Here's the deal guys - since I found and married the most amazing woman in the world I'm obviously not doing the "approach" women thing anymore BUT I've taken some of my best advice to help you in approaching woman and starting conversations.
Approach anxiety sucks. The nervousness. The sweaty palms. The increased heart rate thumping through your chest.
You try to think of what to say and in that short time (which feels like it lasts forever) you go completely blank and she passes you by unnoticed.
It's as if there's some mysterious force blocking something you do everyday - just talking to other people.
From brain to mouth doesn't seem to work or function when a woman you find attractive is coming your way.
Well I have some simple solutions to this disconnection and if you want it to work for you then you MUST do some homework and a little "inner game" re-wiring.
Don't worry I'm not going to ask you to think about your Mother or your childhood.
You won't be asked to go that deep and I'm not your therapist anyways.
Here's how you're going to get over this approach problem once and for all. We have a lot to cover and since there are plenty of resources I can give you in this area - stick around and I'll get to it all.
Your first assignment:
Write down every excuse or reason you believe you failed to act or say something to any woman you ever wanted to approach.
Here are some very common examples:
- The situation wasn't right.
- She was walking too fast.
- She was with too many of her friends and I freaked out.
- She gave me a dirty look.
- My mind went blank.
- I didn't feel confident enough.
You can "prepare" all you want and still talk yourself out of it.
This is because your "window of opportunity" is always smaller than your list of excuses and in that critical moment when you have to act, your past failed real or imagined experiences rush into your present state of mind.
Instead of acting in the moment your mind decides to give you a defeated glimpse of the future making it impossible for you to stay in the moment and just say something (or anything) to her.
Your subconscious mind is controlling your actions and is stopping you therefore must get your excuses and reasons firmly into your conscious mind so you can recognize and rationalize all of them out.
By moving your subconscious thoughts into your conscious mind you're also preparing yourself to live in a present state of mind.
You need to first recognize your fears and where the anxiety comes from BEFORE you can get past them, eliminate them, or keep them in check so you control them and not them controlling you.
Be VERY SPECIFIC.
You can not fix a problem if you don't know what the precise problem is and VAGUE generalities like (she'll reject me) is not precise enough.
Go deep - go through every reason as far as it will go and get to the ROOT of your anxiety.
Ask why - why is it so difficult - why does this excuse exist?
Ask where does it come from?
I'll do the first one for you and if you're struggling with this on your own, give me your excuse below and I'll do my best to help you get to the bottom of it or show you HOW to do it more effectively.
The situation wasn't right.
What was the situation? She was across the room? You had to go through a lot of people to get to her? She looked busy and you didn't want to interrupt her?
Consider the reality of the excuse.
Is it really THAT difficult to walk across a room? Will the people between you and her trip you? Is she saving someone's life making her too busy to even bother with you?
Why are you using this "situational" excuse to stop you from just talking to a woman and meeting her?
You can wait all you want for the "perfect" moment but it will rarely if not ever happen and you know it, don't you?
The situational reason is just another EXCUSE designed to make you feel better about failing to approach her. It's used to distract you from the real reasons you stood there and did nothing...
FEAR, ANXIETY, and I will admit the real possibility of being public REJECTED and HUMILIATED.
You'll find as you go through each and every excuse a common theme. Your brain will soon recognize what is really going on. Your conscious mind will then gain more control of the situation and be less likely to freeze you up in that critical moment just before the approach.
This isn't an ALL solution. You won't magically make the fear go away.
BUT it will eliminate many of the excuses or reasons you give yourself to not do something and that's a great start in the right direction.
It will show you how so many of these fears are unfounded, pose no real threat to your body and life, and how absurd some of them really are.
The point or purpose is then to gain CONTROL of your fears.
Try them all on your own. Take some time and just do it.
Trust you'll feel much better afterwards and you WILL think of this post the next time you see a woman you want to talk to.
If you're subconscious mind is not filled with "what ifs" and all the reasons or excuses you can come up - you'll find your brain is more free and AWARE of what is happening.
It's a lot like un-clogging a drain.
You want your thoughts to flow freely without getting all backed up with doubt and uncertainty.
This is what I mean:
Imagine you're out anywhere and you see an old friend you haven't seen in a while.
You don't hesitate to say hello unless there's some leftover bad feelings you might've had with him or her.
If that's the case your mind will instantly flood itself with negative thoughts causing you to "think" before you say something.
You become more worried about the past therefore that is where you are at that time... in the past.
When you're thinking about PAST problems and experiences you begin to imagine a future with the same results. The fear and anxiety shoves you into the future.
Fear can come from a past bad experience OR from an imagined terrible outcome of the future. Mostly in these cases it's some combination of the two making the problem that much harder to overcome.
Now imagine you see an old friend and there are no bad "leftover" feelings:
You're not thinking about the past subconsciously. You actually become aware of the past in your present mind which comes out when you say, "Hey - remember when..."
Also - when you see an old friend you never worry about what you're going to say. You simply pick up where you left off.
You're not thinking about making a good first impression because that's been done already. You're also not worried about making a mistake, fumbling your words, or the conversation going cold.
You have no agenda but to catch up with each other.
There's no dark cloud of rejection, fear, and anxiety looming over you.
You're in a present state of mind and the conversation just happens. You say, "Hey!" - they say it back and it begins.
No pressure. It's just a conversation with someone,, right?
Why not just PRETEND you're talking to an old friend. Someone you've known for years who would be happy to talk to you.
You're only goal when you start a conversation with anyone is to connect with them in some way and that is ALL you should be thinking about doing - connecting with her.
It's clear to see that when you're concerned about the outcome you go right into the future. You become self-paralyzed and do nothing or screw it all up.
Which is why you need to go there NOW as much as you can.
Write down every excuse or reason you failed to approach. Think it through entirely. Go through every scenario whether they happened to you or not.
After each excuse or reasoning you come up with do ONE more thing - and this part is NOT optional...
Write down the one GOAL you have with any woman you approach which alleviates any pressure you might feel.
The goal is simply:
Connect with her in some way like you would when you see an old friend.
Focus on just doing that when the real moment happens.
Say it in your head - connect with her like she was an old friend you're happy to see.
Sure there's more to it but one step at a time.
And make sure you write it down clearly and legibly in big bold letters after every reason or excuse.
Connect the two items in your conscious mind.
It may sound or feel weird but it actually DOES WORK.
Here's another very quick example so you know exactly how to do it:
In reality, once again - you're more concerned with the outcome and not the event. You become self-paralyzed and do nothing instead.
She gave me a dirty look.
Explore the why, what, when, where, how or all the ones that could apply.
Did she really give you a dirty look? Maybe that's her normal look. Maybe she saw you checking her out and she got nervous. Maybe she had just been approached by some slimy guy and was worried it was going to happen again.
What was the look? A raised eyebrow. A pouty look. Did she squint her eyes? Did it look like she could've just possibly farted? (Yeah go there - write down EVERYTHING!)
Imagine every dirty look a woman could have and what it could mean.
Yes, I know seems pointless but trust me - it works on many levels... At the end write this...
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Thank you, Peter White.
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What Is In This Approach Lesson
This is the first lesson of Chapter Eleven: Approaching Women - Eliminating Approach Anxiety & Starting Conversations.
Why didn't you approach her?
Why do you feel failing to just start a conversation with a woman?
This is the first installment of your approaching women and starting conversation chapter.
Overcoming your fears and anxiety by exploring your success and failures and eliminating them one by one... for good!
- Get the four word that changes everything for you in approaching and meeting women.
- How to stop worrying so much and clear your head so the words flow naturally.
- One phrase and mindset from a movie that turns everything around.
- How to teach yourself to stay in the present which is the most attractive place to be and impresses women.
Now's the perfect time to eliminate all your fears and anxiety around approaching women and start meeting the one for you!
Click Here, Join DaiLteG and Start Approaching Women with No Fears of Rejection
- Photo by Yuliya Shabliy.
- Bill Murray – Bio at Imbd.
- Meatballs - Movie details at Imbd.
- Approaching Women and Starting Conversations- Product info.
- David DeAngelo- Info and page here at DiaLteG TM.