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Are You Qualifying Her Too? – Attracting Women & Better Relationships

in Attraction, Qualification
Who is qualifying who?

Learning how to attract more fulfilling relationships with the right woman for you is ( in a huge part ) about knowing how to qualify her.

This is because when you qualify women the right way – you’re pre-selecting her and assuring you and her are more than just compatible but can succeed in developing a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Oh yeah… it also just happens to create an enormous amount of attraction.

I’ve been giving advice to a friend who is constantly worried about making mistakes. He spends way too much time thinking about what he might do wrong that he completely forgets about qualifying her first.

In case you are not clear with the definition,  qualifying is part of a typical human mating ritual.

Let me explain with the “birds but not the bees” and how they mate…

The male flamboyantly shows off his colors as female inspects his goods.

She scrutinizes everything about him from the way he displays his colors to the actual colors themselves.

What she is doing is qualifying her future mate.

She wants to be more than sure he is worth her time and more importantly in the animal world, worthy of her future offspring.

Men and women are not much different except we add higher levels of qualifications to the list. In other words we’ve developed some pretty elaborate forms of qualifying each other to find our best mate although some might argue that in the modern world – we’re failing at it.

When a woman is qualifying a man we typically call it her “test” and you can read all about that in this amazing page I wrote –> Understanding A Woman’s Test and How To Pass Them

Guys who don’t have much success with women and are often quoted as “being too much of a good guy” don’t really do this at all which ( since qualifying a woman can actually create attraction ) either leaves him single or just happy to “mate” with any woman who will have them.

This leads to major relationship problems and I would dare to say – not the happiest most fulfilling sex and home life.

If you’re one of those guys I will ask you this,

“Who is qualifying who?”

If you are constantly worrying about making mistakes or not screwing up then you are letting women qualify you AND you’re constantly failing her tests.

You become that male bird I mentioned above.

You are merely showing off your colors and hoping she will pick you.

Don’t get me wrong that works great for birds.

However for us nice “humans” it just doesn’t work as effectively.

Even if we get lucky and it does it usually ends up with her always being in control.  We often wind up with women who have all the power and lose a piece of ourselves in the relationship.

Not to mention she’s more likely to look elsewhere to fulfill her sexual desires and needs.

She might even marry us for “the family” but since it’s not a complete relationship she’ll look for that from some other guy who DOES qualify her, turn her on endlessly, train her appropriately, or completes many of her needs.

If you’re feeling adventurous, read this for some amazingly simple but true facts about women –> Girlfriend Training – Facts About Women

So let it be said blatantly…

If you want to attract more women and attract women who you feel are better than average you must learn how to qualify or as a woman would see it test her too…

This actually can be done through your conversations because women feel more attraction over time during the “talking” phase of first interactions.

As for those mistakes you’re constantly worrying about making or are stopping you from passing her tests and so on…

Once a woman feels attracted to you she will let you get away with a reasonable amount of smaller mistakes. She knows you’re not perfect. In fact if you were she might feel you’re actually too good for her.

If you’re confused about how to qualify a woman and are looking for exact examples on how to do it you’re looking at this problem the wrong way…

It’s not your answers to her… It is HER ANSWERS to you and knowing how to proceed from there.

Here’s a simple explanation on how your conversations should go with women which create more attraction –> Create Instant Attraction So She Calls You First, How To Talk to Women Read it when you can. It’s written by a master at it, David Wygant and it’s located here at DiaLteG TM.

Be more concerned with qualifying her first and the rest WILL fall into place.

Since we are dealing with a woman’s ability or need to test let’s assume she’s already feeling a little attraction towards you. Otherwise she would not be testing you anyways.

Yes, it’s true – if she’s testing you – it means she’s interested. She might also assume that of you – if you’re testing her or qualifying her then you must be in the very least interested in her. ( No need to show it or say it or prove it to each other. )

Women will give you many chances and more often than you might even believe. Women have insecurities just like you and I. They want to be liked. They want to feel you are liking them back or else they get caught up in their head trying to figure it all out which, in a weird way, actually stimulates her attraction even more.

Knowing what questions to ask that are fun, creative, and demand qualification.

How do you know if your questions are qualifying her or not?

Well the easiest way to tell is…

Do they challenge her?

Do they, in a fun sometime flirty way, show her you don’t just settle for looks?

Do they lead to more than one word questions from her AND at the same time can be simply stated in as few words as possible?

There is actually a product designed to show you how to do this in as few words as possible which more often than not leads her to feel uncontrollably attracted to you – watch this video as Mehow explains it further with his clever and definitely humorous manners –> 3 Second Attraction. Personally I find it quite amazing and definitely worth looking into because I was doing it with women without even realizing it.

Next question….

Do they come from a place of scarcity or abundance?

If you can satisfy those answers and still have fun doing it you’ll have no problems getting her to qualify herself to you.

The key points again so we don’t forget them:

  • Are the challenging her in a fun way?
  • Are they flirty and show her indirectly you might be into her looks but it’s not ALL you’re into?
  • Do they lead the conversation someplace beyond her word answer AND you’re doing it in as little words as possible?
  • Do they come from a place of scarcity like you have to have her because you have no options?
  • NOW LET’S ADD – Do they create emotionally charged responses?

Once you’ve got a handle or understanding on all that you’re ready to follow to five step “qualification steps below to start attracting not only better women but better most fulfilling relationships too:

1. Admit to yourself right now you CAN be the selector!
You CAN be a man who has choices with women.

This is just “word play” but it’s a good start to actually believing it.

If you feel you have no choices you will in fact give yourself no options.

2. Learn everything you can on how women test you and every guy she’s feeling attracted to whether she knows she’s doing it or not.

Again there’s a great page here at DiaLteG TM to help you learn all you can on these often called “shit tests” and it’s right here –> Understanding A Woman’s Test and How To Pass Them.

Once you study that you’ll notice the patterns and you’ll begin to see it happening in practically every one of your interactions with women.

Remember this just doesn’t happen between men and women – socially speaking it’s a big part of each and everyone of our lives – from your boss to your best friend to the guy who wants your job or respect and even at a supermarket – everyone’s jostling for validation, approval, qualification – call it whatever you like and often they form or come out in tests between us.

3. Test women right back.

This is where you get to create attraction and at the same time be fun and creative.

This is where you learn to challenge her on may levels.

This is where you establish yourself as having a high enough value to expect more than just looks or an average woman in your life.

You want more – learn how to get more. Expect more. Demand that you won’t settle for mediocrity in your life especially when it comes to a woman sharing your bed.

Trust me – women have higher respect for men who want more than just a quick lay or an easy relationship because one bows down at every whim.

They WANT to be challenged fully. They want emotional charges. They don’t want to sit around bored shitless because the main character in their lives is just a guy who felt like he setteld for her. THAT only makes her feel worthless and unappreciated.

4. Practice and refine your conversational skills until they are beyond natural and competent.

You probably will screw it up at first but that’s a good thing because it means you’re learning.

Failing is just another way to show you what works and what doesn’t.

If you’re like me – you’re also going to piss off a few women but as long as you’re not an overly rude bastard – she ( they ) will get over it.

Remember if she’s getting upset superficially – for one – that a test of how you handle her emotions and two – you’ve just “disqualified” one major pain in the ass from being let in your life. One less possibly failed and miserable relationship.

For some – this stuff does take time – for others – you’ll catch on quickly. I have no way of telling from where I sit how it will happen for you. I can only guess based on my experiences.

5. Integrating it seamlessly into your personality.

No real attraction expert will tell you to change who you are. ( Within reason of course. )

The easiest way to understand how all this works is who you are, your inner-self, the guy inside you who DOES know how to attract women whether you let him out or not simply needs to be brought out to the surface.

Practically every man walking this planet are born with a natural ability to attract their best possible mate or our species probably would’ve died out long ago.

Unlocking it is key. Letting it out to flourish and grow is another piece.

Not getting in your own way or so stuck inside your head you squash it is another way of achieving all kinds of success with women.

Qualifying women IS a little about knowing how to play her “mating” game a little better than her – but’s it’s also about attracting better relationships by assuring you’re meant to be together

There’s a ton of great advice on this post so make sure you follow ALL the links and learn as you go along.

The five steps I’ve laid out for us are not exclusive definitions but more of a guideline to assure we stick to a path which can guarantee results.

Just knowing what “qualificating” is and what it means and how women use it to their advantage is helpful but what is more useful is knowing how to put it all to real practice with real effort with real women – and as I’ve been told and experienced – being more than willing and able to burn a few bridges to gain a complete understanding on how it all works.

Any other way – we at some point must admit – we’re settling and as little as fair as that is to us – it’s certainly NOT fair to HER that we feel we settled for a mediocre relationship with her.

Begin to qualify ALL women and start attracting better more fulfilling, fun, and lasting relationships because it’s the least of what we deserve especially if we’re willing to go to these lengths to get this SHIT HANDLED once and for all.

About the author: Creator of the nice guy approach, why do guys, why do chics, and DiaLteG TM. Transformed from a nice guy kiss ass who wanted women to like me for “who I was” to an attractive “good guy” who knows what it takes to create attraction and succeed with women, dating, and relationships.

Please visit all my pages: The Nice Guy Approach | The Approach | Why Do Guys…? | Why Do Chics…? OR Like my Facebook fan pages: Why Do Chics…? | DiaLteG TM OR JOIN the best group on women at Why Do Chics…?. Yes, I’m a very busy guy. 🙂 Oh… I almost forgot Twitter – Peter White.

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8 comments… add one
  • Michael


    Can you give some examples of qualification questions you ask women when you approach/ talk to them. 5 good questions would be very appreciated.

    • Of course. No problem. Your specific questions my be different than mine so try to keep that in mind. Qualifying a woman is about what you want so our qualifications may be different.

      For example I prefer women who are passionate about their goals. I also prefer women in which their goals meet my social values. What I do is challenge them to step up to meeting my criteria. I qualify her by centering questions around those topics and dig deeper into who she really is.

      After shaking her hand pull back and say,
      ME:”Woah easy there. No need to squeeze my hand. I get it. You’re exciting about meeting me. But my fingers are killing me from writing all day. You break a finger you’re going to have to support me. THE QUALIFYING QUESTION/STATEMENT ( I hope you make enough money for the both of us…)

      HER: “Yeah right I’m a hairdresser. You’re on your own there.

      ME: (inspecting her hair) (QUALIFYING STATEMENT)”You must do your own hair.

      HER: “Hey what do you mean by that???!!

      Me: “Oh nothing. Nothing at all. Ahem Ahem…My hair would be a mess if i had to spend all day fixing everyone else’s hair. (QUALIFYING QUESTION) “Have you ever decided to not go out because you refused to put your hair up in a pony tail and you just couldn’t stand to touch another piece of hair?“(although not too great because she may just answer yes)

      HER: “No way. I love doing hair….”

      There we go. She’s passionate about her career and since you’re qualifying her she understands you’re a guy who selectively chooses women that are passionate about what they do.

      Now if you’re looking for a woman who is active athletically and doesn’t have too many compulsive disorders, follow the formula above. Mention modestly something about you. Then use a qualifying statement or two. Then lead her to step up to your challenge with a qualifying question.

      ME: “Hey. My sister has those exact sneakers. In fact she’s a little OCD about it. When she finds a pair she likes she buys two or three of the same ones. Please tell me that’s your only pair.

      HER: “Well… actually…

      ME: “Oh no let me guess. You own over thirty pairs of shoes and half of them are sneakers. I bet you buy a new pair before you even wear one out. A different pair of sneakers for every day you go jogging to match how you’re feelings. Which mood do those represent?

      HER: “These are my ‘you’re rude type’ and you better watch out because you might find these rammed up in your butt and Mr. Crass.

      ME: “Ouch. Never had a pair of size twelves up that far before.

      HER: “Twelve. You’re going to get your ass kicked. Haha! But no I only jog a few times a week to keep in shape. I mostly…

      Here are some attitude examples:
      QUALIFYING POSITIVITY: “Now that’s a smile. Did you win the lottery today?
      QUALIFYING MANNERS: “Excuse you. Didn’t your mother ever teach you cover your mouth when you yawn?
      QUALIFYING STABILITY: “My boss once surprised me by calling in someone else to work. When I showed up he said, go change we’re going… If your boss did that to you what would you do?
      (this qualifies stability because her answer will let you know how hectic her life is)
      QUALIFYING SPONTANEITY: “Don’t you ever feel like just getting in your car and driving some place fun? A place you haven’t been too since you were a kid.

      Hope that helps Michael. If this helps you’re always challenging me with your questions. So in a way you’re qualifying me to step up my game. You make me think and step up to the challenge. The only difference with women is you need to blend in confident fun humor, flirting and try to always begin by telling something interesting about yourself. That way she tries to step up to your level and qualify herself to you.

      Oh one last thing. Never rule out qualifying her for a relationship. It works great but it’s a bit tougher. She needs to understand you don’t let looks, fame, or money sway your decisions on who you will date or get into a committed relationship with.

      Hey Miss Famous. Where’s your entourage?” – to a smug girl or a woman who looks tired of being hit on.
      I have a ten date minimum before any deep affectionate kisses.” – to a woman who is progressing too fast.
      You seem pretty cool. If you promise not to introduce me to your Mom we’ll go out again real soon.

      Remember if you’re doing online dating to creatively mention any and all qualifications she must meet in order for you to commit to her. Just be honest about it and it will work. Congruence is important in this area. Don’t say you only date blondes when you’re willing to settle for less.

      I could write a complete post on all those.

      Any more questions just let me know. If you’re struggling with this comment back a very specific quality you are looking for in a woman and I’ll see what I can do for you.

      Talk to you soon.

  • Michael

    Thanks, Peter. I see your questions were very specific to what you’re looking for. This is a question, i’m thinking about adding to my qualification repertoire.

    Me – ” You know you’re a very attractive women, but you know there’s lot of attractive women everywhere, what would you say makes you different than the others?”

    ^ It’s kind of a basic question,but it’s what first comes to my mind,as an effective way to TEST attractive women that i’m interested in( weather that be on a date, or during the approach)

    • You’re welcome.

      I think you got the idea down right. It is a direct approach and some women will respond favorably to it. But I’ve found when it comes to the majority of hotter women it’s already been done to them many times. First of all if she’s attractive she already knows it, so why bother telling her. Secondly there’s always a creative approach which will make you stand out above the others. Being direct can be good and like I said can work when it comes to showing her you’re a leader but I don’t think it works as well as it may seem when you’re qualifying her.

      Here is another way of saying the same thing,

      “Haha! You know that guy over there’s been checking you out for like minutes now. Hey!! Don’t look. That’s rude. I just can’t take you anywhere can I? Ut oh, I think he’s getting up and coming our way. He must really think you’re hot.”

      As she does her best to restrain from not looking you can bust on her a little more, smirk and say,
      “Do you get that a lot or am I making you look better?”

      You’re indirectly telling her you think she is attractive and she gets it. You’re also being just a little cocky and showing you’re confident enough to say it. But she’s not sure if you’re serious or not.. You’re qualifying her in the same way as your question but you’re doing it a fun attractive way. And trust me she knows what you’re doing but a really cool woman will love it.

      Now it’s up to you to decide if how she responds makes her personality more attractive or less. If she’s into you a little she will attempt to get on your status level. If she’s really cool she’ll play along and do her best to turn this situation in her favor. Which again is her qualifying herself to you. All you have to do is keep ‘upping the ante’ and don’t let her call you on your bluff. (So to Speak.)

      The great part of this kind of approach is if she’s a very attractive woman you can almost bet other guys are checking her out. And there’s so many ways you can go about it which will depend on the current surroundings or where you two are in dating.

  • Michael

    A quality that i would say i’m looking for specifically in a woman is LOYALTY. Loyalty is probably the most important trait in a relationship(of any kind) that really tells you all you need to know about a person,and weather they should be in your life,and if you can trust them or not…..

    • Loyalty is a tough one because women know without a doubt when you’re testing her in this area. She will begin to question your past relationships and she’ll question if you have jealousy issues or if you’ve been cheated on too often. (Making her think you must be doing something wrong if all these girls are cheating on you.) That is why qualifying questions may not work in this area unless you’re a master conversationalist. The last thing you want her to do is to start dumping on you her problematic past relationships because if you find you really like her she’ll probably just want to be friends.

      If you really want her to qualify her loyalty to you you give her more space than she can take.

      Set yourself apart from other guys by being way too comfortable letting her do her own thing. You test for loyalty by letting her understand you’re okay if she decides to be with someone else. In fact you’re so confident about it other men don’t even matter to you. If you can do that and stand by your convictions, in other words have a totally congruent attitude, when this woman falls for you, you’ll see just how many women would never consider cheating on you.

      Also think about how many women you’ve known who chose the worst possible guy for them yet they keep giving him a second chance without ever straying themselves.

      Try to think of this loyalty issue from another perspective. You give a woman every reason to be with you and I’m willing to bet you can trust her to the end of the earth and she will never cheat. Especially because lots of women don’t put sex as that important of an issue in their lives. As least not as much as men do. Generally speaking of course.

      If you must qualify her in this area make sure you do it separately from relationships. Try telling her a cute little secret and tease her about keeping it or not,

      “You caught me. I’m a nice guy but it’s our little secret.”
      “Can you keep a secret…I think you’re falling for me. Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.”
      “If you let my secret out I’m going to call your Mom and find out all the skeletons in your closet.”

      I still think it’s more important to understand that when you’re confident enough to get and keep any women attracted to you, this loyalty thing won’t be a problem at all. And as long as you keep doing what was working with her she will have no reason but to be loyal to her new man, Michael.

      Hope that helps and if you struggle in this area go to work immediately on being indifferent by always raising your self-worth.

      (There are also cute little trust games you can play with her which are fun…like “close your eyes I’ve got something for you.”, then walk away leaving her wondering. This proves your indifference and says you’re a fun guy.)

      Let me know what you come up with.

      Later for now.

  • ME

    How about this: Is your inside beauty more prettier than your outer one? If she says yes, well, she may likes you, or just telling the truth, and if she says no, than you are rejected, but she said basically that her inside beauty is not so nice, so that rejection could not be bad…although some of them respond with maybe, to avoid an answer, but then, again, you could joke like it’s a tough question for her, so you will still have an edge.

    • Hey ME – The concept is good but women generally want you to find that information out for yourself. Just asking won’t give you a real response.

      Also it implies something negative like – “I hope you’re better looking on the inside than you are on the outside.” and without humor attached would probably just seem mean.

      Either way I don’t think it’s good at qualifying a woman.

      The concept is good because while her outward appearance might draw you in, her “inner beauty” will keep you around.

      But again, finding that out must be done by other means because for one:

      Most people believe, deep down their intentions are good and will take offense.

      Two: Saying something is one thing but “actions” are more reliable. I can tell you what a great guy I am until I’m blue in the face but it won’t make me a great guy. See the difference?

      Read the key points above again:

      Are the challenging her in a fun way?

      Are they flirty and show her indirectly you might be into her looks but it’s not ALL you’re into?
      NOW LET’S ADD – Do they create emotionally charged responses?

      Whereas your question might create an emotionally charged response it’s not done in a fun flirty way, which indirectly tells her you’re into her looks but you’re looking for more.

      Yours is a direct question with no humor attached.

      Again – it’s a great idea – it shows you’re looking deeper and you’re trying this whole “qualification” thing and you’re looking for some great questions.

      And yes, for some women you’ll get some charged up emotional answer depending on how she takes it.

      Just keep in mind – what you’re asking is what you’re trying to find out and doing it directly like this doesn’t create attraction in the literal sense.

      It would be better to tease her or lead her into something where she’s acting a little mean on the inside ( humorously ) and the bust her ass over it.

      That way her response would be more genuine, you’ll get her charged up, laughing, she’ll show her real self, she’ll have more fun with it AND you’ll be creating attraction at the same time without trying.

      Something like – “Wow, you’re eyes are mesmerizing. Is that why I’m detecting a little devil inside?”

      I believe the idea is to lightly and playfully accuse her of being bad.

      Turn it around and have fun with it.

      Thanks for writing ME and hope this helps you figure out this whole qualification thing better.

      Keep going with it,


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