Approach Women With No Anxiety & Fears – Four Words Changes Everything

The article is posted in these Categories: Attractive Mindsets – A Different Positive Way Of Looking At Everything, Techniques – Gaining The Skills To Create Attraction & Build Connections

Here’s the deal guys – since I found and married the most amazing woman in the world I’m obviously not doing the “approach” women thing anymore BUT I’ve taken some of my best advice to help you in approaching woman and starting conversations.

Let’s begin…

Approach anxiety sucks. The nervousness. The sweaty palms. The increased heart rate thumping through your chest. You try to think of what to say and in that short time (which feels like it lasts forever) you go completely blank and she passes you by unnoticed.

It’s as if there’s some mysterious force blocking something you do everyday – just talking to other people. From brain to mouth doesn’t seem to work or function when a woman you find attractive is coming your way.

Well I have some simple solutions to this disconnection and if you want it to work for you then you MUST do some homework and a little “inner game” re-wiring. Don’t worry I’m not going to ask you to think about your Mother or your childhood. You won’t be asked to go that deep and I’m not your therapist anyways.

Here’s how you’re going to get over this approach problem once and for all. We have a lot to cover and since there are plenty of resources I can give you in this area – stick around and I’ll get to it all.

Your first assignment:

Write down every excuse or reason you believe you failed to act or say something to any woman you ever wanted to approach.

Here are some very common examples:

  • The situation wasn’t right.
  • She was walking too fast.
  • She was with too many of her friends and I freaked out.
  • She gave me a dirty look.
  • My mind went blank.
  • I didn’t feel confident enough.

You can “prepare” all you want and still talk yourself out of it.

This is because your “window of opportunity” is always smaller than your list of excuses and in that critical moment when you have to act,  your past failed real or imagined experiences rush into your present state of mind.

Instead of acting in the moment your mind decides to give you a defeated glimpse of the future making it impossible for you to stay in the moment and just say something (or anything) to her.

Your subconscious mind is controlling your actions and is stopping you therefore must get your excuses and reasons firmly into your conscious mind so you can recognize and rationalize all of them out.

By moving your subconscious thoughts into your conscious mind you’re also preparing yourself to live in a present state of mind.

You need to first recognize your fears and where the anxiety comes from BEFORE you can get past them, eliminate them, or keep them in check so you control them and not them controlling you.


You can not fix a problem if you don’t know what the precise problem is and VAGUE generalities like (she’ll reject me) is not precise enough.

Go deep – go through every reason as far as it will go and get to the ROOT of your anxiety.

Ask why – why is it so difficult – why does this excuse exist?

Ask where does it come from?

I’ll do the first one for you and if you’re struggling with this on your own, give me your excuse below and I’ll do my best to help you get to the bottom of it or show you HOW to do it more effectively.

The situation wasn’t right.

What was the situation? She was across the room? You had to go through a lot of people to get to her? She looked busy and you didn’t want to interrupt her?

Consider the reality of the excuse.

Is it really THAT difficult to walk across a room? Will the people between you and her trip you? Is she saving someone’s life making her too busy to even bother with you?

Why are you using this “situational” excuse to stop you from just talking to a woman and meeting her?

You can wait all you want for the “perfect” moment but it will rarely if not ever happen and you know it, don’t you?

The situational reason is just another EXCUSE designed to make you feel better about failing to approach her. It’s used to distract you from the real reasons you stood there and did nothing…

FEAR, ANXIETY, and I will admit the real possibility of being public REJECTED and HUMILIATED.

You’ll find as you go through each and every excuse a common theme. Your brain will soon recognize what is really going on. Your conscious mind will then gain more control of the situation and be less likely to freeze you up in that critical moment just before the approach.

This isn’t an ALL solution. You won’t magically make the fear go away.

BUT it will eliminate many of the excuses or reasons you give yourself to not do something and that’s a great start in the right direction.

It will show you how so many of these fears are unfounded, pose no real threat to your body and life, and how absurd some of them really are.

The point or purpose is then to gain CONTROL of your fears.

Try them all on your own. Take some time and just do it.

Trust you’ll feel much better afterwards and you WILL think of this post the next time you see a woman you want to talk to.

If you’re subconscious mind is not filled with “what ifs” and all the reasons or excuses you can come up – you’ll find your brain is more free and AWARE of what is happening.

It’s a lot like un-clogging a drain.

You want your thoughts to flow freely without getting all backed up with doubt and uncertainty.

This is what I mean:

Imagine you’re out anywhere and you see an old friend you haven’t seen in a while.

You don’t hesitate to say hello unless there’s some leftover bad feelings you might’ve had with him or her. If that’s the case your mind will instantly flood itself with negative thoughts causing you to “think” before you say something.  You become more worried about the past therefore that is where you are at that time… in the past.

When you’re thinking about PAST problems and experiences you begin to imagine a future with the same results. The fear and anxiety shoves you into the future.

Fear can come from a past bad experience OR from an imagined terrible outcome of the future. Mostly in these cases it’s some combination of the two making the problem that much harder to overcome.

Now imagine you see an old friend and there are no bad “leftover” feelings:

You’re not thinking about the past subconsciously. You actually become aware of the past in your present mind which comes out when you say, “Hey – remember when…”

Also – when you see an old friend you never worry about what you’re going to say. You simply pick up where you left off.

You’re not thinking about making a good first impression because that’s been done already. You’re also not worried about making a mistake, fumbling your words, or the conversation going cold.

You have no agenda but to catch up with each other.

There’s no dark cloud of rejection, fear, and anxiety looming over you.

You’re in a present state of mind and the conversation just happens. You say, “Hey!” – they say it back and it begins.

No pressure. It’s just a conversation with someone,, right?


Why not just PRETEND you’re talking to an old friend. Someone you’ve known for years who would be happy to talk to you.

You’re only goal when you start a conversation with anyone is to connect with them in some way and that is ALL you should be thinking about doing – connecting with her.

It’s clear to see that when you’re concerned about the outcome you go right into the future. You become self-paralyzed and do nothing or screw it all up.

Which is why you need to go there NOW as much as you can.

Write down every excuse or reason you failed to approach. Think it through entirely. Go through every scenario whether they happened to you or not.

After each excuse or reasoning you come up with do ONE more thing – and this part is NOT optional…

Write down the one GOAL you have with any woman you approach which alleviates any pressure you might feel.

The goal is simply:

Connect with her in some way like you would when you see an old friend.

Focus on just doing that when the real moment happens.

Say it in your head – connect with her like she was an old friend you’re happy to see.

Sure there’s more to it but one step at a time.

And make sure you write it down clearly and legibly in big bold letters after every reason or excuse.

Connect the two items in your conscious mind.

It may sound or feel weird but it actually DOES WORK.

Here’s another very quick example so you know exactly how to do it:

In reality, once again – you’re more concerned with the outcome and not the event. You become self-paralyzed and do nothing instead.

She gave me a dirty look.

Explore the why, what, when, where, how or all the ones that could apply.

Did she really give you a dirty look? Maybe that’s her normal look. Maybe she saw you checking her out and she got nervous. Maybe she had just been approached by some slimy guy and was worried it was going to happen again.

What was the look? A raised eyebrow. A pouty look. Did she squint her eyes? Did it look like she could’ve just possibly farted? (Yeah go there – write down EVERYTHING!)

Imagine every dirty look a woman could have and what it could mean.

(Yes, I know seems pointless but trust me – it works on many levels.)

At the end write this:

Connect with her in some way like you would when you see an old friend.

When you see an old friend from a distance and he or she seems to give you a dirty look – what’s the FIRST thing that pops in your head?

They’re having a bad day and life has not treated them well since the last time you spoke.

Meaning – rarely is it ever connected to you personally. You don’t take it personal. You just assume it has nothing to do with you then…

Why would you take it personal when someone who you don’t even know gives you a dirty look?

See the point.

Disconnect it all.

Re-connect it in a positive way.

Get it all firmly in your conscious mind and let it work for you and not against you.

Here’s is a cool little trick I’ve personally used to ease my approach anxiety.

We’re going to get a some help from Bill… Murray that is.

(Incidentally I wrote another piece where I breakdown his cocky/comedy routine to help you attract women – it’s right here: How To Create Attraction In 4 Minutes By Watching Ghostbusters.)

Have you ever seen the movieMeatballs“?

It’s a classic comedy about a few men and women who are more than typical camp counselors. They’re always playing tricks. Having fun. Getting drunk.

Bill Murray is the leader of the group and he has perfected the cocky funny routine over the years. He’s a classic example of HOW to do it.

But this is not about him, it’s about a scene which has stuck in my mind for decades now.

Everyone in the movie is feeling like a bunch of losers. They are on the losing end of a battle with the “rich camp” from the other side of the river. The mood in the room is miserable and depressed.  The “richer side” always win and they’re tired of it.

This is where Bill’s character steps up and gives a speech to inspire and motivate his team. What he said is not important but the ending is what I want you to focus on.

He manages to rally his team with four magical words which can actually help ease your approach to women.

“It just doesn’t matter. It just doesn’t matte!. It just doesn’t matter!! It just doesn’t matter!!!”

Keep those words fresh in your mind because I’m going to get back to them.

For now I want you to imagine you’re walking around a mall and you see two hot women coming your way.

Quick… what are you going to say?

I’ll give you only a second to think about it.

Oops… Too late. They’re gone.

Those few seconds cost you the approach. The girls are already walking behind you living in their present and not yours. In their world you are now just another face they may or may have not even noticed anyways.

Next imagine this…

A woman is shopping at the end of the aisle. She’s looks amazing, happy, and approachable too. As you walk past her she notices you and looks down quickly. As if she’s saying,

“Please don’t talk to me!”

How do you approach her? You haven’t even said a word and she is already rejecting you.

How are you going to start a conversation with her?

But this time you’re not getting those few seconds because I already said, it’s too late anyways.

But did you say anything?

What thoughts crossed your mind?

When she walked past and out of your view what clever opening did you THEN come up with?

Did you take a mental note of your cleverness only to forget about it the next time you see a hot woman?

Here’s another scenario…

You’re at a concert and you notice an old friend you have not seen in years. As soon as both your eyes meet, there’s a very small pause before you both realize you each other.

“Hey. Jerry. Man… I haven’t seen you in years. How have you been doing?”

This leads into a long discussion about what you both have been up to. You check each other’s phone to update your contacts and then you get back to whatever you were doing.

Let’s look back at those three situations and how one led to a conversation and the other two passed you by or made you feel like you screwed it up.

You do not know the women walking in the mall so immediately you’re trying to come up with something clever to say.

You’re worried the woman in the market was giving you a clear and preemptive “NO” to talk to her. Your mind will suddenly give you a ton of reasons why she would not want to talk to you anyways even though you have no idea what she was really thinking or what her excuse was for looking down.

The old friend you remembered caused no anxiety.

The words came out of your mouth with no problems at all because yes, “It just didn’t matter.”

It did not matter what you said because:

  1. There was no pressure to attract.
  2. You already knew this person as being an old friend.
  3. You didn’t spend time thinking about what to say.
  4. You didn’t spend time coming up with all the reasons HE would not want to talk to you.

So why did you put pressure on yourself to attract the women walking in the mall?

Was it really that important?

Is it really going to make such a huge difference in your life if one, you fail to attract her, two you don’t open successfully, and three you get them talking but you were not sure if they felt even a little attraction towards you?

Let me ease some of that pressure you are feeling about trying to attract her.

First of all, the harder you try to attract her the less your mind will be in the present and you’re less likely to create attraction. That goes for everybody you meet.

STOP worrying so much about creating attraction because yes, “It Just Doesn’t Matter.” and only makes it even more difficult.

All you really have to do is be interesting, give her or the group of women you’re approaching your present state of mind, pay attention to who you are talking to, and make her or them want to see you again. That’s it.

In other words – as above – just find ONE way to CONNECT with her just the same as you would an old friend.

I’m serious. No tricks. No games and definitely no mind hypnosis.

Think about this…

Your confidence, your body language, how you speak to her, and very little of what you actually have to say will create the right amount of attraction and only as much as the moment will allow.

In other words I can guarantee you if you’re pressuring yourself to get a woman to sleep with you within the first few minutes, if you’re thinking “if I don’t blow her mind she will never blow me”, then you’re fooling yourself.

No reasonable man can ever get any “aware woman” to have sex with him in the first three minutes of meeting her and honestly do you want a woman who would do that anyways? I hope not.

Back to Bill and his merry band of  misfits, or otherwise known as “Meatballs

Hey… I understand it IS a movie and in the movies the underdog almost always wins. Of course the Meatballs find a way to overcome their lack of self-esteem and triumph in the end with a little help from guy named “Rudy the Rabbit” otherwise known as Chris Makepeace… yeah that’s his name.

But the message is clear and we CAN use it in our lives specifically when approaching or attracting women.

It Just Doesn’t Matter!

If you’re not interesting to other people embrace the “meatball”  inside you and learn to love being different in your own interesting way.

I’m not talking about “being yourself” and screw them if they don’t like you, that’s different.

I’m saying stop thinking others have an advantage over you because of who they are or what they were born into.

I’m saying create an identity that is all your own and embraces your strengths.

Stop comparing other people strengths against what you feel are your weaknesses.

Compare yourself and your success to no one but you!

“When you learn to ONLY COMPETE with yourself you will ALWAYS WIN and… You will do it in a way which doesn’t make everyone else a LOSER.”

Why You Always Lose When You Compete Against Them – A Secret Of Success

It Just Doesn’t Matter!

She’s not going to sleep with you in three minutes or less and despite the hype there are not three questions to ask her to get her to do so. There’s no pressure to attract her and pressuring anyone to feel something for you actually works against you.

It Just Doesn’t Matter!

If you fail miserably, look like a fool for trying, or if she won’t even stop to talk to you, or even if she puts her nose in the air and avoids you…

Who really fucking cares!

If you can not break her out of her present to enter yours then trust me it was not going to happen anyways. Why waste your valuable time on this planet AND it’s pointless and usually to believe it has anything to do with you anyways.

If you’re having trouble rejection – read this when you’re done today:

Handling Rejection – Never Feel Sorry for Yourself Because You Were Rejected

It Just doesn’t Matter!

Forget what you’ve learned about attraction for a second and just connect to her using your own unique style of communication.

Leave her wanting to know or see more of you.

It Just Doesn’t Matter!

Your prediction of the future will never make it come true no matter how bad you want it. Your reflection on the past will never change what happened unless you grow really old and forgetful.

It Just Doesn’t Matter!

Indifference is not tangible. You can not claim indifference and suddenly every woman wants you.

It’s a culmination. An attitude.

It’s a way of approaching life.

It doesn’t matter how hard you try.

I’ve been taught if something is not working trying it even harder won’t make a difference. If you want to become indifferent and use it the right way –  approach life as a cool and charming man and stop letting other people, especially women, affect you personally BEFORE you even get to know them.

It Just Doesn’t Matter!

I’ve been shot down. Turned down. Belittled. Embarrassed.

I’ve been told I’m too short, too old, too ugly…hell I’ve even had one woman call me crazy for mentioning how she wanted to sleep with my boss.

She said I accused her of it because I wanted her.

Sure, I DID want her and yes, she DID  eventually sleep with the boss but in her world, I was crazy because all I wanted to do was to make her feel attracted to me and I used every trick in the book to do so.

None of which changed anything because in the end – none of it really mattered.

It Just Doesn’t Matter!

How you think she sees you is only a reflection of how you see yourself.

If you can not see yourself succeeding in any approach or conversation or connection and then step into that person, how is anyone else going to see it too?

All that matters of how you see yourself and if you don’t like it – change it – tweak it- reinvent yourself until you DO like what you see.

Learn how to believe in YOURSELF first and others will happily follow your lead.

It Just Doesn’t Matter!

Stop worrying about creating attraction so much. It will happen. Read my free ebook below and you’ll know exactly HOW it tends to take care of itself regardless of everything else including your approach.

Tell yourself “it just doesn’t matter” right before the approach to distract your mind from going in the past or living too far in the future.

Be a “Meatball.” Be the underdog that succeeds. Yeah I said  be a “Meatball“.

Not to be confused with being a goofball or a jerk. It means, “so what you’re different or you weren’t born with advantages.

Make your own advantages and succeed despite of it all.

Leave her wanting to know more and see more of you by being an interesting person who is genuinely interested in getting to know her.

Show her you’re confident enough to approach, walk like you’re okay with just starting a conversation with someone, and stop putting all the emphasis on if she’s going to like you.

This tip on approaching women is about cultivating an indifferent attitude.

It’s about being charming, cool, and different.

But mostly it’s about having the courage to not care so much how you really matter to her because…

It just doesn’t matter!!!!


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About the author: Peter White – Blatantly honest with an awesome ability to see the reality of attraction, dating, & relationships for men and women. DiaLteG TM started as a way to help you become better with women and more attractive. All you need is here. It’s transformed into something more: A place to discuss our man problems that women just don’t seem to get or understand.

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