I‘ve been going through lots of my old stuff I found this comment on being short and how a past reader felt about it.
I felt compelled to add my response…
Good article! We need more like this one. Unfortunately, it will not change people’s mind on the subject: short men will agree, women with 6′ 4″ boyfriends will protest ans say height doesn’ t matter and tall guys will laught at it.
It’s a social fact, not an opinion. My best friend is 6′ 5″ and I’m 5’7″. He was always successful with girls while I was almost always rejected, yet…I was more good looking than him and had Sly’s body. He was fat and losing his hair. I could beat him up with one hand.
But in naive twenties, I never thought girls were so superficial and automatically selecting the taller guy!
Women often complain that men are only attracted by their physical attributes. What a crap! Yes, men do look at a woman’s body but they don’t automatically reject her because she is only 34a…but women will often reject a guy under 6′.
My conclusion: women are extraordinarily superficial and they will do anything to hide it.
Thanks Luke. I appreciate your honesty and the fact you were willing to share your opinion.
You know what’s strange, back in my 20’s I would’ve totally agreed with you.
And yes even to this day I believe there are some superficial women out there.
I won’t generalize and say all though. (And not just because I’ve actually met men who would not even bother going near a woman with small breasts. It goes both ways, doesn’t it?)
We both would agree if any man or woman doesn’t like something about themselves (such as being superficial) they’re more than likely going to try to hide it.
That may go without saying.
Despite all that and all I’ve been through (regarding this height issue) I can not remember the actual moment where my mindset changed.
But it did… somewhere down the line I went from noticing it everywhere…
How taller women want taller guys and really short girls want really tall guys thus leaving me with a sample size of about one out of thousand who would date me, to where I am today….
Noticing there has to be something else going on which goes deeper than how tall or short we are.
Maybe it was my first experience when I actually realized all I had to do was engage her emotions, make her feel like a woman when she was around me and like magic – nothing else mattered. The little things I thought would doom me to fail were erased and replaced with the concept of “choosing to believe.”
Here’s what I mean.
Just the same as a woman can talk herself into staying with a guy who is obviously being more harmful than good – she can talk herself into being with a guy despite the fact she’s always dreamed of looking “up” to her perfect man.
We’re all superficial in a way.
It’s practically unavoidable BUT IF we focus on how we fit into someone’s else’s superficial goals or how we can’t possibly build ourselves with that image in mind, then we’re missing something more important…
How we make someone feel will almost always be more effective and can without a doubt transcend social, family, and yes even national values.
It’s safe to assume our emotions as part of being human is what drives us everyday.
Even the most stoic was made that way probably from some early childhood event which emotionally charged that person to shut themselves off.
Therefore it’s reasonable to assume – for a woman to choose a shorter guy over a taller guy, he has to make her feel something the “non-heightened challenged” man can not.
I thought about what you wrote and though it seemed clear to me, you may have missed even what your words actually said.
“He was always more successful with girls but he wasn’t as buffed out or as good-looking. He wasn’t strong. He was fat and going bald.”
And yet you believed, because he was tall, she overlooked it all.
You mention this guy who is clearly not dark and handsome yet he was amazingly successful with women.
Wouldn’t you agree then there had to be something else going on?
Something more than his size.
I’m going to get a little harsh here. Not because I claim to know you because I don’t… but because I’ve been you.
I’ve shared your attitude and your views. I certainly (at a very sad time in my life) believed women were in fact superficial and it made me so angry I would literally pound my fists against the wall.
It’s the belief in her superficiality which is holding you back.
You can not attract a “real” woman by putting her down or making her feel like she’s some shell with nothing inside.
You can never get in touch with her emotions if you do in fact believe they don’t exist or that she’ll gladly put them aside to find herself with a taller man.
To get inside her heart you must first realistically believe it exists.
I know, sounds easier than done. I understand it’s never enough just to say it. You actually have to believe it.
And in order to that your mindset has to change. Just like mine did (thankfully) so many years ago.
Another thing that has to change is the blinders must come off.
You see us guys have an amazing ability to focus our minds to a narrow point and or place. It helped us become who we are today.
But it also has a downside.
That narrow view means when we focus on the negative – the superficial – the tall with the short – the woman with the hot guys – well then that’s all we are ever going to see.
Those cute little couples of the same height will blend into obscurity to never be seen.
Or the taller not-so-pretty guy with the short girl we want will only ever be seen as a height thing.
When chances are that big oaf of a guy probably has a heart of gold AND he knows how to really connect with a woman to make her feel like something special and unique. Something beyond a superficial fool who only wants to look better in front of her friends.
Sure…. let’s be totally honest here.
What you said DOES happen.
Some women do look on the shallow end hoping to find something deeper only to bang their head in frustration on the bottom.
Over and over again.
Some men will put their narrow view of what a women is supposed to look like or her age as their first criteria in selecting a date. Only to find the same pattern of “hotties” stacked like Lego Blocks. Each one just the same as the last.
I am guilty myself of turning down a kind heart because I wasn’t sexually attracted to her.
But when you consider the complexity of who we are.
When you consider how our feelings and what we experience in our world will ALWAYS drive our hearts towards the good and sometimes bad.
Then you must admit…
There is something more going on which goes well beyond a simple choice of choosing the taller man over the shorter guy because he’s six inches taller.
Women DO want to look up to their man of choice just as much as you want to respect a woman after she goes down on you.
However in no way does it ever mean he has to be taller than her.
It simply means he has to make her feel something beyond the ordinary.
Something she can not put her finger directly on but it just feels right.
Thanks again leaving us all with something more to think about. And thank you for helping me to see something greater from my past than just a pile of failures.
A real journey filled with ups and downs.
A changed mindset hopefully for the better. 🙂
And a much broader realistic view of the relationships between the short, the tall, the bad, the good, and all the rest.
More “short guy stuff here at DiaLteG TM:
If You’re A Short Guy Not Attracting The Confident Women You Want
Is Your Success With Women Based On Your Height?
I Don’t Care How Short You Are, You DO NOT Need Lifts To Attract Women
5 Reasons Why Women Will Reject A Shorter Man Based On His Height
A Limited Belief of Men: Being Short