After She Rejected You, Have You Ever Thought About Asking Her Why?

 Some time ago I watched a documentary, "A Complete History of My Sexual Failures" , it's about a guy who interviews his ex-girlfriends to figure exactly why they dumped him. It's a comedy and actually quite hilarious.

You (might) be able to pick it up on Amazon here: A Complete History of My Sexual Failures.

I've been going through all the seasons of The Big Bang Theory and Raj Koothrappali decides to gather three of his ex-girlfriends together in hope of understanding what made him such a bad boyfriend.

You can read abut that episode here: The Big Bang Theory The Emotion Detection Automation. As if (if you watch the show you couldn't figure out his problem with women.)

This all got me thinking about guy's in general being rejected and closely related question came to me.

Have you ever imagined asking every woman who rejected you for the absolute truth about why they did it?

Have you ever wished some of them would "spare your feelings" so you could actually learn something from it?

I have BUT I didn't do it... sort of.

Back in my "darker non-sexual days" with women I have been known to whine a little to them.  I would ask odd and pathetic questions as to their reasons for rejecting me right after they threw me in the then, clearly defined friends zone.

Now that I've progressed and have an amazing education on attraction and how it all works for men and women, I learned something more about IF you were to ask women to help you out - or to spare you any future rejections and I'd like to share them with you.

First problem.

Are women entirely aware or understand their own attraction mechanism?

Think about it in terms of you and your own attraction - when you instantly feel attracted to a woman you don't personally know, whether it's her hair, eyes, body, or anything - can YOU explain WHY you're feeling it?

Can you honestly explain HOW it happened?

Probably not.

Could we then trust her "honest" answer when she too might not be aware of what really attracts her?

Sure we could assume when she says things like - "I like tall dark handsome men." or "I only go for guys with blue eyes." or "Tattoos turn me on!!!" that it's entirely true (or it's what she believes), BUT based on my many experiences with women who SAID they were only attracted to certain guys NOT like me - we were already sleeping together.

Meaning, AFTER I learned the SKILL of attracting women - I still heard the same preferences from them, EXCEPT they tossed those all away just to sleep with the total opposite of what they claimed attracted them.

The physical features a woman says attracts her... CAN be overridden. Not every time but the odds are in your favor when the skill is learned correctly.

Something you can learn easily and inexpensively in the two books I promote in almost everything I write because they BOTH put me in the "driver's" seat with women:

Attraction Isn't A Choice AND Double Your Dating - or just sign up for his free stuff right here.

Second problem.

AND this is where it gets a little complicated...

There are two parts:

  1. Our feelings and how we have no real conscious control of how they happen. The part that's built into us and run autonomic.
  2. Our decision-making process or how our conscious thoughts compel us to say yes or no or to do something or nothing at all.

We must admit that just because we're feeling something for someone does not guarantee something will actually happen.

We either CHOOSE to follow our emotions or not.

So when you ask a woman WHY, which answer will you be getting?

The reason she won't go out on a date with you or let something happen If she's feeling something for you OR...

Why she's not feeling ANYTHING for you?

Again, turn to your own mechanism.

When you meet a women and you FEEL zero attraction for her, why? I bet the only answer you can give is that you don't find her physically attractive.

But WHY are you NOT FEELING it?

That's an answer not so easily given because it's extremely tough to describe an emotion or lack-thereof of something you have no real control over.

On the other side - when you reject a woman you ARE attracted to, your reasons will most likely be based on circumstance, timing, her personality, a personal issue, or all of the above and more.

This is number 2. A decision or conscious process based on how you think.

So the second problem is, which answer will you get?

Her quick rational thought like,

"I just can't see us being together... EVER!"

OR the emotional part,

"I don't find you attractive. I don't get that feeling for guys like you."

Either way, neither answer would be helpful, would it?

The third problem is a bit of a mixture most men probably already know.

Women will "say" they want or not want something or someone, but often we see them with or attracted to that very person. I can cite many personal examples where I called them liars AFTER they said, "No... I'm not attracted to HIM!".

What they want or what they need is not always known until they either don't have it or can't get it.

Also, a woman might tell you she's not attracted to something about you, but when it comes to another guy, that very same thing doesn't seem to matter to her.

Makes things very confusing, doesn't it?

Well, sort of...

It's only confusing when you don't understand attraction, how it works for women, and the fact that a woman's attraction is not the same as a man.

When I decided to NOT ask those many women what they "said" they wanted (and as it was taught to me to focus on doing things which create attraction instead), suddenly even some of the past problems which I thought would turn women off, was actually starting to TURN THEM ON!

I also realized we ALL have our own excuses and we tend get in our own way quite a lot. Something most guys don't want to hear. Something some women will gladly point out to us, IF it's a problem.

IF there's something about you which YOU believe is not attracting the women you want, then of course it will become a real problem for you.


The strange thing most men never learn is that with women, HOW you can handle or deal with your insecurities can be a major force in creating attraction.

The strength of our character to deal with our insecurities in a healthy way, contains one trigger of attraction woman can and will never resist.

Am I saying you can't ask a woman questions like these,

"Why don't you like me or want me?" or

"Why wouldn't you date me?" or

"Why aren't you attracted to me?"

And expect an answer you can use?

In a way, yes.

I've found it's not very helpful and it does not guarantee you'll become more attractive to women.

The answers you must seek are not contained within the words or guys she describes, BUT what stimulus she responds to DESPITE what she says.

"The lady doth protest too much, me thinks" wasn't written in this context but the phrase works well to describe how her words or even what she claims to be true, might not only be the opposite of what she is feeling or could feel in the future, but also an intuitive insight that her spoken words are not always a clear representation of reality.

Make sure you let me know what you think below.

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About the Expert: Peter White – Dating and Attraction Expert. Creator of DiaLteG™. (dial – teg) Thanks for stopping by and giving me the opportunity to teach you a little something about women.

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The article is posted in these Categories: Dilemmas, Contradictions, Feelings, and How You Treat Women, What Women Want From Men, Types, Preferences, Traits, & Sexual Desires

Leave a Comment

2 comments… add one
  • Some dude

    I dont think I want to ever know why women reject me, cant handle it. But thanks anyways.

    • Why live in a fantasy world Dude? You didn’t learn anything in life by doing it right the first time, learn from your mistakes and failures, use them the best you can, understand it’s a process EVERYONE must go through, and in the end – you’ll be thankful and far more successful from it.

      All the best “some dude”.