets her qualifying herself to you. (Creates attraction.)
- Reveals her true character. (Builds connection and rapport.)
- Gives you insight into whether she’s the actual type you seek. (Read her answers and responses. Actually LISTEN.)
- Make sure it’s fun, playful, and don’t be so serious about it.
STEP #5: Integrating it seamlessly into your personality.
This step looks great on paper but in reality is much harder to explain HOW and to have it work. You hear this type of advice everywhere but are mostly offered nothing tangible to help you.
It’s almost like saying to someone,
“Ohh you just need to get out more.”
“Stop worrying so much about it.”
As if either lame answer is the real solution to what you’re experiencing.
I will honestly do my best NOT to do that to you IF (and only if) you agree and understand this is not an easy thing to do and if I fail, so be it.
Anything you want to offer or contribute will gladly and happily be added below.
How DO you integrate qualifying another woman into your personality?
Well, truthfully, you don’t.
You can not TRY to push something upon yourself and expect results.
And that is good news because it makes this step a breeze. Not trying is an easy thing to do, right? I’ll explain.
When I first started learning about all this stuff like attraction techniques, social skills, qualifying, etc… I had to manually put it into play.
It wasn’t like a plug-and-play system.
I couldn’t just insert some new programming language in my brain and have it come out just like it was written. It’s humanly impossible.
(As if you didn’t know that!)
BUT… something DID happen over time.
I stopped trying and getting in my own way and there it was – it just came out.
You’re going to find a certain point in your life too where TRYING anything harder or more, will actually stop you from doing the very thing you want done and it’s a frustrating feeling that’s hard to escape.
You must practice all the steps at first. You need to find a new and different way of interacting with women which deems you as an attractive “qualifier” so to speak.
This takes time, patience, objectivity, failure, success, resilience, strength, determination, and dedication.
Well guess what – that list above – describes a VERY attractive guy.
The same approach to getting this handled with those traits will AUTOMATICALLY make you a more attractive man.
You’re not trying to be attractive, you’re just going through the process…
(“Balls to the Walls Boys” – if you don’t know that reference, I probably shouldn’t explain but since I might be the only one who gets it, it’s from Down Periscope. ) and by doing so…
You become that person.
The same works for all these qualification techniques as it does in everything else in your life.
Sooner or later you must stop trying and allow them to happen as long as you’ve put in the practice and get out of your own way – it WILL happen.
When that line happens, when you cross from trying to it happening by itself differs from person to person but I guarantee it IS there. It WILL happen.
Integrating these things into your personality is no more than taking off the crutches or “training wheels” and seeing if it’s ready to come out by TRUSTING in yourself and in your abilities.
If you take them off too early and you fall down, no problem…
Sooner or later (much quicker than you might imagine too) you will be flying solo – you will have integrated it into your personality.
It WILL just become a natural part of who you are just the same as you develop bad habits – GOOD habits (which are by far more rewarding too) can be developed and put into good use.
I think I’ve said enough about that…
Better relationships take time. Going from one to the next without qualifying your partner may end up being a waste of that time.
You won’t be doing her any favors and you certainly won’t be doing yourself any favors.
Knowing how to qualify a woman and the steps you need to make it happen isn’t so difficult that you might feel the need to skip the process and because the process alone – creates a more attractive you.
Through qualification you’re creating attraction.
Setting yourself up as an individual with value and upholds certain high standards with respect to those you allow you in your life.
Be it a girlfriend, a wife, or just a current dating partner.
Don’t stand blindly aside and let things happen.
Don’t be afraid to expect more and in the same way – expect more from yourself too – it just makes better relationships.
Know what you want in a woman – EVERYTHING – and believe she does exist and that you are fully capable of finding her, qualifying her, and attracting her too.
Give BOTH of you the best chance in developing a longer-lasting, happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationship.
Lastly – check this out:
“There are many parts of forming a relationship with woman and although it’s not necessary to know them all – it certainly helps in finding the right girlfriend for you and in creating (starting) something enjoyable which can last either a lifetime or for as long as you’re both into giving as much to the partnership as you are receiving from it.”