I grew up believing I was ugly.
My ass quite literally used to have an imprint of a hair brush on my left cheek because I was so worried about how my hair looked that I carried a brush around and constantly combed it. Yeah I know. Sounds pretty pathetic doesn’t it? Mind you it WAS the “80’s” and we ALL had big hair back then. 🙂
Despite the pathetic-ness and humor of carrying a brush in my back pocket, that was NOT the problem.
The problem really was that I actually believed despite everything else about me, women would NOT find me attractive if I (or my hair) looked out-of-place.
If I didn’t make sure every part of me was absolutely perfect, no woman would ever “have” or want me.
And since I thought I was ugly, you can only imagine how low my self-esteem and confidence was.
“Your ugly face doesn’t get in your way of meeting women. Instead it’s your belief about your face, which interferes with your inner sense of confidence. That lack of confidence is the thing that women pick up on.” Too Ugly? Too Short? Here’s How To Turn Your Flaws Into Strengths
I was the “just in case” guy who never really ran into that moment anyways.
Why don’t you take a look at your life right now…
I bet you’re doing something over and over to make sure you always appear attractive to women. You know – just in case you meet HER.
I bet you’re spending way too much time worrying about how attractive you are and it’s always because of a “just in case” rule where you feel so desperate or willing that you’re scared shitless you’re going to miss an opportunity.
It’s a lot like that guy who carries a condom in his wallet on a first date “just in case”. When typically the guy who does this, is usually NOT the one who is getting his share of first date sex.
The honest truth is – YES. Women can and do experience a physical attraction to how someone looks.
BUT… she will rarely, if ever act on that initial attraction.
She definitely wants more to be physical with a guy.
Whereas you might consider sleeping with a woman based on her looks alone, especially for casual sex, she will more often than not, NEVER sleep with a man quickly based on his looks alone. (Generally speaking. It’s a large world full of lots of different people and timing and alcohol might come into play a lot more than we would normally expect.)
The misconception, or what you feel is right (women being attracted to your looks) is based on YOUR attraction trigger, not hers.
You (and other men) experience attraction (let’s not get too deep here) which is stimulated visually. You can easily become attracted to a woman you have yet to meet. You can easily become attracted to a woman’s voice alone.
It’s just the way we are built and we’re used to it.
When you project how you experience attraction on to a woman and expect her deeper trigger is the same as yours, you engage yourself fully into a belief system which is faulted and will work against your own ability to attract.
“Beauty to me is a happy “symmetrical” balance in the whole of who we are… from our bodies to our minds which in turn is transferred to make other feels the same way.” If Beauty Is Only Skin Deep Then Why Do You Feel Ugly inside?
This simply means – when you assume how she feels about you is based on how attractive you are (in her eyes) at any given time…
You will do MORE work and actually appear LESS attractive.
If you’re basing how attractive you are by looks alone you will expend energy TRYING to be something you BELIEVE others find attractive.
And how about this…
By that rule, you can only ever expect yourself to be ONE thing to a certain type of woman at any given time.
The reasoning is, “She likes this so all I have to do is be THAT person.” “She likes this so all I have to do is dress like that.” “She likes that so all I have to do is keep my hair combed – just in case.”
From my experience in lots of failures and tons of success in attracting women, women are (or become) less attracted to guys who do everything, just for them.
They don’t feel or become deeply attracted to men who are always only doing things to “get them”.
They feel it for guys whose agenda goes beyond “women”.
They don’t feel it for guys who carry a proverbial condom in their wallet… “just in case” because THAT only shows them how you see yourself is based on how many women you can sleep with or worse yet, how many women you can fail with.
It’s MORE work which makes you less attractive.
Of course I’m not saying to always leave your house looking like shit BUT if you happen to leave in a hurry or something is not quite right with you (besides an awful stench) don’t for one minute ever believe you can not still create attraction. Because in one way you’re only telling women they are superficial and how they only ever care about how a guy looks and that’s not an attractive statement to make.
How DO you do LESS work to BECOME MORE ATTRACTIVE?
Well first, STOP trying to attract just one woman.
Now sure you’ll have a better chance at attracting a certain “type” of woman based on who you are but that’s not the same. Sure if you’re dating someone a little romance goes a long way. Sure if you’re committed to her and want to take the next step, you might want to DO something special about that.
But when it comes to creating a pure natural attraction, trying harder won’t work.
Secondly… Understand and admit most women will not be or become deeply attracted to your looks alone. That happens after you meet, during your conversations and the things you do together.
Sure you must maintain your looks or do the best with what you have but do it because it shows others that YOU care about yourself enough to do it and you’re not doing it, just to get laid.
Third… Being prepared is one thing and yes, it’s a good thing, but unless you plan on becoming a well seasoned pick-up artist, which is totally up to you, go places, do things, follow your dreams and passions, and meet “people” along the way with the only expectation of meeting new people.
Some of them will be available women. Some of them won’t.
If you base your esteem and confidence on whether or not the “just in case” thing happens you’re going to start to feel like I did, ugly and depressed.
Do not be or let yourself become the proverbial “condom in the wallet” guy.
“A man who is average in looks but who does the best with what he’s got is the guy who gets the overall highest quality women. This has been proven time and time again.” – Do Only Good Looking Guys Get Women?
Less work and more attraction when women realize, see, and feel that you do NOT base you entire existence on getting laid or desperately searching for a girlfriend. Trust me, they can have “that” type of guy anytime they want.
Fourth, for today at least… women are NOT your agenda. They are NOT the source of your problems. They are NOT the deciding factor of your happiness despite how it might feel that way from time to time.
YOU are the primary source of your happiness.
And any guy who lives by that rule alone will generally find more women who want to be in their lives. Live by that rule yourself and women WILL want to be in YOUR life too.